Another let or hindrance is strict and severe discipline, laws and rigorous customs, that forbid men to marry at set times, and in some places; as apprentices, servants, collegiates, states of lives in copyholds, or in some base inferior offices, [5896]Velle licet in such cases, potiri non licet, as he said. They see but as prisoners through a grate, they covet and catch, but Tantalus a labris, &c. Their love is lost, and vain it is in such an estate to attempt. [5897]Gravissimum est adamare nec potiri, 'tis a grievous thing to love and not enjoy. They may, indeed, I deny not, marry if they will, and have free choice, some of them; but in the meantime their case is desperate, Lupum auribus tenent, they hold a wolf by the ears, they must either burn or starve. 'Tis cornutum sophisma, hard to resolve, if they marry they forfeit their estates, they are undone, and starve themselves through beggary and want: if they do not marry, in this heroical passion they furiously rage, are tormented, and torn in pieces by their predominate affections. Every man hath not the gift of continence, let him [5898]pray for it then, as Beza adviseth in his Tract de Divortiis, because God hath so called him to a single life, in taking away the means of marriage. [5899]Paul would have gone from Mysia to Bithynia, but the spirit suffered him not, and thou wouldst peradventure be a married man with all thy will, but that protecting angel holds it not fit. The devil too sometimes may divert by his ill suggestions, and mar many good matches, as the same [5900]Paul was willing to see the Romans, but hindered of Satan he could not. There be those that think they are necessitated by fate, their stars have so decreed, and therefore they grumble at their hard fortune, they are well inclined to marry, but one rub or other is ever in the way; I know what astrologers say in this behalf, what Ptolemy quadripartit. Tract. 4. cap. 4. Skoner lib. 1. cap. 12. what Leovitius genitur. exempl. 1. which Sextus ab Heminga takes to be the horoscope of Hieronymus Wolfius, what Pezelius, Origanaus and Leovitius his illustrator Garceus, cap. 12. what Junctine, Protanus, Campanella, what the rest, (to omit those Arabian conjectures a parte conjugii, a parte lasciviae, triplicitates veneris, &c., and those resolutions upon a question, an amica potiatur, &c.) determine in this behalf, viz. an sit natus conjugem habiturus, facile an difficulter sit sponsam impetraturus, quot conjuges, quo tempore, quales decernantur nato uxores, de mutuo amore conjugem, both in men's and women's genitures, by the examination of the seventh house the almutens, lords and planets there, a [Symbol: Sun]d et [Symbol: Moon-3/4]a &c., by particular aphorisms, _Si dominus 7'mae in 7'ma vel secunda nobilem decernit uxorem, servam aut ignobilem si duodecima. Si Venus in 12'ma, &c., with many such, too tedious to relate. Yet let no man be troubled, or find himself grieved with such predictions, as Hier. Wolfius well saith in his astrological [5901]dialogue, non sunt praetoriana decreta, they be but conjectures, the stars incline, but not enforce,
[5902] "Sidera corporibus praesunt caelestia nostris,
Sunt ea de vili condita namque luto:
Cogere sed nequeunt animum ratione fruentem,
Quippe sub imperio solius ipse dei est."
wisdom, diligence, discretion, may mitigate if not quite alter such decrees, Fortuna sua a cujusque fingitur moribus, [5903]Qui cauti, prudentes, voti compotes, &c., let no man then be terrified or molested with such astrological aphorisms, or be much moved, either to vain hope or fear, from such predictions, but let every man follow his own free will in this case, and do as he sees cause. Better it is indeed to marry than burn, for their soul's health, but for their present fortunes, by some other means to pacify themselves, and divert the stream of this fiery torrent, to continue as they are, [5904]rest satisfied, lugentes virginitatis florem sic aruisse, deploring their misery with that eunuch in Libanius, since there is no help or remedy, and with Jephtha's daughter to bewail their virginities.
