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"The Borg won't know fun if they asimilated an amusment park." -- Torres to Seven. RE 'FUN'
People these days say too many double redundancies.
"Krik's mind raced as he quickly assessed his situation: the shields were down, the warp drive and impulse engines were dead, life support was failing fast, and the Enterprise was plummeting out of control toward the surface of Epsilon VI and, as Scotty and Spock searched frantically through the manuals trying to find a way to save them all, Kirk vowed, as he stared at the solid blue image filling up his view screen, that never again would he allow a Microsoft operating system to control his ship." -- Mike Rottmann, Reno, Nevada
Lost interest?  It's too bad, I've lost apathy.
You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
"When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly." -- Donald Douglas
"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon." -- Steel City News
"APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them." -- Roy Keir
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
"There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ..." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Main's Law:   For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:     #32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
"Age before beauty; and pearls before swine." -- Dorothy Parker
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
"Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator." -- Claude Shouse || "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." -- Joseph C. Wang
"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!" -- Daniel Hinojosa
I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Pessimist:* you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Optimist:* you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps just like this before.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Procrastinator:* you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Bureaucrat:* you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Lawyer:* you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Doctor:* you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Sales executive:* you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Internal Revenue Service:* you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Advertiser:* you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Engineer:* you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Scientist:* you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Mathematician:* you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *Philosophy:* you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute:  *English:* you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

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