love detox day 1

I've taken pretty much
all the drugs that you
can take, but the addiction
to lust and love is one of
the worst addiction to
get rid of.

Emotional outburst this
morning, I need a bit
of a plan of action
to get out of this.

It wasn't really
a relationship but
in the last few weeks
our interactions
became a bit more
telling of our
mutual attraction.

There is nothing to
break really as it
wasn't anything, but
I have to break my
own habits. I've created
a mind pattern that
keeps me thinking
about her, fantasizing
about the future.
Thinking how to talk
to her, when I'll
see her again.

 - When I think about
   her I put her in the light(1)
 - I use this constant
   pattern to help with
   dream yoga.
 - Each time an intrusive
   though comes in, I
   question, is this a
   dream?
 - I don't contact her
   anymore.
 - No more fantasy
 - Celibacy

I need a focus for a
few weeks, to break
this pattern. I don't
want to use another
fantasy, another
relationship to busy
my mind. I feel this
story was also to help
me move from my ex, but
also move into a more
meaningful life. 

This afternoon I felt
better, but I've started
to smoke some tobacco.
For some reason, it
calms my emotional self.

I would like to start
with a round of 2 weeks,
until the new moon.
From there I can see
what is still needed.
I find myself to be
quite simple in these
process, and I forget
about things, about
people quite fast.

1. Putting something in
   the light is an expression
   I use from a meditation
   of the light. Visualizing
   a light in front of me, and
   seeing that person, that
   event in the light, without
   intention, but knowing that
   the light is the best place
   for this thing to be. It
   helps a lot when I feel
   powerless in a situation,
   and it grounds me at the
   same time. It somewhat
   similar to offering to
   God what you cannot
   deal with.