Of like nature is superstition, those rash vows of monks and friars, and such as live in religious orders, but far more tyrannical and much worse. Nature, youth, and his furious passion forcibly inclines, and rageth on the one side; but their order and vow checks them on the other. [5905]Votoque suo sua forma repugnat. What merits and indulgences they heap unto themselves by it, what commodities, I know not; but I am sure, from such rash vows, and inhuman manner of life, proceed many inconveniences, many diseases, many vices, mastupration, satyriasis, [5906]priapismus, melancholy, madness, fornication, adultery, buggery, sodomy, theft, murder, and all manner of mischiefs: read but Bale's Catalogue of Sodomites, at the visitation of abbeys here in England, Henry Stephan. his Apol. for Herodotus, that which Ulricus writes in one of his epistles, [5907]"that Pope Gregory when he saw 600 skulls and bones of infants taken out of a fishpond near a nunnery, thereupon retracted that decree of priests' marriages, which was the cause of such a slaughter, was much grieved at it, and purged himself by repentance." Read many such, and then ask what is to be done, is this vow to be broke or not? No, saith Bellarmine, cap. 38. lib. de Monach. melius est scortari et uri quam de voto coelibatus ad nuptias transire, better burn or fly out, than to break thy vow. And Coster in his Enchirid. de coelibat. sacerdotum, saith it is absolutely gravius peccatum, [5908]"a greater sin for a priest to marry, than to keep a concubine at home." Gregory de Valence, cap. 6. de coelibat. maintains the same, as those of Essei and Montanists of old. Insomuch that many votaries, out of a false persuasion of merit and holiness in this kind, will sooner die than marry, though it be to the saving of their lives. [5909]Anno 1419. Pius 2, Pope, James Rossa, nephew to the King of Portugal, and then elect Archbishop of Lisbon, being very sick at Florence, [5910]"when his physicians told him, that his disease was such, he must either lie with a wench, marry, or die, cheerfully chose to die." Now they commended him for it; but St. Paul teacheth otherwise, "Better marry than burn," and as St. Hierome gravely delivers it, Aliae, sunt leges Caesarum, aliae Christi, aliud Papinianus, aliud Paulus noster praecipit, there's a difference betwixt God's ordinances and men's laws: and therefore Cyprian Epist. 8. boldly denounceth, impium est, adulterum est, sacrilegum est, quodcunque humano furore statuitur, ut dispositio divina violetur, it is abominable, impious, adulterous, and sacrilegious, what men make and ordain after their own furies to cross God's laws. [5911]Georgius Wicelius, one of their own arch divines (Inspect. eccles. pag. 18) exclaims against it, and all such rash monastical vows, and would have such persons seriously to consider what they do, whom they admit, ne in posterum querantur de inanibus stupris, lest they repent it at last. For either, as he follows it, [5912]you must allow them concubines, or suffer them to marry, for scarce shall you find three priests of three thousand, qui per aetatem non ament, that are not troubled with burning lust. Wherefore I conclude it is an unnatural and impious thing to bar men of this Christian liberty, too severe and inhuman an edict.
[5913] _The silly wren, the titmouse also,
The little redbreast have their election,
They fly I saw and together gone,
Whereas hem list, about environ
As they of kinde have inclination,
And as nature impress and guide,
Of everything list to provide.
But man alone, alas the hard stond,
Full cruelly by kinds ordinance
Constrained is, and by statutes bound,
And debarred from all such pleasance:
What meaneth this, what is this pretence
Of laws, I wis, against all right of kinde
Without a cause, so narrow men to binde?_
Many laymen repine still at priests' marriages above the rest, and not at clergymen only, but of all the meaner sort and condition, they would have none marry but such as are rich and able to maintain wives, because their parish belike shall be pestered with orphans, and the world full of beggars: but [5914]these are hard-hearted, unnatural, monsters of men, shallow politicians, they do not [5915]consider that a great part of the world is not yet inhabited as it ought, how many colonies into America, Terra Australis incognita, Africa, may be sent? Let them consult with Sir William Alexander's Book of Colonies, Orpheus Junior's Golden Fleece, Captain Whitburne, Mr. Hagthorpe, &c. and they shall surely be otherwise informed. Those politic Romans were of another mind, they thought their city and country could never be too populous. [5916]Adrian the emperor said he had rather have men than money, malle se hominum adjectione ampliare imperium, quam pecunia. Augustus Caesar made an oration in Rome ad caelibus, to persuade them to marry; some countries compelled them to marry of old, as [5917]Jews, Turks, Indians, Chinese, amongst the rest in these days, who much wonder at our discipline to suffer so many idle persons to live in monasteries, and often marvel how they can live honest. [5918]In the isle of Maragnan, the governor and petty king there did wonder at the Frenchmen, and admire how so many friars, and the rest of their company could live without wives, they thought it a thing impossible, and would not believe it. If these