_______ _ |__ __| | June 11, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Sunday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, | | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) . . : . _ '. _.:._ .' (_) '-. .' '. .-' One day in heaven... _;_ ' - ./ \. - ' / | \ - - | | - - """" \ | \ """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" `|\ ` | \ ...the Lord decided he would visit the earth and take / / a stroll. Walking down the road, the Lord encountered jgs / /_ a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why ` are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man and he could see and he was happy. As the Lord walked further, he met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy. Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I work for the Government," and the Lord sat down and cried with him. If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ Top 10 Old Folks Party Games ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ 1. Sag, You're It! .-. |'.-. .' \ / 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy \;/ `/\` '. .' 3. 20 Questions Shouted into / \ ( `/\` your Good Ear / \ \ ^ `) 4. Kick the Bucket. ^ / \ ) ( ^ 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the /'-...-'\ ( \ Nurse Says Bend Over /-.__ __.-\ ) 6. Doc, Doc Goose jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / 7. Simon Says Something `"""""` Incoherent 8. Hide and Go Pee 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 10. Musical Recliners _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .---, / .--' / / It was a striking coincidence that the / / new clerk at the soda-fountain was locally / / regarded as being a half-wit, and that the _..--"""""--/ / individual who approached him also happened / / / \ to be the possessor of one of those |:--.._____;;--:| fractional intellects. || || || || || || || || "What'll it be?" inquired semi-idiot || || || || number one. || || || || || || || || "A glass of plain soda without flavor." || || || || || || || || "Without what flavor?" || || || || || || || || The customer pondered this for a brief || || || || space. "Without chocolate flavor," he || || || || said. || || || || || || || || "You can't have it without chocolate |'.__|| ||__.'| flavor," answered the soda- jerker. \ `"""` / "Because we ain't got no chocolate. You'll jgs `-...........-' have to take it without vanilla!" _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) , A very lovely young lady smote a young man. / \ Unfortunately she did, not return the feeling. | | In desperation he went and visited a group of | | witches searching for a love potion. They \ / informed him that they no longer provided such __{_}__ an item. It was highly unethical to administer / \ a potion to someone without her permission. / |_ \ / () \ They did have an alternate solution. They / _ \/ _ \ sold him a bottle of small white pellets. > (_) (- < He was to bury one in her yard every night \ / ~ / at midnight for a month. '._ _.' jgs /"""""\ `-----` He returned to the witches six weeks later excited and thankful. He and the young lady were to wed in a month. The witch told him, ..."Nothin' says lovin' like something from a coven, and pills buried say it best." _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .-----. / '. ' .\ Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson |_.__'_.|} Motorcycle Corporation, died and went (=(_)^(_)=) to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter ;, > ,; told Arthur, "Since you've been such ;;;~~~;;; a good man and your motorcycles have ___.';;;;;'.__ changed the world, your reward is, /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ you can hang out with anyone you / | | | | \ want in Heaven." Arthur thought jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) about it for a minute and then said | | | | | | "I want to hang out with God." | /| | | |\ | \ || | | || / St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne ( || | | || ) Room, and introduced him to God. | || |___| || | Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't \ ||___|[_]|___O| / you the inventor of woman?" God said, | | / \O| | "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion. 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous." "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more people are riding my invention than yours." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to funnybone-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm