Pax Vobis

The Single Vocation in the Present Moment

By Clare Wilson

About the time I turned twelve, I began to worry almost constantly about my vocation. Would I get married as I hoped? Would I wake up one day to find myself with a deep desire to enter a convent? Something that caused even more stress (almost a decade of constant concern, probably to be blamed upon the melancholic undercurrent in my personality!) was the fear that maybe I was somehow blocking my own religious vocation and resisting the will of God because I didn’t want to become a nun. I had read a cautionary tale— horror story might be a more apt term— in a collection of Catholic anecdotes for children, about a young woman who yielded to her mother’s pleas to stay home instead of entering a convent. Much to the mother’s dismay, her daughter stopped going to Mass, became attracted to immoral lifestyles, eventually moved in with a non-Catholic man, and finally blamed her whole spiritual disintegration on her mother. The story infected my teenage self with a lingering paranoia about what might happen if somehow I missed my vocation.

Luckily, in the intervening years, prudent and balanced priests have advised me that, in fact, the desire for the religious life is the chief sign that God has called someone to it. If a person does not have a strong attraction, then in all probability religious life is not his or her vocation.

As you can imagine, this news gave me considerable relief. I admit that I have wondered why no one told me this when I was fifteen, instead of twentyseven, since I could have gone about my intervening life with much greater peace of mind!

In spite of this welcome clarity, however, as a single person, I necessarily continue to think a great deal about the various Catholic vocations. Due to a multitude of factors in modern life (not least the fact that the rampant immorality of secular culture makes it very challenging to date anyone outside Traditional Catholic circles), quite a large selection of young practicing Catholics in my agerange— late twenties and early thirties— are single, with no clear indication that this status will soon change. Almost all these people actively desire to find a vocation, usually marriage, and settle down to the business of serving God in the path He opens for them. At the same time, though, they abide in a deep uncertainty about where to find that path in the present moment, when their lives seem to lack direction beyond fulfillment of the duties of their employment and support for their parents and family.

While I have not made a historical study of this claim, it seems likely that at this moment in history there are far more single Catholics than there have perhaps ever been. The proliferation of religious orders with different focuses and apostolates during the Middle Ages and Renaissance, and even through the Victorian and Modern eras, meant that a person in almost any walk of life could fit somewhere in the spectrum of consecrated life. It seems easy to conclude that this fact would have supported more religious vocations in general.

On the other side of the spectrum, during predominantly Catholic time periods, single persons had almost no qualms in marrying anyone they chose, or who was chosen for them, due to the fact that any potential mate would share their basic Faith and morality. And even when society at large had not been baptized, or had rejected the Faith, since marriages were contracted more for security and social advantage than for romance, not even Catholic fathers seemed to hesitate in marrying their daughters to pagan or heretical husbands. Saints Monica and Cecilia are Roman examples. St.

Clotilde married the pagan Clovis, founder of the Merovingian line of Frankish Kings. After the Protestant Revolution, Mary of Modena was wed to the Protestant James II of England.

Many such alliances resulted in the conversion of the non-Catholic spouse, but even in cases where they did not, the need for both women and men to find social stability, produce heirs, and protect family inheritances apparently received primary consideration. Those who did not actively choose the religious life could almost always find a marriage partner for practical reasons, if nothing else.

In today’s postmodern climate, after the destruction of so many Catholic institutions, however, there are only a few options for Traditional Catholic religious life (contemplation and teaching being the most common), which narrows that window for people who might desire such a vocation. Many may find themselves following the single life in the world, simply because no congregation exactly fits their particular God-given talents.

For those who desire marriage, the landscape may seem even bleaker.

Personal preference and romantic attraction are now the most common criteria for marriage. It only makes sense, therefore, that single persons prioritize the need for shared values in their potential spouses. Moreover, a single person can now live alone for his or her whole life without particular inconvenience, so there is little social or economic pressure to marry unless he or she finds a perfect match in desires and beliefs and philosophical or ethical standpoints.

If a Catholic single does not find another suitable and personally attractive Catholic in his or her parish or school or workplace, then the only option seems to remain single indefinitely. Secular-minded people, after all, may not find themselves particularly interested in dating Traditional Catholics, especially if it means exploring a new Faith and embracing it, since there are so many other romantic options who demand no such effort. Human nature remains unchanging, however, so the Catholic single person’s deepseated desire to be married and have children abides, even while it seems increasingly difficult to find a suitable match either inside or outside of Catholic circles.

For someone who is caught in this conundrum, the question of vocation frequently surfaces. After a disappointment with a potential date, it’s perhaps easy to wish bitterly that one’s vocation actually were to the religious life, since then at least the question of one’s future would be settled once and for all. Of course, this very view of religious life as a kind of escape from the suffering of the present, instead of as a chance to devote oneself to God, is itself an indication that the true vocation is not there. Nonetheless, an element of that paranoia about vocations, which young Catholics may have experienced as teenagers, creeps back in while they carry their crosses of uncertainty. They wonder: since I haven’t found a spouse at this age or that age, does it mean that I’ve made a mistake about my vocation after all? Their other lingering, and often increasing, awareness (and, in many cases, fear) is that they may live out their whole lives alone. When this thought is coupled with an abiding desire for a settled life, the years can expand ahead of single Catholics into a daunting, lonely vista.

Since peace in the will of God as it unfolds in our lives is a crucial element in the fulfillment of any vocation, these worries can be dangerous to our spiritual wellbeing. They can undermine our commitment to joy in the marvelous action of Providence. Nonetheless, it can be a constant struggle to resist the temptation towards despondency, or towards some rash course of action which seems like it will resolve uncertainty once and for all (perhaps hasty marriage or abandonment of Catholic morality in favor of easier gratification).

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