men should but survey our multitudes of religious houses, observe our numbers of monasteries all over Europe, 18 nunneries in Padua, in Venice 34 cloisters of monks, 28 of nuns, &c. ex ungue leonem, 'tis to this proportion, in all other provinces and cities, what would they think, do they live honest? Let them dissemble as they will, I am of Tertullian's mind, that few can continue but by compulsion. [5919]"O chastity" (saith he) "thou art a rare goddess in the world, not so easily got, seldom continuate: thou mayst now and then be compelled, either for defect of nature, or if discipline persuade, decrees enforce:" or for some such by-respects, sullenness, discontent, they have lost their first loves, may not have whom they will themselves, want of means, rash vows, &c. But can he willingly contain? I think not. Therefore, either out of commiseration of human imbecility, in policy, or to prevent a far worse inconvenience, for they hold some of them as necessary as meat and drink, and because vigour of youth, the state and temper of most men's bodies do so furiously desire it, they have heretofore in some nations liberally admitted polygamy and stews, a hundred thousand courtesans in Grand Cairo in Egypt, as [5920]Radzivilus observes, are tolerated, besides boys: how many at Fez, Rome, Naples, Florence, Venice, &c., and still in many other provinces and cities of Europe they do as much, because they think young men, churchmen, and servants amongst the rest, can hardly live honest. The consideration of this belike made Vibius, the Spaniard, when his friend [5921]Crassus, that rich Roman gallant, lay hid in the cave, ut voluptatis quam aetas illa desiderat copiam faceret, to gratify him the more, send two [5922]lusty lasses to accompany him all that while he was there imprisoned, And Surenus, the Parthian general, when he warred against the Romans, to carry about with him 200 concubines, as the Swiss soldiers do now commonly their wives. But, because this course is not generally approved, but rather contradicted as unlawful and abhorred, [5923]in most countries they do much encourage them to marriage, give great rewards to such as have many children, and mulct those that will not marry, Jus trium liberorum, and in Agellius, lib. 2. cap. 15. Elian. lib. 6. cap. 5. Valerius, lib. 1. cap. 9. [5924]We read that three children freed the father from painful offices, and five from all contribution. "A woman shall be saved by bearing children." Epictetus would have all marry, and as [5925]Plato will, 6 de legibus, he that marrieth not before 35 years of his age, must be compelled and punished, and the money consecrated to [5926]Juno's temple, or applied to public uses. They account him, in some countries, unfortunate that dies without a wife, a most unhappy man, as [5927]Boethius infers, and if at all happy, yet infortunio felix, unhappy in his supposed happiness. They commonly deplore his estate, and much lament him for it: O, my sweet son, &c. See Lucian, de Luctu, Sands fol. 83, &c.
Yet, notwithstanding, many with us are of the opposite part, they are married themselves, and for others, let them burn, fire and flame, they care not, so they be not troubled with them. Some are too curious, and some too covetous, they may marry when they will both for ability and means, but so nice, that except as Theophilus the emperor was presented, by his mother Euprosune, with all the rarest beauties of the empire in the great chamber of his palace at once, and bid to give a golden apple to her he liked best. If they might so take and choose whom they list out of all the fair maids their nation affords, they could happily condescend to marry: otherwise, &c., why should a man marry, saith another epicurean rout, what's matrimony but a matter of money? why should free nature be entrenched on, confined or obliged, to this or that man or woman, with these manacles of body and goods? &c. There are those too that dearly love, admire and follow women all their lives long, sponsi Penelopes, never well but in their company, wistly gazing on their beauties, observing close, hanging after them, dallying still with them, and yet dare not, will not marry. Many poor people, and of the meaner sort, are too distrustful of God's providence, "they will not, dare not for such worldly respects," fear of want, woes, miseries, or that they shall light, as [5928]"Lemnius saith, on a scold, a slut, or a bad wife." And therefore, [5929]Tristem Juventam venere deserta colunt, they are resolved to live single, as [5930]Epaminondas did, [5931]Nil ait esse prius, melius nil coelibe vita, and ready with Hippolitus to abjure all women, [5932]Detestor omnes, horreo, fugio, execror, &c. But,
"Hippolite nescis quod fugis vitae bonum,
Hippolite nescis"———
