Let's face it, life sucks and it isn't getting any better. So if you were thinking of ending it all today, well just know you and your depressing thoughts aren't alone. But, how about, instead, let's take advantage of the holiday today and have some cake, or cookies, or give a gift to someone. Don't know anyone? Everyone you ever loved dead or abandoned you? Even your dog ran away? Well, go buy a gift and give it to a stranger. Can't afford a gift? Steal one! Go head, it's a holiday after all!. And here's the good news. Tomorrow is also a holiday, as well as tomorrow's tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow, etc... In-fact every day is a holiday if you look hard enough. Well look no more because I'm going to add to this list every day, starting today March 18th, 2025. 2025-03-18: Forgive Mom & Dad Day Can you remember the first time you realized your parents aren't godlike supreme beings with unlimited wisdom and intellect. When they were ... *GASP* human? Or ... maybe you actually had pure shitheads for parents (or one of them), maybe they were abusive or molestive or just generally monsterous. Or maybe something in-between those two extremes. Well then today, make some cookies or something and forgive (but don't forget) Are they *still* a monster? Well then don't tell them you forgive them just do it silently and for your own mental wellbeing. Well that's all I have for you today, check back tomorrow for another excuse not to kill yourself. Don't forget that the Big One: Spring Equinox is coming up soon! 2025-03-19: Let's Laugh Day First off let me say I decided to add the 19th holiday on the 18th as it would be nice to know what tomorrow's holiday is. Now for the 19th there were quite a few options including the Equinox however for me the equinox is on the 20th in my particular part of the woods so I'm saving it for then. So, if you're so depressed you had to come to this gopher page to find a reason to make this day worthwhile then you're not in a state of mind where someone saying "just smile" or "just laugh" or "fake-it-till-you-make-it" is going to do anything for you except make you want to punch them in the face. So ... I would say the best way you could celebrate Let's Laugh Day is to find something that genuinely makes you laugh. For myself one idea that comes to mind is listening to Brian Regan. I love his sense of humor and especially the "Boots on the ground" joke. I don't know why but every time I hear it I picture our military air-lifting a metric shit-ton of boots over the enemy and incapacitaing them not with bullets or missiles or soldiers but just footware. I picture troops and equipment not able to mobilize because there's so many goddamned boots on the ground! 2025-03-20: Spring Equinox! Yes, that's right folks, it only happens twice a year. The "equal night", that one and only day when the amount of daylight is equal to the amount of darkness. The good news for this one, vs the one in the fall, is that after today we start to see more daylight than night. I have my banner printed out with my commodore computer on traction-feed paper, my wife colored in the banner with crayons. So how about y'all suicidal maniacs try something like that: Be childish, eat way too much candy or ice cream, have cookie crisp for dinner, watch cartoons, call in sick and just generally give up on adulting for a day. It only gets brighter from here! Well, only with respect to the amount of sunlight, the world will continue to suck for a while but don't stress it today. 2025-03-21: (My) Mother's Day In some parts of the world (not where I am) March 21st is Mother's Day. So why did I pick Mother's Day for 3/21? Well because it is, or rather was, my mom's birthday. She died a few years ago so I wanted to take today to remember my mom and since none of you knew my mom well then you'll just have to remember your own moms. If she's still alive why not give her a call. I know you'll be doing it again on May 11th if you're in the US when the official Mother's Day is observed, but you know what if your mom is anything like mine was she deserves to be remembered more than once a year! If this unofficial mother's day isn't "doing it for you" today, well then I give you an alternative: "National Countdown Day". You can count down all kinds of things such as the end of civilization, the end of the day, the minutes until lunch, or your birthday when your ungrateful spoiled kids fail to remember you and call you and wish you a happy birthday. Happy Birthday Mom! 2025-03-22: Goof off day, anyone? Okay so there's not a lot of options for this particular day. There's Goof Off Day but to be honest most days are goof off day for me so if you feel like you need to goof