date: Fri 09 May 2025 06:58:55 PM PDT
subj: being a new parents early twins
---------------------------------------

If you have your health; remember tomorrow is a new day, it
could be the first day of your best life. 

Hang on with all you got because sometimes the universe will
give you enough to make you feel like its more than you can
handle. I utter "Om mani padme hum." Its a prayer for
compassion, but also to disrupt the bad thoughts from running
wild in my mind.  Thoughts like; I can't do this. All the work
tasks are too much for me to handle. The prayer for realization
of the truth, actually helps.  

Its scary when others need, and depend on you. Its hard enough
to take care of ourselves each day, but when someone depends on
you, and needs you, there is no time for selfishness. The child
in me cries for someone to carry the load, but the man I am
knows I'm the one who must answer the call for others. I'm
fortunate enough for the opportunity to be part of helping
others get there.

Every time I try to write, I don't have enough time to complete
what I planned to say let alone remember what I was going to
write about. This moment I have my son next to me, and a cup
of minestrone soup and I give it a try. 


Yesterday's tasks are unfinished, and today brings more, like my
beautiful baby's hunger calls, the cat is hungry, my wife is
hoping for breakfast together, dirty dishes in the sink, a
strange sewage smell emanating from mystery location in the
house, the fan broke, the dehumidifier broke, the lawn is
overgrown as well as all the shrubs and weeds. Everything I put
off and didn't finish looks like it will remain in that state
for years. I'll find out if any of the undone things really even
matter, like those boxes consuming space in a garage or closet
that will become discards ten years from now.  What matters
today is hunger, bills, babies, wife, and what is right in my
face.

I bounce from one thing to the next, send my wife off to
appointments with an "I love you, and a kiss" after a small
argument about dishes piling up in the sink, resulting in tears
and misunderstandings, all about the lack of time.  

Moving through the day my boy takes a nap and I take advantage
for the chance to fold some clean laundry my wife left behind so
I can hopefully provider a few extra moments so she can take a
nice shower when she returns. My boy wakes up and I have him
join me in folding the clothes. He thinks the comforter is
something to eat, so he cranks his head as far left as he can to
attempt to find the source of the food. I think he must smell my
wife on the comforter. Eventually my son decided we better
actually find some food by getting red in the face and crying
out. We stop folding clothes and move on to important things
like eating, taking a bath, and then sleeping, .. well he
sleeps, I continue working.  

I get back to folding, and make progress, then taking out some
trash I smell the sewage odor again and side track myself to
discover what it is. I check every drain in the house, poor
water down each one, but they don't seem to be the source of the
smell. Nothing to be seen I work on more chores like cleaning
the cat box, which has been neglected two days too long. The odd
thing about the box is its missing cat poops. Hmmm clue! I go in
search for what is probably the true source of the sewage. I
finally discover a nice pile poops under the side table in the
corner.  Poor cat just couldn't stand the neglected cat box and
had to do what a cat must do, find a place to hide poop where
nobody would find it. I set out to clean up the mess, but the
baby monitor shows my son rustling about. Pause cleaning poop, I
run to check, everything is ok. I think I must hurry to clean up
the poo on the floor, but the phone rings, always something to
prevent task completion. 


After a few phone calls and issues I end up getting back to
cleaning the poo. Then I search for more poo just in case, and
instead of poo I find a pile of debris with small wood shavings.
What the hell is this !?  perfect debris pile in the corner.  I
closer look and I see ants! ... what kind of ants are these! Are
they chewing on our house! Helping with pregnancy, I am late to
spraying the house for the bug season. Another todo on the list.  

Todoos pile up, the lawn that is grown twice as tall as the
mower likes, the bug spray not being done, the dishes in the
sink, only 5 hours of sleep, and life just keeps coming and
doesn't end. The tears flow a little so I cry out to the house,
I can't take this! I get a grip say a prayer, realize I must
yield to time, and decide for this one I'll call an exterminator
and see if they can help out. 

A memory from a conversation with my wife: Can we do this!? We
tell ourselves we can get through it. Others have done this
before and they made it. I feel week in these moments, but
positivity must be expressed to be realized. 

The joy of seeing my son in a bath for the first time in his
life, as I watch his facial expressions his eyes opened as wide
as I've seen as I lay him into the warm water. Although he can't
say anything he seems content in the his bath, looking at the
light coming in near the kitchen sink, and listening to my voice
as I tell every step about taking a bath. Its that moment that
makes all those before and many of difficult ones after worth
it. Om mani padme hum, .. the difficulties of all the chores I
didn't do and those I haven't the time for tomorrow, weren't as
bad as they seemed earlier today. Our mind can make small things
huge, terrible, annoying, difficult, even impossible, and we can
feel like the weight of all the world is crashing upon us, but a
few moments later we are better. Its all coming and going, the
good moments the bad moments. Those are just moments and
depending how we think of them we decide if they are good or
bad. Work is work and who else should be doing this work but me.
Its the same if I was riding my bike up a hill, its work. Those
chores will get done or not, but they will be waiting for me
just as if they were done the day before. May I bend my mind to
see the truth more often, and feel the joy of these moments that
make up my life.