/vent/
lainchan / hum

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Pris · 2024-07-14 10:00

old thread hit limit

prev:
>>81530

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Motoko Kusanagi · 2024-07-14 10:02

>>82787
lmao why'd you get triggered at all
you completely missed the point
a man can't feel he "isn't noticed" unless he wants to woo a woman
really bad, that's what i wanted to say
a true man is always fine with what's available at hand and never
frets over what may never come.
i believe that male2male friendship is the only kind of friendship
possible, though it's rare because takes wisdom
no there isn't the word 'gay' anywhere around please stop screwing
with me i'm not gonna cuddle a male i told you already. wtf are you so
agitated? why are you gay

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. X · 2024-07-14 10:50

>>82786
your posts mess with my mind. not sure if there's something wrong with
me, or you. you might've assumed too much from the few words i've
written.

>>oh right yes yeah
i just confirmed (for myself) what you wrote is in fact true and
aligns with the other "truths" i've read before.
>>i'll try!
the thought that i need to live up to your-alike ideals comes from
time to time. then i try, once again. in the current environment i
can't afford such a lifestyle (lazy & inexcusable). the longest i kept
it was one month, felt nice.

whining. honestly being ignored isn't even a big problem. i stop
checking for replies a day after, if there are none. this is how i
"care less". and in real life it's all ok. why /vent/ then. idk.
should have pondered that decision. a mindless bot i am. the first
time i whined on the internet, ever. and the last. i've exaggerated.

>i can see your ass burning all the way from here
was completely calm at that moment.
>ignorant
what do we even mean by this?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Case · 2024-07-14 11:06

I gave up any hope I had left for finding friends and people I belong
with. As a kid I always had t his vision of the future where I would
be surrounded by cool people and hang out with them and be happy. And
whenever I would get invited somewhere I would force myself to go
because you never know  who you'll meet, anything can happen. But now
I realize that that's just naive, I'm not a normal person and will
never be able to find a partner. I gave up completely. Now I will just
focus on things I like to obsess over and then dies I guess.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unsigned · 2024-07-14 11:15

>>82790
good luck figuring yourself out. don't get too caught up. and don't
ruminate, ever

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-07-14 12:57

>>82791
History's greatest minds recall thinking as you do in their
autobiographies, let your solitude create beauty like no other

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Fang · 2024-07-14 14:19

>>82793
unfortunately having sometimes the same thoughts and feelings as
greatest minds doesn't mean you're one of them. most of genetic pool
is shared thus most or even all of thinking mechanisms are the same
between all people. the difference is very slight and lies in
superficial things, just enough to grant "uniqueness". so have no
illusions about yourself. do not yield to confirmation bias

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arisu Mizuki · 2024-07-14 20:37

>>82794
lol what, self fulfilling prophecy much

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lunch · 2024-07-15 01:00

one time i exercised by lifting weights on the first day of a 4 day
fast, and my muscles were stuck in hypertrophy for the duration of the
fast, it was quite painful. whenever i left my house i had to stand
around and force my arms to straighten out so i didnt look like a
glitterboy when walking around. has anyone experienced this before? i
cant find anything online, is my body fuarrrked up?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Acid Burn · 2024-07-15 01:32

>>82800
i'm so sorry for you lain. i'm so sorry, so sorry sob sob

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-07-15 04:54

>>82800
If evolution has prepared your body for anything, it's physical
exertion and scarcity of food, you'll be fine

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Agent Bob · 2024-07-15 17:20

>>82802
Actually mammals, especially mammals adapted for hunting and foraging
such as humans, tend to require more frequent and more nutritious food
than cold-blooded animals of a similar size. We're meant to make this
up by using that food more effectively. Being especially adapted for
persistence hunting, humans don't do very well with short bursts of
high activity without food afterwards to recuperate.

>>82800
Lift towards the end of a fast rather than the beginning, and ideally
don't lift at all while fasting -- do aerobic exercise instead.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-07-15 19:05

>>82811
sorry bob, i'll stick to my area of expertise next time

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unspecified · 2024-07-16 13:39

another day thinking of reasons to not kill myself, and coming up
short.

been thinking of nitrogen inhalation, seems like a nice and easy way
to go, cheap, painless. most importantly doesn't leave a mess.

Look at doi: 10.1111/1556-4029.12239, seems rather easy?

any recommendations? or alternatively anyone got a translated copy of
The Complete Manual of Suicide?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cowboy · 2024-07-16 13:49

>>82825
try smuggling diamonds in Africa first tho

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkCKDKgzpAE&ab_channel=MusicVidya

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crash Override · 2024-07-16 14:31

Stop this silly thing about spotting and fishing for me everywhere.
Man up and meet me face to face! What is it you want with me? Messing
around, aren't you? What's you deal? What's with all that complaining?
Little girl wants my attention so bad??? Here, you have full of it!
Now out with it! Stop skulking around! Fight like a man or run like a
bitch! I challenge you, god fuarrrking jammit! It can't be like this
forever! I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL REFLECTION, DO YOU HEAR ME, BUD? BUY A
REAL MIRROR FINALLY! HELLO IT'S ME SPEAKING! Are you fuarrrking crazy
or something? It's unbelievable! Infuriating, even. The degree to
which you're controversial shoots the skies to pieces. I invoke your
name, you little brat! Come, impress me! Show me what goddamn spirit
or whatever you got under your pale skin! Come on! WHY DO YOU LINGER?
Fight!!!!!

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Haruyoshi · 2024-07-16 19:50

>>82826
you know what, fair enough.

ill do it after i beat farcry 2

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unspecified · 2024-07-17 02:13

This board is lainchan's equivalent of /pοl/ and just like it all the
retards go to it masturbate each others and then go to the other
(image)boards to make everything worse so that the standard becomes
low enough for them to fit in.
You're losers with no social nor practical skills yet you feel
superior to "nοrmies" and "wagies" when you would kill yourself in a
week living a normal life without hiding in your room.
Just look at the latest biggest tumοr that came out of here, retarpus,
who's a lοser telling other lοsers what to do, and of course he's
going to be wrong about everything that isn't common sense and most of
the time he lacks that too, the dopamine you get from making youtube
videos and people watching them is not an appropriate reward for what
you do, have fun being stuck while pretending to make progress for the
sake of a video.
All hikki neets can do is twist reality and feel superior to people
above them, making sure they can never learn or do anything that will
help them grow, just complaining about everything, women this nοrmies
that, pοlitics this, whatever schizο conspiracy etc. it never ends.
If you took your ego aside and told your starved attention whοring
self to hold on a minute and think about what truly matters to you,
not about what can help you avoid reality or what can replace reality,
you could get started in whatever it is you want to do, but you can't
do that, it's too late, not because you're old but because you've been
shaping yourself to be worthless, every single day of your life
without breaks.
tldr kill yοurself retarpus, thank you for reminding me what most
people on imageboards are like, I needed that, the next time you want
to give others advice, I don't know, maybe be a bit older, with any
life experience whatsoever and anything meaningful to say that isn't
one schizοpedia search away, I know you'll masturbate reading this
btw, attention whοre, why else would an imageboard user make a youtube
channel aimed at other imageboard users instead of just posting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yu-ichi · 2024-07-17 02:39

>>82856
you look like hikki neet to me or maybe just a retarded student. btw
got derezzed on you favorite political board?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Incognito · 2024-07-17 04:11

>>82844
send me some later, i will double your investment <3

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Guthrie · 2024-07-17 05:03

>>82857
shamelessly showing off your attention span and reading comprehension

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zero Cool · 2024-07-17 06:26

>>82860
can't care about an npc accusing others of being npcs. you're the same
as any one of them

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord Nikon · 2024-07-17 11:55

it is quite hot where I live right now. the heat zaps my energy. tried
asking a few girls out, all of them have boyfriends. the good ones are
already taken. the one that i saw a few times turned out to be
mentally unstable and I had to evacuate to preserve my well-being,
leaving her heartbroken. I find myself stuck in a hallway with a bunch
of closed doors, a limbo of sorts. everyday life is boring. it is
getting more difficult to practise my hobbies. ceaseless action and
agitation helps me forget how directionless my life is slowly
becoming. a sense of impending doom infiltrates my thoughts. a storm
is coming

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Apoc · 2024-07-17 14:52

The other day I realized the six years I spent being homeschooled
effectively put my social development on pause and that's why I act
the way I do in social settings. For things that should be normalized
for adults I act like a young teenager and I embarass myself trying to
start actual relationships.

Well, hopefully spending all that time with my dad, reading books and
understanding references to 70's soykaf will come in handy one day :/.
Being somewhat knowledgable in stupid soykaf is SO much better than
being able to form relationships with people. I feel permanently
disabled.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yuki Nagato · 2024-07-17 15:04

>>82877
is it related with computing ?
i also learn more with books than live teachers.

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Zhora · 2024-07-17 16:03

>>82879
Is what related with computing? I did learn a lot about computers
during that time because that's what I was into, but the information
was never too useful because I never liked writing software.

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William Holtzer · 2024-07-17 23:23

theres not a single good thread on lainchan, theres nothing to learn
from schizophrenics, pedos, incels, neets, racists and drug addicts,
theres no discussion to be made that wouldn't be of better quality if
the average lainon got replaced by chatgpt
i hate 4chan, i hate the modern internet, lainchan isnt any different,
youre all the same, i hate myself for being here

----------------------------------------------------------------------
J.C. Denton · 2024-07-18 00:51

>>82898
incels are lazy people tho, the best way to destroy a  female is
destroying their purpose and you do it by creating more efficient
breast milk to make their boobs obsolete, less genetic damage eggs
differentiated from male stem cells to make their eggs    obsolete and
a more efficient artificial womb in order to make their uterus
obsolete.

how is talking soykaf or threading women helping them in anyway ?

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Pulse · 2024-07-18 01:04

>>82898
low iq post. there was never a place for a discussion, there is not
one now and there will not be one in the future. communities of high
intelligence people where you can have a discussion were always
limited to the highest elites and closed to everyone else and even
then those elite circles were never that big. if you feel like you're
surrounded by retards, it's because you're one of them. if i demand
you to answer what exactly quality discussion you are missing, you'll
back off and soykaf your pants because you're just a crybaby that
wants free entertainment

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Cat Mother · 2024-07-18 01:10

>>82900
>there was never a place for a discussion
glad we agree, esl

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roy Batty · 2024-07-18 01:45

>>82900
Quality discussion has a lot that goes into it, but to me the most
basic way to measure it is how much it seems like responses were
written without reading more than a few words of what they reply to.

The expectation that online discussion is worthless is self
fulfilling; people think it's useless to put in effort and stupid to
express any sort of vulnerability, write something anyway for some
reason, the next things written pattern themselves after that and you
get a crab bucket.

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Molly Millions · 2024-07-18 04:17

>>82856
>>82898
If you don't even belong to lainchan, why are you posting here in the
first place?

Unironically doing this is like binge watching tiktoks just to make
yourself angry. Please just leave us alone.

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Haruyoshi · 2024-07-18 05:56

>>82901
>esl
it's demotivating to see how you couldn't make a more elaborate insult
>>82902
>The expectation that online discussion is worthless
is usually correct

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Koichiro · 2024-07-18 06:35

>>82877
I have the opposite experience.

>my "vent":
I feel like my relationships with family got severely, severely
crippled by my 15 years of public school and 4 (failing) at uni. I'm
no contact with both my parents and have been scrounging together
whatever I can understand from my peers and from books about family
but it's still not enough to tolerate my parents on the level of
emailing with them and occasionally having a coffee with them.
Family is harder to replace than peers, "chosen family" is barely a
concept in Westoidia and I wasn't raised in a way where I could
recognize other locals as any kind of family either, I have a huge bin
for labeling "strangers" of various kinds.

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Drano · 2024-07-18 09:51

>>82856
>This board is lainchan's equivalent of /pοl/ and just like it all the
retards go to it masturbate each others and then go to the other
(image)boards to make everything worse so that the standard becomes
low enough for them to fit in.
This

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yuki Nagato · 2024-07-18 10:30

>>82911
not quite true, the achievements of each lain will determine their
value since the one still standing at the end is righteous

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ivan Horvat · 2024-07-18 11:12

>>82856
It is a very difficult situation for such people. The best idea I have
for them is to participate in some kind of actual social work.

Don't hide.
Don't use an alias.
Don't create a persona.
Don't be a sophist.

Surely you've learned something over your years of staying at home,
fed by the rest of us, fed by your parents? Even something as basic as
`systemctl restart simulation.service`?

Participate productively/generatively in some kind of actually
existing community. Tackle the most basic github issues you can find
on whatever epic ricing software you use, or whatever else. Use your
real name.

Take a stance. Is there some kind of rot that places you where you
are? Think strategically about how to overcome it. Don't let the
people around you drag you down to a base level. There exist material
solutions for many seemingly social problems. A 3M construction worker
headset will cancel out the debilitating television noise coming from
next door completely. Sometimes you might need to leave the house,
you'll need money and you may need to have roommates. The organism is
inseparable from its environment and as such you cannot expect any
change to occur in the one you've made so stagnant.

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Spike Spiegel · 2024-07-18 12:34

>>82908
If all you are going to do is briefly scan over something to find an
excuse to repeat what you have already said, why bother?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nameless · 2024-07-18 12:59

>>82856
>whole post about toxic ego and looking down on posters
>"If you took your ego aside"
extreme projection

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Hong, Guil Dong · 2024-07-18 13:05

>>82913
No I will not use my real name because it forces me to constantly
spend a lot of resources to evaluate possible outcomes and consider
all possible threats I don't want to handle and lots lots of soykaf
like that. Every word, every action, every step is a potential pitfall
which you have to handle and spend resources on. Disgusting. Falling
back to maximally passive peaceful insect only works until it doesn't.
I despise most people and the only way to get away with it is hiding
my real name. If I had power to safely kill you I wouldn't bother, but
I don't, so I have to constantly keep up this pretense of being
friendly. Society is disgusting and interacting with other is pain in
the ass. I almost regret I was born human.

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Linda Lee · 2024-07-18 13:47

>>82917
You're schizophrenic, eventually you're going to have to get a job and
join society.
Seriously, you have schizophrenia, seek help.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Y.T · 2024-07-18 14:02

>>82919
i want to grind 10 years in 1 and then off myself.

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Anonymous · 2024-07-18 14:46

Hello, I'm Torpus.

>>82913

>to participate in some kind of actual social work.

Some think I only came here to capitalize on Lainchan without really
being part of it. Well, I do love Lain because she's a symbol to me
and I do love imageboard culture. But yeah, I'm not much of a computer
guy, even though I use Linux and plan to switch to OpenBSD. It's all
for the sake of digital independence and privacy. I felt like crying
when I read threads on /hum/, the only board I'm on, and that's what
made me create posts like this. In a way, I relate so much to many
lainons, but in other ways, I feel fundamentally different from
everyone. I barely post here and I dislike most kinds of entertainment
(and computers).

>Don't be a sophist.

I'm really not trying to be one. I just learn from various sources and
curate that knowledge into videos. It's like being one step ahead of
someone else; I make mistakes too (my last video was a massive fail).
Yes, I have real-life responsibilities as well, but I try to make
videos weekly since it doesn’t take much time and keeps the audience
engaged, even if I miss a day or two.

I don't want to ever reveal myself because I don't want to be famous.
I'm saying a lot about myself already, lol.

But yeah, I don't want to be the center of attention here. I believe
the algorithm will just do its thing eventually, just like what
happened with Luke Smith.

Thank you for your honest feedback, lain!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drano · 2024-07-18 15:33

>>82917
You've gone and put your cards on the table. A sign that I hit the
nail on the head.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Guthrie · 2024-07-18 16:06

>>82922
Not from any previous conversation, but indecently wanna say I enjoy
and appreciate your videos Torpus..! Don't wanna put too many labels
on it but for me its essentially lain-themed self-help lol
I like the style of content where even if its not all new info its
being brought together and elaborated in a interesting way. :D
So yeah made me more motivated to go running and helped me feel better
about some things - thanks!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mother · 2024-07-18 16:34

>>82922
Dude, I gonna be honest with you; I like your videos ever since I
discovered your channel, and you seem like a smart guy with very good
intentions, specially considering we are around the same age. But this
is why some people in here, and a bit of me, got angry at you: It
simply started to look ridiculous.

>I don't want to ever reveal myself because I don't want to be famous
So, why did you break your anonimity? Why you aways have to promote
your channel whatever you got chance? Like "Oh boy, look! Another
thread of somebody venting about how much he is lonely, I made a video
about this so it's time to promoto myself! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO
WRONG?!?!". I belive if you just kept your anonimity here intact, a
small minority of users would eventually recognize your channel as
part of our culture, it would be slow but no one would be angry at
you. And I know you've been doing this on Wizchan too.

>But yeah, I don't want to be the center of attention here.
So why did you made brand out of yourself? Not just a channel, or
videos inspired on actual threads from here, but also a personal blog
with your recommended books (Like that anti-semite one, I'm still
processing why you thought that would be a good idea). Again, If you
were just some random dude making videos about the funny schizo topics
that you enjoy talking about, people would naturally like you.

Torpus, I don't hate you, I know you're just young and stupid and have
no clue of what are you doing, that's your problem, and mine too
actually. I really wish we could directly talk to each other, maybe on
a Discord call, and maybe play some Minecraft together or whatever.
You seem like the type of weird friend I had on high school, so I got
your sympathy.

Just stop being so annoying, but keep doing what you enjoy doing, lol.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cypher · 2024-07-18 20:28

>>82927
The point was to bring in few people who would ideally watch my stuff
so that the algorithm would know who my things are for instead of
promoting it to a normal audience. But yeah I sounded annoying a bit
but no one cares now since I don't need to send more stuff; the
algorithm will keep doing whatever thing by itself. So just forget
about it.

>I really wish we could directly talk to each other

You can email me (check my website). But don't expect me to do
soykafty teenage things.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Motoko Kusanagi · 2024-07-18 20:44

>>82943
try deleting your self-serving posts then

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Technician · 2024-07-18 23:03

>>82924
What do you mean by that?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Titor · 2024-07-19 00:41

>>82922
>Hello, I'm Torpus
you love saying that don't you
>Some think I only came here to capitalize on Lainchan without really
being part of it
>I'm not much of a computer guy,
>I felt like crying when I read threads on /hum/
you're fuarrrked
>the only board I'm on
of course, OF COURSE
>I feel fundamentally different from everyone
because you're on a niche altchan with 10+ boards and you got filtered
by most of them?
> I barely post here
and yet you always make sure to let everyone know who you are and post
your soykafty youtube channel :) I don't see how that's any different
from posting discord links
>and I dislike most kinds of entertainment (and computers).
you're underage, if you're lucky you grow up eventually, but  you
don't seem very "lucky" to me
>I just learn from various sources and curate that knowledge into
videos
yes thank you for your videos, you have a lot of important and
meaningful things to say that you couldn't just post here normally, I
don't know how you can record yourself saying the dumb soykaf you say,
I hope for your sake that in some years you can look back at those
videos and cringe)
>It's like being one step ahead of someone else
that's hilarious
>keeps the audience engage
: )
>I don't want to ever reveal myself because I don't want to be famous
yes you're gonna be famous if you just dox yourself, do that
>I'm saying a lot about myself already
just how much of an attention whore with nothing to offer you are
>I don't want to be the center of attention here.
clearly
> I believe the algorithm will just do its thing eventually, just like
what happened with Luke Smith
you're fuarrrked in the head it might not be reversible
>>82943
>the algorithm would know who my things are for
clueless retards like yourself? with a youtube account that they
curate so that an algorithm even does anything?
>But don't expect me to do soykafty teenage things
I guess there must be a limit to how many "soykafty teenage things"
you can do, you already got past that with the youtube videos and
inserting yourself in every single thread, god forbid you actually do
something 1 on 1 with a real human from /hum/, which by the way is the
rarest sight you could see if you had the eyes to see it and the brain
to recognize it

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Netrunner · 2024-07-19 04:20

>>82920
are you officially diagnosed though

----------------------------------------------------------------------
XERXES · 2024-07-19 04:34

>>82955
i am not the same guy and it is pointless in my case.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jet Black · 2024-07-19 06:37

>>82956
i swear you're indistinguishable. anyway good luck to you

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Aristóteles Amadópulus · 2024-07-19 18:07

>>82922
I just found your youtube channel because of this comment, i really
like it :). very unique

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Demeere · 2024-07-20 12:15

I've never seen my acquaintances as being an incredibly important part
of my life until recently, when I realized that my life would be much
easier if I had only 1 actual friend/partner. Two people with similar
mindset and personalities, sharing territory and resources, agreeing
on the same terms in order to coexist, always trying to meet each
other's needs and working towards the same goals, that would really
make life much easier and more pleasant.
It's unfortunate that 99%+ of the population is psychotic and paranoid
towards other humans, but somehow trustful when it comes to the
government and other organizations. The possibility of finding such a
human is near zero.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ein · 2024-07-21 07:53

>>82768
What the fuarrrk is wrong with you? You make a fuarrrking complaining
post that I don't respond to your DMs yet my INBOX is fuarrrking
empty. What the fuarrrk is this? I directly engage you by fuarrrking
DARING your ass to write me and what follows? I've just checked my
mail and there's NOTHING. Not even a fuarrrk OFF.

