I'm staying at my brothers 
until sunday, this might
save my life depending on
their schedules. The voices
are still here, quieter
than yesterday, but still
here. Gave some of the 
people on the chat app
my email and gave an
actual goodbye instead
of just leaving. Given
how I posted on there
sometimes, I didn't want
them thinking that push
came to shove. Not that
any of them, besides two
people would've cared.
To insure that I wouldn't
go on the chat app during
the two week deletion 
process I changed the 
password to a recommendation
given by my browser,
gave the password to
the delete account prompt,
and then deleted the
saved password. The
account I used was
some yahoo alt account
using my old phone
number. There's no
recovering anything on
that account anymore. 

I did nothing today,
mostly just doomscrolled
on my phone hoping to
avoid the thoughts.
Still no advice from
the subreddit or bsky,
complete silence. Whenever
I take a break I hear it.
The whisper in my ear
telling me that there's
a certain warmpth that 
comes with death, that
dying isn't as scary as
I think. Many die each
day, you won't be missed
in due time. Plans as 
well, chugging some 
random shit under the
bathroom sink, slitting
my wrists with the kitchen
knives downstairs, slamming
my whole bottle of Pristiq.
I'm scared to tell people
about my problems in
person, whenever I tell my
mom she sobs. I just don't
know how much more I can
take of this, it's getting
to be too much.

-May