time out
march 1st, 2000

i'm going to be taking a break from the computer for a little while, or at 
least severely limiting myself. it has been the cause of no end to 
procrastination and resentment and other not so happy things in my 
household for the past week or so, which led to a bubbling, overblown 
fight with my mother yesterday. we've not been getting along very well at 
all the past few weeks, and we exploded at eachother. it was a good thing, 
though, and things were said that needed to be said, and i was able to 
tell her that i felt she was judging me as a mother, and she was able to 
tell me that it had nothing to do with that at all, that she thought i was 
a wonderful mother, and a much better mother than she'd ever been. it was 
just that i was a slob. and i fully admit that i'm a horrible slob. i 
follow the old cherokee saying "put off until tomorrow what doesn't have 
to be done today" or something like that - i forget the exact wording, but 
you get the idea. at least when it comes to housework. it's not really 
that i'm lazy, it's just that for some reason i see housework as a total 
waste of time - after all, it's just going to get dirty again. which is a 
silly mindset, but at least i know i need to work on it.

it's been drilled into my head all my life (by my grandmother) that if you 
are a poor housekeeper, you are automatically a horrible and irresponsible 
person who cannot hope to function in the real world. therefore, i think i 
saw my mother's comments on my sloppiness as a direct personal attack on 
my very character, especially my ability to mother. but we talked things 
over, and i feel a lot better about things now.

however i do accept that i've been spending entirely too much time on the 
computer lately, especially in vzones *guilty look* and so i'm going to 
severely limit myself. after all, i'm going to school full-time, with a 
daughter to raise, and a house to keep up. it doesn't really allow for a 
lot of free time, anyway.

*sigh*

but next week should be exciting. it's spring break for me, and i'm 
planning mass visitations, to drive to the far corners of tennessee to 
visit with people i haven't seen in ages. i cannot even begin to describe 
how excited i am, how good it's going to be to get on the road again, to 
see people, to visit...i miss my friends too much. :(

i may add to this entry later, but i've got half an hour to get ready for 
school...to be continued?