HELLO THERE! HELLO!!! ARE YOU fuarrrkING LISTENING??? Maybe weed isn't
all that healthy after all? Joking. Well, maybe I (lmao wtf's "I"
anyway) am not healthy? Yes that's certainly true. I am GOING TO BE
obnoxious, because I am in a fuarrrking violent mood recently. But
honestly, why'd you complain? Why? Have I ever fuarrrking made a
goddamn hint that you need to fuarrrk OFF? No, curse it, I haven't!

We just kinda mutually agreed on silence and being mindful of my
recent VIOLENT tendencies I decided I shouldn't PING you with some
tardard bullshit. But why the hell would you fuarrrking COMPLAIN that
I went silent when you yourself just did exactly same thing? Damn it,
dude. It would be easier on me if you just told me to fuarrrk OFF,
because that's what I deserve.

Gogjammit I feel so ANRGY right now! Agrrrrh!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
HELIOS · 2024-07-21 08:28

>>83013
gosh but the best way to communicate is through actions

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crash Override · 2024-07-21 09:43

I want to have loving intense sex all the time and live a meaningful
life in an interesting world but really I’m just anxious and repressed
sigh…

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yuki Nagato · 2024-07-21 10:03

>>83016
>I want to have sex
here's the root of all problems, the rest is up to you

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Jones · 2024-07-21 13:55

god i hate that im white i wish i could be latina

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Apoc · 2024-07-21 14:22

>>83021
Everyone wants to be white except whites. Lol.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lunch · 2024-07-21 18:04

>see the news about 3M, turns out we've all been poisoned and exposed
to toxic forever chemicals
>studies show microplastics in the blood and semen of all human males
>glaciers and ice caps melting
>toxic air
>tech replacing people, even white collar jobs are now getting
replaced
>society would rather fight over culture wars, identity, which
incompetent retard should be president
>mass surveillance, no privacy
>vitriolic losers and Nietzschean last men taking over every
imageboard and social media site online
>savings running low
>no job, no friends
This stuff keeps me up at night and gives me panic attacks. Just
thinking about this stuff gives me super anxiety. How the hell am I
supposed to live in this world?! We are literally turning into that
toxic wasteland in Nausicaa while being ruled by a dystopian
totalitarian governments and corpos and nobody gives a fuarrrk because
they'd rather talk about orange monkey man running for reelection or
the latest soykaf video game or movie. I wish I had someone to talk to
about spiritual affairs and great issues facing humanity, not politics
and consumerist bullshit.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHODAN · 2024-07-21 19:32

>>83027
Got a throw away email?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Titor · 2024-07-21 20:36

>>83027
>complains about political issues
>says doesn't wanna talk politics
>???

You either do politics or politics do you. Look up the origin of the
word "idiot".
I feel u tho, it's hard to stay positive when things are going to
soykaf. I find that not watching hate bait and taking some time every
day to do something you enjoy works.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hong, Guil Dong · 2024-07-21 21:47

>>83027
You can choose to write about it then, it's what I do. I lost the
ability to converse with people a while ago, in fact I don't know if I
ever had it to begin with, I might've simply learned that I never
could communicate with people once socialization progressed beyond the
middle-school level. So instead, I write about stuff, and sometimes
share my ideas here and there with online friends to gather insight
from other people. The writing doesn't make me feel better, but it
gives me something semi-productive to do. Maybe it will help in
diverting the world off its current trajectory, and if not, at least
it gives me something to do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike Spiegel · 2024-07-22 02:50

>>83036
"Politics" in Ameristan is a spectator sport. It means soykaf like
which fascist goon said what, which goon is slightly better than the
other goon. The typical "politically engaged" person here is ignorant
and opinionated, ditto for the politicians.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Junichi Fujiwara · 2024-07-23 09:53

mother nature is winning a lot of mental battles.
It really fries my brain and it,also, is a huge struggle to regain the
mental territory lost afterwards.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Splicer · 2024-07-23 10:25

>>83085
if you mean you start to become less of a user it's a good thing
actually keep it up!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cowboy · 2024-07-23 16:52

>>83036
Politics is just pro wrestling. Nobody talks about policy or real
world issues. Its just staged bullshit. Have you seen the average
burger talk show? No meaningful discussion. Just rambling and mocking
old man for being old or "omg look what orangutan tweeted" *audience
cheers* This is how the world ends. No bang. No whimper. Retards
applauding comedians and news anchors while their water is poisoned
with teflon juice. Its like Bioshock but worse.

>>83038
I do write but sometimes this just stresses me out more. Its not like
anyone will read my writing anyway but just thinking about this stuff
makes me anxious and panicky. I always wanted to escape the city and
live somewhere clean but there is nowhere clean. Everything is
polluted with industrial forever chemicals and microplastics. They
found that soykaf in the arctic. And if you tell people this they
think you are insane tinfoil hat alex jones gay frogs. I guess I could
start a journal or a blog but I don't want it to turn into r9k level
loser nihilism.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unidentified · 2024-07-23 17:55

>>82825
Are you seriously reading a manual written by someone who has never
successfully commit suicide?
>>83038
I feel the same way lain. Since I was a kid I was bad at speaking,
probably because of my weird upbringing, like a military brat but not
exactly, then ending up in the West.
As I grow older my writing matures, but my speaking seems to get
worse, or it becomes more problematic. I am genuinely working on it,
but it's hard catching up.
Everything is very unsatisfying in this world. It's a matter of coming
to terms with this, and maybe excelling despite it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crash Override · 2024-07-23 18:59

thinking about a time in hs where i had a poetry assignment. me being
edgy and depressed for valid reasons featured the word anon in it,
CRINGE. but my english teacher who was a very sweet well off white
woman, like the starbucks vsco type, asked me enthusiastically: "wow!
do you mean true anon? like fourchan?"
and so, to this day i wonder why i still bother with that site knowing
her and my father also browse it, even if contained to politically
inkorrect

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Plague · 2024-07-24 05:28

I find it difficult to do anything in life anymore. I truly have no
desires or aspirations and feel myself rotting away in a meaningless
existence. On top of that I barely see any value in myself anymore. I
previously didn't have very many issues and was quite content with who
I am, what I had, where I am headed but I no longer care for any of
those things.

For example, I wish I would die in my sleep every night, not because I
feel some unsurmountable challenge but instead because of my
indifference towards living. No amount of money, friends, women, video
games, drugs or anyorher cope will change that. Honestly the only
reason I can see to live on is for the sake of my immediate family but
that does nothing to actually fix this mindset.

I'm not really looking for answers, I figure that I'll eventually get
out of this line of thinking but I always default to thinking this way
and it really concerns me. Even when I'm motivated and have something
going on in life I feel like I'm just when step away from returning to
this bleak suicidal mindset. I don't know what's wrong with me or what
but I really wonder if someone like me should even strive for a family
life in the future given the fact that I'm a ticking time bomb.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lain Iwakura · 2024-07-24 09:31

There is a quote from Leonard Mozart on how the older you get, the
more you sadly understand most people are absolute scum. I don't want
to succumb to said belief, but as I branch out from speaking with like
minded people and instead with the general populace... I realize this
has much merit. The most grounded people I've met consistently are
either ones who live away from society, or the ones that take
advantage of it to hone their intellect.
The majority are just... off. Ethics especially, but perhaps that's
just what happens when one is well socialized in such a large,
murderous, civilization. I still hold true on the only ways to be
truly fulfilled are to live primarily off nature, or to live within
society for the sake of accumulating knowledge made possible through
global collaboration.
I also don't want to think most people are stupid; I think it's more
appropriate to say most simply are uncritical followers led astray
through manipulation. Yet somehow, we live in a time where most humans
can easily access the internet where many million books, tutorials,
essays, blogs, and critiques are freely available in one's hand,
enough to make the most revered historical scholar murderously seethe
with envy, but the majority just use the internet for fuarrrking
SOCIAL MEDIA FINED TUNED TO MANIPULATE PEOPLE'S ATTENTION FOR ONE'S
PROFIT AND DATA! So fuarrrking absurd... I swear this is a clown's
world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Morphological Terror · 2024-07-24 12:46

I fell down the mother of all rabbitholes and every day is spent
wondering how many of my delusions are real and how many are fake.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Hilger · 2024-07-24 13:49

>>83101
do you mean that majority of people have different opinions than you,
and that you only relate to those, whose opinions are the same?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ishikura "Tatsu" Tatsuhiko · 2024-07-24 22:41

I cant help but wonder if i am legitimately cursed. Whenever my life
seems to finally be heading in a good direction everything comes
crashing down with something bad happening and it just keeps getting
worse. I cant do this anymore. Too much lost

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Demeere · 2024-07-25 04:35

>>83108
Average heterosexual male experience

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Apoc · 2024-07-25 04:58

>>83110
lmaod at this post out loud, hahaha. thanks user. no jokes. that was
really funny for some reason. still laughing hard, thanks again

----------------------------------------------------------------------
fsociety · 2024-07-26 22:18

why can't I meet a nice young flat chested fujo with short hair
that'll enjoy time with me and go on RL adventures and soykaf? I'm
literally perfect for marriage I have a high paying job family support
decent looks strong morals a fuarrrking gamut of practical skills and
I'm pretty much a certified therapist. My fetish is literally making
my woman feel as good as possible simply because I love her and other
gay soykaf. why can't the wimminz come to me? Why do I have to make
the first step this is so fuarrrking ANNOYING

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Fin · 2024-07-27 02:52

I hate cities. Millions tons of stone and not a single fuarrrking
toilet. Morons.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ivan Horvat · 2024-07-27 12:24

guess I'll get a bit too melodramatic, but whatever


  Even though I very much like to put an act and pretend like I am
serious, pragmatic and detached, this is just not reality. The truth
is that I am burning inside, but am too scared and, in what concerns
"being human", my self-steem is too low. After ignoring other's and my
own emotions aswell, I simply don't feel like I am deserving of love
and appreciation. Maybe that's why I've always been obsessed with the
tragic and the love that dies instead of decaying.
  I also feel like I've wasted my youth with pointless things such as
gaming, political debate and similar bs. Now age is getting to me, and
soon my appearance will decay, the heart that pulsates with emotions
will rot, the boiling blood that circulates through my veins will
freeze and my warm skin will become gelid. All of my human potential
will simply go to waste.
  All I really wanted was to love, suffer and die from it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chani · 2024-07-27 14:53

>>83158
there is an app specifically to locate nearest toilet.
Saved my tourist ass (literally)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Molly Millions · 2024-07-28 11:16

I had to cut ties with a couple of friends that was basically one of
the few sources of companionship for me in the past decade.
They just became far too insufferable to stand for the past few years
but I hate having to do this because I've known them for so long.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arisu Mizuki · 2024-07-28 14:28

>>83168
it's amazing. my biggest struggle is not cutting the ties. never
succeeded once. i just can't keep people in my mind or working memory
or whatever it's called properly. i really mean this. i just forget
them the second day i don't see them in person. legal obligations
(work included, hopefully you understand what i mean) is the only
reason i remember them, ever.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nguoi La · 2024-07-28 16:02

>>83168
>They just became far too insufferable to stand for the past few years
but I hate having to do this because I've known them for so long.
What did they even do?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nell · 2024-07-30 19:08

Getting really into history kinda messes with your brain a bit. You
get intimately familiar with a people, their lives, goals, dreams, and
then stop and think all of them are dead and almost every trace of
their lives is wiped from existence. Now when I see people complain
they're old I'm like, man. at least you're alive

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Deckard · 2024-07-31 02:02

>>82788
bad thread
>>83188
No you do not

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Naomi Nascimento · 2024-07-31 06:42

>>83188
a lot of these people do have significant evidence of their lives all
around us though. Caesar is still practically a word in quite a few
languages, not to mention the indefinably large result of his
political actions and martial, the results of which are still felt
today, and all of his lieutenants and soldiers, and even his enemies I
think hold a share of that glory.

History is only interested in those people, the traces of who's lives
has not been erased from existence.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roy Batty · 2024-08-02 02:02

I feel that meds don't work. I have now quit most of my meds and I
still feel the same as before except I'm as tired as I used to be
while on meds. I don't mean that I feel mentally or even physically
healthy but I mean that meds didn't make a difference for me. I even
quit my antipsychotic medication last month and I have decided to use
them only when I have more psychotic symptoms than I had while on
meds. (I have tried like 10 different neuroleptics and many different
dosages and none have worked that well for my chronic symptoms. BUT I
still believe that they are still useful when you have active acute
psychosis.). I currently live with my parents and I talk with them
daily. And I have asked them to tell me if they notice any new
symptoms or odd behavior (just in case). But me or my parents haven't
noticed any new symptoms or anything like that. I hope I don't have
restart neuroleptics because they are very awful (because of the
numerous side-effects).


Anyway, I have been wondering if magnetic stimulation (TMS) would be
good treatment option for my depressive and chronic schizoaffective
symptoms? Also, which is better/safer, bilateral or unilateral
magnetic stimulation? Also, I don't want to try ECT because it can
cause permanent memory problems (and probably also other cognitive
problems). But my understanding is that even TMS causes electric
changes in the brain, so I'm not sure if it's really even that much
better than ECT? But still, I would like to hear other opinions and
anything really.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nagato Fag · 2024-08-02 13:58

>>83023
Whites dont know how well they have it.
Live in sugar coated western world, entitled yet still discontent.
Incapable of being self sufficient, gets everything shoved up the
wazoo.
No wounder.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane Doe · 2024-08-02 15:30

>>83226
at least we can work together and make pleasant societies. so pleasant
that they make us depressed and drive us insane, but nevertheless,
envy of the seething masses of the world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Turner · 2024-08-03 02:37

>>83222
Yes TMS has shown promise but it kind of works by turning off a region
of your brain so there may be some side effects, though this is far
far safer than the brain damaging ECT which shouldnt even be legal but
supposedly there is a conspiracy covering up how dangerous it is.

Sorry i forgot how to link to a post in another thread. Targeted
cognitive therapy is something i had found before and gave details in
this thread.
https://lainchan.org/hum/res/56859.html#q82128
If you want supplements I can also suggest those too depending on your
specific symptoms. Ive spent nearly a decade searching for alternative
mental illness treatments mainly for schizophrenia.

There also a technique for being more aware of delusions, this usually
involves squirting cold water into your left ear, never the right
which can have opposite effect potentially.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5720160/

Let us know if anything works well for you. You actually are doing the
right thing. Antipsychotics are best for  onset of psychosis and then
once it is gone you should slowly wean off them, never cut off
abruptly it can trigger psychosis from withdrawal.  This is why poor
countries have higher rates of remission or recovery for psychotic
conditions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Phantom Phreak · 2024-08-03 16:05

My life has been stolen from me. Ive lost so many years like they
never even happened except my worn body, mind and soul so to speak. It
feels too late for me to have a life because how society has made
people and because I am too worn to do anything id want to. I just
hope I finally finish myself off.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Apoc · 2024-08-04 02:26

>>83255
>I just hope I finally finish myself off
It's not that hard, use lotions if you have to - and maybe even buy an
onahole and have it delivered to the post office, if you live with
roommates and are self-conscious. I believe in you anon!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Bloggs · 2024-08-04 14:06

>>83261
sounds like fun.
i can last 15 rounds on average

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Demeere · 2024-08-04 14:20

>>83261
You know I didnt mean that. But lol

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nagato Fag · 2024-08-04 16:28

What i wounder about is,
How does one stop feeling, not urging to be loved.
I have done meditation, and it did help with understanding why i need
to feel appreciation and such.

But the "why" does not really solves anything, its better to know it,
but what can a human do if it still feels.

Is it worth to just mentally faint yourself away, how does that work?

>>83248
Nice to see your still alive. Much love, i recall you were the
boykisser from one of the vent threads.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arisu Mizuki · 2024-08-04 22:32

>83304
No it's not worth it. Love everyone

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unidentified · 2024-08-05 00:56

>>83304
i don't know. i was born with built-in conceit towards others, so
disdain comes to me naturally. i do get urges like everyone else, but
unlike most others i see through this illusion and recognize that
whatever fancies my fantasy can't be even nearly real. i guess you're
just doomed, maybe try harder. i never thought discarding people
particularly hard. also their appreciation is shallow mockery under
the hood, or fear or envy. very very few are capable of pure
appreciation, of genuine feelings untainted by their own desires. do
you really want to be appreciated by all these filthy creatures?
you're pathetic. and they're pathetic as well. don't feed your
weakness. rise above external validation of inexistent rights and
wrongs. only seek approval of those who are competent in the art
you're pursuing, and if you pursue no art or can find no masters, stop
being pathetic and turn into yourself

----------------------------------------------------------------------
XERXES · 2024-08-05 02:08

>>83304
the love is mutual, been grinding hard as always

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Masami Eiri · 2024-08-06 10:35

what the hell does it mean "make a better post"...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hagbard Celine · 2024-08-06 10:46

fuarrrking file related due to being censored
you bitchrs
image

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Batou · 2024-08-06 13:36

>>83326
i feel like this every day, no future, think about throwing myself out
the building every day. saw some post on /hum/ about a dude getting
his test checked, and decided ill do the same and more. i dont really
see any other options for fixing myself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nagato Fag · 2024-08-06 17:53

>>83308
conceit, is ones one illusion. Emotional self empowerment is easy in a
world of retards, but it does not holds always, there are many
magnificent and intelligent people.

