[10/27/2024 | 10:46PM]

I need to journal, this is a bit of a moment. Have a avoided a codependency that 
might've lead to the destruction of both parties? Yes. Does this mean that I got 
the best possible outcome for the resources I had, maybe. The problem is, I don't k
now how the other party is going to fare in the coming days. I hope that they are fine, 
as they're nice, even though they have a lot of problems, they're still a great person. 
I had to rip the band-aid off, beyond the contextual manner of how I met them, in a 
server that turned out to be ran by some not-so-favorable people, it was never going 
to work out. I needed to move on, by being in contact with them, I was enabling myself 
to join the server. I wanted to avoid the stimuli loop that lead to those problems, 
I wanted to move on. Though I feel as if I have done something wrong. A sense of 
impending doom, not for me, but for her. I feel as if her time is limited by my actions. 
Though I have dwelt with this before, my dad, for more narcissistic control reasons, 
did something similar, the next stage, so to say. Threatening to commit suicide 
if I ever left him, creating a codependency loop out of the pity I felt for him. 
In some ways, I think I was trying to avoid that again. The strife that had caused me, 
the sleepless nights for a red herring. My early teenage years are haunted by that. 

Goodnight SDF