kill the headlights, and put it in neutral

the pumpkin king and i were staring at the cheeseburger, and it kept 
making faces at us, though we were trying to ignore what it possibly could 
be saying. after midnight, and barefoot as usual, my stomach disagrees 
with the orange juice i downed and refuses to allow anything else through, 
causing me to run to chambers of porcelian and loose whatever ounce of 
nutrition was left in the belly that is rapidly shrinking..."you see this? 
this is all of my pity being sucked back away from you," the pumpkin king 
muttered, after hearing my brief encounter with vodka and cranberry juice 
the night before...but it was after midnight, and time for an adventure, 
and as much as my stomach remained tumultuous, baron munchasen showed me 
once what hangovers really were, and i knew this wasn't it. "so do you 
want to go to memphis?" i asked. it was after midnight, after all, but the 
pumpkin king was falling asleep in his plate, so i drove him back to that 
place we sometimes call home, those little white rooms, past the gray 
mazda parked illegally outside, while i left a message for tam to move it 
before he got another ticket, and my foot hit the pedal and would not 
remove itself...sleep was a million hours away, and i had so much i wanted 
to do yet, and none of it involved homework, or reading other people's 
poetry, or pretending to ruffle through papers for a few hours. so i hit 
the road. the stereo blazed across my vision and set the stage, both 
windows rolled down, and my hair by the minute becoming even more of a 
tumultuous mess than it is usually. down, i hit the interstate towards 
chattanooga, because i remembered how clear the stars were on the drive 
back, because i remembered how nice the air smelled and how much closer to 
heaven you are in higher elevations, because it is one of the most 
beautiful drives i have ever been on, and it is his road home, tam's road, 
which was all i wanted to be right then...and driving. with my gypsy heart 
searching out chelsea hotels, with my feet bare and pushing the petals 
through, carved into the mountain this road, this road with my headlights, 
and steep, as the road shot down over and through the inclines, shifting 
my car into neutral and flying...just flying down these twisted asphalt 
laylines, catching words, memories, songs, in every curvature of the road, 
every overture on the radio...time ignoring me, mne ignoring time, just 
the stars and music, just the road and the wind, nothing else in that 
pitch of black could hold a solitary note over the flow of happiness 
through my body, and screaming, and laughing, i yawped to the very sky, 
that one for the jupiter girl, that one for rain, that one for nadine and 
her yellow hair...this one for me, for everything in my lungs to push the 
happiness out over epiglotus and lips, for my heart to bear itself wide 
open on the open road, this time when i am the most vunerable, when i am 
the most real...certain moments when you know precisely who you are, and 
you could be nothing else, that is me on the open road, that is me in my 
gypsy heels, that is me with these memories of a big gray truck attempting 
one hundred miles an hour on this route with all...of...its...might...but 
never quite making it, and a blond-haired prince, with no sleep behind his 
brow, fretting over these concerns i never understood, until now, until 
now all that mattered was that they mattered to him, one moment too late 
perhaps, but at least my mind is quickening...and so much love, in my 
heart, at that moment, for the world, for the road, for the stars and the 
crickets outside still chirping with all their might, mourning the passing 
of summer and reclaiming the earth with every beat of their wings...and 
here, yes this is what i have been looking for, this was why i came by 
this way...the bridge. to terbithia? i wanted a bridge, and here it is, 
and it's still standing...with it's guard rails and the reflection of 
semi-city lights rippling in the water beneath, this place, where i first 
watched a sunset with tam, where i was completely in awe by the absolute 
beauty of that single moment with him, beside me...when he told me he was 
so happy to have someone to share moments like this with, and i smiled, 
and i don't even think i said anything, and if i did it was silly, there 
was nothing that needed to be said...it was all in the look of the place, 
in the touch, in the red velvet lining of the afternoon, in that precipice 
that promises twilight, my time, the time for fireflies and afternoon naps 
and the evening star, the inbetween time...the inbetween on this bridge, 
to forever, across it, and around, i knew, then...nothing is ever lost, 
not even once, things happen, words are spoken, but some things are 
indestructible, survive time and patience and tears and unknowings...they 
prevail through everything, this one place, where hearts touched, where 
souls met, this is where i can still smile, always...it's within me, it 
gives me a sense of belonging, of knowing. alone? i'm never alone, not 
once, not since the moment i met him. and though hands may go their 
different ways at times, and though feet may not always be sturdy enough 
to carry the both of us, we still exist within eachother, and we do not 
forget...terabithia is still there, it never left, though ropes may break 
and hearts may shatter and things are said which can never be erased, it 
doesn't destroy the existance of that one place, where two souls met, and 
loved, and danced until the morning, though the morning always steals the 
best of dreams away...i am here, alive, and he is here, in my heart, 
behind the left curtain, ready to prompt me if i forget my lines, ready to 
stand in place of me if i break a leg. in the spotlight, everything looks 
different. in the headlights, reflected in the afterglow, one sees 
reflections, and finally knows...a moment too late? perhaps not. it's 
never too late. and i smooth myself over, and double-knot my loose ends, 
and have absolute faith that even gravity can never be stronger that this 
that binds me to another soul, and that boomerangs always come back...