Psychological Hygiene with dr. Nobo S. Pritzel _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ _ ___| |__ ___ | |__ _ _ __ _(_) ___ _ __ ___ | '_ \/ __| | | |/ __| '_ \ / _ \ | '_ \| | | |/ _` | |/ _ \ '_ \ / _ \ | |_) \__ \ |_| | (__| | | | (_) | | | | | |_| | (_| | | __/ | | | __/ | .__/|___/\__, |\___|_| |_|\___/ |_| |_|\__, |\__, |_|\___|_| |_|\___| |_| |___/ |___/ |___/ _ _ _ _ _ __| |(_) _ __ ___ _ __ ___ ___ _ __ __ _| (_) |_ _ _ / _` || | | '_ \ / _ \ '__/ __|/ _ \| '_ \ / _` | | | __| | | | | (_| || | | |_) | __/ | \__ \ (_) | | | | (_| | | | |_| |_| | \__,_|/ | | .__/ \___|_| |___/\___/|_| |_|\__,_|_|_|\__|\__, | |__/ |_| |___/ _ _ | |_ ___ ___| |_ | __/ _ \/ __| __| | || __/\__ \ |_ \__\___||___/\__| @@@@@@@@@@ / \ __ _____ __ /_______ | || | | || |o/ o | || | | || |/__ | || | | || __ |____ / \\___| |___// || \_|_______ / \___ ___/ _|| _____\______/__________ | | -|||| / \ / \ | | \ | / \ / \ __|_|__ |_ _| / | | ____ \ \ \ / / | || | / \ \/ / | | / \ / //_ / / ___________ \______/___ .---\\__ ____/ /______ / ==== / / /| / ====___/_________/ / | / // / | / / | Dr.Nobo S.Pritzel is doctor at the department of Border areas in Psycho-Hygiene at the university of Wurzelmännchendorf. Specialized in the mental health issues of DJs, artists and others in the electronic music related workfield. He developed the Nobo S. Pritzel DJ personality test - a deep insight in the often mentally clouded psyche of 'these' people. Most probably that is YOU, so why don't you sit down and do the test and reveal your true self. Take some paper and a pen and write down the number that is before the answers you choose. At the end you calculate your score by adding all the numbers given before the answers. Are you ready!?! sit down comfortably and let's start the test: I When it is time for the next DJ to take over in the club, do you: 1 - Play a Jandek record so people can't dance and a new chapter can commence. 3 - play one giant gabberkick with a sustain release envelope of three minutes. 4 - Jump on the table and make a handstand. 6 - Stop the music and wait for applause and cheering 9 - Start a fist fight with the next DJ. 10 keep playing at least 15 more intense club bangers at the fastest BPM possible at maximum gain because the people came to see me. II On social media you will give your opinion on current news events to 'discretely' promote yourself: 1 - No, I only correspond about geopolitical events via handwritten letters sent to imaginary friends that live in different times. 2 - I only post pictures of my cat 3 - I posted something about clubbing seal babies once 7 - I see what my peers post and jump on the bandwagon 9 - I only post communist propaganda, DJs have to unionize!!! 10 - Every day on every platform! Because my opinions matter and I am a godlike being and have to lead my flock who are dimwitted lemmings. III You buy new music digitally on... 1 - Bandcamp 2 - I only download from obscure soviet postpunk tape blogs 3 - I just download on Soulseek & Russian torrentz. 7 - I play vinyl f*Ck digital that is not REAL music 9 - My assistant buys it on Beatport for me 20 - I just stream it from my Spotify, Spotify is the best! IV On your artist rider your preferred beverages are: 1 Bottle of Water 2 Raak Baby Cola 3 Tjolk Choco & banana drink 8 Desperado beer mixed with Red Bull 9 Smirnov coolers 10 Various class A substances, Champagne and quionia salad V Your dream gig is to play in which of the following places: 1 Bunker Dystopia club The Hague circa 2012 for free acidpunch 2 Golden Poodle club for 3 beers and a fallafel sandwich 3 Goth party in the Boerderij Zoetermeer 8 Coachella's Urban Stage for a bottle of water & 80$ 9 Tomorrow Land's progressive deep house stage 15 Anywhere in IBIZA...IBIZA is the best!!! VI When you miss your flight to a gig because you overslept you: 1 - Are happy you have the night off, you can spend some more time with your cat. 4 - Say you are boycotting the country the gig was in because they club baby seals. 