"alas, poor Hippolitus, thou knowest not what thou sayest, 'tis otherwise, Hippolitus." [5933]Some make a doubt, an uxor literato sit ducenda, whether a scholar should marry, if she be fair she will bring him back from his grammar to his horn book, or else with kissing and dalliance she will hinder his study; if foul with scolding, he cannot well intend to do both, as Philippus Beroaldus, that great Bononian doctor, once writ, impediri enim studia literarum, &c., but he recanted at last, and in a solemn sort with true conceived words he did ask the world and all women forgiveness. But you shall have the story as he relates himself, in his Commentaries on the sixth of Apuleius. For a long time I lived a single life, et ab uxore ducenda semper abhorrui, nec quicquam libero lecto censui jucundius. I could not abide marriage, but as a rambler, erraticus ac volaticus amator (to use his own words) per multiplices amores discurrebam, I took a snatch where I could get it; nay more, I railed at marriage downright, and in a public auditory, when I did interpret that sixth Satire of Juvenal, out of Plutarch and Seneca, I did heap up all the dicteries I could against women; but now recant with Stesichorus, palinodiam cano, nec poenitet censeri in ordine maritorum, I approve of marriage, I am glad I am a [5934]married man, I am heartily glad I have a wife, so sweet a wife, so noble a wife, so young, so chaste a wife, so loving a wife, and I do wish and desire all other men to marry; and especially scholars, that as of old Martia did by Hortensius, Terentia by Tullius, Calphurnia to Plinius, Pudentilla to Apuleius, [5935]hold the candle whilst their husbands did meditate and write, so theirs may do them, and as my dear Camilla doth to me. Let other men be averse, rail then and scoff at women, and say what they can to the contrary, vir sine uxore malorum expers est, &c., a single man is a happy man, &c., but this is a toy. [5936]Nec dulces amores sperne puer, neque tu choreas; these men are too distrustful and much to blame, to use such speeches, [5937]Parcite paucorum diffundere, crimen in omnes. "They must not condemn all for some." As there be many bad, there be some good wives; as some be vicious, some be virtuous. Read what Solomon hath said in their praises, Prov. xiii. and Siracides, cap. 26 et 30, "Blessed is the man that hath a virtuous wife, for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous woman rejoiceth her husband, and she shall fulfil the years of his life in peace. A good wife is a good portion" (and xxxvi. 24), "an help, a pillar of rest," columina quietis, [5938] Qui capit uxorem, fratrem capit atque sororem. And 30, "He that hath no wife wandereth to and fro mourning." Minuuntur atrae conjuge curae, women are the sole, only joy, and comfort of a man's life, born ad usum et lusum hominum, firmamenta familiae,
[5939] "Delitiae humani generis, solatia vitae. Blanditiae noctis, placidissima cura diei, Vota virum, juvenum spes," &c.
[5940]"A wife is a young man's mistress, a middle age's companion, an old man's nurse:" Particeps laetorum et tristium, a prop, a help, &c.
[5941] "Optima viri possessio est uxor benevola,
Mitigans iram et avertens animam ejus a tristitia."
"Man's best possession is a loving wife,
She tempers anger and diverts all strife."
There is no joy, no comfort, no sweetness, no pleasure in the world like to that of a good wife,
[5942] "Quam cum chara domi conjux, fidusque maritus
Unanimes degunt"———
saith our Latin Homer, she is still the same in sickness and in health, his eye, his hand, his bosom friend, his partner at all times, his other self, not to be separated by any calamity, but ready to share all sorrow, discontent, and as the Indian women do, live and die with him, nay more, to die presently for him. Admetus, king of Thessaly, when he lay upon his death-bed, was told by Apollo's Oracle, that if he could get anybody to die for him, he should live longer yet, but when all refused, his parents, etsi decrepiti, friends and followers forsook him, Alcestus, his wife, though young, most willingly undertook it; what more can be desired or expected? And although on the other side there be an infinite number of bad husbands (I should rail downright against some of them), able to discourage any women; yet there be some good ones again, and those most observant of marriage rites. An honest country fellow (as Fulgosus relates it) in the kingdom of Naples, [5943]at plough by the seaside, saw his wife carried away by Mauritanian pirates, he ran after in all haste, up to the chin first, and when he could wade no longer, swam, calling to the governor of the ship to deliver his wife, or if he must not have her restored, to let him follow as a prisoner, for he was resolved to be a galley-slave, his drudge, willing to endure any misery, so that he might but enjoy his dear wife. The Moors seeing the man's constancy, and relating the whole matter to their governors at Tunis, set them both free, and gave them an honest pension to maintain themselves during their lives. I could tell many stories to this effect; but put case it often prove otherwise, because marriage is troublesome, wholly therefore to avoid it, is no argument; [5944]"He that will avoid trouble must avoid the world." (Eusebius praepar. Evangel. 5. cap. 50.) Some trouble there is in marriage I deny not, Etsi grave sit matrimonium, saith Erasmus, edulcatur tamen multis, &c., yet there be many things to [5945]sweeten it, a pleasant wife, placens uxor, pretty children, dulces nati, deliciae filiorum hominum, the chief delight of the sons of men; Eccles. ii. 8. &c. And howsoever though it were all troubles, [5946]utilitatis publicae causa devorandum, grave quid libenter subeundum, it must willingly be undergone for public good's sake,
[5947] "Audite (populus) haec, inquit Susarion,
Malae sunt mulieres, veruntamen O populares,
Hoc sine malo domum inhabitare non licet."
