Posts by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
(DIR) Post #B4FliJD2VkYl8i39EG by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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@pathfinder @autistics This is so true. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2000. It was long before I knew about being autistic, but I did know CFS wasn't an adequate explanation. The CFS label was a big let down because there was nobody who seemed to understand what my needs were and nothing actually helped. It made more sense when I got the autism diagnosis and then I understood that the problem is with the vast majority refusing to accept me as I am.
(DIR) Post #B4FlnZJM4XJaWhVnKi by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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7 MarchHope you're having a good weekend.We had a nice time with our friends last night. Staying away from home has just kind of eaten up my energy and I'm really tired, so I will keep this short and catch up properly tomorrow. Trying to get to bed early to allow for the clocks going forward.
(DIR) Post #B4FlnajcmLvEwSoHuy by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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8 MarchLong: audhd and cognitive declineSo I got confused by the posts on the clocks going forward yesterday after already being told firmly by someone close to me that it was definitely today.This is the second time this year that I've been caught out by the strong influence of people I care about drowning out my own sense of what I know is on the calendar.I think there's an element of cognitive decline (I get overwhelmed just looking at the calendar) but also I'm tending to not challenge if I feel something is wrong for fear of causing anger. This sounds like a recipe for vulnerability and being taken advantage of.I have raised my fear of cognitive decline to numerous doctors, but it doesn't seem evident to them, because of the way they check for it. I have a feeling that my autistic masking and pattern following habits cover it up. They normally ask things based on numbers. I can often reference multiplication tables and I feel like I'm being tested as they did when I was at junior school.I am just rigidly obeying the rules that were drilled into me, like when being coached to pass the 11+. I can still summon them up when under pressure.But why can't they see that I have sunk lower and lower at the skills that really matter to me, such as functioning and warding off vulnerability? Does anyone else know if it's is a thing for autistic masking and tendency to follow rules to disguise cognitive decline? Or is it more likely alexithymia stopping me from recognising that it's simply the effect of burnout, fatigue and trauma?
(DIR) Post #B4Flnc9tUAWtME6mVE by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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9 MarchHope your Monday is as acceptable as possible.It's foggy here outside and in. There is a repair job being done which was much more disruptive and upsetting than I anticipated 😬 this is on top of the damage to our lovely new paintwork that was only completed in December. Also got a separate person coming to do something else, parcels being delivered and lots of things I'm behind with. Why is it always Monday?
(DIR) Post #B4FlnekppnGdPNPJMP by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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10 MarchHello, how's everyone getting on today?My day has been long and tiring, but not all bad. I had a lovely lunch with a family member for their birthday. I need to just stop and be quiet now. I'll try to catch up tomorrow.
(DIR) Post #B4FlniTxyS9OyDXtce by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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11 MarchIt's a nice day here. Sending you all sunny spring greetings.I'm still a bit emotional from yesterday. It's hard to get my head round why I feel so much about something simple and almost routine. I delivered the cards I've been making, so that felt good.In the last week or two I've been feeling extra upset over things that don't normally cause that much stress. Yesterday this spilled over so that I upset someone else, too.Anxiously tiptoeing through the rest of the week so as not to stir up any other trouble. The regular Monday stuff is being done today (postponed due to the leaking pipe) and that means more people in the house (sigh). Husband is going away for a short break tomorrow and on Friday someone is dropping in to collect items we've been looking after for them. I've offered them lunch but I'm doubting whether I can actually manage it.
(DIR) Post #B4Flno0lPwMA7NvewC by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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12 MarchHello and happy Thursday! How are you doing?My day is more crappy than happy. I'm trying to figure out what's going on.I've often spoken about feeling confused in the past to counsellors. I've eased off from doing that, because it seems to lead to further confusion and grief at losing what I thought was understanding I shared with people in general.It could be that the confusion is because of SDAM and being unable to make sense of the fragments of memory which I can't get into the right order to complete a useful picture. When I get asked what I'm confused about, I've often replied that if I knew the answer then I wouldn't be confused. If I'm not careful, that makes people angry with me and then I get more confused. I'm feeling very isolated by this difference between me and the world. It's not a difference I can talk about because nobody knows what it is.
(DIR) Post #B4FlnpMQOtHGIr4TL6 by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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13 MarchHow are you doing? Hope you've got something nice happening this weekend.My visitor has been and gone. I did a small lunch and I've survived. I enjoyed chatting a bit. It's been a lot for me. My stupid, confused and jumbled up brain can't cope when remains of the old me get stirred up and today's me seems like a miserable, pointless ghost.
(DIR) Post #B4FlnqfbX4DIMd3IsC by autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me
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14 MarchHope your Saturday is going well and it's sunny where you are.I'm not having a bad day, but I have bad stuff going on in my head because of misunderstandings in the past. I know I can't fix any of it now, but that doesn't stop my subconscious giving me a beating for it in the morning as I wake up. I hate it so much that these misunderstandings were due to being mislead (clearly not my fault) yet in real life there is nobody who can empathise with how overwhelmingly it has worn me down.I'm sure I've repeated this in other words several times, but it keeps swirling round and feels new each time it comes back.