Re-writing my story

Memories are re-created
each time you remember
something. They are not
hard-coded into your
brain like a hard drive.

Each time you remember,
there is more connections
being made in this neural
pathway. This is due to
neuroplasticity, the
brain form itself around
what you do most. These
memories become easier
to remember the more
you remember them.

If/when I remember
a story, each time
I tell myself that
story, it re-enforce
that pathway. I can
decide if I want
to re-enforce it
or if I want to
change it.

I've been telling that
story of abandonment
with my parents. I've
been writing and
talking about it a lot
lately. It felt like
I was re-enforcing
that pattern. But
do I want to re-enforce
that idea about myself?

It does feel like I am
playing the victim when
I say that, and I don't
like it.

I though maybe I could
say that I ran away from
home. This is half true.
But then I become the
aggressor in the situation,
which is not the
case.

How about, in a heated
discussion, my mother
and I decided that it
would be better for
my own evolution
to go live with my father.

This sounds a lot
better than the victim
story. And I agree
with it on a logical level.
Just this, turning the
story on its head.
Moving from a victim
perspective to an
empowered decision,
this is enough to
liberate me from
this past story.

A part of me wants
to hold on to the
victim role. It's
been with me for so
long. Well I don't
need it anymore, and
really, nobody cares.
I can do what I want
with my stories.

But what now? Like a
domino effect, it changes
the last few heart ache.

Me and my ex decided
that it was better to
not live together anymore,
it would be better for
us and for our daughter.

And my last crush,
we had a good time.
It was fun while it
lasted, and now, we're
both moving on. Why
would I grieve that,
if we're both enjoying
this new phase.

It's seems incredible
to have that liberation
this morning. We'll
see if it sticks!