Posts by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
 (DIR) Post #B4qMB3mhWx2ljrIRe4 by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
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       @dosnostalgic I love my little dude in the back hitting the Drunk Uncle
       
 (DIR) Post #B5Y37DDBBotJdzMzy4 by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
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       I talked with a friend a while ago about how we both push being more binary trans than we maybe are because of not passing or being misgendered almost immediately ect ect. And I’ve been thinking about that lately and how I actually am pretty content with my gender presentation at the moment. I like being androgynous and I think I’m okay not being on hormones if I’m just considering who I am alone and with loved ones. What makes me dysphoric and desire to be on hormones is: being around cis people who 9 times out of 10 don’t see me as masculine even slightly 😀  my incredibly painful, progressive genetic uterus disease that could seriously damage my internal organs if I don’t get a hysterectomy like every other uterus haver in my mother’s family 😀😀 My unresolved, strange attraction to men and the belief that any man who has ever or will ever find me mildly attractive will do so unequivocally because they are straight 😀😀😀
       
 (DIR) Post #B5Y37I9Sp3tExufbN2 by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
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       But it’s like? All of that really has nothing to do with *me* you know? Like I’m going to need a hysterectomy eventually because I’m not interested in my bowels getting fucking adhered to my abdomen, and I’d like that done sooner than later tbh. But I feel like once that’s done I’ll probably feel content. I’d like to someday feel comfortable wearing dresses again, because my humble but well loved Lolita collection is really fucking cool, (and that’s hard for me because of how it reads as “feminine” when really it’s like??? I’m trying to be a walking art piece you know?) but I think if I do reexplore the kind of “”””girly”””” things I once loved I’d have to follow it up with several disclaimers about how it’s not girly for me, it’s something esoteric and different BUT that’s something *i* know intrinsically, I just don’t trust that other people, even other trans people, get it.
       
 (DIR) Post #B5Y37LQwcWeh8zs6XA by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
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       I think tbh, sometimes I will change the way I talk about my desires for HRT because my first introductions to transness was wrapped in a lot of transmedicalism. And I can’t trust that the people around me don’t feel that way. I also just- I don’t know many trans people that have the same vibe as me. Like, I see myself as a man but it’s in a mom kind of way. Because I didn’t have a father or any really close male family growing up, and my closest relationships have always been with women. So I don’t fit in with men pretty much ever, but I feel comfortable, more mentally sound, and in control being a man. I’m also disabled, sensitive, artistic, and tend to be something of a caregiver. And I like that. I like being a gentle, pitiful kind of dad character. But I’m a dad like a mom. I’m a man but always drawn in a cartoon-y, soft, style.
       
 (DIR) Post #B5Y37PB8hEOCl8VXSC by Sasukecoochieha@www.librepunk.club
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       So I guess I’m just hyper aware of *why* I don’t read as masculine. And it frustrates me. Because who’s to say a man can’t be this. I hate that to pass I have to learn to speak with less expressions or dress like a boring loser or put on some kind of facade of someone who doesn’t harbor painful amounts of empathy. I’m a little chubby and I have a soft jawline and I sing first soprano and I’ve always said I think it’s fucking baller when men can sing soprano or women can sing bass so why can’t I do it? Why does it bother other people so much that it bothers me? I think what I want is to be told that I’m doing a good job being a boy and that it’s cool that I sing first soprano as a man and cook really good and cry a lot and get scared easily and can’t lift heavy things.