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CHAPTER ONE: Peers and Social Calamities

"If this world were meant to be divided into social classes, groups, 
races, and nationalities, then it turned out how it was planned." -Tom, on 
Vicodin.

We would like to begin this chapter by discussing our severe disgust with 
the distasteful division of so many around us. What a mouthful. How is it 
that one becomes "cool?" How can one improve one's social status? Why? 
When? Where? Who cares? Pizza party!!!! WOO HOO! Anyhoo, the division of 
those in school, and the entire world for that matter, seems like a waste 
of time, money, stuff, management, stuff, time, and people. You might be 
thinking that we are only ranting because we got the bad end of the social 
spectrum, and maybe you are right... But you aren't. We are not on the bad 
end, or any end. You might describe our status as vagrants, floating from 
class to class not particularly caring about our social standing.  Let us 
start our spastic attack of these classes with several examples in 
history.

Take first into example Cavemen.  Such carefree lives, scrounging for 
food, only worrying about the first two levels of Maslow's pyramid of 
human need, and not knowing of anything but the walls inside of their 
caves. But then, when the homo sapiens started collecting together into 
large groups, there suddenly seemed a need for certain roles in the 
society. For instance, women, the rightful, natural female roles such as 
having and taking care of children, cleaning the cave and not voting; and 
the men, hunting, bringing food, and ensuring the survival of the species. 
Certain roles were needed to provide a comfortable safe lifestyle. Here we 
have the beginning of social classing. But this classing had a purpose, a 
reason for existing, and more importantly a proper role in life. It only 
made sense that certain tasks should be divided between the groups.

Jump forward a couple miles on the timeline and find wealth, property, 
trade, and a booming Roman Empire. Rome was flourishing and two main 
social classes, peasants and nobility, were ever present in daily life. 
Don't you feel sympathy for the peasants, most having no choice in their 
life? No way to better themselves or just about anything in Rome. And then 
the nobility. Also most born into this class. I wonder who started these 
classes in Rome, it must have been some chap that got greedy and robbed 
the other one, spawning hatred for thousands of years to come. Back on 
topic, the peasants made their way by doing hard work such as farming and 
exhibiting as much of their natural skill as they could. Lucky for them, 
the government was right there to take most of it away, to fund tasks that 
would usually have no effect on the lives of the taxpayers. Rome did have 
many accomplishments, all that road and their fancy dancy architectural 
developments that one could argue "bettered mankind" but weren't we all 
better as cavemen? But the social classing was horrendous. And isn't that 
all that matters? Well... at least in this chapter.

Lets move onto another race.  Middle Age England was possibly the best 
example for a socially impaired environment.  The King, being of divine 
right when James I took over, was the biggest asshole in European history.  
He assumed that himself, along with his closest friends, family, and ranks 
of nobility, deserved to be big pimpin' up in NYC while the rest of the 
peasants were simply hammertimin' it.  This brought about the emergence of 
the middle class. The middle class was a good invention of the middle 
class.  They were the "hard workers," trying to make themselves and those 
surviving them a better life. This kind of seems a lot like the generation 
right after the Great Depression eh? Well after my Canadian dialect and 
maple syrup, this brings about some linkage into the futurage huh? Neat-o. 
Why didn't the teachers in school think of that? Whoops, got a little off 
topic. The middle class was the first "out of closet," realization of the 
current life, and attempt to change it. Finally a way for those born into 
lower classes to better themselves.

I will end our history of the social class with a paragraph, and will 
entitle this paragraph Adolf Hitler: Madman or Genius. After many hours of 
consideration, I have considered that one of the biggest problems with the 
social class today is not looking at the views of the opposite side. 
Wow-what an obvious statement. Yet isn't it amazing that most people do 
not follow or even consider to look at the views of their enemies?  I have 
looked at the horror that Adolf befell upon the world and have thought 
about it from his point of view.  Brought up in a fallen country, this 
scared little former bedwetter obviously had some sort of inferiority 
complex. So the man began to bring down people around him who weren't like 
him, eventually settling on Jews, along with his other attackees, 
including gypsies, Africans and homosexuals. He honestly thought that 
himself and his nazi and Aryan race were above the rest of the world, and 
that all others should be gotten rid of.  If you consider yourself, how 
often do you change your ideas, however radical they are to the people 
around you? So many countries told him he couldn't be doing what he was.  
Do you notice that the killing picked up when the real war started?  
Hitler was pissed at England, Russia, and Poland, so raided the countries 
under his control of all under social classes.  Social classes start wars, 
and that is all.

Moving onto the present situation.

