A yin yang on the tarot card on
my altar, she has the key for my
cultivation?

Don't take a side,
take a stance.

Instead of deciding to be
celibate, single, abstinent,
I choose to cultivate my energy.

Taking a side creates an
opposite, creates a tension, it
starts a fight with reality
itself. When I take the resolve
to be single for a long period of
time, reality seems to taunt me
into the beauty of women. Which
is all fun and fine, but it feels
like I spend more energy simply
affirming my resolve.

"I am celibate and will stay that
way no matter what life send to me!"

Then my life becomes about that,
I meet beautiful women, I think
about them, I meditate not to
think about it, I'm torn in my
decision. Meanwhile, I don't even
benefit from being in the arms of
a beautiful person because of my
resolve.

This is just an example about one
choice in life. But I feel that
it's applicable to many of my
choices. If I navigate strongly
against a path, then a tension is
created. I'm learning to hold a
resolve lightly, not creating
waves, but sustaining an overall
direction. Like a spy in my own
life, not wanting to rock the
boat of my reality.

The wise fool

In martial art one of the goal is
to hit without thinking. If you
think about how you are going to
punch, your adversary might be able
to pick on it. Getting to a place
of empty mind, meditative fight.

In dream yoga, similarly, if you
think too much, you interrupt the
flow of dream. You have to be
aware, but hold it really
lightly.

My days are gentler lately. I
feel overly sensitive to coffee
and alcohol. I drank on Saturday
and I could feel the effect until
Tuesday. First day was depressive,
second day was filled with
sadness, then the third day I was
low in motivation. I only had 5
drinks! Yesterday I had a coffee
in the late morning, and it
really messed up my afternoon
energy, I had to lay down for a
couple hours before theater.

I find it surprising how
sensitive I can be when I'm on my
'clean' phase. Drinking green tea
is my baseline. My emotional body
is a lot more stable too, finally
moving on. I don't think I cried
in the last couple days. Dreams
are more frequents too, a sign of
a more sustained presence.

This is overall a good lunar
phase so far. The balance of the
equinox is very enjoyable.