6 - Say that you are a flat earther and you are convinced planes and air travel are a hoax. 10 - Tweet about how bad the airline is because they didn't wait for you. 12 - Blame the tourmanager. VII While traveling to your gig you read: 1 - The Shadow Wolf Cyberzine 2 - Weird Tales Magazine 3 - The newest Baz Reznik novel 6 - How to buy a house and remain a socialist digital native 8 - DJ Mag / MixMag or any other Ibiza literature. 15 - I don't like to read so I just flick through my instagram and watch Netflix moviezzzz VII How do you cope with jealousy in the 'scene' 1 - I don't care, people are only jealous at me and rightly so! 5 - I cry silently in the corner and drink myself to sleep in frustation 10 - I start tweeting how shallow and not P.C. the person that I am jealous at is and hope the person gets cancelled 20 - I will make many fake social media acounts to give as many thumps down possible, start cyberbullying and make miserable comments on the person's content, even though I never met the person in real life. Those were all the questions, now add all the numbers before the answers you chose and see what score you got... RESULTS: 8 - 12 EVAPORATING MYSTIC FELINE TYPE An aura of mysticism surrounds you, illusive with a sparkle of sinister life force. You are like an authentic cat evaporating in the shadows. You don't worry about anything and a great future lies ahead. 12 - 19 VERITABLE ANIMALISTIC TYPE You are an adventurous DJ playing varied and intense sets. Not afraid of stepping out of the bandwagon. You can, or have already, achieved a certain cult status. You are pretty stable, though you might not know it. 20 - 29 UNDERDEVELOPED CURIOUS PANCRITTIN TYPE You are curious enough to maybe find more interesting paths in your life quite easily...do just that and your future will unfold like a bold adventure! 30 - 39 UNCONCERNED MEDIOCRE TYPE You are truly middle of the road, the epitome of pedestrianism, you probably can't wait for the new Star Wars movie and think the Shawnsharank Redemption is the greatest movie ever. You have an IKEA Expedit shelving unit and categorized your record collection by color. Your mind thinks too much in boundaries. You might ponder that DJing a house record in a techno set is already getting really edgy. Maybe its time to expand your total self and have more fun in your life! 40 - 49 LETHARGIC ENNUI INDUCING TYPE You are a bit extra bland. You think Kayne West is edgy music and a pioneer of hiphop music. To be around you is mind numbingly boring. But fortunately for you a large part of the human population is in the same category so you probably won't ever notice... 50 - 59 MERITOCRATIC ELITIST BORDERLINE CULTURAL NARCISTIC TYPE Upwardly mobile, seeking status everywhere. Unaware that your achievements are unimportant and most important of all, useless in a fulfilling life. Music itself is not really important in your career, its all about your prestige & prominence. 60 - 69 MYOPIC DARK TRIAD TYPE Though people treat you in a way that will make you think you're cool, its all a facade. They really think you are a sad excuse for a human being and they are only nice because they paid a lot of $$$$$ to book you and don't want to piss off your agent. However, there is still time to change, its not too late! 70 - 100 and above GRANDIOSE DELUSIONAL PSYCHOPATIC TYPE You are truly an annoying dweeb, an exploitative sour rotten soul with delusional visions of grandeur and a god complex. Psychopathic tendencies run deep in your neurotransmitters. Trump would be proud of you! You probably DJ EDM music at plague raves.