The Preps  
Of most things that piss me off, this is one of them. Preps. I really 
don't know what to say. Let's try idiots. I'm sorry, but being part of a 
group based on arrogant assholeness and clothes really just doesn't suit 
me. Why pay 60 dollars for a shirt you can get at Marshall's, with 
permanent marker over the original tag, but not enough that you can't read 
it, for 10 bucks. And I suppose making fun of people is cool, why not make 
people feel bad about stuff they can't help. What a laugh when they are 
hiding in your room with a shotgun. To put it bluntly, preps give life a 
bad wrap. I really don't think girl preps are bad, because girls have some 
weird desire to look totally awesome, and they go for it. I won't lie, 
girls look good in tight Abercrombie shorts. Guys do too... Wait... I'm 
straight. But the only reason guys wear preppy clothes, is to get girls. 
As a matter of fact, that is the only reason most guys do ANYTHING at all. 
Lucky for ourselves, we have realized early the meaning of life. But also, 
for another chapter. I'm sorry preps, but you suck.

The Bad Kids
Hehehehe. Rebellion. Brings me back to the days of Stalin, hiding in my 
secret hangout, dirty as all hell, just waiting to pop a cap in some 
leaders be-to the shizzal-hind. I am not a woman, so I really can't say 
what it is that makes rebelliousness so attractive, but once again another 
thing guys do to impress girls. But the bad kid motif runs deeper than 
that however. It's soooo fun to be a bad ass though. There is something 
about spiting those trying to make your life a success just so enjoyable. 
I like to be bad. To rebel against control seems to be in the very nature 
of human. An awkward sentence but sensible nonetheless. That makes you 
wonder if we shouldn't just go back into the caveman days.

The Geeks and Nerds
There is a very apparent difference between a geek and a nerd to someone 
who is not a prep or badass. First of all, a geek is a child who is 
unaccepted by the general populous, usually for a very good reason. Most 
geeks are recognized by their spastic attitudes and awkward social 
behavior.  Loud, obnoxious, annoying beings these geeks are, that are ever 
present in the hallways, from bell to bell, clogging the already 
cholesterol filled arteries of high school life.  These are kids always 
attempting to pick fights and look cool when they know deep down that 
theres just no chance in hell for them to fit in.  That is one of the 
things they have in common with the group closest to themselves, other 
than the strange odor coming from their selves. Freq
1f66
uently referred to as 
the "Circle of Suck," proving once again birds of a feather flock 
together.  Yes, nerds are the duck billed platypi of the social classes, 
sitting directly above the pimply ass of the social world, the geeks.  
Nerds are commonly spotted by several factors.  They are the kids in the 
halls for the shortest amounts of time, never using lockers and rushing to 
their advanced classes, pocket protectors protecting pockets for all to 
see.  Yes, they do love to jest their own jokes at the rest of their 
peers, often hearing the random statement including the common nerd phrase 
"ignoramus maximus," derived from one of many Latin classes, only burying 
their small self esteem deeper into the ground. MENSA RULES!

The Jocks
The jocks. As if their pre anabolic testicles weren't small enough, might 
as well kick it down a notch.  Just wait until Susie sees what Jim is 
packing-sure we can throw a pass eighty yards down field, but he just cant 
run to the goalpost in the sack, if you know what I mean. These 
blueberry-sized boys are often found deep inside the gym or deep between 
their cheerleading girlfriend's legs.  But for either reason, people such 
as the bad kids hate them, the geeks and nerds look up to them, and the 
preps seem to control their dimwitted counterparts. A conversation with a 
jock is a like having sex with a couch; it's there and it feels good, but 
there's just no response and it doesn't pay off at the end, never 
swallowing any thing you give it. Have you ever heard the gears of a jocks 
brain start to turn as you attempt to explain that they just won the game? 
And you thought that was the crown cheering.  Oh well.  I guess it sucks 
to be a semi jock-one of those kids who made it on the team but just 
didn't get the scholarship. Flipping burgers doesn't really require too 
much brain thought, but it also doesn't pay the bills, so by the time the 
hunnies is gone and da cash stops rollin', Jim is stuck trying to find his 
nuts in the couch.

The Stoners
Everyone knows the familiar counterparts of the Bad Kids, you know, that 
strange exotic signature of marijuana every morning. Visine toting, body 
spray carrying, dime-bag bearing few but proud stoners. But at least they 
accept everyone, seeing new people as funny, because they are so high they 
just laugh, or as potential business customers. Yes, just ask for one 
simple transaction, and you have just made some new friends. You have to 
love the stoners, because they can be from potentially any group. Except 
for the preps. The prep stoners are a different group. Real stoners are 
cool. Prep stoners are assholes that are high. Stoners take pride in the 
marijuana, and various other substances, never denying unless a possible 
investigation is in store. Nonchalant about the future, uncaring about the 
present, just trying to relax and have a good time. Sentence fragment 
anyone? But can you really blame the few who have it so bad, that they 
just need to find alternative means of letting go? At least they don't 
kill themselves, although I am sure that dying is just as trippy as any 
drug. The conservative stoner never gets himself into trouble with money 
or police and stay within bounds of weed. Then you come across the 
hardcore stoner. PCP, LSD, really, REALLY spacey. Forgets name, address, 
fone number and just about anything. Who cares about the rest of their 
short lives? Certainly not the latter stoners. They are probably the 
single social that really deserves to stick around to "ease the tension" 
for all. CHRONIC BROWNIES FOR EVERYONE!

The Foreign Kids
In America nowadays, the minorities have taken back what they think is 
theirs. I say this country is certainly overdue for another Civil War. In 
schools, the minorities are slowly taking over also.  I mean, sure, you've 
got your cool kids, the Cubans, the Ricans, the 'Geuse and the Spics, but 
then you have the French, the Russians and the English. Countries like 
Cuba, Puerto Rico and Pakistan and shitty economies, so they have some 
sort of "divine right" to be here.  But what the hell gives the French 
speaking shmucks any reason to set foot on this previously unsoiled soil?  
It is my own belief that there is no reason for someone coming from a good 
economy should come to a slackening economy, such as is the current 
situation within these 51 states.  Yes, I am including the newly founded 
colony of Iraq. But back onto the topic of foreign kids. You French 
assholes need to get back on your boat, with you fine wine and perfume, 
taking your mountains of unfiltered cigarettes, and head back to your 
longer life expectancies, where you can hide and not be bothered with such 
things as helping out every other country in the United Nations. As for 
you Ricans, you can stay, because we theoretically own you. It's okay, we 
own Japan too. But I really do feel bad for the people who come from shit 
economies, because they have no chance to move up in this world. So I 
guess Pablo will just have to go home with Jim and try to find his cigar 
in the couch.

The Goths
Tortured artists really don't have to have thirty tongue piercings, do 
they?  I mean, maybe they do like to engage in nipple pain, but Oragel is 
for seniors. Isn't it strange that the darkest of folks seem to have an 
attraction to the brightest of skin?  There is nothing else to say on 
these black mofos. And how many goths do you know that are emotionally 
unstable? Probably most. So let's perpetuate the depression and let 'em 
have fun. How can a freshman have had enough emotional traumas that they 
feel the need to express themselves with black parachutes tailored into 
pants and slitting their arms? Who the fuck knows?

The Vagrants and The Floaters
This will be a relief.  I am a floater. We are floaters.  We are vagrants, 
even.  What a life it is, not being criticized by any social group other 
than our own? A vagrant is a child who can fit in with any social group, 
at any time, for any reason. Floaters posess a certain view on life that 
gives them immediate adaptable personalities, and allow them to mingle 
with all sorts of interesting people. Vagrants generally flock to where 
they can have the most fun, for the natural dopamine high is a good drive. 
Floaters generally have an above average intelligence, but this makes them 
easily bored with one group for prolonged periods of time. When you can 
have a certain lack of social class, and perhaps no self esteem 
whatsoever, a good sense of humor, and are outgoing, friends seem to come 
naturally. On the bad side, a steady long-term group is not present, so 
sometimes they feel lonely and don't realize the friends they have. Or 
maybe these people are losers. And we just are oblivious. Who knows?

The Skaters
This can be short. Get a skateboard. Learn some tricks. Skate. Meet 
skaters. Learn skater lingo. Wear skater clothes (blue jeans, skating 
logos on t-shirts), and make new friends. If you are looking for deep, 
emotional, personal people, then don't look here.

Well... I think that about sums up high-school social stuff. When you have 
a lack of humor towards the end of a chapter just about as long as my.... 
well it's long, you need to stop. So now you have a unique, kinda unique, 
perspective on the groups and reasons and stuff that is around. WOO HOO! 
PIZZA PARTY!

So not that we are promoting stereotyping or classing or fitting in, but 
high school is just poopy I guess. There isn't any way around it. You need 
to fit in or you will have a miserable time. Sorry that you weren't born 
looking great, maybe you can use your trust fund to buy some friends? You 
aren't rich either? Well, at least you are funny. You're not funny? Uh... 
well you could always use your excellent conversational skills and unique 
views about life to carry yourself through. Are you kidding me? You can't 
think of anything to say? Well, I only have one solution for you. 
Methamphetamines kid. It's crystal meth or be a loser.


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