I love to love.

My daughter was making fun of me
of how attached I become of
people. I replied, yeah, I love
to love. I really love people, I
want to care for them, I want to
build reality around them. I
wonder if it's my lack of general
direction that make me want to
love that much. I see potential
in people that they often don't
see. I try to point out each time
I see that potential shine. Like
the fool, wandering, offering a
moment, a bit of warmth to
whoever wants to stop for a bit.

My energy is growing nicely. I am
a bit more irritable this
morning and I see this as a side
effect. I am not annoyed, just
want things to happen more
efficiently. Lets just do it,
lets be content and powerful.
I haven't been in this state for
a while. I'm wondering if I'll be
able to continue this cultivation
or I'll have to crash for a bit
and start again.

I see the energy cultivation like
the process of the potting
wheel. You bring the clay up and
down, to center it a few
times. And then you build it up
to make your pot. The higher you
go the more chances there is to
break the form of the clay you
are creating, but the more
beautiful it gets. At first the
process doesn't require too much
precision, but as you go, you
need to focus, calm down and have
a precise movement.

Right now, if I give in too much
into my emotions, I would
probably spiral down very
quickly. The energy I've raised
would shoot into anxiety or fear,
or sadness of my loss. Sometime
the energy seems to get 'tainted',
too much of something fills the
energy. Like lust could taint my
energy, and then I can't really
continue the cultivation, I kind
of have to scrap that momentum
and try again. That's when
partying, sex, drugs, sleepless
night come in handy, the perfect
way to empty my collected energy.

Boxing has an interesting effect
though. It drains my physical
energy completely, which helps
re-balance the overall energy.