Let’s return to the discussion of the triangle of the simulated self. Earlier we said that this triangle consists of three bundles of thoughts (i.e., the past, present, and future bundles). These thoughts are often accompanied by emotions. For example, when we think a thought that is threatening from the future bundle, fear is experienced in conjunction with the thought. These bundles constitute the structure of the simulated self.
The structure of the simulated self is similar to the structure of a building. To speak of a building’s structure is to say that the building has a floor, walls, and a ceiling. Every building has the same structure. To speak of the building’s structure is to say nothing of the content of the building. The content of a building varies from one building to another. Your house has a couch, a bed, family photos on the wall, and other personal effects. Your place of work may have completely different content including a desk, machinery, or file cabinets. Similarly, a church has different content than both your house and your place of work.
The structure of the simulated self is the same for everyone. Every separate self is a time-bound, thought-based story created and maintained through identification with appearances (i.e., with thoughts, emotions, sensations, states, and experiences). Everything seems to be happening to a “me” in this story. The story is supported by a physical contraction in the body (i.e., the “self-contraction”). The time-bound, thought-based aspect of the self is the triangle of the simulated self that we discussed earlier. It is made up of the three bundles mentioned above. But saying that it is made up of the three bundles says nothing about the content of that thought-based story.
In this Chapter, we are discussing content rather than structure. The actual content of the false self is different for everyone. Here, our goal is not to rearrange the content, find better content, get rid of the content, tell a better story, or psychoanalyze the story. Our intention is merely to illuminate the actual content of the core story. In this illumination, it may be possible to see the particular appearances that make up the “core story” of who you think you are. In recognizing these appearances, the invitation is always the same:
Recognize present awareness and, without moving to manipulate appearances, see that all appearances are inseparable from awareness.
This recognition is all that is needed. It solves the identity crisis fully and finally. We come to know that we are not stories. We are not thoughts, emotions, states, sensations, or experiences. These appearances are temporary movements of the awareness that is our real identity. And yet we do not wage war against these stories, including our own story or anyone else’s.
A simple working definition of core story is “a one word or one sentence phrase that best sums up the actual content of the simulated self.” The core story is a highly personalized conceptual loop that appears to persist throughout one’s life. The loop continues so long as there is an energetic clinging to specific appearances (thoughts, emotions, states, sensations, experiences, etc) that constantly reinforce the story. This persistent reinforcement maintains the illusion of the time-bound, thought-based separate self. Recognizing present awareness as the clear, empty, cognizing space within which these appearances come and go resolves this identity crisis. It is then realized that a misperception was occurring. We thought we were time-bound stories. Instead, our real identity is the timeless space in which those stories were appearing. We see that there is no path to what we are. We already are what we are. This recognition is all that is needed.
Every person has an individualized core story. There may be many facets of the story, many details, embellishments, and subplots. But there is always at least one core story.
That particular core story is the central lens through which the person views and interprets life.
Let’s take Mary, a fictitious character, to illustrate “core story” and how it creates suffering, seeking, and conflict.
Mary is a victim. That is her core story. From the view of Mary’s core story of victimhood, life treats her poorly, other people have good lives, she is a victim of past circumstances, and the future seems bleak (more of the same). Each of those thoughts is a focus point that supports her core story. There are specific emotions that arise in conjunction with those thoughts. For example, when she thinks of how awful her past has been, she feels resentment, lack, and loneliness.
Mary’s core story is much like a movie being projected from her mind. Her interpretation of life does not feel like a story. It looks and feels very much like reality. To Mary, life actually does treat her poorly, other people have good lives, she is a victim, and the future seems bleak. To tell Mary that she is “pure awareness” does not register with her. She is not looking presently from the perspective of pure, timeless awareness. She is looking from the perspective of a time-bound, thought-based lens (i.e., core story), the content of which can be summed up in the phrase, “I am a victim.”
Until Mary identifies her particular core story, she is destined to keep interpreting life through its lens. She is destined to stay within the conceptual loop of victimhood. Without her core story, she is no one. So the movie of victimhood that is constantly being projected and the painful feelings that arise in conjunction with that movie provide a familiarity. She is clinging to the pain because it is all she knows. Life without the story, and its corresponding pain, is inconceivable.
The people and circumstances in Mary’s life act as a mirror for Mary. In order to remain a victim, Mary must continue to see others as “not victims.” For example, Mary will view her friends as being more fortunate, more attractive, or more skillful than she is. There must also be perpetrators in Mary’s life in order for her to remain a victim. This is the mirror of dualistic relationship. It is an important tool in recognizing separation. For example, every spiritual person needs others that are deemed “unspiritual.” Every attractive person needs unattractive people. Every know-it-all needs others who don’t know. These are the stories we tell about ourselves. Other people are merely the mirrors that reinforce our core stories.
It can be helpful if Mary writes down the focus points that make up her core story. As she writes down the central viewpoints that make up the story, she is now looking at a piece of paper that holds the details of her own story. She went from looking through the lens of victimhood to looking at a piece of paper that contains the focus points. She sees for the first time that what she took to be a self is really just a set of viewpoints that appear within awareness. That seeing alone allows her to rest as awareness rather than continuing to emphasize the focus points for a sense of self.
“Victim” is only one of many possible core stories. Maybe you will see yourself in one of the core stories in the list below. Maybe your story is not among these. In any event, it can be helpful to identify the exact content of the most central viewpoint that defines you. Here is the list:
It is so tempting to cling to, analyze, manipulate, and want to change these stories — to make them better. But moving to manipulate the appearances just reinforces identification with them. Only the story would seek to change the story. Only the story seeks future for completion or a happy ending. Only thought would move to get rid of, improve, or do anything with thought. The invitation in this chapter is not to manipulate the appearances within your core story or to find the reasons why your story came about. It is to simply see the story for what it really is. This seeing takes place only in the present. It is a present seeing, not a delving into past. This is how true insight arises. The story is a self-centered loop that just wants to continue looping. It wants to continue in its dream of separation and time. This continuation happens by manipulating appearances. The invitation in this chapter is similar to shining a flashlight into a dark room in order to see the furniture. We don’t want to move the furniture around. We aren’t trying to tell a different story. We are illuminating the story — shining the light in the room to see the content. Once the content of your core story is seen, it is seen to be an appearance in what you are. What you are is the pure, naked awareness that sees the core story. This seeing is all that is needed.
Recognize present awareness right now. Don’t move to manipulate your core story. See that your core story and all the appearances that make it up are not separate from awareness. Your real identity is awareness.