" whatever fancies my fantasy can't be even nearly real"
Then thats the answer to how you treat your urges, They can't be even
nearly real

>>83309
UwU

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-08-06 19:54

>>83328
>>83326

It may be hard to believe now, but the same factors that make you a
living, walking, thinking being are also the means by which to
generate Good Feelings out of thin air, and to re-magnetize the
applicable around you. I don't mean that in the sense of meditation-
ism but real material change. Earnestly study real biology and you
will have a way out, I can promise you that.

https://raypeat.com/articles

The system wants you to be this way. It's happy with your self-
isolation -- it makes you easier to exploit. Fight it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane Doe · 2024-08-07 11:24

Lainchan strikes me with its stark emptiness covered in gaudy
pretenses of being meaningful. Visiting this site is like walking a
city of empty shells. Even in technical boards you won't normally meet
anyone except illiterate autists who think I can't use google. This is
just plain scary. Makes me want to vomit.(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS
POST, Do not whine and cry about 8chan, lainchan.jp, "quality",
"invasions", "newfags", mods, bans, or kalyx outside of /q/.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zero Cool · 2024-08-07 12:17

>>83347
Have you tried turning it off and on again?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mother · 2024-08-07 12:45

>>83347
every real one is grinding for now, you will have to wait.
grind in the meantime

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ishikura "Tatsu" Tatsuhiko · 2024-08-07 18:59

I feel that I have been in a tiring but comforting state of melancholy
since I was 21.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cypher · 2024-08-08 04:34

>>83347
Lainchan is a place for miserable shut-ins dosed on antidepressants to
roleplay as edgy cyberpunk hackers. It's heaven compared to a place
like 4chan, though, which I believe is just overrun with bots at this
point.(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST, Do not whine and cry about
8chan, lainchan.jp, "quality", "invasions", "newfags", mods, bans, or
kalyx outside of /q/.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
BloodCat · 2024-08-08 05:55

>>83351
> shut-ins dosed on antidepressants to roleplay as edgy cyberpunk
hackers.

your downgrade attempts will result in you receiving the biggest white
glove slap of your life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Motoko Kusanagi · 2024-08-08 06:17

>>83347
It is because /poI/ users from 8ch  flooded in after it shut down
dumbing down the average user and is trying to change the culture of
the board to be the generic garbage. They only care about being
assholes and circle jerking. You can see some obvious changes. Some
years ago it was pretty normal for Lainchan users to have a preference
for Apple products over Windows due to association with SEL and better
business practices in being less privacy invasive since most just dont
want to deal with the bugginess of Linux  and are mainly concerned
with malware now it is full of Stallman worshippers who wont accept
people using anything but open source and dont help people anymore at
mitigating risks of closed proprietary OSs and software. Although part
of that is the increase in technology changing where businesses
started using DRM and running hash checks on server content an so on
and more government spying info released over the years.  It used to
be common for there to be a lot of trans users and no one really gave
a fuarrrk it was just a casual thing now you have endless harassment
and autistic screeching over it. The  imageboard was more anarchist
and apolitical posters now you have a lot of clueless neo fascists and
libertarians.(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST, Do not whine and cry
about 8chan, lainchan.jp, "quality", "invasions", "newfags", mods,
bans, or kalyx outside of /q/.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie Charteris · 2024-08-08 06:57

>>83353
thats a nice theory but I've been here a long time, and I regret to
inform you that people change.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
outlier · 2024-08-08 19:45

<vent>

I've done pretty much everything 'correctly'.
I have a degree.
I have zero debt.
I have a car.
I have a house, purchased with my hard-earned cash & reasonably
maintained since then.
I have about a hundred K in savings.
I have a well-paying job in a field I actively enjoy - reasonably
stable too.
All at thirty.
I bake a decent loaf of bread.
I'm on good terms with family.
I can cook a half-decent meal.
My weight is about where it should be.
I can run a tolerable 5k.

...now what?

Why the fuarrrk is every day a chore?
Why am I so lonely?
Why is the highlight of my week the waitress at the lunch place I go
to weekly that knows my name?
Why does no-one ever initiate a conversation with me unless they need
something?
Why is it so hard to ignore how touch-starved I am?
Why do I get the sinking feeling I'll die alone at 55 having worked
myself into the ground?
Why does the bulk of my social interaction outside of family only take
place because money is being exchanged?
Why do I keep finding myself wondering if I'd have been better off
with a simple social job?
Why are there approximately zero places where it is acceptable to meet
girls that aren't a bar or the cesspool that is online dating?
Why do I hear a nagging thought in the back of my mind every time I
spend time with family that 'you could be finding a girlfriend right
now', and how do I make it go away?
Why are girls seemingly so concerned over height?
Why do my younger relatives never contact the older ones unless I
initiate something?
Why is it that I keep being ghosted after initial conversation?
Why are my thoughts repeatedly drawn back to the not-quite-neighbor
that came over to my place when my father died?
Why do people keep assuming I'm an introvert?
Why does it seem like everyone is either a) utterly disinterested, b)
looking for a hookup, and/or c) gold-digging?
Why is the actually-anonymous (as opposed to pseudo-anonymous) portion
of the internet seemingly continually shrinking?

</vent>

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Marly Krushkhova · 2024-08-08 20:12

>>83362
ask that waitress out already cmon

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike Spiegel · 2024-08-09 18:32

>>83362
Nothing will make sense until you realize the class structure of
society. It's simply not set up for you to be happy. Make of that what
you will

inb4 some lolbertarian tells me about how Personal Freedom solves all
of this somehow

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hagbard Celine · 2024-08-09 21:09

>>83351
And half of them aren't even on anti-depressants. There are better
imageboards out there, anon

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Phantom Phreak · 2024-08-09 23:11

Sleep was the only thing which I use to look forward to but now I get
these intense vivid terrible nightmares. The blackness is creeping
even into my sleep now...it's sad to think that I'm still the same
when I was a kid, just more traumatized and spiritually broken. I have
learned absolutely nothing, I understand absolutely nothing. Nothing
changes your personality yet the need to be something other than what
you're always remains.

I don't know. I use to think that reading philosophy would change
something but I was wrong. Passions and reflections are completely
different realms. I don't know...it's unbelievable how desperate,
naive, broken and lost I am.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nameless · 2024-08-09 23:20

>>83386
>class structure
Nothing he's complaining about is economic you nig user. he'd be
having the same problems in a socialist dump because he's lonely and
needs to make friends at his work. You dind't even read his post you
disingenuous spammer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Frank Garza · 2024-08-10 05:59

I'd like to be friends with this woman. These days, I've noticed that
she's so white that her hands' purple veins are easily visible. After
giving it some thought at home, I decided that her tits' veins are
most likely that noticeable.
Though I am sure it is not a huge deal and I am not a bad person for
unintentionally thinking so, I believe that if I put it in writing,
the thoughts would stop. Come on, too. Why would I think such a thing?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Liet Kynes · 2024-08-10 09:11

>>83390
As predicted -- Peterson-ite "personal responsibility" talk.

Stiff upper lip. Keep calm and carry on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tyrell Wellick · 2024-08-10 10:25

women are to me a regular reminder that free will does not exist. the
absence of the god(s) of our religions, and free will, has lead me to
feeling as though there is little reason to resist our technological
enslavement and inevitable destruction. maybe it is just an
unavoidable convergence. i think we are too deeply flawed to not
destroy ourselves with technology, and perhaps give rise to a new,
potentially greater consciousness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Project 2501 · 2024-08-11 06:12

>>82788
I'm generally pretty introverted, and I don't make new friends that
often. The close friends I made 2 years ago have stopped talking to
me, and they talk to way more people than I ever have or ever will.
Because I have nothing substantial or interesting to talk about, I
just feel awkward the few times I'm in their company now, so I've
begun trying to actively avoid meeting them.

Maybe I should work on an interesting project or something, and that
way I'd have something to talk about. Whatever, vent over :/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nagato Fag · 2024-08-11 13:43

>>83416
I learn electronics and physics,
im educated in audio engineering.
if you want to talk about something interesting, projects or whats on
your mind, im curious.
I will leave you my discord utena_80926_80010 and element : @ute-
nyaaa:matrix.org

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ivan Petrov · 2024-08-11 16:41

I fell in love with a friend again, though "love" is an exaggeration.
It's more so a crush, not a paralyzing love like I have felt before.
Now I realize that it's all an illusion and that I merely feel these
feelings towards any woman whom I spend an extended amount of time
with. I believe this must be due to my isolation towards women for
most of my life, so now those years worth of pent up feelings flourish
upon contact.

I have learned from last time. I will not tell her my feelings, for I
don't want to ruin another friendship, it was foolish of me to do so
and I know I can live without confessing. She is the ex of my best
friend, which I only found out recently. The three of us spend a lot
of time together. I would only be able to do anything with his
permission and likely, I would be out two friends if that were to
occur. A funny little situation I'm in.

The three of us go on all sorts of adventures together, and I am
happy, the happiest I have ever been and so I would not trade this for
the world. Though, I would much like a girlfriend of my own, for now
this will do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
outlier · 2024-08-11 17:49

>>83364
Don't tempt me. Mistaking polite cheerfulness - when that's literally
her job! - for attraction is a recipe for receiving neither. If I ever
see her outside work I'll definitely try to strike up a conversation
and see how she reacts, but only then.
>>83386
I make more, even inflation-adjusted, than my parents ever did put
together. If there's a class structure it's not one I ever noticed.
>>83390
Job is >95% male, and most coworkers either a) are married with kids
or b) are no better off.
>>83387
If there are any other imageboards out there that haven't censored Tor
users, I don't know about them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Motoko Kusanagi · 2024-08-11 18:39

I don't know if I can put up with the world any longer. Things have
taken a nose dive going back years now and I see no sign of
improvement. Both in my personal life and in society. Seems like
everyone just became even more stupid and selfish assholes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unspecified · 2024-08-11 18:55

Have I really just thrown it all in the garbage? I mean, my youth
I didn't do anything special
Never met anyone special
From the moment I was born up until now, all the records I have from
life are streams of ideas
Also movies and games
Maybe some flashbacks of places I've been
But that's it, nothing really solid
Nothing happened in the last decade or so
And now it's gone

Guess it is what it is

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-08-12 01:20

>>83451
It's a cliché but it is true: it is never to late to chase your
dreams. It is better to have tried and failed than to wonder about
what-ifs until you die. Your youth, depending on the definition, is
only like 10-20% of your life... and for a huge part of that you
weren't even able to be independent. You have a lot of time left!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-08-12 01:26

>>83450
I'm sorry to hear that lainanon... sometimes it is better to not pay
too much attention to society as a whole, as it can be very
depressing. You might not be able to change the world but you can
change your immediate surroundings for sure. It doesn't have to be big
changes immediately, just focus on small things and then over time it
will all add up to the point where you feel more happy. It may seem
bleak now (I've been there), but things can get better if you keep
trying!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Turner · 2024-08-12 01:43

>>83462
I struggle even with little things and whenever I try to build up
momentum that is when it goes really wrong then I get set back all
over again.  Ive been trying day after day, week after week, month
after month, year after year, decade after decade. Even just trying to
enjoy little things and trying to recover my emotional range got me
screwed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chani · 2024-08-12 09:29

I wish i could trust Azazel.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unsigned · 2024-08-13 10:15

I can't stand my memories I just want to go to everyone I've ever
known and apologize for their having to know me why did I have to be
such a blind obnoxious weird bastard I just want to live alone already
and asccend

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Plague · 2024-08-13 11:37

NPCs on the various sites are beginning to upset me deeply.  Going to
get off the interwebz for a while.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yu-ichi · 2024-08-18 01:08

How do you cope with a life of perpetual wage slavery? It isn't fun to
grind 7 days a week just to get enough money to grind 7 days a week.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nell · 2024-08-18 07:52

>>83563
I spend my free time working on enterprises that could make me extra
money.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roger Pollack · 2024-08-20 15:55

Went on a date today and had sex for the first time. The girl seems
very interested in me, but I feel next to no reciprocal feelings
towards her. She's not entirely unattractive, chubby and a habitual
coke user and stoner. She also seems to have a high bodycount and long
history. I enjoyed our time together but it was nothing like love, I
understand how girls friendzone guys now.

The entire time I was thinking about a friend whom I have a crush on
and how I would much prefer it to be her. Now I'm kind of stressing
out, I don't know what to do. I feel guilt towards everyone involved.
I don't want to be trapped inside of a relationship with her and I
feel her lifestyle would not be beneficial to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tank · 2024-08-20 16:18

I got this position to study at college. I'm days away from starting
but I'm so anxious and afraid of failure that I can't bring myself to
follow through with it. My hands shake. I don't want to burn a hole
through my pocket and end up nowhere as a homeless bum NEET with
college degree. I think I'm gonna call it quits. Sometimes I think
about dying. I wish I don't wake up tomorrow. I want to stay in my
dreams forever and forget about this stupid world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Armitage · 2024-08-20 20:21

Deleted my steam account 4 days ago (it was 12 years old). Not
quitting gaming, but I am dropping multiplayer games since they're a
huge distraction so I can focus on more important stuff. It seems like
there are 2 types of progress in life. One is fake progress which you
can get effortlessly, which makes you content for a day but it goes
nowhere. The other is real progress, which is like pushing a boulder
up a mountain. Every day requires some blood, sweat & tears just to
push that boulder up a little further. But if you don't do it, that
progress will actually never happen. There is only one way to attain
real progress and it's just by putting in that tiresome work every day
even when you don't want to

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nobody special · 2024-08-20 21:26

>>83615
> The other is real progress, which is like pushing a boulder up a
mountain.
And having it roll back down.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dozer · 2024-08-21 01:18

>>83616
That's why I chase spiritual progress or knowledge. They can't take
that away from you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Doe · 2024-08-21 05:23

>>83615
That's some dedication to go as far as to delete your steam acc. I
have too many licenses to just delete mine. If I have to resort to
your solution I would rather give it to someone that can handle it.
ToS be damned.
I hope you get to see the fruits of your labor soon enough. Godspeed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord Nikon · 2024-08-21 05:31

I remember 10 years ago, before I lost my emotions, I was playing
final fantasy VII. Like most latecomers I had the plot twist spoiled,
so during every scene with Aerith I always had her fate in the back of
my mind, and it somehow broke my heart. Putting it into words is
tough. There's a genuine sincerity and optimism in the Midgar
segments, but yet the game gets extremely dark later on too which is
uncommon. Usually art is not brave enough to show both genuine
optimism and true darkness in the same work; we get one or the other,
comedy or tragedy. But FF7 is a story where all emotions are allowed
to exist, where cloud and tifa and aerith begin their journey
basically like children, running around wall market playing dress-up
and telling jokes, but one by one it gets serious. The avalanche
members die, the shinra president dies, and they are thrust into their
tragic fate.

All those scenes hit so hard knowing that. Like, "What's the point if
she's just gonna die?" What was the point of laughing, making
memories, that hint of young romance? I never had an answer. Every
solution they tell us is such bs, like "Don't cry that's it's over,
smile because it happened!" or "Better to have loved and lost than
never loved at all". Like, man. Anything you love in life can go up in
smoke at the drop of a hat. Everything has a built-in heartbreak
moment. None of us can ever embrace the world in that pure-hearted way
we did as children before we knew about loss. Yet to really experience
life, you must pretend that loss is not real, right up until it socks
you in the jaw. Otherwise you're a risk-avoidant NEET who stays in his
room forever and never takes risks.

I just don't get it. There's no correct answer. Everyone is simply
taking a chance. If their loved one dies, all those memories, their
whole life, all of it goes up in smoke. They become nothing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Masami Eiri · 2024-08-21 09:35

I'm in my 30s and only ever had one relationship. I'm gay and after 3
years he just cheated on me with a girl that's 10 years younger than
us. I have no friends and no family. I put everything into him. I was
suicidal for all my 20s and teens, and now that mental framework has
returned with a vengeance. I don't care about anything and see nothing
i even want to do. Even if it were realistic i wouldnt want another
relationship. I want society to burn. There is no reason for me to
struggle onward. A life without meaning could be fine, but life in my
situation lacks the basic foundations required for the 'small things'
that could provide any semblance of happiness. The only way forward
would be decades of what i perceive as pointless slavery, empowering
evil. I dont want it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rain · 2024-08-21 16:23

>>83617
family history of Alzheimer's...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Acid Burn · 2024-08-21 20:10

>>83627
Alzheimers is only painful for others mostly. The victim is blissfully
unaware, in a sense

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dozer · 2024-08-21 21:25

I hate how millenials always confuse zoom ers with gen Alpha. It's
like they think we're all still children. Our brainrot was MLG edits,
if you want to call that cancer fair enough but please don't associate
us with skib idi ri zz tiktok garbage. Theoretically we're supposed to
be cultural allies. It's like the internet caused them to never grow
up. I can only guess it's because gen alpha is a failure so they want
to project their problems onto us. Their kids literally can't read
lmao.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Six · 2024-08-21 22:45

I've never been bullied in my life, except for having an android phone
in middle school The trauma is still ingrained within me and I had no
idea. Downgraded from a modern pixel to a mid 2010s galaxy and was
setting it up around of wealthy uni students. Legitimately got
flashbacks and I'm still recovering hours later even though we're all
working adults now. This is not a joke

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous · 2024-08-22 01:14

>>83634
I hate how so many people obsess over generational theory bullshit.
Generations arent a real thing. It literally is just different people
reacting to the state of things around them and it isnt actually bound
by the year they were born just their individual psychology. A person
decades older can do the same things.  I am really fuarrrking sick of
the way so many people think in this stupid us vs them tribalistic
trash. Infantization has started going on starting in the 90s but went
into hyperdrive in the 2010s and it doesnt seem to be the internet
behind it considering how early it started at hands of parents. There
is nothing wrong with having fun but these freaks are anti fun. The
internet's increasing corporatization and centralization plays some
role mainly in the trend of oversharing everything and taking
popularity contests to the fuarrrking global level becoming
normalized. I just want this nightmare to end.I am tired of how people
lost their individuality and just parrot the same one or two opinions
to choose from and both are soykaf.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arisu Mizuki · 2024-08-22 03:25

My 8 years-long relationship ended two months ago. We were cool, but
didnt love each other anymore, I wanted kids, she is not, and she
wanted see other people too, we tried the open relationship stuff but
didnt work so we broke up. since then, i started meeting a 21 old poly
girl (im 33 btw)  but i didnt want to spend effort and time to someone
in such a different life-situation , so i told her to stick to the
other guy. since then i met an other girl, she is the most interesting
girl i ever met, highly intelligent, gorgeous, same view on politics,
art, movement, spiritual stuff, best sex ever. i quit kratom (60g a
day), started to make changes in my life, i really really would like
to be with her, but she was heavily traumatised in her last
relationship, and not prepared to make any emotional connection. but
every touch, the look in her eye tells different. yesterday we met and
decided to not see each other for a while, becouse continuing this
casual stuff would making things worse.

people say i should try to learn being happy alone, to make deeper
connection with my friends, but i dont want to be alone, i want to be
with her. i feel like in a stupid love drama movie.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rain · 2024-08-23 04:17

>>83636
Tribalism is dumb, I agree, but there's truth to generational theory.
For example I grew up constantly reading how Final Fantasy VI, Chrono
Trigger and Link to the Past are the greatest games of all time, but
when I played them they weren't that special. It seems like most of
their fans are millennials who played them as children. Not to say
those games aren't good, but they're probably only amazing for certain
people

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. X · 2024-08-23 13:53

>>83636
people get stuck believing what they get hammered into their heads
during early lives. Generations matter because granpa got taught
different lies than gen z. Thats why social norms take 20+ years to
change - you need to raise and replace the people, you wont change 30+
people in their ways.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nemissa · 2024-08-23 17:37

>>83661
what would YOU consider to be a good game then?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie Charteris · 2024-08-23 19:22

>>83674
Those games are good, they just weren't magical to me. Meanwhile I
totally loved Final Fantasy VII, it's only 2D games that don't feel
special. But even during childhood I remember playing 2D flash games
and they did have a magic to them. My guess is, I just played 3D games
too much and it made the worlds of 2D ones feel too small and simple.

When you're a kid, you're also way better at filling in the gaps and
breathing life into things. So me playing Chrono Trigger as an adult
is not the same experience as a kid playing it back in 1995. The game
is the same, but we're all different

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dujour · 2024-08-23 21:38

I hate that I dont know if i have given up on even trying to get a
life or if i still have hope but am just too lost to know what to do
anymore because it feels like im decades too late.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Aristóteles Amadópulus · 2024-08-24 07:20

It's weird to think about but one of the most profound feelings I ever
had was singing in church one time at around 10 years old. I was never
super religious, church was just a place we went to and sat around
kinda bored. But that one night during Christmas everything clicked,
there was an electricity or magic in the air, and the poinsettas, pews
and formal wear were no longer objects, they were all little pieces
upholding some vast and magic structure, a feeling propelled straight
up toward heaven. Maybe that's what the people saw in eleusis. Knowing
that almost nobody in the modern world has had this kind of experience
is strange. It's like they're missing an entire dimension to their
view

----------------------------------------------------------------------
outlier · 2024-08-24 15:32

>>83362
>>83448

<update>

This week she asked if I was at [redacted local spot I force myself to
go to in the name of being vaguely sociable] (I had been) and said she
saw me. I told her (among other pleasant chat) to say hello next time.
I get why you would see someone but not say hello to them, but why
would you then tell them that? rghrhrghrghg.
And am I really going to keep to the same (slightly different than
normal) schedule next week in case we run across each other again?
...sigh. I know the answer to that one.

