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From: corleyj@lpl.arizona.edu (Jason Corley)
Subject: Grue Pun Contest Results!
Date: 05 Apr 1996 20:04:38 +0000
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THE WINNERS OF THE FIRST EVER GRUE/ZORK PUN CONTEST:


First, the entries that didn't make it into the game...[my comments
in brackets]...

--------------------------------------------------------------
From: jweinste@skat.usc.edu (Jacob Solomon Weinstein)


Three Little Adventurers and How They Grue
You Win Some, You Gruesome
The Grueberg Variations
Rhapsody in Grue
The Wrecking Grue


And, finally,
It Had to Be Grue:

"It had to be grue.
It had to be grue.
My lamp lost its spark.
I roamed in the dark,
And found someone who
Would, first, run me through,
Then on my bones chew,
And make the day
My light went away
One that I'd rue.

Some beasts of the night
Might not take a bite--
Might not cause me pain
By eating my brain.
They wouldn't do.
Nobody else in GUE
Could do so well in eating me.
It had to be grue.
It had to be grue.
It had to be grue."

[One of the many excellent songs I received in toto...it's a bit long
for the game, though...]

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Adam J. Thornton" <adam@phoenix.Princeton.EDU>

Gruevity's Rainbow.

[Short, to the point, I like it!]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joe.mason@tabb.com (Joe Mason)

"Grue Harvest": actually, a cover name for the new Zork game, "Revenge 
of Zork", which was changed at the last minute to "Return to Zork" 
because they decided revenge wasn't a Zork-like activity.  (This is a 
Star Wars joke: "Return of the Jedi" was originally called "Revenge of 
the Jedi", but when they were shooting the desert scenes they pretended 
they were shooting a movie called "Blue Harvest" to stop people from 
flooding the sets trying to catch a glimpse of the new movie.)

It's not really a Grue pun, but: Frobozz Magic Zeppelin's famous song, 
"Stairway to Zork III" -

     There's an adventurer who's sure
     All that glitters is gold
     And he's finding a stairway to Zork III
     When he gets there he knows
     If the treasures are all gone
     With a word he can get what he came for...

The Frobozz Magic Shoe company's new slogan: "Just Grue It - Frobozz"

"Jacob Grue-Grue Meets the Hooded Fang"

     Send in the Grues
     Those lurking, slurping Grues
     There ought to be Grues!

Why did the Grue cross the chasm?
To get to the other side.


[More groaners.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Julian Arnold <jools@arnod.demon.co.uk>


MUSIC
Grueing Underground
Gruie, Gruie

BOOKS
The Wandering Grue
Confessions of an Adventurer Eater
Of Grues and Men

MOVIES
Grue Velvet
The Slavering


[Terrible stuff.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Julie Brandon <julie@merp.demon.co.uk>

   Kinky sex, bums, boobs, transvestism, canibalism, darkness 
   and unadulterated adventurer consumption in:

	     The Gruey Horror Show

               (Staring Gruesan Sarandon as Janet ... )

With the ever popular tune:

The Adventurer Munch (sung to the theme of the time warp)
===================

It's astounding,
Adventurers are fleeing,
Darkness, takes control,
But listen closely,
Not for very much longer,
I'm going to,
Eat you whole.

I remember,
Munching adventurers,
Drinking, all blood from them,
The blackness surrounds me,
And the void would be calling,

LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!
LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!

It's just a munch on the leg,
And a bite of the thigh-igh-igh-ighs-ighs,
With fangs in the hips,
Not chance to fi-i-i-ight,
And it's the left pincer thruuuu-uuust,
That cuts a major neck ve-ei-ei-ei-ei-ein,

LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!
LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!

He's so dreamy,
Oh lantern free me,
So he can't see me, no not at all,
In dark dimension,
With sadistic intentions,
Well secluded, I see all,

With a bit of a stumble'n'trip,
The lamp's in a deep pit,
It's smashed, will never work again,
Spaced out on consternation,
Like he's under sedation,

LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!
LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!

Well she was climbing through a cave just having a think,
When her battery powered lamp went on the blink,
It shook her up, it took her by surprise,
She could see no light through her human eyes,
Couldn't flee the agonising pain,
She'll never forget the grue-repellant again,

LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!
LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!

