date: Mon 19 May 2025 02:52:48 PM PDT
subj: new parents -- twins, what they say to do vs what is real
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Before we left the hospital with our child we had to check out
from the NICU, we were required to watch a series of videos
before we were released. This was almost as though we weren't
allowed to leave unless someone put in our child's chart the
parents completed specific tasks. The videos were informative
and for the most part very educational. To some the instruction
from video and the NICU staff present that if you don't follow
the guidelines your baby will die. Things like you can't fall
asleep with your child. The impression you can't take your eye
off them for a moment. (funny we would go into the NICU and to
our surprise there was nobody in the room with the child. Of
course they had monitoring hooked up to the baby, but at first
glance this isn't what comes to mind. What does come to mind is
nobody is watching the baby.) 

My wife really loves our children and cares about them, and
believes the videos of the NICU training material. I think to
myself in all of history of humans, in the caves of the
Netherlands in zero or below temperature all parents didn't
cover up their children, or share body heat to keep them warm?!
Nobody in the cradle of Africa was over 70 deg Fahrenheit?! This
can't have been the case, or none of us would be here today. I'm
not here to be obstinate (don't ask my mom that), but there must
be wiggle room, for the most part we are the same humans and
species. 

We got home and I had my son in my arms while in the nursery
asleep in the chair. He is still alive today. He actually was
quieter while sleeping this way. Same happened with my daughter.
The other day I woke up and my wife was so excited to tell me,
she talked to her friend who has twins, and her friend sent a
picture of them in the same crib. Her friend said at night when
they had the twins in separate cribs, they wouldn't rest as
well, but when she put them together, they kept quiet and slept
better. So my wife said she tried the same thing, and next thing
happened was they made each other feel secure. 

One of the SDF members here read one of my phlogs and gave my
wife and I excellent advice similar to what was provided to
them. Just feed the baby. My wife and I took that good advice
from experienced parents. I've found the babies don't always eat
a specific amount at a specific time as in the NICU, but do eat
and we've been lucky enough to have them thrive ... for now. 

What I'm discovering is its generally good to listen to others
but what works for each child and parent will likely be a little
different.

Today there is a lot of talk/messages/instagrams about how bad
it is to be a parent, how much suffering a person endures. Sure
money is gone, free time is gone, but how much free time do you
need, and how much money do you really need to spend on
yourself? Being a parent is a lot of work, but its not hard
work. Stress is in our mind. We care about our babies. Babies
will not fire you. I think the idea of getting fired and not
having money creates the stress we don't want, and eventually we
stress about all things. I look outside seeing the men building
a house. They were there in the cold, and rain swinging hammers,
..etc. That is a lot harder compared to taking care of a baby.
In our mind babes are difficult because their is no break, but
the work isn't hard. Keep that in your mind, and try and enjoy
these moments with your child[ren], they go by so quickly.