</update>

----------------------------------------------------------------------
H.R. Giger · 2024-08-24 19:24

Internet people are the worst. Why are you all so horrid?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
藤原純一 · 2024-08-26 20:19

Posted a track on /prod/ today that I've worked on for a lil bit and i
didnt realize how similar it sounds from the sample pack's demo song
https://voca.ro/1j8OZyIP5woE (mine)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhXiEO_fzkI (demo song)
I guess this is what I get when I use a sample pack but fuarrrk it
feels like I gotta throw this away now

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Masami Eiri · 2024-08-27 14:28

>>83684
Thats pretty true, when people give you the advice to log off its
real. I think there is a weird idea that the internet is
representative of the "real" part of humanity in some way or what
people actually think and that social media gives you some insight
into the pulse of the masses. I think that isnt true at all its a
weird cope, people are as much their ideas as they are the variety of
stops and self checks they put on themselves in real life to be
empathetic and polite. There is things not even bad things just bolder
things that id say online id never say in real life, and I dont really
think its just that "im held back by anxiety in real life and what I
say online is what I really want to say". That anxiety to say certain
things is a part of me. I never probably will say them, so is it
really me at all?  If till the end of my life id never feel okay to
say some idea, or act on some idea, how much does that idea really
define me?

Online it can seem like it totally defines someone, you can be totally
certain you know exactly what kind of person someone is from a post it
happens to me all the time. An interesting (maybe not really) little
experiment I do sometimes is imagining how id perceive  someone I know
in real life if I only saw their posts online. Like even if they dont
be posting online il imagine based off of content creators they like
or ideas they espouse, etc. A lot of times I think I would have never
been friends with that person if that was how we met, and maybe even
feel sure they were an idiot or awful or whatever. In real life all
those buffers of politeness and anxieties and avoiding confrontation
which some people call "fake" are (imo) actually what allows space to
come to agreements and understand eachother and change minds and have
empathy.  It just isnt really there online often, and people who are
terminally online have often all but forgotten about it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda Lee · 2024-08-27 17:22

>>83714
All thats true, but I think the real answer to >>83684 is selection
bias and confirmation bias. Normal, well-adjusted people use the
internet in non-horrid ways every day, but that's not as engaging as
trolls, bad takes, or ragebait. "Horrid" content is more engaging and
is prioritized both by the algorithms that drive the internet today
(and by algorithms i dont necessarily mean just the nebulous "ai big
tech uses to keep you online" sense of the word popularized over the
past few years - an algorithm as simple as "most recently replied to
thread is shown first" also prioritizes engaging content) and also
just by human nature.

So virtually anywhere you can find discussion  online, the platform
prioritizes content that's horrid, or at least controversial. Horrid
content also sticks out in your memory better than neutral or positive
content, which leads to confirmation bias.

There are other factors, too, like maladjusted people are more likely
to be isolated IRL and therefore spend more time online, and a bunch
of other factors but I'm not interested in writing a novel about it

tl;dr the internet gives an amplifier to the worst voices

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Smith · 2024-08-28 00:28

It really is like kicking dead whales down the beach feeling
invisible. Not only do I feel invisible any place I try to participate
I also feel like I am somehow stepping on the toes of the people there
in some way. I'm consistently paranoid at all times that people hate
me and to an extent I think it's true because I am a massive retard
and a genuine autist. I feel like a parasite everywhere I go. I can't
even coherently put something together to vomit up here. I'm
embarassed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Jones · 2024-08-28 02:14

I don't enjoy music anymore. I think this is the last stage. I don't
care about the thing that I enjoyed the most in life. I can honestly
go a whole week without listening to a single song at this point, this
was impossible before. But I don't even have the urge to listen to
anything anymore. This is so depressing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
John Doe · 2024-08-28 02:28

>>83728
Congratulations: you are one step closer to achieving freedom from the
control box. How so? Each and all matter is electric, attuned to a
certain frequency. Basically, you are a wave of electricity. Music is
one of the most powerful tools of communication humanity has. With the
used of the contemporary musical system (A - F# octave system), the
experience and use of this tool is severly limited, since all the
notes used are based on a mathematical scale in which the inbetween
frequences are not used. The consequence of only using a small portion
of the entire frequency to experience music - and all of its
associated power it embodies -  is that the beings listening to this
music, only have a very limited experience of the totality of music
and life itself. It's why pop music has been so bad and repetetive
(only using a few chords) for the past decades, since pop music was
designed to keep the potential of humans limited. It's why so few
bands are able to create something new and unique. It's because old
system severely limits the vast amounts of potential humans have.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zhora · 2024-08-28 05:22

>>83728
You might need a little bit more of a physical activity and be alone
with your thoughts. I recommend climbing a mountain or doing a sport
like boxing.

Don't go down. This isn't the end it's the start. Don't go down.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hagbard Celine · 2024-08-28 05:29

>>83727
If you were that guy in the library yesterday who told that one
student that it's strange that she wasn't supposed to study at the
computer table because there were plenty of other places and listened
to ozzy ozbourne afterwards (which I asked you about): you're a
wonderful human being.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitomi · 2024-08-28 06:01

>>83729
Pop music isn't bland because of the tuning system, do you think the
90% of non-pop music uses different tuning or something? There's more
aspects to music than the tuning you use, you can use some esoteric
system if you want and still make music that has boring patterns and
bland timbre.

>>83730
I've been going outside like 3-4 times a month (work from home), I
really need to go out more but I don't have any friends and it feels
weird.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hong, Guil Dong · 2024-08-28 06:13

>>83727
We are all taking from the world to survive in some way. You deserve
to survive. Contribute in your way and don't over value others
contributions. Do the best you can. If you do your best be proud of
yourself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ender · 2024-08-28 06:21

>>83732
>I don't have any friends and it feels weird.
I get you. If you don't mind me asking, Whatcha do outside? Purely
utilitarian like groceries or do you check out places? I used to do
night walks for a good while till I got a job. Now really the only
times I go outside is when I am invited to go somewhere or I really
crave some snackbar somewhere. Doing the latter is kind of awkward.
Sitting at a lone table and eating away while I scroll on whatever
feed I look at. either an ebook or lainchan or some blog. surrounded
by folks talking to eachother. Too social. Though it feels much nicer
to do that at a place like a cafe. There's clearly a space for people
that wants to talk and people that study or do whatever on their own
so it is easier to make your bubble in these spaces. Bonus if the
owner don't mind you staying without paying anything. Heard some
stories of folks getting asked to leave because "it is a space only
for customers".

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-08-28 07:39

>>83732
You can get a gym membership and shower at the gym. Its good to move
and get your blood pumping everyday. If you shower at the gym you can
basically pay the cost of the membership in saved water.

If you give me your xmpp, I'll be your friend. If you don't have one
you can use a client like gajim on desktop or monocles chat on fdroid,
and I will message you. Xmpp.is has free accounts.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Haruyoshi · 2024-08-28 07:50

There is a girl where I work, we have been working together for 2
months. I have been flirting with her since I started working. Last
night, while we were walking and talking, she said she didn't trust
me. I invited her to sit at a cafe but she said no. I'm lucky I'm not
in love with her, I just flirt with every girl that comes my way since
I've never had a girlfriend before. I'm doing something wrong but I
can't figure it out. I'll tell her I love her tomorrow because I'm
leaving work soon, I wonder how she'll react

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-08-28 08:08

>>83739
don't fuarrrking do that she's turned down your advances you're just
going to create problems for yourself

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Donna Hawthorne · 2024-08-28 12:10

>>83739
You'll lose your job if you do that mate

Come back to it in a couple years

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Aristóteles Amadópulus · 2024-08-28 12:29

>>83728
The thing is, I had to desensitize myself from life in general in
order to fix my anxiety. I had to interact with lots of people I
didn't like on daily basis and I had to somehow make myself numb to
it. So I consciously made effort to do this, I meditated and stuff. As
a result I was able to perform well at my job and even found a new job
that's perfect for me where I don't have to deal with anyone anymore.
But now I'm stuck with this numb brain that can't be vulnerable to art
anymore, which is in a way related to being vulnerable to people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
pipre · 2024-08-28 14:34

>>83620
it has been a week since you wrote that. how do you feel now?

wish i could offer any form of consolation or at least soothing words,
yet all i can is to imagine that i can somehow relate to you, though
in my case my relationship to the person i have been in love with for
five years has been crumbling apart due to my inabilitiy to cope with
my mental illness, or more likely because i seem to have stopped
growing as a person.

i hope you are doing a bit better than last week.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Oracle · 2024-08-29 02:34

>>83732
>do you think the 90% of non-pop music uses different tuning or
something?
No, and it wasn't something I was implying since the majority of the
music - pop or non-pop - follows that scale. Altogether, my post
wasn't really about what you were saying, but what I wanted to say. I
probably did that because  I recognize the experience of not enjoying
music anymore, since an old friend of mine went through the same, and
what I said to you was that I said to him, helped him a lot. But
you're not him and I really can't tell why you don't like music
anymore.

Do you know what it is that don't you like music anymore?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drano · 2024-08-29 18:11

i am angry all of the time. it is subconscious anger. i dont
consciously feel it, until something pisses me off and i explode. i've
destroyed so many things recently, it's just getting worse.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Meddler · 2024-08-30 12:42

>>83739
it seems like you know exactly what the problem is which is flirting
with every girl that comes your way every chance you get. maybe stop
doing that especially because it seems to not be working for you. Can
you please explain why you think someone saying "I dont trust you and
dont want to meet you at a cafe" signals that you should tell them "I
love you (romantically)" instead of "I should give this person space".

----------------------------------------------------------------------
outlier · 2024-09-02 14:25

I am so fuarrrking lonely.
Or maybe lonely isn't the right term.
You say 'lonely' and people say 'go be with family'. But watching the
couples around me just made me lonelier.
You say 'lonely' and people say 'go make friends'. But maintaining the
facade to do so just made me lonelier.
You say 'lonely' and people say 'go someplace public'. But there is
only so long I can sit in a coffee shop watching people be friendly
with each other (and not me). If I am to be lonely, I would far rather
be lonely by myself.
Really I am intimacy-starved. And touch-starved to a lesser extent.
Trust-starved? Priority-starved? 'Lonely' would be a decent shorthand,
but it far too often gets (deliberately?) misinterpreted nowadays.
Even 'touch-starved' gets misinterpreted. More along the lines of
'wishing I could stop fretting about if I'm doing something wrong or
inappropriate any time I get human contact'. Friends do not help with
this. Family does not help with this. A dog does not help with this. A
one-night stand does not help with this.

It's a long weekend. Extra day off. Should be better, right?
I wish.
Time off means I don't get even the 'usual' stilted social interaction
at work.
It's a holiday, so my usual excuses to be out and about don't work.
Can't wander around a grocery store when they are all closed.
Went to a beach yesterday. Hung around for a bit until it was obvious
I wasn't welcome unless I was far enough away from other people to
defeat the point. Then semi-aimlessly drove for a while. Waste of time
and money and didn't even help with socialization. Yay.
Today I didn't do much. Slept. Didn't help. Forced myself out to a
coffee shop. Didn't help. Wrote this. ...didn't help.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Gyula Kovacs · 2024-09-03 07:57

>>83846
Lainanon, you should love yourself a little more.

Do you live near any mountains or nice scenery? When life has got you
down, going to shops and stores is never the answer. Go embrace your
humanity a little bit and go look around. Maybe the top will be pretty
for a few minutes.

Bears do that, even though they spend most of their lives alone, and
they seem pretty happy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jens Hansen · 2024-09-03 19:12

I just wish I could get rid of my phone. I'm certain that if I didn't
have it, my life would improve a lot. I just don't know what to do
about the banking apps, I thought about just using cards and cash but
I would have to go to the bank like an old man to pay my bills... I
mean, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, I just don't feel ready
yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady Jessica · 2024-09-03 20:02

I'm finally coming around to that old cliche about family, friends,
and "fun" in the abstract being more important than work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spooky · 2024-09-03 20:23

>>83878
You can emulate android on your PC for those apps, that way you're not
carrying it around

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ivan Petrov · 2024-09-03 22:15

I hate being a pleb so fuarrrking much.

I feel powerless to change it. I can't turn back time and make myself
study harder. But I also just know I don't have it in me to become
rich. I am too risk averse and dumb for investing. I would get talked
into putting all my money into a soykafty stock and I could not resist
checking how the stock is doing several times a day.

I am too stupid and uncreative to innovate which is necessary to have
a chance at making it big and I also have 0 charisma and people skills
which is the key for success.

And also by posting here it's clear I have a bad loser mentality lol.
Maybe I could have changed if I became aware of it all earlier in life
but now it feels over at 30.

It's not about status for me but this alienating feeling of
powerlessness. What triggered this thinking is that there is this
obscure-ish movie that only exists in a soykafty quality. If I had the
money or contacts I could maybe get the film reel and restore it. If I
was a huge youtuber maybe I could make a video about it. But as a poor
nobody all I can do is make a sad post on reddit that gets 0 upvotes
and that's it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
outlier · 2024-09-04 18:43

>>83869
I am not a bear. Wandering around alone with my thoughts does not make
me less lonely. I spend a fair bit of time wandering around nature. It
is perhaps the least objectionable form of loneliness, but it still
does not help.

Thank you for the response.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Torpus · 2024-09-05 03:28

Hey lain anons, I'm that one YouTube guy who spammed vid links around
here thinking I was helping people out lmaooo. I've been so blind to
the reality of what I was doing for months, and until recently I got
some honest feedback that made me realize my vids became fuarrrking so
generic. I thought if I focused on "solving pain points" like some
/biz/ fuarrrked crap I'd get somewhere, but that mindset was just me
trying to be something I’m not. I fuarrrked up by distancing myself
from the very people I felt like part of the most, I wasn't very
active here and I even didn't remake the webring on my site after it
went down and had to remake it again. Even nobody in the comments
wanted to say anything, either they're not self-aware of their
subconscious or they don't wanna be too harsh lmaooooo. I have
fuarrrking had it. I've been stuck for months thinking I'm doing
something that no one ever wanted or care about, not even myself. I
discovered EmpLemon just yesterday and he completely opened my eyes. I
was making vids as if I'm doing so for businesspeople but with anime
girls on them kkkkkk. I just want to connect with other lainons, and
actually start doing some /tech/ stuff as well. I want to make vids
about anything I fuarrrking want without trying to pretend like I'm
something I'm not or forcing myself to be on a schedule, even if I
disappeared for 9 months lmao. Right now I'm just feeling guilty for
not being here. I used to feel like I'm part of this place, but then
I've felt alienated and lonely like I don't belong anymore. And that
kinda hurts. I fuarrrking still remember the usernames of those lains
who commented but disappeared lmaooo, but anyway I just wanted to say
sorry for everything. I know I need to earn back the respect I've
lost.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Case · 2024-09-05 07:36

>>83896
Extremely melodramatic. Just do correct things more often than not.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Torpus · 2024-09-05 07:47

>>83899
Yeah, thank you. I kinda just wanted to say this though.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Wintermute · 2024-09-07 01:09

>>83896
Doing /tech/ videos would be great if it doesn't end up being too
generic.
Regarding your past content, I believe people are not that interested
in finding solutions to their personal problems when browsing YouTube.
They mostly find utility in procrastination as a mean to escape
reality.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Smith · 2024-09-07 10:51

>>83896
>>83902
I got something out of your videos, so maybe others did. Thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mother · 2024-09-07 21:14

>>83895
Okay lainanon just remember that bears are very smart and we can learn
something from them I hope you feel better.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Torpus · 2024-09-07 22:43

>>83921
I'm not denying that all my vids were bad, some were ones I've worked
hard on and actually benefited me too; I'm just saying that it was a
mistake to focus too much on self-help and posting every week, so I
might take some time off as a hermit and make something truly valuable
in the future. And you guessed what I'm passionate about:
Ghanoo/Leenox, or pretty much anything else lol. I have no enough
skills in this so better work on them first.

Honestly, the reason why I was "melodramatic" here is because I felt
rejected from the very people I felt I belong to, without bottling up
too much emotions I felt cynical after. But I'm honestly much better
now :) Yes, after all the real reason I wanted to make these is to
feel loved, not necessarily famous or any soykaf, just wanted to
connect with other autistic anime girl pfp kinds of people (guys)
lmao.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Hilger · 2024-09-08 03:54

>>82788
I want to disappear into my dreams. I don't like living in this world.
I feel healed after a long night of deep, dream-filled sleep. That
feeling slowly fades as I go to work, do chores, etc. Sleep is my only
real respite. Alcohol is an illusory but significant second respite.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zero Cool · 2024-09-08 04:11

