The time came at length for Charles to return to Oxford; but during
the last month scruples had arisen in his mind, whether, with his
present feelings, he could consistently even present himself for his
examination. No subscription was necessary for his entrance into the
schools, but he felt that the honours of the class-list were only
intended for those who were bonâ fide adherents of the Church of
England. He laid his difficulty before Carlton, who in consequence did
his best to ascertain thoroughly his present state of mind. It seemed
that Charles had no intention, either now or at any future day,
of joining the Church of Rome; that he felt he could not take such a
step at present without distinct sin; that it would simply be against
his conscience to do so; that he had no feeling whatever that God
called him to do so; that he felt that nothing could justify so serious
an act but the conviction that he could not be saved in the Church to
which he belonged; that he had no such feeling; that he had no definite
case against his own Church sufficient for leaving it, nor any definite
view that the Church of Rome was the One Church of Christ:—that still
he could not help suspecting that one day he should think otherwise; he
conceived the day might come, nay would come, when he should have that
conviction which at present he had not, and which of course would be a
call on him to act upon it, by leaving the Church of England for that
of Rome; he could not tell distinctly why he so anticipated, except
that there were so many things which he thought right in the Church of
Rome, and so many which he thought wrong in the Church of England; and,
because, too, the more he had an opportunity of hearing and seeing, the
greater cause he had to admire and revere the Roman Catholic system,
and to be dissatisfied with his own. Carlton, after carefully
considering the case, advised him to go in for his examination. He
acted thus, on the one hand, as vividly feeling the changes which take
place in the minds of young men, and the difficulty of Reding
foretelling his own state of opinions two years to come; and, on the
other, from the reasonable anticipation that a contrary advice would
have been the very way to ripen his present doubts on the untenableness
of Anglicanism into conviction.
Accordingly, his examination came off in due time; the schools were
full, he did well, and his class was considered to be secure. Sheffield
followed soon after, and did brilliantly. The list came out; Sheffield
was in the first class, Charles in the second. There is always of
necessity a good deal of accident in these matters; but in the present
case reasons enough could be given to account for the unequal success
of the two friends. Charles had lost some time by his father's death,
and family matters consequent upon it; and his virtual rustication for
the last six months had been a considerable disadvantage to him.
Moreover, though he had been a careful, persevering reader, he
certainly had not run the race for honours with the same devotion as
Sheffield; nor had his religious difficulties, particularly his late
indecision about presenting himself at all, been without their serious
influence upon his attention and his energy. As success had not been
the first desire of his soul, so failure was not his greatest misery.
He would have much preferred success; but in a day or two he found he
could well endure the want of it.
Now came the question about his degree, which could not be taken
without subscription to the Articles. Another consultation followed
with Carlton. There was no need of his becoming a B.A. at the moment;
nothing would be gained by it; better that he should postpone the step.
He had but to go down and say nothing about it; no one would be the
wiser; and if, at the end of six months, as Carlton sanguinely
anticipated, he found himself in a more comfortable frame of mind, then
let him come up, and set all right.
What was he to do with himself at the moment? There was little
difficulty here either, what to propose. He had better be reading with
some clergyman in the country; thus he would at once be preparing for
orders, and clearing his mind on the points which at present troubled
him; besides, he might thus have some opportunity for parochial duty,
which would have a tranquillizing and sobering effect on his mind. As
to the books to which he should give his attention, of course the
choice would rest with the clergyman who was to guide him; but for
himself Carlton would not recommend the usual works in controversy with
Rome, for which the Anglican Church was famous; rather those which are
of a positive character, which treated subjects philosophically,
historically, or doctrinally, and displayed the peculiar principles of
that Church; Hooker's great work, for instance; or Bull's Defensio
and Harmonia, or Pearson's Vindiciæ, or Jackson on the
Creed, a noble work; to which Laud on Tradition might be added, though
its form was controversial. Such, too, were Bingham's Antiquities,
Waterland on the Use of Antiquity, Wall on Infant Baptism, and Palmer
on the Liturgy. Nor ought he to neglect practical and devotional
authors, as Bishops Taylor, Wilson, and Horne. The most important point
remained; whither was he to betake himself? did he know of any
clergyman in the country who would be willing to receive him as a
friend and a pupil? Charles thought of Campbell, with whom he was on
the best of terms; and Carlton knew enough of him by reputation, to be
perfectly sure that he could not be in safer hands.
Charles, in consequence, made the proposal to him, and it was
accepted. Nothing then remained for him but to pay a few bills, to pack
up some books which he had left in a friend's room, and then to bid
adieu, at least for a time, to the cloisters and groves of the
University. He quitted in June, when everything was in that youthful
and fragrant beauty which he had admired so much in the beginning of
his residence three years before.