off, then do it. Otherwise how about making it an unofficial birthday, a very merry unbirthday TO YOU! Why should you only have one birthday a year? Go call your friends (if you have any), demand that they give you presents and bake you a cake and sing that goddamned annoying "happy birthday" song. Is today your *actual* birthday? Well, then goof off instead. Don't have any friends? Well then go buy a cupcake, buy yourself a gift, wrap it up, do the whole candle/song/wish/blow-out-candle thing all by your lonesome in your kitchen, unwrap your present, pretend to be surprised and a bit dissapointed, and then get drunk and watch old episodes of Columbo. Well, very merry unbirthday/goof-off day all, hope to have something more uplifting tomorrow. 2025-03-23: Atheist Day Okay first off sorry for posting this late but I was still in "Goof off" mode so there ya go. Believe in God? Well there's already enough holidays for you to you can piss off today because this day isn't for you, it's for unbelievers or more specifically for those who believe there is *not* a God, or a god (big G, little g, any kinda "G". Started in 2003 from a fictional artical about an atheist who sued the US government for there not being an Atheist day. Now before you all get your panties up in a bunch remember this story was fiction The lawsuit was fiction. You know what fiction means right? You should the world has been arguing, fighting, killing, voting, posting hateful tweets over fictions for ... ever. Anyway if there are any other atheists out there then this day is for you. How to celebrate? Well it's Sunday so start by not going to church. But of course you weren't going to do that anyway. Well if you live in an area where you regularly find religious "tracs" (am I spelling that right) littered around public areas like parks, trying to get people to fear hellfire and eternal damnation, then you can go for a stroll, pick up these tiny pieces of hate-paper, throw them away, and maybe spread the good word that hell isn't really but you're cleaning up your parks at the same time. 2025-03-24: Argentine Memorial Day. So what are the Argentinians (Argentines?) memorializing (remembering?) They are remembering people who disappeared during a coup which took place in 1976 and the nation was held under military/authoritarian control until 1983. This is especially important for U.S. citizens to remember as history is repeating itself now, albiet in somewhat different ways. 2025-03-25: International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing Staff Members Okay so it doesn't exactly roll off the tounge, could have just named it "Solidarity Day" but nope... This day recognizes former journalist Alec Collett. He was kidnapped at gunpoints (multiple gunmen) in 1985 while he was working for the UN Relief & Works Agency for Palestine Refugees. But more generally this day recognizes overall dangers UN staff members face in their positions trying to do some kind of good in a world filled with, and run by, monsters. 2025-03-25: Make up your own Holiday Day I guess you'll just have to use your immagination on this one. Personally I think I'll go with Cleveland Loves Canada day. Why? I've read more than a few posts on r/Cleveland (Reddit) from Canadians considering coming to the Cleveland area for a visit and concerned about "American Hate". Of course every single response is my response (if I could be bothered to respond): Cleveland loves Canada, for the most part most people in the uS love Canada. Even the really shitty people are at worst indifferent to Canadians. If there was a war between the US and Canada, first off FUCK YOU US MILITARY FOR NOT HAVING A GODDAMNED BACKBONE! And secondly, I would side with Canada and gladly help them annex Cleveland, if Canada would have us. But hey, it's your holiday, so you do you. 2025-03-26: National Joe Day. A celebration of the name Joe or maybe a cup of Joe (coffee). I don't know man I have no idea how this got started but I guess you could remember all the Joes you've met and if you know a Joe now buy Joe a cup of Joe. If you don't know Joe, well maybe just call random people Joe. Or call everyone Joe, know what I mean, Joe? --- indefinately --- You know what? I've grown tired of updating this text file. So from now on, unless it's a specific, known, holiday, then consider it to be "Cleveland Loves Canada Day". A day to remind Canada that despite our steaming pile of shit in the White House, most of this country (the US), and specifically Cleveland, loves Canadians, and Canada. If there was a war between the US and Canada, Cleveland (including me) would side with Canada and fight FOR (not against) Canada, and would hope that Canada would annex Cleveland. .