I don't know what to do besides this. I do know what I have to do, I
am just not doing it. I am wallowing, complainigng. I do not like
those that complain without solving things; at this moment, I am a
hypocrite.
I cannot break the barriers of others' minds without external tools. I
can probably d othis, I got pretty close; the feeling of love was
helpful, but as time has went on I've only discovered that how I feel
love for those in a romantic relationship with me are not the sort of
love that others seem to experience. There is a gap missing, I can't
find it. I am either obsessed, or their spot is that of solely
somebody I can trust more than others, strust not to bring harm unto
myself.
Thgey want to help me, they cnanot help me there's nothing theuy can
do. They could plant some ideas int omy head, I'm guarding against it,
I don't want their help, I can do it by myself.
Nothing but appeasments to my feelings; all imagined goals & scenarios
intra-reality appeasement to feelings, all extra-reality only
pursuable with disregard to feelings & emotion, trying to link a path
to that designated extra-reality goal, is more so just an advanced
form of suicide, what do I get out of it? BUt I am thinking of this
through my current form, my human form, which would not be applicable
on such a grand scale, at least I don't think it would.
Too locked into fantasy, it is all I have. I go to work, I push paper
around, eight hours, I do not leave my house otherwise. I do not speak
toa nybody at work, I do not want to "soykaf where I eat" so to speak,
I do not want to stand out, I must remain slightly above neutral in
the minds of others unless I want risk to befall me.
My framework has implanted within my mind the thought that others are
no different than environmental objects, concerning; my self-control
has not been-- no, it has always been present, I have changed my mind
at the time of such things I regretted doing to accept doing them, I
did them and I wanted to do them, but right now I would not want t o
do them.
I have so many plans, I don't do them, I rather think about doing them
and derive just enough pleasure from them to feel satisfied, it is not
conducive to doing them. I don't really care to do them. I would want
to care to do them. I recall doing some, feeling nice; why hasn't that
persisted? I don't know.
I type this out and I disagree with it, I disagree with my wording I
don't care I just need to type something, it feels like rather than
building another monologue up in my mind at least tonight is
different, at least I did something different. I cleaned off the IO
shield, I haven;'t put it in yet. That motherboard has just been
sitting there; I compiled lbmk, haven't put the pico-serprog thingy on
the pic oyt. I have all of the time to do that, I have more time than
others time. I use my time up fantasizing and regret it afterwarfd. I
have free time, I use it, I regret how I used it, I get to a point
such as at work where all I can do is push more papear around and then
I regret, severely regret the misuse of my time, but I get home and
repeat it. Today was different, today was better, not just because of
this, I am in control, more s o
Nothing will fall in my lap, nothing will go the way I want unless I
make it go the way that I want, I am in control---but that is not very
helpful when my will to enact my control is not present, there is
extremely little which I actually want to do. The love has gone, or it
has taken its form which it takes uniquely for me, but at least I have
gained another trustworthy individual out of it---fortunately they
haven't left like the other, they value the trust and friendship more
than the relationship part, as do I myself. What do they get out of
it?
I have finally come up with plans more refined and applicable to my
current situation, yet I still have not and most likely won't pursue
them. It involves reconnecting with others that I have built up trust
with over the years, "assembling a team" of sorts, plans of a
prototype for the extra-reality goal, but could I go through with it?
It would be a return to what I have excelled at before, I often
fantasize about things simialr to thisi n my mind; power fantasies,
becoming better in the way which I think is better, above the level of
those who are currently it. It's risky, I don't want to d oit. First
years, then months, this most recent connection only took weeks, and I
have attained a person that I trust completely will not bring me harm;
scale it up, what will happen? They may not take to my
vulnerabilities, my ideas, as kindly as I expect. They have been
selected out of a list tjat I think will hold the most maturity,
ability to not escalate into conflict which will step "out of line"
into harm, but for some it has been years... If I don't do anything,
nothing will change---it doesn't get more simple than that.
I have no better word than hatred. It does not sseem appropriate, but
what else could I use for such a feeling? Disdain, maybe. I hate how
others act. I have been observing your actions online for many years
of my life, although that's not very much. Imageboards, forums,
mailing lists, usenet, archives of anything that I can come across,
but you all act the same, only concerned about trivial matters. I
can't stop thinking about the extra-reality goal. It has planted
itself in my mind, I ruminate about it all of the time, it is not
hyperbole to state that _nothing_ is more important than its
completion, yet I sit around with idle hands brewing more time-wasting
soykaf, what;'s my fuarrrking problem? I'm a fucvking idiot, a
hypocrite. My hatred for others simultaneously extends to the hatred
for myself, yet I hide it. They said for once they are not judged,
they can be themselves, yet within my mind my judgement is present. I
judge others to reifne myself, to view the actions of others so that I
may change the aspects of myself which fall to them. I ruminate,
contemplate, think, fantasize, but my _doing_ is very little, it need
be more.
The depth of other was very little, but ever since that idea took hold
within my conscious I can't help but feel stuck on an infinitely flat
plane. I want out. I want otu of it I want to get of f ot it I
fuarrrking can't stand it. I can't stand living like this, I can't
stand it it taunts me that the chances of getting there are already
extremely slim, no sane person would want an idea like this in their
thoughts, but I can't let go of it. I can't pursue a passion, stay in
love, do anything without thinking about how my actions somehow weigh
for or against the completion of this singular imperative task like no
other, BUT I KEEP SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING BUT FANTASIZE, AM I
SCARED? AM I SCARED THAT I WILL FAIL AND BE TRULY STUCK? IS IT BETTER,
FEEL BETTER, TO DO NOTHING AND LIE IN WAIT AND _FEEL_  AS THOUGH I
HAVE THE CAPABILITIES< THE CHANCE, THE __HOPE__ THAT THIS GOAL WILL
COME TO FRUITION YET TO ACTUALLY START UPON I FEAR THAT I WILL GROW
OLD AND FALL SHORT OF ITS COMPLETION, BETWEEN THAT MOMENT AND MY
DEPARTURE I WILL HAVE TO DIE AT SOME POINT AND FACE WHATEVER MAY OCCUR
AFTER, THAT WHICH I CANNOT EXPERIMENT NOR CONFIRM WILL HAPPEN I CAN
ONLY JUST WAIT AND SEE.............. SUICIDE CANNOT FREE ME FROM AN
IDEA LIKE THIS, ONLY ITS COMPLETION, I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THIS
OPPORTUNITY BUT I MAY SQUANDER IT, I AM WHAT I HATE AND I HATE IT ALL,
MY ONLY MOTIVATION IS HATRED WITHIN MY DEPTHS YET IT TAKES ME NOWHERE

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Torpus · 2024-09-08 06:21

>>83937
I think you're either overwhelmed because you don't know how to get
from A to B, which is somewhat my case since I totally have no idea
how to reach my goals but I'm still learning, OR you're scared to try
new things. Well, I know, fuarrrk that's uncomfortable. I think we
must start with the slightest baby steps over the days instead of even
thinking about all of what's waiting us, and just assume as if the
future and the past don't exist but do what must be done right now and
only focus on it.

But fuarrrk you're pretty much literally me lain.... when I'm so
confused I unironically could just stay bored until some piece of idea
comes to my head, but obviously I need to learn other things.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yet Another Lainon · 2024-09-10 04:07

cant sleep but when possible can't stay asleep, can't get quality
sleep.
stressing about my current life and the trajectory its heading in.
the existential crisis simply gets stronger with the passing of time.
i want to be successful, turn my life around but why what for, im not
really sure.
obviously there is the innate biological primitive of self
preservation reproduction, then there is the "rational" reason which
for me is the fact that i desperately want to redeem myself from being
a failure to overcome the challenge of life and prove to myself that
with my time on earth wasn't completely wasted and  i was not helpless
and did not give up.
but its hard to self-actualize while at the same time trying to
survive in a society while being antisocial.
i often hear of the psychedelics induced 'ego death', would this free
me from the weight of life or help me in anyway?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Haruyoshi · 2024-09-12 17:49

How do people find communities online?! I cant seem to find any or get
along with people there. I bet I am too old for this. I just want to
find people with my same interests to socialize T-T

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Smith · 2024-09-12 17:54

>>84032
How old are you and what are your interests? Perhaps it's a naive
question to be asking on an imageboard but are they interests you can
pursue in meatspace? I've found finding a good online community takes
as much effort and randomness as finding an irl one

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Masami Eiri · 2024-09-12 18:29

>>84033
27, almost 28. And for interests anything that is diy, old school
hacking or getting drunk while pondering at life. All of those are
somehow meatspace related (more or less) problem is sample size. Where
I live the population isn't more than 7 million and if you  live
outside the capital good luck trying to find anything related to niche
interests.
Last year I tried to organize a treasure hunt (cybersecurity oriented)
at my old university I sent around 300euros buying usbs with the first
clue and spread them around the building. No one seemed to care enough
to even try the first step (I hope someone at least plugged in the
usb).
I thought trying to organize other events like ctfs, maybe a hacklab
but I don't have a clue on how to do something like that and less
about publicizing it (I got 0 social network footprint) plus probably
nothing would come out of it like with the treasure hunt.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yet Another Lainon · 2024-09-13 06:35

i cant do this anymore
ive been walking around with no skin since i was a small child and
everything is excruciatingly painful all the time
its unbearable not because of the pain of the present but knowing ive
been irrevocably fuarrrked up and i will be this way my entire life
the only thing keeping me going is knowing i can kill myself any
moment, or when i pat myself on the back for resisting the urge to
slash my wrists to the fat and send pictures to everyone i know
at some point i learned to compulsively fawn and debase myself for
other people and its ruined my fuarrrking life
im boring and manufactured and fake as fuarrrk in all aspects i know
you can see through it and i dont know how you can stand me. im tired
of being an uncanny creature that drives everything away and
conversely being scared of everything and everyone. i feel fuarrrking
feral.
ive never had a meaningful relationship in my life even though ive
fking lied to you that i have
my entire life ive only been raped and beaten by people who were
supposed to be friends and a burden to everyone else
i realize now that the fact is that theres no such thing as predators
and non predators. 99% of people will just get away with whatever they
can and take until you have nothing left to give. normal people can
immediately identify if you can be used and will literally look at you
with malicious glee once they know what you are. i desperately try to
be different but all ive done and will continue to do is take from you
because im selfish and arrogant and a bitch like everyone else on this
soykafty planet
im a profoundly dysfunctional person and you dont deserve to be
subjected I to that. im sorry for everything. im sorry you wasted your
time and energy on me when there was really nothing there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-09-13 15:00

>>84035

Hey Lainaon, I also once spent a few hundred euros on something I
thought would be fun for everyone and it didn't work out.

Don't let that bother you, it will happen in life and learning about
people and what makes me them interested or have fun and do things
takes time. Try to be simple about it.

Have you tried and geocaching? That might be fun if you like treasure
hunting. Try getting just a couple friends first. And be curious about
things you don't know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mentat · 2024-09-13 18:00

I'm only good at programming CRUDs in Python, and that is what I have
been doing recently until I started receiving passive income while
doing my job technically. There were no tasks for me to do and I got
used to it. Now they want me to do my job again and I do not want to
touch CRUDs ever in my life. I'm in an apathetic state for some time
now. I envision myself in physical penetration testing (red team) more
than anywhere else, that else being smart home installation and
integration or robbing places. The latter is kind of a fetish of mine,
and this is why pentest is preferable to goods acquisition. I do not
want to spend any time in prison because I have no experience in the
field of repossessing valuables. I want you to advise me how should I
proceed with my life of no value to me. If I continue to write CRUDs
in Django I will despawn myself. Have a nice teapot as a treat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nanashi No Gombe · 2024-09-14 01:24

>>83936
Lainon, my belief system contains the idea that consciousness creates
reality. When you dream, you create your own, personal reality around
you. You notice that it isn't very stable or defined, that is because
you're the only processing power of that world, so to speak.
Often when you are looking at something and go look at something else,
when you come back to where that something was it's gone or replaced
by something completely different. That's because, just like quantum
physics is saying nowadays, it is the observer who anchors something
into reality. In a dream when you are looking at something, you anchor
it, you stabilize it because you are observing it and thus confirming
the shape of what you're looking at.
I'll introduce another idea. Imagine that you bring another person, or
an observer, into that world. Now that dream has two anchor points,
twice as much processing power. If it is observing something and you
leave the area, it will still be here when you come back in some form,
at least if the observer was well focused on keeping it unchanged.
If you bring ten people into a dream, you have ten times the
processing power. Even a single person can dream up some monumental
things, now imagine ten people! Not only will the dream be much more
stable, it will have a lot more form and resources to it also.
A problem arises when there are too many observers, is that their
assumption of how the world works may inhibit your ability to manifest
what you want to see. It seems that other observer's anchoring
abilities extend to you, to the point where you are made to follow an
inherent set of rules. You can't cast fireball or whatever if there
are too many observers that don't believe at all you can do so.
Perhaps if your creation willpower is sufficiently great you can
convince them.

Now do you think you can imagine a dream that would contain 8 billion
people?


In the end you are able to dream. In that regard you are free! It is
in my eyes the greatest of freedoms, which is the freedom to slam the
door on a mass of idiots and fuarrrking leave...
I advise you not to underestimate your dreams. In my school of thought
at least, and from everything i've learned, those dream worlds are
real. And you can just go there. And so is that little thing i've
called Creation willpower, which never truly goes away no matter how
many people and rules a world is affected by, it's just harder or
easier to make something manifest that's all. Some people would know
it as magic.

My faith preaches for an exodus of sorts, to take all the people that
are truly worth it and go make our own world... Our own dream world.
Just a thought.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Junichi Fujiwara · 2024-09-16 02:43

I've ruined every relationship I've ever had in my life and everyone
hates me. I am an embarassing retard. Sorry for this vague meaningless
post.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nobody important · 2024-09-16 03:50

>>84076
I remember having anxious attachment style that ruined my friendship
with someone that cared about me... where we fought and I ended up
begging so much for forgiveness yet having emotional thinking where I
lied to myself that it's okay to stalk him, and I've even used
manipulative tactics i myself wasn't aware of... it was 2 years ago
and it's so cringeworthy when I think about it again. But I've made
another friend months earlier and told him about all of this and how
stupid I was... and now we're doing pretty fine :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sipho Nkosi · 2024-09-18 15:49

every time I open up about my soykaf life to friends or family I feel
worse afterwards. I know there's little they can actually do to help
so what's the fuarrrking point in spreading misery to the people I
care about? It's exhausting keeping how bad things are from them, the
lies and fake smiles wear on you after awhile, but I haven't felt any
benefit from opening up so fuarrrk it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Eldon Tyrell · 2024-09-18 18:03

>>84076
>I've ruined every relationship I've ever had in my life

Heyy, me too! Wanna be besties? We could ruin the relationship later
together, since that way we'd know beforehand what's coming, and
nobody has to have hard feelings over it later :D

>>82788
As for the /vent/... I really hate the fact that I haven't managed to
turn my life around and move away from this hellhole. Yeah, I managed
to be a whole year sober, but so what? I still feel like a failure
over everything else, and every day spent here is a reminder of how
fuarrrking embarrassing my life is. Everything I try always ends up
blowing up in my face or otherwise crawls to a halt, leaving me no
better off than before trying to work on stuff to get me out of here.
It's like a one big flat circle that I'm running around, with little
progress to show for all the struggling I have had to endure.

What's worse is that that's a lie I keep telling myself. I'm not
struggling. Not really. I'm better off than perhaps 80% of the people
on the planet, and I can afford to literally sit silently in a corner
doing all day nothing but stare at the wall, and I wouldn't be any
worse off for it. I think it's much worse if you don't have to
struggle, than having to struggle out of a necessity, because then you
don't have to constantly live with the empty feeling that eats away at
you while you forcibly try to distract yourself from this sense of
groundless nothingness all around you with busy work that never
amounts to anything real or tangible. My "struggle" is to have a
struggle. I secretly wish my place would burn down, and I forced to
homelessness, because at least then I'd have the excuse to bitch and
moan about it all. Who knows, maybe I might even pull myself from my
bootstraps and live life like every other person does?

There's a shotgun about four meters from me, and I keep fantasizing
about how one day I'd wake up one early morning, grap it and one shell
with me as I walk to the forest, and once I get far enough to be
standing in the middle of nowhere where no one hears me, I'd just get
it over with. Nothing ever works out anyway, so might as well stop
with this foolish nonsense, eh? Why bother myself so much over
absolutely nothing? Well, that's the exit strategy to console me
anyway. But until then, there's still something that keeps on deluding
me about the possibility of bettering my lot, and so I must play my
part and remain on the stage until the curtains drop. It's not really
a sad play. Just so very pathetic that the audience would be bored to
tears witnessing it or outraged over the crime of squandering such a
good hand over selfish belly-aching and cowardly timidness.yeah,
fuarrrk me, I think I stopped caring a while ago

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Phantom Phreak · 2024-09-18 20:05

I had one chance. It was a miracle that i was given it. And it slipped
through my fingers. I didn't even understand what was happening. I was
simply too tired.
This chaos is completely brutal. Every day you can simply have your
whole life torn away from you in a way that you never imagined. People
ignore this so effectively and think it won't happen to them. When it
does happen it so fuarrrking incomprehensible

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Technician · 2024-09-19 01:21

>>84113
Every single religion on Earth talks about the pain of loss. You're
correct our society is built on the presumption that people simply
won't die until they are 74. Many businesses have no disaster recovery
and are ruined by the death of a single C-Suite executive or board
member.

When my mother died, my dad hadn't checked his home finances in over
30 years and he was so broken up we had to figure out the finances and
teach him how to use the banking website.

Loss is real hard hitting but it teaches us to value what we have. Try
to focus on what you have and what you can do.

If you were tired maybe you weren't getting the support you needed
either.

Don't beat yourself up lainanon. You got this far. Keep going.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Y.T · 2024-09-19 01:58

>>84111
>every time I open up about my soykaf life to friends or family I feel
worse afterwards. I know there's little they can actually do to help
so what's the fuarrrking point in spreading misery to the people I
care about? It's exhausting keeping how bad things are from them, the
lies and fake smiles wear on you after awhile, but I haven't felt any
benefit from opening up so fuarrrk it.

People suck. Unfortunately it helps to manage this. Try to make sure
you benefit or provide emotional support for others before you open
up. And if it all goes to soykaf thereafter, try again with someone
else. I'd say like 1/10 people are worth it.

Friendship, like love, is risk. You are always betting the other
person won't be there for you. Sometimes people aren't in a position
to help. Sometimes they just don't want to. But some will.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
William Holtzer · 2024-09-19 09:50

i am 27 years old and i've never been in a relationship. i don't know
what love feels like. the idea of kissing someone romantically is just
alien or goofy to me. sex makes little sense to me. today i seriously
hugged a pillow for perhaps even the first time. i just wanted to
deeply intimately hug something. but it was just a pillow.
someone who understood me deeply, who was worth it, reliable, who i
would have been into, never showed up in my life. i missed out. i wish
there had been someone like that. i might have grown up into a better,
freer person. but i never did. and now i'm a dusty, lonely, unresolved
pile. i feel cold inside. it's just bitterly stupid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHODAN · 2024-09-20 02:19

>>84122
Don't worry, it only gets worse. I suggest trying to surpass the
despair and enjoy the few things you're left with (good sleep, good
food, creative hobbies - be it truly personal computing, artistic or
whatever - and maintaining an iron will within a steel body), at least
before checking out. I suggest doing like me and promising yourself to
at least reach 35.

t. 30 years old KHHV

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Oracle · 2024-09-21 07:40

I experience depersonalization daily and I don't know why I feel sad.
I used to just feel total apathy and emptiness. I need to first figure
out why I'm sad. I always get sad when autumn starts (probably because
I feel like I'm missing out because I'm NEET and I don't even have
normal social life). I never experience hypomania or mania but I
basically have schizoaffective disorder (with depressive symptoms) but
my psychiatrist said that he doesn't believe that schizoaffective and
schizophrenia are 2 different things, so schizophrenia is my official
diagnosis. I feel pretty discouraged and I don't know if I can ever
hold a real job or anything. I think I will try to get into some uni
in 2026? I need to refresh my chemistry and math skills before it,
though. My psychiatrist said that if it doesn't work, I can get schizo
bucks for the rest of my life. I should feel happy but it feels like
awful prospect. Anyway, I just started taking antidepressants again
(Trintellix, 1 x 10mg). I think Trintellix is pretty good, since I was
able to stop it cold turkey before and I didn't experience any
withdrawals or side-effects.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dozer · 2024-09-22 11:54

>>84132
you posted this already

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void · 2024-09-22 23:10

>>84122
Hang in there, buddy! Robo-Maids are just around the corner and
there's no stopping progress on this one!

Btw. anyone got the link to the image board with the mad lads who're
working on it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Hilger · 2024-09-23 09:16

>>84143
oops, I forgot about it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Agent Bob · 2024-09-23 13:27

>>84156
I'm just kidding bro, i was toying with you.
This is a reminder to trust yourself in these trying times.
Specifically when you display weakness before undeserving persons at
large; for some of them, the crystal clear signal is: "i am open for
manipulation".
>>84151
True, thanks. Initially i had no idea what you're talking about.
However in an ironic twist of fate, metaLlama AI recommended to me
https://endchan.net/robowaifu/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Erik Johansson · 2024-09-24 20:03

I often remember when somebody praises someone else, those times I
most remember are such as "she not only studies math, she can program
in C, and can speak such language", stuff like that. I have studied a
few things, I can program in C, is no big deal, I am studying a couple
different languages, I read some history books and some other books on
other subjects, idk. I do it because I like it but then at some point,
as I am thinking about all the different things I am interesteed in, I
imagine someone else praising me (Not that there is anyone to praise
me, I don't even let people know what I am studying or learning!), and
saying "oh he speaks chinese and knows high-level math and can program
computers", the last of which would pretty much a falsity despite the
fact that I *could* write code in a few languages... But anyway, the
point is that I then go and try to live up to such a false praise that
I make up in my own mind, again, as if anyone would be there to praise
me.
Oh well, I do have a friend, she praises everybody whatever they might
be or do. She used to talk so good of a friend of hers, which later I
dated for a while, and most of her praise turned out to be quite, how
shall I say it, optimistic. Not that it wasn't true, this girl had
some stuff going on for herself, but the image of her in my friend's
mind was somewhat inaccurate, as it turns out. I am sure if she talks
about me to someone at all, which I hope she does not, she probably
alreaedy says exactly those kinds of things: Oh he speaks chinese and
programs computers and knows MATH! But the truth is I don't and for
some reason I find myself trying to live u p to such praise which is
after all just a construction of my ego. It's not like I am trying to
live up to *her* praise, I am trying to live up to my own ego but it
strays me from my way, that I end up going and getting some or other
math book to keep up with my own self image even though I later
realize I have no intention whatsoever in actually doing that, but I
do feel as if I need, for some reason, to be able to be the kind of
person of whom you could say "oh he knows math and he can read
sanskrit!", and put pressure on myself so much pressure on my reading
of so mmany different subjects even though I don't really do it for
the sake of getting some benefit of it but simply because I like it
and I'm very curious and I don't even finish books I have my own
methodology for reading them and I don't care about being the kind of
guy who can tell you a bunch of facts about organic chemistry or even
that I have a very clear picture of that beyond just a few basic
elementary things such as functional groups (in this case) which on
one hand I would indeed expect to fit somewhere in my world model in
some way that such information would be enriching but at the same time
I don't really care about getting caught up in details and....
whatever.
Case in point I have learned a lot about lisp but I haven't really
used it at all, I don't even care about programming anymore but yet I
still strive to understand lisp better because for some reason the
whole consistency behind it is a matter that intrigues me and I feel
somewhat, idk, guilty? as if I should make some of it, not just know
it theoretically but to be able to do something with it even though I
don't care about computers anymore. Same with math. I don't even care
about mathematics anymore, just some marginal aspects of it.
I don't know...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike Spiegel · 2024-09-25 08:34

>be me
>be in a relationship since I'm 15 (highschool sweetheart, first real
relationship)
>time pass
>get really depressed because I don't know what to do with my life
>time pass, still depressed, withdraw from society
>13 years into the relationship
>think i'm getting cheated on
>so depressed i convince myself it's all in my head, it's just
flirting at work or something, nobody likes a jealous partner
>let it slide, while suffering in silence.
>paranoia.jpg
>a few months later, heavily stalking social accounts of the other
person I think I'm getting cheated with (it became normal for me to do
it a few times a week)
>find more incriminating stuff. (Do you know how fuarrrked up it is to
find that soykaf behind a computer screen, at night ?)
>can't take it anymore
>poor myself a glass, or two, or three..
>crying, never cried that much
>after a few hours I find the courage to confront (did not sleep)
>"Did you cheat on me?": "yes" ..fuarrrk
>"Are.. are you in love?": *pause* "yes" fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk
fuarrrk F
>wanna kill myself right away, actually go for it, but my legs just
give up after 4 steps away from the room and cry uncontrollably, total
dark
>after what feels like an eternity I calm myself. Decide to ask more
questions because why the fuarrrk not I have nothing to lose.
>"you were depressed", "you almost cheated on me when you were 17"
(It's true, I had a crush on someone at the time, almost cheated but
backed away cause I felt like soykaf) "You were not jealous, like you
did not care" (wanna blow my brain out)
>a few days of not talking to each other
>not doing soykaf, because I don't know what to do really..
>I'm still in love, deep down I know I should leave, but i'm still in
love
>time pass
>time pass
>things are getting a bit more normal, they stopped seeing each other,
most likely just because it was easier that way.
>time pass
>time pass
>be today, 2 years later? Maybe 3? Idk, my brain stopped thinking
about it at some point to protect my sanity.
>relationship is still weird but mostly normal
>sometimes my brain can't stop me from thinking about it and I get
incredibly sad, like today
>write this greentext on lainchan /vent/

There is no moral to that story. I just wanted to vent. I'm still
lost. Maybe the relationship is doomed. Maybe not. I don't really want
to think about it.
Am I happy should be the real question here. But I've never been truly
happy, I think I'm depressed since I was 12 or 13, maybe 14yo. I think
I never experienced real normal daily happiness, so I can't answer
that question. The relationship was the only thing that kept me alive
when I was at the really bottom of my depression so that must count as
something, I guess.
I'll end the post with one word: fuarrrk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mother · 2024-09-25 16:42

I'm going to be 30 soon and not only have I accomplished nothing, I've
failed to do the normal things almost everyone has down in interest
for their own well-being. That's to say I don't even have a college
degree and it's probably impossible for me to get a job, or at least a
dignified one.
I can do the things most lains can (program, write, etc) but even if I
manage to get something nice with just these skills I know I'd hate
selling my time away like that to some abstract capital's benefit and
the absurdity of modern labor would drive me crazy in ways
unemployment and hunger don't. The only thing I have in mind right now
is, you guessed it, make my super special and unique indie game which
will probably take me years to put out even if I don't work and
eventually go homeless. There are so many people doing this right now
I know the odds are stacked against me, I know I'll get zero success
in an increasingly saturated market, that no matter how good I make it
the inside of a product never matters, that it's doomed to drown in
algorithmic noise, that artistic expression of this kind is thoroughly
worthless, and more than worthless, a total waste, and yet it's the
only thing I want to do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus · 2024-09-25 17:50

>>84196
I was once in roughly this position (some skills but no job
experience, cared about ideas for a videogame but otherwise very
adverse to getting a job).

The biggest issue with trying to pin your survival on the probably-
doomed creative project is that the pressure to make money and survive
and your motive to realize some artistic vision work against each
other; you work on your first project, and it needs to be incredibly
amazingly marketable to justify putting your hopes into it, but as
your first project of course it will fail to live up to those
expectations and the pressure to do so won't let it stand on its own
terms. The solution is to acknowledge these as separate problems; your
need for creative fulfillment, and your desire to survive.

> it's probably impossible for me to get a job, or at least a
dignified one
>I'd hate selling my time away like that to some abstract capital's
benefit and the absurdity of modern labor would drive me crazy in ways
unemployment and hunger don't
One way of maintaining your dignity and avoiding many of the things
people often complain about with jobs is entrepreneurship. Being
specific here is tricky, as most paths including mine aren't easily
replicable, but I'm certain there are more plausible opportunities for
self employment than making a successful indie game. Start small, pay
attention to where money is flowing (especially flows of money not
highly visible to everyone), and just start trying things relevant to
your skills to gain information and experience. Even if you don't
think you care about the survival thing, when it comes down to it you
almost definitely will, so it's a problem worth addressing directly on
its own. There's aspects of this that are more difficult and uncertain
than getting a job, but if you hate the idea of a job enough they are
not really that bad (fuarrrk jobs btw).

Once that stabilizes, you will hopefully be in a situation where you
can be flexible enough with your time to safely redirect effort to
your less lucrative creative pursuits, something that would be harder
with a 9-5.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazy Jake · 2024-09-25 20:10

>>84032
I'm currently on this exact journey. In meatspace there are groups
that match my interests. I spent my entire life on the internet and I
never found a community or talked to people. So far I've tried matrix,
Discord, image boards, various forums and networks. Irc is the place.
Its active enough to find good conversation and it has a mature tech
focused community.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
藤原純一 · 2024-09-25 21:54

>>84197
It's "averse" not "adverse"

sorry

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ishikura "Tatsu" Tatsuhiko · 2024-09-26 00:12

>>84035
Hey, I have similar interests and i'm a similar age and also live in a
small population. Im soykaf at hacking and ctf but I would be
interested in chatting with you about how to find people to share
interests with. I dream of one day having a computer club with a
physical location for members to meet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Richard Gill · 2024-09-26 22:59

I am so sick of this soykaf. Life is empty for me. I hate waking up
because it's a return to a world which is pointless and fills your
head up with nonsense. There are so many different brands of nonsense
people adopt in a futile attempt to find meaning in life, but I am
done. Whether it's playing in the NHL, making a million dollars,
having a family, playing with wooden blocks and toy trains, it's all
the same to me, and I have outgrown my toys.

What are you to do when you don't want to play anymore?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Delilah · 2024-09-26 23:30

>>84219
I have that too where one day everything is like kicking dead whales
down the beach and nothing has meaning, but no matter how I
rationalize it, I always come to the same conclusion that it just
comes from an emotional state and isn't grounded in reality, and it
comes off the next day. Meaning is assigned, not inherent. Just sleep
it off, literally

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady 3Jane.. · 2024-09-27 03:11

I've been reading about Jungian cognitive functions and the
personality horoscope soykaf aside, it's still an interesting model of
the psyche. The annoying thing is that all the discussion online is
centered around MBTI and vague personality horoscope soykaf, rather
than any kind of deep discussion around these cognitive functions as
mechanisms and how they work, how you can develop them and so on. Even
Jung didn't write too much on the subject. I wondered in particular
how you can relate these functions to psychopathology and how
potentially many disorders could simply be expressions of an overuse
or underdevelopment of specific cognitive functions.

In my case in particular, I can relate a lot to descriptions of
schizoid and avoidant personality disorder, and these could
potentially be some form of pathological introversion and chronically
underdeveloped or unused or actively suppressed extroverted functions.
I can identify how Extroverted Feeling in me tends to activate in
social situations, but I don't like what it's telling me how I need to
socially conform to a group and go against my own values. This creates
an internal conflict, the consequence of which is usually anxiety and
discomfort. In order to cope with this, I might even go as far as to
suppress my Extroverted Sensing and I dissociate from direct
experience and completely turn inward. Of course, when you are forced
into social situations and there is no reasonable way to escape, you
end up just fumbling your way through them, basically completely
blind, not really paying attention to what's actively happening in the
moment or what could potentially happen (Extroverted Intuition) so you
end up being socially awkward and clumsy. Afterwards, nonetheless, the
psyche tries to compensate and tends to force re-runs of the traumatic
episode in an effort to deal with it so that next time you are better
prepared, but no meaningful progress can be made internally.

It is like kicking dead whales down the beach that Jung never wrote
about schizoids or developed the functions further. The models based
on this tend to just be gay horoscopes that get sold to corporations
and most youtube content is very shallow and made for normal people.
I'm not necessarily tied to Jung's functions in particular, but the
introversion-extroversion distinction seems to be key but
"introversion" also tends to be a corporate personality buzzword so I
can't find anything the good stuff underneath all the garbage.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Armitage · 2024-09-28 03:35

>Friends are getting worried because I "don't enjoy anything anymore"
>I quit cigarettes this year, was successful at my job and led a
pretty enormous creative project along with a team of 35 people at
only 24 yo
>So anyway pretty good year so far, but for some reason my friends say
I force every smile and the only moment they saw a glimpse of
happiness from me all year was for an hour when I was fuarrrked up on
x, I don't even like ecstasy.
I mean are they projecting or is there something to be worried about?
When I was done with my big creative project everyone was happy and
partying and I just quietly rolled my weed and felt kinda uneasy, one
of my bros legit cried because apparently my behavior is depressing,
like I just don't have fun at parties I'm an introvert gimme a break,
but still yes I guess it was pretty odd for the director to act like
this once the movie was successfully completed.
I've been told recently that I'm allergic to happiness because I hate
myself, I mean I do hate myself but who doesn't right? Usually I would
just brush that soykaf off as nonsense but I hang out with a pretty
tough crowd so it's weird seeing them emotional like this.
Anyway what the fuarrrk should I do? Not only am I broke but every
shrink in my country is basically a snake oil salesman, I lift, I
meditate and I stay away from drugs and brainrot, that should be
enough right? I don't really know what to think anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Jones · 2024-09-28 03:58

>>84246
Deflecting with personal achievements is usually a sign of unhappiness
but it's also true that just about everyone is thoroughly miserable
nowadays and most do not like being reminded of this, even
unintentionally.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Neuromancer · 2024-09-28 05:03

>>84249
Shit so that's just me being an attention whore right? I don't even
feel sad or angry or whatever just numb, and that's better than what
I've gotten used to. How do I hide that better? I mean this is really
stressing out my friends for some reason and I kill the vibe at every
social gathering lately, I don't want my friends to ditch me that'll
be the worse.
Should I just stop going to social gathering  and study conversation,
charisma and social cues until I get better? I've been reading "How to
Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships"
it's a pretty interesting read so far

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Batou · 2024-09-28 07:14

>>84246
>one of my bros legit cried
Sounds like you need to find some non-pussy friends.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nanashi No Gombe · 2024-09-28 08:04

>>84252
It was the culmination of 2 years of work so kind of an emotional
moment for everyone involved, I'm the weird one for feeling nothing
besides social anxiety

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Morpheus · 2024-09-28 18:14

>>84250
>how to talk to anyone
start with the summaries at the end of each chapter, and only read the
text if you don't understand something. The book is much longer than
its content.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nameless · 2024-09-29 16:25

Hurricane Helene hit a lot of places near me hard. I was only just now
able to finally confirm everyone I know is safe since communications
is down and power is out for lots of them. Sucks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void · 2024-09-29 19:15

No matter how far I get or how much "progress" I make it's all an
illusion. I hit the slightest speedbump and go falling all the way
back down to the bottom. It's tiring watching everything fall apart
again; it's happened so many times that it's changed from
disappointing to simply uninteresting. I'm going to call in sick
tomorrow and then again and again and then lose this job, my only good
reference since I've been born. I can feel god laughing at me
>how far will he get this time?
>how little will it take to break him?
>Haahaha find out after a quick message from our sponsors!
and then it all happens again.
I don't know why I keep mocking myself by trying again when I know how
it ends, because it only ever ends that way. I continue to stuff my
head full of information when everything I've learned is either a
meaningless fun fact or evidence of cosmic horror. I continue to try
to make friends when all I've ever made are address book entries to
mock me as I don't call them. I continue to work just to pay interest
on my own money. I continue to workout and bulk just to lose all the
weight the next time I mope in bed all day. I am living the best
lifestyle I ever have, I am further than I have ever been, and I am as
lonely as ever. I cannot stop myself from sabotaging all of my schemes
for improvement because no matter how far I run I'm still right there
with me. It's like using longer and longer keys to send messages to
your spy every time the messages get broken by the enemy, not
realizing that the recipient is a double agent. Or you do realize it
but you don't have anyone else in the area, so you just keep using the
traitor like an idiot. And now I'm staying awake, begging anonymous
internet strangers for attention, when the only things I identifiably
need are human touch and sleep. Well?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord Nikon · 2024-09-29 22:08

fuarrrk I think I am becoming attracted to and attached to a mostly
lesbian. She seems to be okay with guys if they look like girls but
she also doesnt seem interested in dick.

>>84286
You all should have lora communicators or something if you're living
in a disaster prone zone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Apoc · 2024-09-29 22:30

>>84287
Yeah it's a mistake to strain yourself to try to make progress, avoid
failure, and attain success.
It's never enough and eventually you break down worse than before.
I desperately tried to keep my progress and current existence going,
and I just strained myself until my body physically broke.
I'm glad it wasn't worse at least, my body healed a bit.
But now I just can't do as much as I used to do at all.

There's a distinction between giving up and not straining yourself.
Everyone wants you to strain yourself for them. For their
institutions, beliefs, activities.
And they act as if they're not asking for much and they're entitled to
what they're asking for because they devalue your efforts.
They berate you saying you're not even trying and that you've given
up, just for doing things at a sustainable pace.

It's really difficult to put in a reasonable amount of effort, if you
give up you can rest even if just for a bit, and if you put in any
effort others will see you as a target to push work onto and harass.
Straining yourself isn't sustainable though, and neither is giving up
- eventually problems build up to the point something has to be done.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ein · 2024-09-30 02:37

>>84290
I was in the same position. I hadn't had any luck with women for five
years, so I didn't mind spending that social time talking with her
online instead (as in, I didn't feel like the time I spent with her
was stopping me from find a real girlfriend, lol). We became good
friends and eventually I went to visit her, a ten hour bus trip (over
two days). She was a student earning very little, so even with my
minimum wage job I was still able to show her a good time. I booked a
place for the week, and our initial day together went well enough (she
was pretty confident I wasn't a murderer at this point and was too
meek to force myself on her) that she stayed over the rest of the week
after that.

So...from out chats online, she was, as you said, 'mostly lesbian',
but still curious about dick (though she'd prefer one on a woman) and
mine seemed like a safe bet. She was very nice, would cuddle with me
and even encourage me to grope her boobs when she was in the mood.
Would walk around and exercise naked to taunt me. Still, if I got
carried away, she'd let me know...Nothing else like this has ever
happened to me before. This girl was really doing a maladjusted but
ultimately kind dude a favour, and she clearly enjoyed the power she
had over me. Of course that didn't bother me.

She wasn't as sexually curious irl as over the internet, but I'd never
got my hopes up too much and I'd still got a lot of intimacy out of
our time together. When it was nearly time for me to return home, and
feeling it pressed against her while cuddling, she finally decided she
wanted to see what it looked like. The memory is comical, almost out
of a TV show. She was aghast at the sight of it. She couldn't
understand how it was supposed to fit. She must have been playing this
up, because I'm pretty average and she must have seen dicks online.
She saw it grow, and began to prod at it with a confused look of
disgust. I laughed, this was too unreal. She asked me how she was
supposed to take care of it (never got that blowjob we'd discussed
online) and I had to explain and show jerking off to her. She gave it
the ol' college try, looking slightly repulsed the whole time. It
wasn't arousing, I could only chuckle in my head imagining trying to
tell this story to someone else later. After...not very long she asked
how long this was going to take, and I told her that I didn't think it
was going to work like this...and that she would finally have to admit
she is in fact not bisexual and just a lesbian.

I have no regrets. For someone who rarely leaves the house and spends
most of their meager wage on food, video games and drugs, it was worth
every penny, the week with this girl. It gave me the strength to keep
an open mind that I might meet someone again someday. That a woman
like this could exist. I just need to find one that's into guys, even
if it takes another five years...these weird, intelligent, seemingly
liberal women who have a soft spot for strange, funny internet losers.
My life is bleak but something nice like this happens every couple
years that stops me from killing myself (a year after this I made
friends with a new coworker who started crossdressing more and more
around me, we grew closer over the months until they came out as trans
and we developed a sexual relationship before things mutually ended
recently).

