alestar, aisling, and dr. lao april 12th, 2000 i feel like staying up all night and creating amazing and beautiful things with my computer, to weave fantastic and magical words. but i have appointments in the morning, and business to take care of, and homework and projects and financial aid forms on top of that, all of this which i need sleep for, and sleep i cannot get if i stay here in front of my computer, creating. i've been lethargic all day, hounded by headaches, and now the house is quiet, and my mind holds fireworks, but there is a bed in the back room calling my name and i know i will be kicking myself if i sacrifice sleep. Erin was just here, and she always makes me feel better. she carries my old dreams on a chain around her neck and whenever i begin to forget them, she opens them up for me and helps me to believe again. whenever i'm beginning to wonder if those giants really look like windmills, she chides me for ever thinking they were anything else and hands me a lance. Erin, who can make everything better with a handful of oreo cookies. Erin, the navigator of all wayward escapades. Erin, one of the three whom i clung to and tied into a million knots during my nineteen hours of labor. i miss her when she isn't here. i also read something that made me feel really wonderful, and i can't even put my finger on why. when playing around with domain names i naturally came across aisling.net which is home to a rather interesting sounding artist who keeps a journal from time to time. somehow this evening i ended up there, and i read this entry which brightened my spirits and made me feel as if i had so much life ahead of me, as if my adventures have no intention of leaving here, even if i must take a short break from them, and that creative minds are capable of doing anything, and it really *is* okay to just be yourself, however scattered and insane and crazy that is. and Ashley wrote me. and i just have felt generally good today, except for the lethargic headache. i also watched the seven faces of dr. lao again today, or at least finished watching it, as i do so during mealtimes, and while bottlefeeding, and whatnot. it is such a truly amazing film. every time i watch it, there is another lesson hidden in it for me. and i'm extremely happy, since while looking for the previous link i ran across a movies sound page that has clips from the film. :) of course, my speakers are currently not plugged up, but at least i know they are out there now. on one of the cabinets i had fastened a hair tie to keep Aisling out of them, since there really is no point in putting up child safety locks if we're only going to move very soon, anyway. however, my daughter, being the clever and curious child that she is, figured out how to take the hair tie off of the cabinet handles and got into the cupboard. it was one of those moments when i wasn't sure if i should be reprimanding her for getting into something she isn't supposed to, or whether i should be praising her for being so smart as to figure out how to get into it. anyway, to bed with me, it's nearly two in the morning and i have to get up at seven... el gato es queso april 12th, 2000 yes. i know. i should be doing my spanish homework. i had to take Aisling in this morning to get her back on schedule with her vaccinations and i, therefore, missed school, and i, in all probability have a test tomorrow, and since Aisling is napping at the moment it is the *perfect* time to settle myself down with a few hundred spanish adjectives and learn how to say "i want a round trip ticket to germany." but...i'm not. i'm trying things out. i'm web frolicking. i want to do so many things, and it will take some time and doing, but if i succeed updating my regular website would not take nearly as long as it does now, which means up-to-date links, thoughts, ideas, pictures, songs, etc. instead of the stale, stagnant, and quiet place my page has turned into. it's just such a hassel to update, and i don't have the time i used to. not as if i'd really make good use of the time if i had it. and i've been teased. i've been so teased. nothing could have been more of a tease than this. Dust told me that the trailer was up, and i went, and i watched, and drooled and awed and oohed and jumped up and down and then saw the lovely big white letters at the end: "fellowship of the ring - christmas 2001." *whine* that's a friggin YEAR AND A HALF FROM NOW! i don't get to see this movie for a friggin YEAR AND A HALF! i read the lord of the rings trilogy when i was eleven years old. i was in love with Frodo. i cried, i laughed, i transformed the forests behind my house into lothlorien. i tried to learn to write in elfin runes. the dagger i bought at the murfreesboro scottish festival (which is more of a short sword on me) i named "sting." the big moth-eaten teddy bear on my bed is named "gandalf." and i'm sitting here, watching this trailor, just absolutely in love already, and it's not coming out for a year and a half. *grumble* ah well. at least i have plenty of time to reread the series so it will be fresh on my mind when i go to see it. and at least Aisling will be at the age where i might even be able to take her with me, no? i've been reading henry and june by anais nin lately. wonderful stuff. her writing is amazing. i keep telling myself that i need to keep a private journal and fill it full of all the secret and amazing and passionate moments of my life...and then i look around and remember, "oh, yeah. i don't have any secret, passionate moments to record." not as if i *really* have any desire to. i lived by the whim of my desires once, briefly, and sowed a field of absolute chaos which ended up biting me really hard in the ass. but it makes for good writing, and she definitely has some wonderous words. i've never read anything else by her before, but Dust introduced me to the film years ago...which i must confess i don't believe i have to this day seen straight through. it is...quite an amorous film, to say the least. i would not recommend a person to watch it unless they have someone with whom they can vent their "frustrations" on later. of course, the logical part of my mind flips through the pages of this book and screams, "how in the hell was this woman able to have so much sex with so many different people and *not* end up pregnant?" perhaps i'll find something to explain that later, since i'm just barely halfway at the moment. this has been a rather pointless entry. i always wrestle back and forth between whether i should go all out and be totally poetic, far-fetched, and stream-of-consiousness with this thing, or whether i should stay practical, straight-laced, with sensible writings in form-filled paragraphs and lots of links to distract attention. but when i'm poetic, i'm afraid of being misleading and melodramatic, and when i'm very practical, i'm afraid i'm covering up something. duality. gotta love it. you shouldn't read me today. you should go look at this guy's webpage. he's suddenly appeared from nowhere a couple of times in my webbrowsing now, and every time i spend nearly an hour just oogling over his page and wishing *i* were that cool. oh, and by the by, it looks like my mother isn't going to be heading to richmond after all. in a long complicated mess that i won't go into here, it just ended up being more trouble than it was worth, and the boss told her to forget it and they'll try to find her someplace else. see, this is *exactly* why it is totally pointless for me to even pretend to plan for the future. i just realized this was my forty-second entry! so i shall leave you with a few hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy links in celebration.