"Hear me, O my countrymen, saith Susarion,
Women are naught, yet no life without one."
[5948]Malum est mulier, sed necessarium malum. They are necessary evils, and for our own ends we must make use of them to have issue, [5949] Supplet Venus ac restituit humanum genus, and to propagate the church. For to what end is a man born? why lives he, but to increase the world? and how shall he do that well, if he do not marry? Matrimonium humano generi immortalitatem tribuit, saith Nevisanus, matrimony makes us immortal, and according to [5950]Tacitus, 'tis firmissimum imperii munimentum, the sole and chief prop of an empire. [5951]Indigne vivit per quem non vivit et alter, [5952]which Pelopidas objected to Epaminondas, he was an unworthy member of a commonwealth, that left not a child after him to defend it, and as [5953]Trismegistus to his son Tatius, "have no commerce with a single man:" Holding belike that a bachelor could not live honestly as he should, and with Georgius Wicelius, a great divine and holy man, who of late by twenty-six arguments commends marriage as a thing most necessary for all kinds of persons, most laudable and fit to be embraced: and is persuaded withal, that no man can live and die religiously, and as he ought, without a wife, persuasus neminem posse neque pie vivere, neque bene mori citra uxorem, he is false, an enemy to the commonwealth, injurious to himself, destructive to the world, an apostate to nature, a rebel against heaven and earth. Let our wilful, obstinate, and stale bachelors ruminate of this, "If we could live without wives," as Marcellus Numidicus said in [5954] Agellius, "we would all want them; but because we cannot, let all marry, and consult rather to the public good, than their own private pleasure or estate." It were an happy thing, as wise [5955]Euripides hath it, if we could buy children with gold and silver, and be so provided, sine mulierum congressu, without women's company; but that may not be:
[5956] "Orbis jacebit squallido turpis situ,
Vanum sine ullis classibus stabit mare,
Alesque coelo deerit et sylvis fera."
"Earth, air, sea, land eftsoon would come to nought,
The world itself should be to ruin brought."
Necessity therefore compels us to marry.
But what do I trouble myself, to find arguments to persuade to, or commend marriage? behold a brief abstract of all that which I have said, and much more, succinctly, pithily, pathetically, perspicuously, and elegantly delivered in twelve motions to mitigate the miseries of marriage, by [5957] Jacobus de Voragine,
1. Res est? habes quae tucatur et augeat.—2. Non est? habes quae quaerat.—3. Secundae res sunt? felicitas duplicatur.—4. Adversae sunt? Consolatur, adsidet, onus participat ut tolerabile fiat.—5. Domi es? solitudinis taedium pellit.—6. Foras? Discendentem visu prosequitur, absentem desiderat, redeuntem laeta excipit.—7. Nihil jucundum absque societate? Nulla societas matrimonio suavior.—8. Vinculum conjugalis charitatis adamentinum.—9. Accrescit dulcis affinium turba, duplicatur numerus parentum, fratrum, sororum, nepotum.—10. Pulchra sis prole parens.—11. Lex Mosis sterilitatem matrimonii execratur, quanto amplius coelibatum?—12. Si natura poenam non effugit, ne voluntas quidem effugiet.