Though things are bleak once more, and I only work part time now
because I can't cope with life/don't have anything to work towards
warranting a fulltime job...I can only hope that 2025 or 2026 will
bring me something even more interesting.


tl;dr there is hope

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yamaoto Toshi · 2024-09-30 04:01

>>84292
I'm not even trying to make my parents proud or anything anymore, I'm
just trying to not live like this

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hououin Kyouma · 2024-09-30 04:15

>>84296
r u ok, we love u njb3rfhefkh v

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unidentified · 2024-09-30 04:20

>>82800
sigma grind continue to grind my sloopie

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drano · 2024-09-30 05:09

>>82869
a storm is always coming but never there

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void · 2024-10-01 07:33

I am conflicted. I dont know if I should bother going to univeristy. I
am young, I will be 20 soon. I only have a GED. With this I can't go
to any universities in Europe aside the U.K, but I don't have any
interest in studying in the U.K. To study elsewhere in Europe i.e a
country in which I will not be bankrupted by student loans, I will
have to waste more of my time and money getting a better diploma. To
me, a large component of the university experience is socialization. I
believe that this can only be truer when studying abroad. In general,
I think traveling, and living abroad are meant for social people, they
can't be anything but a hollow experience without socializing, I know
because I've done them without socializing. It is also much harder to
survive while living abroad without forming relationships with people.
I am an autistic creep weirdo loser maniac. I do not struggle to make
acquaintances/friends, people seem drawn to me to some degree, but
people soon realize that I'm not soykaf, that I am a autistic loser
weirdo maniac. Once they realize this, they do not make any effort to
maintain contact with me, and I don't bother keeping contact with
them. I think you can get away with being asocial when studying in
your home country, but I think to study abroad and be asocial is
pointless. All that money, just to get a degree and a job? It's easier
to study on your own in your home country and get certs. Careers don't
matter to me, I will not live my life for the pursuit of wealth or the
maintenance of fuarrrking job. I actually have some experience with
"studying abroad" because I had to learn a foreign language in a
foreign country at an institute hosted inside of a university, where
most of the students intended to enter into the university after
receiving their language certs. Most people were social, very few were
asocial, and the asocial ones soon made long-term friends. Except for
me, I graduated from the institute without any friends because I
burned every relationship I made there. I didnt care for maintaining
the relationships I made, I could not relate to anyone I met there, I
had nothing in common with anyone I met. It could be that people in
this country, and in this part of the world, are simply different from
"western people" (I'm not in a "western country") and so they are
harder for me relate to due to cultural differences. Cultural
differences might be a factor in my inability to socialize, but if
they are, they would only be a factor accentuating a pre-existing
social ineptitude I possess. I have always been a shy person. I have
not returned to America yet, so I have no idea if my inability to form
meaningful relationships will persist while I am there. My conflict
stems from the fear of missing out. A large part of having a
meaningful life is generating memories of experiences that were
meaningful to you, otherwise you'll die having done nothing, unless
you lose your memories of all of the things you did. I have come to
learn that these experiences almost always necessitate other human
beings. I have pretended for years now that I don't need other people
to live an enjoyable life, and to a degree I do not. But in the grand
scheme of things, I do need human interaction. I have gone without it
for a long time, and it has left me an emotionally stunted husk of a
human being. I could easily drift through life on this path, but it's
all meaningless to me, I'm reaching the breaking point, there's no
reason continue this existence. So I reach out to people in my
vicinity, and try to form connections with them, but I can't, because
I feel nothing toward them. Is it really just 'cultural differences'?
I'm afraid of becoming a 30-something year old NEET who shied away
from all of life's experiences, and doomed theirself to mediocrity for
their remaining 50 years of life. I have seen it happen to people. I
think I would stick a gun in my mouth if I wound up like that. Each
year of my life feels shorter than the last, I'm 11 years away from
becoming that person, but it could easily seem as though it happened
overnight. I feel as though I have the entire world at my fingertips,
but I could so easily squander it all, intentionally or accidentally,
and all the while I could so easily kill myself to avoid all of the
bullshit of life. That's just being young I guess. I guess the
takeaway is to get a higher diploma, leave this country, return to
America, see how I do, and take it from there. Definitely not studying
there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Koichiro · 2024-10-01 13:14

>>84312
My experience is that uni is where being a loser sort of ceases to be
a thing. I think I thought a lot like you when I came to uni and the
only things people ended up not liking me for were my own unempathetic
or self destructive  tendencies. Things that were not personality
traits anyways but things I needed to work on, and the people I met
helped me see that. Much of it stemmed from the insecurity of thinking
i was a loser or reject, and I came to learn as lame as it sounds that
at least in places like universities or colleges that not everyone had
some hivemind about what a loser was and that as long as I tried to be
a good person id make friends. Id tell people I got close to who I
thought would never want to be friends with me that all my life
leading into highschool I basically had no friends and spent all my
time online and was a shut in outside of school and its like it was
just part of my backstory to them not any mark against me. It was
liberating and I learned to love people again. Most of the people at
uni who cared about  or were judging if people were losers or not
ended up becoming kind of isolated themselves and sort of were seen as
stupid peaked in highschool types while the rest of us were there to
make connections or work on the things we were passionate about.

I will say its always worth it to go to a college or university (if
its affordable for you or you can do it for free) if you have
something you really want to learn or are passionate about. My one
regret is I was not self realized enough to be passionate about
anything my first time at college (barely graduated), several years
later im attending classes again and very focused on what im doing and
I think I wouldnt want to spend my time anywhere else. You cant help
but make friends because everyone inherently bonds over the work they
are doing. Sometimes I just stay after class and help organize or
clean things because I dont really have any interest in going home.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dozer · 2024-10-02 20:52

I hate the situation I'm in. I'm less than a year away from earning my
Bachelor's and I know what line of work I wanna go into, but the US
really isn't the best place to live in. I have two main paths I can
do:
>Stay in the US for the rest of my life and live under constant
anxiety from surveillance and data leaks due to poor privacy laws.
>Pick an EU country to consider migrating to, learning the language of
it, and immigrating to it and become a citizen of it. At the cost of
most of my meaningful connections.
I'm split on what path I should take. The former lets me stay where I
was born and have a relatively normal life, but due to how poorly
privacy is treated I'll always have to worry about my personal data
and being watched (among various other issues with the US). The latter
will give me a better quality of life, but most meaningful connections
I have now will either be stretched or ended, and with my social
skills IDK how well I would fair in a completely new country and
culture even if I learn the language. I wouldn't mind hearing stories
of US to EU migrants giving their experiences.

>>84312
I don't know the situation in your country (Eastern Europe from the
sounds of it), but a blue collar job can get you something and have a
way to form relationships with coworkers. It's what I did before
entering college to get some money, though I never did form long term
relations with anyone. As for returning to America IDK why you'd
consider that given that the nearly all countries (mainly EU ones) in
Europe will treat you better and has better protections for its
citizens.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unspecified · 2024-10-03 10:45

I am 27 years old, I live with my parents, i'm a shut in, socialising
is scary etc. Making posts like this leaves me paranoid someone is
silently following me online like I do to so many other people. But
the people I follow are usually interesting and creatives in some way,
there's no reason to e-stalk me I think, I don't really 'post' much,
and it's not 'creative' work or interesting, I share the surface of
opinions, not many people see it, what I post isn't really anything.

I am a very shallow and jealous person. I see posts that are relatable
in some way to feeling lonely, unskilled, unable to improve or enjoy
much of anything made by people who create and share art, well thought
out and communicated opinions, and I hate sharing those feelings with
them because I am so much lesser. I don't do what I want to do. I
wanna draw or make music or understand something better then obviously
i need to pick up a pencil, a book, but I don't, or if I do it's not
for long, I don't get much from it except frustration and feeling
empty, but I still want to do those things, but I don't do it, I don't
feel like I know how. I read how to do something and don't feel like I
understand and I don't know what to do then. I don't enjoy it. I
really want help, I have a therapist, they've said I've 'made
progress' but i don't really see it. I want to be with someone who can
teach me something and be my friend. Idk what to do. Dying would be
good but that takes a lot, whenever I read online about suicide
methods it sounds difficult to do and really painful. I just want to
take a pill and not wake up, that'd be ideal. Would a therapist ever
tell you that they don't think they're doing much good for you? I'm
really suspicious of them just saying some soykaf to keep you going
when you're in the same place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Emmanuel · 2024-10-03 12:42

>>84348
I would return to America to work, and maybe do some time in community
college to fulfill whatever requirements I need to go to universities
in Europe. Also just to visit for a little bit and see what it's like,
I've been away for years. None of that may be necessary though, it's
too early to tell. I don't think you should leave America just because
of privacy concerns. Europe is no better. The GDPR is a complete joke,
read it if you haven't. Their privacy laws are worthless. They still
willfully host clandestine activities run by the CIA and NSA at
blacksites and embassies. But, the quality of life is much better than
in America, housing is not ridiculously expensive in at least some EU
countries (if not most). Healthcare is accessible and won't bankrupt
you. Technically the country I'm in is part of the EU but most
wouldn't consider it "European". I can't work here, open a bank
account, or do much of anything, because I don't have an ID. I'm sort
of in flux right now, in between situations. I hate it here. You can't
know how you will fair in a country until you live there. Learning
languages isn't too hard if you immerse yourself, and learning at an
institute will immerse you. Also you only need basic knowledge of a
language in order to function in a foreign country, within 3-4 months
of learning most languages (this was the case for the language I had
to learn which is a level IV language for native English speakers) you
will know enough to be able to make requests, ask directions, and hold
basic conversation. I don't know how the culture is in the EU but I
bet it is better than in America, at least in terms of how people
interact with each other.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord Nikon · 2024-10-03 19:37

bruh i can't even post i just keep getting told "go away spammer" dude
i haven't been here in years and im not spamming soykaf. gdi kalyx

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda Lee · 2024-10-03 20:01

i have no idea what language enhancer im hitting so rip that vent post

content creators kinda suck, i love some of em, but fuarrrk, viewcount
obsessed assholes, with all kindsa fuarrrked up trauma that causes
that, i feel bad, but also miss making anon content, having a
concurrent identity is like kicking dead whales down the beach

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitomi · 2024-10-04 10:22

I'm disappointed in myself. I wanted to quit the internet and
electronic media for a week, but failed. This is usually an easy feat
for me, but now that I'm wage slaving my weeks are characterized by
suffering. I work a job that should be right up my ally and lots of
fun, but I lack a care for money and toys unless it will help me get
out civilization. I want only higher pleasures than materialistic
plastic nonsense. Work, no matter how much you claim to love it, is
absolute suffering if you climb above the messages put out by
marketers and the background noise of our consumerist world. I feel
like an actual slave, I feel constantly humiliated, doing bullshit
tasks for arbitrary reasons, while wasting time I could be spending
reading and foraging for absolute idiocy. And I should be lucky for
the pay, home, and work I get to do? Cities are a fuarrrking JOKE. GET
ME OUT

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane Doe · 2024-10-04 10:28

>>82788
why am i still here? "here", as in life. i've found believing myself
less and less. if x happens, then surely i will be happy, but it's
never like that. i'm just a sad sack of waste, working job i will
never like (still applicable, even if I change my job), having 70% of
my income taken away. there just isn't any will left in me to fight.
you could dangle a carrot made of gold in front of me and i'd still
not care at this point.
this is simply a wasted existence, no goal, no desire to get better,
just living day to day, time running by without me paying attention.
friends left, no significant other, just me alone in my piece of
soykaf flat, drinking either energy drinks or alcohol and waiting for
my heart or kidneys to give out.
some people simply aren't fit to live a life and i'm one of them

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Neo · 2024-10-04 10:45

Some people are happy by nature, some are shown how to be happy by
their parents. Other people are not happy by nature, and were not
shown how to be happy by their parents. For these latter people, the
only option is to train their own minds to be happy, either on their
own, or with the help of others.
If you want to try to do this by yourself, I would recommend the book
"Feeling Good" by Burns.
If you would like to try with the help of others, I would recommend
finding a local Buddhist temple and learning about zen.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Otto Normalverbraucher · 2024-10-04 11:28

>>84369
The hardest thing about starting a creative endeavor is understanding
that it will never be pleasant. You don't do these things (drawing,
writing, making music, etc.) because you like it (who likes looking at
their soykaf drawings and their poor understanding of 3D space for
thousands of hours?), you stick with it because you have to. Because,
unlucky you, for some reason or another you're pregnant. Even with
emptiness itself.
You make a sustainable plan with missable goals and stick to it every
day while trying your best to ignore the inner voices coming from the
gash that made you what you are now, or if you're smart you tune into
them at the right times and use their venom as a cure.
We've been spoiled to expect pleasure from life and this ruins us. In
a way you're lucky mindless pleasure isn't enough to keep you going.
Though it hardly feels that way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pris · 2024-10-04 12:28

>>84393
Writing is pretty enjoyable without needing years of training (unless
you count reading), though. Even if proofreading can be a slog.

t. fanfic writer

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hacker · 2024-10-04 16:37

>>84184
There has to be something pulling you down. Drugs, porn; quit doing
that soykaf; you are meant for more and worth much more.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
藤原純一 · 2024-10-04 17:59

>>84393
>The hardest thing about starting a creative endeavor is understanding
that it will never be pleasant. You don't do these things (drawing,
writing, making music, etc.) because you like it

I've been playing guitar and writing music for decades, solely because
I like it. It's nice when someone else likes it, too. But I would
still do it and enjoy it if no one else existed. The best results are
more like things you discovered, not created. It's not an ego thing,
it's a pleasure thing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHODAN · 2024-10-04 20:14

Feeling more and more disconnected with the people around me. They
don't like the things I dig into and vice versa.
I want to make acquaintances irl, but honestly I'm starting to give
up. It's too energy draining to try to fake interest into other
people's hobbies and opinions.
The people I met are too self centered, and as a result there's no
space for debate or discussion of any kind.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Miho Iwakura · 2024-10-04 20:55

>>82788
I don't understand people. I'm 24 years old and I will probably never
know how to talk to other people :(

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mentat · 2024-10-04 22:00

>>82788
Something made me think of this. I don't think I should've scoffed at
that girl for putting a rick astley sticker on her macbook. Then again
a lot of internet references do not rest well with me

----------------------------------------------------------------------
lemontea · 2024-10-05 10:44

>>84393
i can come to terms with the process not being always pleasant and
enjoyable,  (or, i have been able to do that at times) but i never
feel like any plans i try to stick to work for me, nothing to show for
it most of the time. i don't really feel able control my inner voices
most of the time either, i can influence them sometimes. I haven't
been feeling very present lately enough to do any of that

>>84394
reading is also difficult for me :( i wanted to try to get in to rp in
some way again cus i did that as a little kid and it's just meant to
be fun with online friends, right? but idk i'm never sure how to start
or what to do or describe the thing i want to describe and i just get
anxious about what the other person is thinking even though they've
known me for over a decade now technically. fanfic is adjacent to rp
in my brain idk if that makes sense

>>84396
What was your path with guitar like? i tried to learn and i could very
roughly play a couple songs kinda by copying people in youtube videos
for like a year but i stopped cus i realised it took me a year or more
to do that and i thought i was probably doing something wrong

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Incognito · 2024-10-05 19:21

>>84407
>was your path with guitar like?
When I was about 14 some guy upstairs insisted I learn guitar, and
being 14 I just said, "Duh, ok..." I had a friend who played guitar
and we had fun learning together. I liked it so I just kept goimg.

>i tried to learn and i could very roughly play a couple songs kinda
by copying people in youtube videos
I learned by listening to music and trying to make the same sounds and
feelings. I learned how to finger-pick from a book by Happy Traum.
Never really learned how to read music.

>but i stopped cus i realised it took me a year or more to do that and
i thought i was probably doing something wrong
If you're messing around with a guitar and making some sounds you like
once in a while, then you're not doing anything wrong. If you play one
note and like the sound of it, then you're doing it right. Then you
play some notes in a row and like the way it sounds. Then you play two
or three notes at the same time and enjoy the sound. Then you say to
yourself, "Hey that sounds just like (some song you like)" and you
learn how to play the song. And it's fun (mostly) and you put up with
the sore fingers and frustrations because you enjoy the sounds you're
making. There aren't any right sounds or wrong sounds.

Louie Armstrong said, "There's only two kinds of music... music that
sounds good and music that doesn't sound good." And you're the one who
gets to decide if it sounds good or not.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hiyao Miyazaki · 2024-10-06 08:47

kinda want to buy a firearm (I am not forbidden from owning one) but
don't want to subject myself to a background check (de facto gun owner
registry, avoidable by buying from someone who isn't an FFL/dealer)

since the Ruby Ridge trial never came to completion, I don't trust a
private seller on Craigslist or at a gun show not to be a federal
agent sent to entrap me by secretly having rifled the gun's barrel
beforehand or whatever the fuarrrk would make it illegal for a
civilian to possess, idk gun laws so that I'll be arrested and charged
with Weapons Trafficking the moment I pull out of the parking lot

the only people I would trust to keep this purchase on the down-low
either live too far away to assist me, or think that being transgender
and “taking mind altering drugs” — literally just HRT; I am not nor
have I ever been prescribed drugs for any actual psychiatric
condition, nor have I been diagnosed — means I'd be a risky buyer per
15 USC §7903 (5)(B)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hong, Guil Dong · 2024-10-06 20:45

Right now I feel like I'm in a spot where no matter what I do I'll
lose. I'm going back to college because I didn't have the best job
ever, which is my decision. But because the job I was working is with
the school system I now have limited days I can work, when I have
expensive insurance and a loan on my car. If I leave college then I'll
have more work days to pay off expenses but I'll spend way longer with
a job that'll leave me with less. Even if I get my act together and do
my own thing, any success big enough to put my name out there would
also lead people to an internet footprint with a lot of embarrassing
autism for other people to find. It feels like no matter which way I
take things something is going to bite my ass. Which obviously that's
life, nothing's going to be perfect now or probably ever. But before
typing this out I realized there's a college assignment I'm not going
to have time to complete tonight. And when that happened I came so
close to crying with the frustration that I'm not sure I can do what's
right in any scenario.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
BloodCat · 2024-10-07 07:10

>>84419
Same kinda ? I need finish my project in a year or i am a goner.I also
get a lot of pressure to stop being gay

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dmirl · 2024-10-07 09:23

>>84421
Oh dude, I actually feel so bad for you :( , but I will say this: a
few months ago I had a suicide attempt in the bathroom (opened veins),
my mother came home from work and saw it, called an ambulance. After
that a man and his friends suddenly came into my life online and are
healing me now, so sometimes I regret that I thought life was THIS
soykafty. No, life sure is soykaf, but it hasn't gotten to the point
of ending my life. Now we still have all sorts of inspections and
stuff going on at our house and it's not a pleasant process. You don't
know me in real life, but just know that there's a girl named Dmirl on
the internet and she's worried about you and believes that you'll
stand up and deal with all this soykaf (. .)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dujour · 2024-10-07 09:59

>>84415
>buy a gun w/o a background check
lots of small-scale firearms dealers who sell w/o background check,
many states do not require the check for private sales

>craigslist
what the fuarrrk is wrong with you
use actual local gun-selling websites (e.g: armslist)

>entrapment by rifling the barrel
...what?
please learn a little (or a lot more) about guns before you buy one...
maybe get a gun-owning friend to take you shooting

>transgender
make sure you don't fail question 21(g) on form 4473, otherwise you
really shouldn't be owning a gun

p.s: if you do buy a gun, you must vote red in every election or your
sights will forever be crooked. 2A > benis

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unsigned · 2024-10-07 10:11

>>84415
>>84423
forgot to mention re: scared of registry
the de facto registries are all bullshit, but trying to dodge them via
private seller is a losing battle
example: for a long while, google was indexing the serial number of
every firearm that appeared in a photo they could scrape. you used to
be able to search serial numbers and get photos of the firearm
(uncertain if still around)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Wintermute · 2024-10-07 11:13

>>84422
i will do my best , you do yours too

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cutter · 2024-10-07 13:16

i've been trying to kill myself on a spiritual level.
at least that's the conclusion i'm reaching. porn fetishes tend to be
a reflection of inner conflicts. and after all the depression and
unfulfilled suicidal ideation, it appears that some deeper part of me
has ended up believing that it's truly not worth living through this.
but it doesn't really know how to work it out because i'm too much of
a coward to go kill myself.
so what it does instead is work with what its got. if it can't get me
to fatally injure my body, it instead tries to kill the light inside
of me. with all sorts of degeneracy, mostly porn. and i actually see
the symbolic correspondence in what it's gotten me into, the light
being snuffed by the darkness. it's very subconscious type in a way.
the goal seems to be the complete neutering, sterilization, the
deadening of what makes me suffer from this idiotic world and its
inhabitants, this inner soulfulness i have, this primal value for
something i cannot describe.
to kill it so i do not suffer from its presence. so i can be a zombie
like all the others, and go through life unaware of what goes on and
is done to me.
if unable to stop me from living through this, might instead try to
stop me from being there at all. as far as it can manage.
to obliterate myself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tyrell Wellick · 2024-10-07 13:36

>>84427
what we need is a cult. someone who doesn't let their inner flame of
soulfulness get to them, who is genuinely capable of bringing about a
good new world. who stands for an ideal to be realized.
someone who's worth following. not some demonkike thing

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ender · 2024-10-07 19:49

How come I can't play TF2 without someone spamming rockets and pyro
blasts at me? How come I can't play PUBG without getting screwed by
cheaters and tryhards? How come I can't play Tekken without having to
memorize rules for 200 hours? How come I can't win a game of CSGO
unless I queue up with a full stack?

Literally everything about multiplayer games has gotten worse in the
past 10 years and it makes me so mad.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zero Cool · 2024-10-07 20:29

>>84433
People don't have time for casual hobbies anymore, it's largely either
tryhards which devote all their spare time or nothing.
And the tryhards push away the casual hobbyists.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady Jessica · 2024-10-07 21:52

>>84372
>Also just to visit for a little bit and see what it's like

I personally wouldn't recommend staying for too long outside of
education. The culture here is toxic and often revolves around
political or celerity bullshit which each every other day have a
report of "$FAMOUS_PERSON doing $CULTURE_WAR messages for one side".
Your quality of life will be much better if you avoid it at all costs
if you do come here. Though IDK how you'll be able to without an ID...

