Posts by fesshole@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #B6owoOFj8x2LVkmvDs by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: 18 Jun 2026 - New Adelphi Club, Hull; 20 Jun 2026 - Cambridge Junction https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
(DIR) Post #B6qfyzzGOOr6X9TomG by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
Neighbour is an upright prick who obsessed with his lawn. Hate the prick. I also hate cats but got one 'for the kids'. In reality it's just so the bastard thing shits on his turf
(DIR) Post #B6rSQ3knIA7ZpmgIsK by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
Civil servant here who writes replies on behalf of a government minister. It's blatantly obvious when you use AI to write in, and I put you to the back of the queue for any response.
(DIR) Post #B6txlD0tXsn7WrhH28 by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 2 repeats
The crows recognise me now. They know I have dog treats and they like my dog treats. If I'm at the park there'll be dozens of the sweeties stopping by for a snack. I think the other park goers think I'm Odin collecting reports.
(DIR) Post #B7OiafFTmhBGj7b0O8 by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 0 repeats
Spain putting the smoking age up to 18 ruined the profitability of chaperoning the year 11 geography trip. Used to turn a blind eye to them sneaking out of their rooms at night in return for bringing back a multipack of Amberleaf each.
(DIR) Post #B7TKQGEG2wDZ4bmEsa by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
Returned home to find police at my door, someone broke into the shop downstairs, when I identified myself they called off the search in the garden for my body, they said they looked upstairs where I lived and said there were "signs of a struggle." I thought it was reasonably tidy
(DIR) Post #B7WLjcuVhv3nJHeQQS by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
My father was a musician and music teacher. For years, I was convinced that 'Miscellaneous' was a composer, in the mould of Sibelius et al, based on his folder, stuffed with sheet music. I asked him to play some in the car once. The baffled look still haunts me.
(DIR) Post #B7XTG2hkEbkHPf2nZY by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
What does one do with blotting paper in this day and age without fountain pens? My suggestion that we treat my wife's late grandpa's blotting paper, which she inherited, as bogroll received a downright frosty response.
(DIR) Post #B7aMeXxtXmwh6vDQ1o by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 2 repeats
I recently caught an STD from a Catholic priest after a Grindr hookup. During treatment it was discovered I had early stage prostate cancer, treated successfully with radiation. Mysterious ways indeed.
(DIR) Post #B7cNZoiSzYs9R3achE by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 0 repeats
When knocking one out to some internet based jazz material, I always look to see what plug sockets are on the wall in the background. If I see a European two pin I skip it and try and find a vid with a three pin British socket. No Brexitier, I just find it preferable.
(DIR) Post #B7citPJnEEr7UhEPiq by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
The only reason i haven't dipped my dick in peanut butter for our dog to lick off is i am afraid of her sharp teeth if she decides to chew.
(DIR) Post #B7deHgpHTtQY8BgA40 by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
I have a new cat, sweet overgrown kitten really, who used to get very curious every time I'd take a pee. He'd stick his head over the rim to watch the flow. So one day, I inevitably diverted my flow to give him a 1 second rinsing. He's stopped looking into the loo ever since.
(DIR) Post #B7fAXs94YVkfYselfs by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
If I see a bit of clothing sticking out of a closed drawer or a wardrobe door I imagine it's squeaking in pain. I HAVE to open the door/drawer and tuck it safely inside or I'll be thinking of it in pain all day. Poor thing.
(DIR) Post #B7l84vkr1UIrOk9yoS by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
Girlfriend took us both for a Nuru massage on holiday in Montreal. Highly recommend it; therapeutic, highly erotic, classy rather than seedy, a unique enjoyable experience. Anyway, she's gay now. Can't blame her.
(DIR) Post #B7tsps7P9e1Sgg2pxQ by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 0 repeats
I spend a lot of time analysing surf conditions across several parts of the uk and at major spots across the world using 16 day forecasts and multiple real-time weather data sources. I'm in my 50s and have never surfed. I can't even swim. I enjoy my hobby though.
(DIR) Post #B7ty767Crqden7z9KS by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 0 repeats
I stay in hotels a lot due to work, whenever I get in the lift with other guests, I have to have the highest floor or they win. I'm currently leading 15 - 9 this year, I've won the last two years so going for the treble.
(DIR) Post #B800I44EJE8qwSdY92 by fesshole@mastodon.social
1 likes, 0 repeats
I'm sure it's nice, but I can't ever bring myself to drink Thatcher's cider because of the name. Fuck you, Thatcher.
(DIR) Post #B86PyyJHFnbXLAzWF6 by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
People say you should let your cat out as it kills wildlife, but when my cat Neko brings in a dead bird or mouse, I leave it in the middle of the garden and a red kite comes down to collect it. My cat is in fact a bird feeder.
(DIR) Post #B881JDNkofbHL8YqNE by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 0 repeats
Not sure who's fess but my husband has started eating really healthily, quit booze and working out a lot. I suspected an affair so did some snooping and turns out it's so he can cosplay his favourite anime character. Can't decide which one I think is worse.
(DIR) Post #B8IOGRt8FAuvDN3D7Y by fesshole@mastodon.social
0 likes, 1 repeats
Best friend and I, convinced we could be pop stars (like the Spice Girls) recorded ourselves singing a song we wrote. No clue what address to use, we posted the tape to "Record Company London" with a letter and my address. Amazingly, EMI wrote back, saying sorry but best of luck.