laughter
april 11th, 2000

it's horribly late. it's incredibly late. my eyes have been in an open 
glaze in front of this computer screen for entirely too long tonight, and 
i will be getting to bed very, very soon, but i wanted to share, to 
record, to remember...because some things should be, and my journal 
devoted to Aisling is nowhere near complete yet.

we sat in the floor, and i rolled her spherical teether to her, and she 
took the hint and rolled it back to me, and we sat there, rolling toys 
between the two of us, her laughing at me with those new and tiny teeth, 
and me laughing at her in all of my adult strangeness. and i tickled her 
silly, and she poked her fingers in my eyes, and into my nostrils, as if 
she'd figure something about me out that i didn't know yet, and she kept 
blathering, "mamamamama" as if she really knew exactly what person 
belonged to that title. and just the image of the two of us, playing in 
the floor, with that contagious laughter that "hangs like a bell from 
every star in the sky" - something so simple, but a memory i never want to 
lose nonetheless. my starfish princess, so clever, so brave, she's going 
to conquer the world one day, just you wait. i'm so incredibly proud of 
her, of every trick she learns, of every new step she takes. she is just 
so amazingly incredible. and i created her. and i still can't believe it.

that laughter, that's the best part. and as they get older, they laugh 
even more, and they manicure their laugh to further suit them, their own 
personalities. Aisling's is now big-bellied and loud, and soul-laugh, a 
high-pitched laugh, a 
if-you-don't-stop-tickling-me-this-very-instant-i'm-going-to-SCREAM laugh. 
and i swear there is absolutely nothing else in this universe that can 
make me as incredibly happy as that.

so, i just wanted to share. i'm going to go to sleep now.