the smallest hug
march 29th, 2000

i'm feeling much better now than i was in my earlier entry. i've finished 
my paper, and it isn't half-bad - at least, it's one hundred times better 
than the total load of bullshit i pulled on the wife of bath for my paper 
in the last class. i may not have found as many sources, but i did the 
best that i could, unable to speak german and, therefore, unable to 
decipher the majority of the information about Faust on the internet. but 
i think it will be okay, even if it is a little late. the story i need to 
read for tomorrow is also finished, and now all i have to do is throw on 
some clothes and whatever else i need to gather for school in a couple of 
hours. Aisling has also been eating a lot better than she was for a while 
(solid foods, anyway). she seemed to take a disinterest in food 
alltogether (something i can't even phantom, with my insatiable appetite) 
and my mother suggested i go up a level with her food. i did, and she 
seems to be enjoying it much better now. and that makes me feel a lot 
better.

the thing that really made the evening, though, and set everything off to 
a wonderful start, is that she reached around and hugged me really tight 
when she woke up from her nap. *beam* it was her first real, honest hug - 
she looked at me with this expression of absolute love and smiled the 
biggest smile and then wrapped both of her arms around my neck and held me 
there for quite some time. it was amazing. totally amazing. i can't think 
of anything more magical than recieving affection from your child, to have 
a little tiny creature wearing your eyes and your nose staring up at you 
in total adoration and trust. just...wow. she really has been an absolute 
doll for me tonight, it's been a breather from the exceedingly fussy 
tangent she's been on for the past little while.

i'm going to go see my little brother sometime today...he got his wisdom 
teeth out yesterday, and i imagine is not feeling his best, and as i adore 
him more than life itself, i should pay him a visit then (and bite my 
tongue about him being a total wuss, since i was completely conscious when 
i had all four of mine removed, being soothed only with novacaine)...i 
need to clean the house today, as well - my recent apathy has taken its 
toll on my environment, and if it's getting to the point where it's 
bothering *me*, you can only imagine how bad it's getting. :)

so anyway, i'm feeling good. so i think i'll go dye my hair purple, just 
because.