>I don't think you should leave America just because of privacy
concerns. Europe is no better. The GDPR is a complete joke, read it if
you haven't. Their privacy laws are worthless. They still willfully
host clandestine activities run by the CIA and NSA at blacksites and
embassies.

Fair enough I guess. Though at least they have laws at all. Here
you're lucky if your state has them. I'd rather have something than
nothing, but I'll keep that info in mind.

>Learning languages isn't too hard if you immerse yourself, and
learning at an institute will immerse you. Also you only need basic
knowledge of a language in order to function in a foreign country,
within 3-4 months of learning most languages (this was the case for
the language I had to learn which is a level IV language for native
English speakers) you will know enough to be able to make requests,
ask directions, and hold basic conversation.

Funnily enough I am taking teaching English to speakers of other
languages (TESOL) classes at my university as part of my Bachelors so
I'm familiar with how second language acquisition works, despite me
not wanting to become a teacher. The biggest issue is after graduation
I'll have to pick the language of the country I'd want to move to and
find where it's taught in my local city. I know my learning style and
unless I can use the language in useful ways often it will take a long
time for me to learn it. Sadly my university didn't have many good
choices for my last two semesters so I'm stuck learning American Sign
Language.

I do have a list of countries in the EU I'd consider moving to, and
apart from Ireland I'd have to learn either German, Dutch, or Danish.
I'd be more willing to learn French, but I'd rather not learn another
Romance language after forgetting Spanish from high school. Other than
the language issues I'd see what I could work for in where I move to.
TESOL would make my life miserable so it's a no go (ignoring the fact
I don't meet all the requirements for the certificate), but maybe
there's work for native English speakers for translating various
things for businesses?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dmirl · 2024-10-09 08:42

Idrk why I'm saying this here, but I recently learned what mutual love
is. Wow.. <3 It's such an incredibly satisfying feeling. I feel needed
and loved when he comes up to me, looks into my eyes and smiles. He
asks me ridiculous questions because he's in love with me, he waves at
me from afar or when he comes up behind me...... I'm so happy. It
really brings me back to life

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Switch · 2024-10-09 11:26

>>84465
...ok

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cowboy · 2024-10-10 16:17

ive been with my girlfriend   for 4 years prior to that i had an
ex/friend we slowly distanced cause i was  just a lot and to be fair
so were they. After it I decided that feeling of possessiveness and
always wanting to be around someone wasnt love, and wasnt sustainable.
So I never felt like that about my current girlfriend, and in a sense
its worked out a lot better we obviously have been together for a long
time. I am a good boyfriend everyone seems to think that including
her, and her friends often say how lucky she is and really like me,
and i take a lot of pride in it but in the way someone takes pride in
their work. Most of this does not come naturally I just think a lot
and make considerable efforts, when she does stuff for me its like she
cant help it she just had to get me this or that or whatever else.

Recently though I started being out and about more, I met someone in a
class shes a lot older and we have become friends. Ive thought about
my ex the entire time I was with my girlfriend but once i became
friends with this person it just vanished. It makes me question my
belief that love is in fact a choice and not just something that
happens, and it makes me question if ive been happy with my girlfriend
at all. I see this other person 3 times a week and almost every other
day I just think about how I want to see her again. Sometimes for very
practical normal like she comes in late and someone took the seat next
to me she sits somewhere else, and it almost will cause me to spiral.
Or when she starts talking to someone else, I get that childish
feeling of "your my friend you cant do that". Im old enough now to not
let it bother me, I know its destructive, but the fact that I feel
that way at all has me worried. I really enjoy these classes but it
can be hard to focus because I just want to talk to her the whole
time, and then when I go home I feel guilt at not being present with
my actual girlfriend.

woe is me woe is me. obviously this isnt that big of a deal, and
sometimes with these things its like I wonder if my brain is just
trying to entertain itself with drama. Unfortunately the self
awareness of that doesnt give any clarity as to whether that is or
isnt whats going on, it just makes others think you are doing it all
on purpose. Theres nothing to do about this, only time will tell, and
everyone has their own ideas about love and so everyone has a
completely different thing to say to me when I mention this. But this
is vent, so im venting to stop thinking about it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady Jessica · 2024-10-12 05:07

i never had any friends i have always been friendless, and that is
okey by me aslong as i get to talk to someone ones a week or at work i
don't feel,

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dmirl · 2024-10-12 05:40

>>84511
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The most important
thing is that you feel comfortable (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cat Mother · 2024-10-12 13:01

Life if just over. I'm only existing at this point, I never look
forward to anything, never get excited but I'm not sad either. I have
no worries and I'm bored and confused because I've never felt like
this before so I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. All the
troubles and anxieties that I've had all my life are gone and now I'm
stuck in this weird state.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Terzibashjian · 2024-10-12 16:19

>>84511
friends have a 50-50 chance of betraying you or ghosting you over some
petty bullshit anyways. like >>84512 said just make the most out of
life.

I don't want to presume that you're on the spectrum (a plurality of
imageboard users probably are, especially on lesser known boards) but
yeah, as a somewhat lonely autist myself things can get difficult. I
try to utilize healthy copes like diet, exercise, new games and media,
vacation (not fancy ones like going to a foreign country on the other
side of the ocean per se but just stuff like driving 2 hours to a
state park or whatever once every 3 to 4 months or so [USA friend
here]). When the healthy copes stop working good old alcohol and drugs
are there for me, but depending on your situation that may be a no-go.

good luck lainon.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Turner · 2024-10-12 23:32

>i am soul crushingly lonely and I feel terrible
>i despise talking to people

how do I fix this? I've been told I'm just talking to the wrong
people, but... I have good relationships online, but even
participating in activities with people that share my interests beyond
brewing soykaf and bartering feels like a chore. People invite me to
do things together but I genuinely have to tell them I don't enjoy
doing things with other people and shut them down, because it's true.
Sometimes I relent because I feel bad and guilty for being this way,
and I crave being alone again all the way through. I guess I wish I
could enjoy things like other people do, but I feel like I don't.
Feels like my brain is missing something and I'm deprived of the joy
of sharing experiences with others, with no replacement.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jens Hansen · 2024-10-12 23:48

>>84522
Sometimes people do activities with other people not because they
enjoy the activities, but just the company of other people.
Personally, I prefer solitude, and seldom feel lonely. Different
people, different wiring.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Elliot Alderson · 2024-10-13 06:58

I can't converse with anyone irl and it's driving me insane. I've been
going to coffee shops because I don't know what else to do. I bring a
book so that I have something to do while I sit there and drink coffee
and have my lunch. Sometimes a girl will come sit next to me or across
from me at a table next to me, which indicates some sort of interest
in interacting because they could have chosen to sit anywhere else but
instead went with sitting next to me. I look up from my book, they
smile, I return their smile and make a mental note of their probable
interest, I go back to reading, and that's that. I understand that I
should say hello. I understand that by not saying hello and instead
going back to reading, I'm inadvertantly signalling disinterest. I
still can't say hello. I want to scream.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jens Hansen · 2024-10-13 08:49

>>84522
>Feels like my brain is missing something

You're just not in the right state of mind to enjoy socializing. You
have to be in the moment and basically immerse yourself in direct
experience and react to it without thinking. This is ultimately the
difference between extroverted and introverted people. The introvert
is exhausted because he processes everything through a layer of
internal monologue which requires energy and as consequence he
develops a preference for stability and predictability in his
environment because it's easier to handle. Even though you value
having connections with people and being part of a group, your primary
mode of processing the world makes it feel like a "chore".

In the short-term, you could try various social drugs, they might open
you up and give you at least a different perspective, then once you
can differentiate between these modes, perhaps you can switch modes
whenever the situations calls for it. If you need to solve an abstract
problem or ponder a philosophical question, you step into introverted
mode. If you need to attend to your direct experience and react to it
without delay, then you step into extroverted mode. This is why most
people drink when they go out, because alcohol seems to help some
people enter that state more easily, although you also sacrifice some
of your other mental faculties.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dmirl · 2024-10-13 08:57

>>84526
First of all, I would like to know (if possible) how old are you? But
I think you need a) you can try yourself at running your own blogs. in
the sense that you don't have to reveal your identity, but just talk
somehow, pretending that you are interacting with someone or
responding; b) you can create your so-called anonymous personal diary
on social networks where you can be sincere with yourself, without
fear that anyone will find out your identity (from this is really
easier, since you will be able to understand yourself better).
personally, I used 2 options and it helped me, even though it was a
difficult path for 2 years, and even though occasionally I am also
closed, but the fact that I have become much freer is already
pleasing. And I hope you can do it too, dude. I really believe in you
(｡•‿•｡)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pris · 2024-10-13 13:37

>25
>Ugly, dumb and weird
>Molested as a kid
>Both times I tried to have sex with a woman I got a panic attack and
puked everywhere
>Only sex I've ever had was with my abuser
>No self esteem, hate myself
Will I ever get to be loved? I just want to cuddle with someone,
anyone at this point, I don't even mind if it's someone I'm not
attracted to.
For now I'm lifting weights and going to work but I think about
killing myself everyday because I'm so desperately lonely.
I've been told to go into a relationship take it slow and then drop
the "I got molested" speech once I have build enough trust, I can't
even get a first date that's how repulsive I am, never even went on a
date.
I have friends and little siblings but I just feel so alone, should I
just kill myself? I can't fuarrrking take it anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Jones · 2024-10-13 13:44

>>84542
>should I just kill myself?
Please somebody say yes, all I need is for someone to recognize how
hopeless my situation is so I can finally free myself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Bobby Newmark · 2024-10-13 14:03

>>84543
No

(go get a therapist or start meditating and get your head out of your
ass)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Random · 2024-10-13 14:07

>>84544
My country's therapists suck ass, also I've been doing 30 minute
guided meditation everyday for the past 2 years.
You got any more enlightening advice? I've basically spent my whole
life self improving already

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Liet Kynes · 2024-10-13 14:23

>>84545
you're uhh
- convincing yourself that you're ugly, dumb and weird which literally
makes you that (negative feedback loop)
- can't come to terms with your trauma
- want "love", whatever that is? is it gonna solve your problems? are
you ready to receive it?
- putting your self worth on arbitrary soykaf
- not thinking how to solve these problems
- somehow didn't figure this out meditating for 2 years

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cereal Killer · 2024-10-13 14:37

>>84546
>- convincing yourself that you're ugly, dumb and weird which
literally makes you that (negative feedback loop)
I don't believe in the lookist "beautiful people think beautiful
thoughts" retoric
The reason I think I am stupid and weird is because I get told often
how weird I am and can't perform basic task due to drug abuse when I
was a teenager so yeah I'm kind of dumb.
Also I don't think a 25 yo male virgin can be considered attractive.
>- can't come to terms with your trauma
"Just stop having panic attacks dude it's all in your head"
>- want "love", whatever that is? is it gonna solve your problems? are
you ready to receive it?
It's not gonna solve all my problems but it'll make me less suicidal
for sure yeah, I just need to self improve more I guess and maybe one
day I'll be ready I guess, the way you put it sounds like I don't even
deserve this basic human right, my fault for getting my ass raped,
right?
>- putting your self worth on arbitrary soykaf
Shut the fuarrrk up what even is that argument, like I get that you're
trying to help but cmon, does this even make sense to you?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dujour · 2024-10-13 14:52

>>84542
>but I think about killing myself everyday because I'm so desperately
lonely.
>should I just kill myself? I can't fuarrrking take it anymore
>Please somebody say yes, all I need is for someone to recognize how
hopeless my situation is so I can finally free myself.
Go monkmode for a month.
Avoid all electronics outside of work.
>bored
Write. Sew. Learn about plants.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Unidentified · 2024-10-13 15:05

>>84550
>ebooks
No. Physical medium only.
>music
Only if you're playing the instrument. A good time to learn how to
play if you don't already.
>waaah need digital stimuli
The idea is to get yourself away from outside stimuli that you have no
direct manipulation of. You  can be engrossed in an ebook, but you
can't accidentally tear the page, and thus don't appreciate it's
fragility.. Monkmode is a means of grounding yourself, and to take
pleasure and appreication in the little things of everyday life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
CmdrMeowers · 2024-10-13 15:08

>>84552
Yeah I appreciate physical copies of books but lately I have been
stuck playing steam and reading ebooks too much :(

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roger Pollack · 2024-10-13 15:11

>>84552
>Monkmode is a means of grounding yourself, and to take pleasure and
appreication in the little things of everyday life.
Yeah I get that, I'll try doing that because I obviously have nothing
better to do but this all kind of seems like a cope imo, I don't mean
to diss your lifestyle but this all kinda sounds like "don't worry
about being alone forever as long as you manage your screentime you'll
be alright"
I'll try monkmode cause why not but I strongly doubt that this will
make me less suicidal.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Frank Garza · 2024-10-13 15:11

>>84553
Then when you wake up tomorrow, disconnect. Go find some chickweed
growing near you. Go find a plant you don't know the name of an draw
it's leaves. See if there are any similarities.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Smith · 2024-10-13 15:17

>>84554
No offense taken. I can't promise you it'll help, but I'm hoping it
might. The addiction of consuming social media is detrimental to the
psyche. If you can find happiness within yourself, if you can learn to
love yourself (without fapping/shlicking, ideally) you won't demand
anothers love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Six · 2024-10-13 15:39

>>84542
no unhelpful platitudes, just wanted to say I'm praying for you lain,
you seem nice and I hope you find someone

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-10-13 17:18

If nothing else, this thread is making me feel less alone in being
alone. It's hard for everyone, huh?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent Richard Gill · 2024-10-13 17:52

>>84562
Nooo my depression is unique and special, except im not depressed it's
everyone else's fault, I'm the first person to ever feel truly alone,
you're just a glitterboy if you ever express any hope or positive
sentiments!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
藤原純一 · 2024-10-14 03:30

>>8457


beauty is not everything

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lain Iwakura · 2024-10-14 10:16

Might be some weak soykaf compared to what others here are dealing
with, but I'm going through losing a lover/friend for the first time.
It feels like hell. I wonder if I'll ever find anyone like her again.
I wish I knew how to deal with it. Maybe I should just become a real
person in case someone so affectionate drops from the sky again. I am
one of those apartments with nothing  in it but a TV and a matress on
the floor. Stable, good enough for some, but so very dull and empty.
No wonder she moved on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. X · 2024-10-14 19:54

fuarrrk I can't figure out how to approach that mostly lesbian girl to
get closer to her. She's not easy to figure out for starters.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Drifter · 2024-10-14 20:36

Champagne problems: being a renter, and really internalizing the
implications of that, has gouged out the part of my brain that found
tech, or other hobbies, interesting more-or-less for its own sake.
Money spent on radios, equipment, or time spent on hunting cheaper
prices for above, time spent working with above, is all pointless
relative to accumulating as much money as possible to acquire the most
aggressive mortgage possible on some overpriced house in order to get
out the precarious situation in which losing my job, or becoming
disabled, or acquiring some rare disease with resulting medical bills,
means I go homeless, or back to my parents' place.

My dark, secret hope is that political change brings some kind of
absolution from this undead way of living.

but for now, kubectl get pods!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Phantom Phreak · 2024-10-15 00:08

got a cold
got loads to do at work
fumin

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Bloggs · 2024-10-15 16:05

Lainons.
This girl keeps fuarrrking winking at me (in a group setting).
Like I am pretty sure she has winked at me specifically like 6 times
in the last 2 days.
I just smile back.
What do

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tank · 2024-10-15 16:27

>>84623
talk to her, dumdum.
"Hey uhhh why do you wink at me?"
easy as potatoes

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zhora · 2024-10-15 17:15

>>84624
not poster your replying to but this sort of question can be really
intimidating to some people, although maybe its not the sort of people
you want around anyway. As in thats totally not a bad idea at all  its
the honest and straightforward thing to do, I just know some people
totally crumble at that kind of question. I had a friend who would ask
stuff like that like just blow every little subtle gesture I did into
the open which was cool cause I learned a lot answering but there was
times when itd make me so anxious I wanted to run. Not just me either
shes made total strangers kind of break.  I never thought badly of her
for it though in fact I thought it was admirable, again stressing
totally not a bad idea just food for thought.

im a little snake roach creature thing  so id probably just start
talking to the person more on on one and asking every other question
except why they are winking at me until I feel its the "right time"
whatever that means. Hence why people asking stuff like "why do you do
x body language thing around me" make me anxious. I get scared to know
the answers to questions like that, I always try to figure it out
before im told for some reason. I dont reccomend its tedious work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Elliot Alderson · 2024-10-15 23:08

>>84623
Since she likes sign language, blow here a kiss. If she smiles, go
over and say hi. If she looks at you funny, forget her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Project 2501 · 2024-10-16 06:51

>>82800
can you elaborate ? I can't picture it in my head, hypertrophy means
you having bigger muscles, is that a problem ?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
HELIOS · 2024-10-16 10:09

hey, sorry for the way i treated some of you. i can be a brusque and
brash person, and i got my own history and life issues to boot. so
just know that if some anon really went at you some day past, insulted
you, agitated you, that might have been me. hope it didn't made you
feel too bad. it's jut how i am, you know, i get like that sometimes.
know that when you are negative towards others, even just online, it
seems like nothing but can have an insidious impact, so please just
think about that before you start soykaf. typically you barely even
gain anything out of being aggravating...
there are many other people like me out there that get dark like that
sometimes, so please just keep that in mind and know that some persons
have their own reasons for being cunts, and that yea, they need love
also. (especially).
understand them also, but don't let yourself be hurt by them also. it
would bother me if i really hurt some people because i shat up a convo
and called someone strong words.
the right hand path seems to be victory over the dweller on the
threshold and thus liberating path to enlightenment.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Bloggs · 2024-10-16 14:44

>>84623
>in a group setting
Tell me you're a high schooler w/o telling me lmao

----------------------------------------------------------------------
sage · 2024-10-17 00:45

>>84645
I'm in grad school
lmao

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Plague · 2024-11-16 17:00

I am a nonwhite white supremacist.
I genuinely believe white people are inherently better. They just have
a better look about them. A better inherent internal quality. Of
course, as with any people there are highs and lows in the population
representation. But the heights of whites is masterful excellence; the
average individual in many other races are very base and animalistic.
Overall Europeans are much more decent and I like them a lot.
It's all still a bit confusing for me but I've been thinking for years
that I am frustrated that white people aren't more supremacist
overall. There are still many traitors out there and I'm getting tired
of waiting on your reign.
All the best established values we rely on stem from the
enlightenment, in terms of scientific achievements, morality
(partially) and sociopolitical common sense. I don't get why you're
still listening to users that want to covertly subvert and crash these
things. I hope you get your soykaf together, shake yourselves, and
establish a resolute dominion where you put yourselves first. Cherish
your heritage, and I hope you'll use me well when the time comes, as
well as any others like me out there.
I am conscious that some people might find this cringe for various
inane reasons, but I don't really care. I find you cringe in return
for not seeing the obvious. Instead of replying with common emotion-
driven low-IQ takes, take a good hard look at the world and
contemplate what it might look like in a hundred years. Putting aside
all the cope, you might even come to agree with me on this.
White men and women can be super attractive. They can be cute, manly,
feminine, strong, sensible, loving, refined, etc-etc. They are truly
the race of the soul. I didn't find this in any other race.
As with everything we believe, we are always at risk of being wrong,
but I really don't think I am. I'm still respectful to other people,
but I think the world needs to address these sorts of issues. I want,
for example, Africans in America to return to their ancestral lands.
That would already be a righting of many wrongs, although America is a
complicated situation. I want a EU that's an ethnostate in essence,
protective of its roots and defensive of its lands, traditions,
values, history and people.
Yes, I've been called all the names in the book for this. But that is
my faith and it's what I believe. And I shall not be sorry nor
apologize for this. This is my thoughtcrime, and I hold it very dear
to me.
Too many snakes and bastards are agitating against my bad guy
viewpoint for me to be wrong...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Major · 2024-12-11 13:28

Things have been going so well, yet I am somehow destroying my life. I
see the psych in 2 minutes. I'll get back to this