It's just a munch on the leg,
And a bite of the thigh-igh-igh-ighs-ighs,
With fangs in the hips,
Not chance to fi-i-i-ight,
And it's the left pincer thruuuu-uuust,
That cuts a major neck ve-ei-ei-ei-ei-ein,

LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!
LETS SLAY AN ADVENTURER AGAIN!


[My god.  It's all there.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jholder@NMSU.Edu (John Holder)

Here ya go:
Grue
Grue Messiah
Children of Grue
God Emperor of Grue
Heretic of Grue
Chapterhouse: Grue

The Grue With One Red Shoe
Grueday the 13th
Grues & Dolls
The Count of Monte Gruesto
The Three Gruesketeers
One Flew Over the Grue's Nest

And a sequel to Whizzards game:
The Grues of Avalon


[Excellent....I mean awful.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jtilton@vt.edu (Jay Tilton)

Big City Grues (blues)
Chattanooga Grue Grue (choo choo)
The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Grue Manchu (Fu)
Gruebeard (blue)
Grue Are What Grue Eat (you)
Grue Grit (true)
The Grue Lagoon (blue)
Grue So Crazy (you)
Grue Velvet (blue)
I'm Gonna Git Grue Sucka (you)
If Grue Could See What I Hear (you)
It Had To Be Grue (you)
Just Grue and Me, Kid  (you)
My Grue Heaven (blue)
Nancy Grue and the Hidden Staircase (Drew)
Peggy Grue Got Married (Sue)
Reargrue Mirror (view)
A Room with a Grue (view)
The Taming of the Grue (shrew)
What's Grue, Pussycat? (new)


And a few that have nothing to do with grues, but I liked enough to mention
anyway.

The Fall of the Underground Empire (Roman)
White House Rock (jail)


[Whoa.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------



And now the winners, the vast majority of whom will be used in the
upcoming adventure "Grue Moon: The Legend of Ikroz" :



From: jweinste@skat.usc.edu (Jacob Solomon Weinstein)

2 Live Grue
-----------------------------------------------------
From: joe.mason@tabb.com (Joe Mason)

The famous childrens books about Winnie the Grue, his little friend 
Minx, and the young Thief, Christopher Robber.  Also a depressed Hungus 
named Eeyore, Tigger the Bloodworm, and Wol the Monkey Grinder (the only 
one in the 100 Acre Cavern who can read).
-----------------------------------------------------
From: joe.mason@tabb.com (Joe Mason)

The tale of the Quendor Civil War: "The Grue and the Bley".
-----------------------------------------------------
From: Julian Arnold <jools@arnod.demon.co.uk>

Grue Reed and the Velvet Underground Empire
Brave Grue World
Grue's Anatomy
Grue Expectations
------------------------------------------------------
From: jholder@NMSU.Edu (John Holder)

Of course, the starring actors would win Gruemmeys... ;)
Forrest Gruemp
They go camping with Gruemman canoes, fly Gruemman aircraft...
Favorite part of geometry?  Anything involving congruence...
They will protect their caves with burgruelar alarms...
They drink Burgruendy wine...
They especially like Hamburgrues from Burgrue King...
The royal family is the Hapsburgrues...
Their favorite movie is A Nightmare on Elm Street, starring Freddie Grueger.
They breed swine, namely Arkansas Razorkbacks...
They ice-skate in Zorky Park...
Their head of state lives under the White House....

[I swear I'd already come up with the White House one!]

---------------------------------------------------------
From: jtilton@vt.edu (Jay Tilton)

Grue Hawaii (blue)
Broadcast Grues (news)
Grue Jack City (new)
The Grues Brothers (blues)
The Underground Empire Strikes Back
The Best Little White House in Texas (whore)
Little White House on the Prairie
----------------------------------------------------------------------


And the overall winner is...



From: jtilton@vt.edu (Jay Tilton)

Even Cowgirls Get the Grues



Everyone slaver for Jay!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------



More entries are certainly welcome...I'm more than willing to stuff the 
game full of terrible puns...not just about grues, about any Infocom or 
other I-F references!



Thanks to everyone who entered.



--
***************************************************************************
"You turn off the light and turn on the dark, you turn off the dark and 
turn on the light --- positively marvillainous!" ---Krazy Kat, 1921
Jason D. "corleyj@tau.lpl.arizona.edu" Corley was here, but now he's gone.
