one fun morning
march 15th, 2000

okay, this entry is going to be written between breaks in my classes, and 
is going to be total randomness, so keep checking back until you see the 
next, archives, and previous links at the bottom of the page...

i want to know why it is that, for such an unrealistic person, my writing 
carries many qualities of realism? especially the whole "focus on 
character - therefore little plot" quality. must everything about me be so 
frighteningly dualistic? will i ever find a balance between these two 
vastly differing sides of myself? on mornings like this, i don't 
particularly care. i spent the morning parading around my webcam and 
acting silly, it was much fun, it's been ages since i've dared to be such 
a ham, and i miss it. i miss feeling that free. so this morning i'm 
feeling good, even with my dualities. and i'm off to english...

***


i have scampered back home, and am currently collecting stalkers through 
my old camarades webcam account...so i have a warped sense of what to do 
with my spare time. :) i'm sleepy, and as the little one is down for a 
nap, i should be taking this time to do the same...i've been religiously 
"outed" in my english class, and i'm not exactly sure what the 
implications are in a small southern community college...but one of the 
classmates turned around to question me about something i read into a 
dickinson poem and asked if i were of a christian background. to which i 
replied, somewhat hesitantly "well...i have a rather ecclectic religious 
background..." and the student announced to the class, "see, this is 
interesting, she doesn't have a christian background, and she saw 
something totally different in the poem." it's so weird, because it's been 
ages since i've wanted to hide myself from the rest of the world in that 
matter - at mtsu, the religious diversity and open-mindedness was amazing 
to a girl like me who grew up in a small town. all of the sudden i feel 
the need to stifle myself, and i'm just not any good at it anymore. but it 
doesn't really matter. because i like the way my hair looks.

i am totally shallow today. :) but i'm happy with it. it's a rather nice 
breath of fresh air after all of the anger and frustration of yesterday of 
last night...ugh. that was bad. and i would go into it, but i just don't 
feel like it.

this has to be the most pathetic journal entry ever. ah well.



eric called!!!
march 15th, 2000

eric called me!! eric fucking called me!!! just now! today! i just got off 
the phone with the boy! yarg!!!! :) (but yarg in a very, very good way!) 
it's so sad, it had been so long since i've talked to him, i didn't know 
who he was at first. and he sounded so incredibly sad. god, it's been 
ages. only a year, but it seems like forever. he had to ask me what my 
daughter's name was. i asked him where i might know him from, and he said 
"west greene high school?" and i knew immediately and just about jumped 
out of my skin screaming, "eric? ERIC?!!! oh my god, is it really you??!" 
i thought i was never going to hear from him again, or see him, that he 
would become some sort of fading ghost in my past, and he calls me!! i 
cannot begin to describe how incredibly happy this makes me, and how 
wonderful the rest of the day is going to be because of it. my wolf from 
the mountains, still wanting to destroy the world. he's changed...i can 
hear it in is voice. reality is wearing him down. but he hasn't forgotten 
me. i have so much i want to talk to him about, but phone calls are 
limited. he said he was going to write me a letter. god, i hope he does. 
i've missed him like crazy. i've missed him so much.

anyway, i'm bouncing off the walls and i just wanted to share. :)