1. Hast thou means? thou hast none to keep and increase it.—2. Hast none? thou hast one to help to get it.—3. Art in prosperity? thine happiness is doubled.—4. Art in adversity? she'll comfort, assist, bear a part of thy burden to make it more tolerable.—5. Art at home? she'll drive away melancholy.—6. Art abroad? she looks after thee going from home, wishes for thee in thine absence, and joyfully welcomes thy return.—7. There's nothing delightsome without society, no society so sweet as matrimony.—8. The band of conjugal love is adamantine.—9. The sweet company of kinsmen increaseth, the number of parents is doubled, of brothers, sisters, nephews.—10. Thou art made a father by a fair and happy issue.—11. Moses curseth the barrenness of matrimony, how much more a single life?—12. If nature escape not punishment, surely thy will shall not avoid it.
All this is true, say you, and who knows it not? but how easy a matter is it to answer these motives, and to make an Antiparodia quite opposite unto it? To exercise myself I will essay:
1. Hast thou means? thou hast one to spend it.—2. Hast none? thy beggary is increased.—3. Art in prosperity? thy happiness is ended.—4. Art in adversity? like Job's wife she'll aggravate thy misery, vex thy soul, make thy burden intolerable.—5. Art at home? she'll scold thee out of doors.—6. Art abroad? If thou be wise keep thee so, she'll perhaps graft horns in thine absence, scowl on thee coming home.—7. Nothing gives more content than solitariness, no solitariness like this of a single life,—8. The band of marriage is adamantine, no hope of losing it, thou art undone.—9. Thy number increaseth, thou shalt be devoured by thy wife's friends.—10. Thou art made a cornuto by an unchaste wife, and shalt bring up other folks' children instead of thine own.—11. Paul commends marriage, yet he prefers a single life.—12. Is marriage honourable? What an immortal crown belongs to virginity?
So Siracides himself speaks as much as may be for and against women, so doth almost every philosopher plead pro and con, every poet thus argues the case (though what cares vulgus nominum what they say?): so can I conceive peradventure, and so canst thou: when all is said, yet since some be good, some bad, let's put it to the venture. I conclude therefore with Seneca,
———"cur Toro viduo jaces?
Tristem juventam solve: mine luxus rape,
Effunde habenas, optimos vitae dies
Effluere prohibe."
"Why dost thou lie alone, let thy youth and best days to pass away?" Marry whilst thou mayst, donec viventi canities abest morosa, whilst thou art yet able, yet lusty, [5958]Elige cui dicas, tu mihi sola places, make thy choice, and that freely forthwith, make no delay, but take thy fortune as it falls. 'Tis true,
[5959] "—calamitosus est qui inciderit In malam uxorem, felix qui in bonam,"
'Tis a hazard both ways I confess, to live single or to marry, [5960]Nam et uxorem ducere, et non ducere malum est, it may be bad, it may be good, as it is a cross and calamity on the one side, so 'tis a sweet delight, an incomparable happiness, a blessed estate, a most unspeakable benefit, a sole content, on the other; 'tis all in the proof. Be not then so wayward, so covetous, so distrustful, so curious and nice, but let's all marry, mutuos foventes amplexus; "Take me to thee, and thee to me," tomorrow is St. Valentine's day, let's keep it holiday for Cupid's sake, for that great god Love's sake, for Hymen's sake, and celebrate [5961]Venus' vigil with our ancestors for company together, singing as they did,
"Crasam et qui nunquam amavit, quique amavit, eras amet,
Ver novum, ver jam canorum, ver natus orbis est,
Vere concordant amores, vere nubunt alites,
Et nemus coma resolvit, &c.———
Cras amet," &c.———
"Let those love now who never loved before,
And those who always loved now love the more;
Sweet loves are born with every opening spring;
Birds from the tender boughs their pledges sing," &c.
Let him that is averse from marriage read more in Barbarus de re uxor. lib. 1. cap. 1. Lemnius de institut. cap. 4. P. Godefridus de Amor. lib. 3. cap. 1. [5962]Nevisanus, lib. 3. Alex. ab Alexandro, lib. 4. cap. 8. Tunstall, Erasmus' tracts in laudem matrimonii &c., and I doubt not but in the end he will rest satisfied, recant with Beroaldus, do penance for his former folly, singing some penitential ditties, desire to be reconciled to the deity of this great god Love, go a pilgrimage to his shrine, offer to his image, sacrifice upon his altar, and be as willing at last to embrace marriage as the rest: There will not be found, I hope, [5963]"No, not in that severe family of Stoics, who shall refuse to submit his grave beard, and supercilious looks to the clipping of a wife," or disagree from his fellows in this point. "For what more willingly" (as [5964]Varro holds) "can a proper man see than a fair wife, a sweet wife, a loving wife?" can the world afford a better sight, sweeter content, a fairer object, a more gracious aspect?
Since then this of marriage is the last and best refuge, and cure of heroical love, all doubts are cleared, and impediments removed; I say again, what remains, but that according to both their desires, they be happily joined, since it cannot otherwise be helped? God send us all good wives, every man his wish in this kind, and me mine!
[5965] And God that all this world hath ywrought Send him his Love that hath it so deere bought.
If all parties be pleased, ask their banns, 'tis a match. [5966]Fruitur Rhodanthe sponsa, sponso Dosicle, Rhodanthe and Dosicles shall go together, Clitiphon and Leucippe, Theagines and Chariclea, Poliarchus hath his Argenis', Lysander Calista, to make up the mask) [5967]Polilurque sua puer Iphis Ianthi.
And Troilus in lust and in quiet Is with Creseid, his own heart sweet.
And although they have hardly passed the pikes, through many difficulties and delays brought the match about, yet let them take this of [5968] Aristaenetus (that so marry) for their comfort: [5969]"after many troubles and cares, the marriages of lovers are more sweet and pleasant." As we commonly conclude a comedy with a [5970]wedding, and shaking of hands, let's shut up our discourse, and end all with an [5971]Epithalamium.
Feliciter nuptis, God give them joy together. [5972]Hymen O Hymenae, Hymen ades O Hymenaee! Bonum factum, 'tis well done, Haud equidem sine mente reor, sine numine Divum, 'tis a happy conjunction, a fortunate match, an even couple,
"Ambo animis, ambo praestantes viribus, ambo
Florentes annis,"———
"they both excel in gifts of body and mind, are both equal in years," youth, vigour, alacrity, she is fair and lovely as Lais or Helen, he as another Charinus or Alcibiades,
[5973] ———"ludite ut lubet et brevi
Liberos date."———
"Then modestly go sport and toy,
And let's have every year a boy."
[5974]"Go give a sweet smell as incense, and bring forth flowers as the lily:" that we may say hereafter, Scitus Mecastor natus est Pamphilo puer. In the meantime I say,
[5975] "Ite, agite, O juvenes, [5976]non murmura vestra columbae,
Brachia, non hederae, neque vincant oscula conchae."
"Gentle youths, go sport yourselves betimes,
Let not the doves outpass your murmurings,
Or ivy-clasping arms, or oyster-kissings."
And in the morn betime, as those [5977]Lacedaemonian lasses saluted Helena and Menelaus, singing at their windows, and wishing good success, do we at yours:
"Salve O sponsa, salve felix, det vobis Latona
Felicem sobolem, Venus dea det aequalem amorem
Inter vos mutuo; Saturnus durabiles divitias,
Dormite in pectora mutuo amorem inspirantes,
Et desiderium!"———
"Good morrow, master bridegroom, and mistress bride,
Many fair lovely bairns to you betide!
Let Venus to you mutual love procure,
Let Saturn give you riches to endure.
Long may you sleep in one another's arms,
Inspiring sweet desire, and free from harms."
Even all your lives long,
[5978] "Contingat vobis turturum concordia,
Corniculae vivacitas"———
"The love of turtles hap to you,
And ravens' years still to renew."
Let the Muses sing, (as he said;) the Graces dance, not at their weddings only but all their days long; "so couple their hearts, that no irksomeness or anger ever befall them: let him never call her other name than my joy, my light, or she call him otherwise than sweetheart. To this happiness of theirs, let not old age any whit detract, but as their years, so let their mutual love and comfort increase." And when they depart this life,
———"concordes quoniam vixere tot annos,
Auferat hora duos eadem, nec conjugis usquam
Busta suae videat, nec sit tumulandus ab illa."
"Because they have so sweetly liv'd together,
Let not one die a day before the other,
He bury her, she him, with even fate,
One hour their souls let jointly separate."
[5979] "Fortunati ambo si quid mea carmina possunt,
Nulla dies unquam memori vos eximet aevo."
Atque haec de amore dixisse sufficiat, sub correctione, [5980]quod ait
ille, cujusque melius sentientis. Plura qui volet de remediis amoris, legat
Jasonem Pratensem, Arnoldum, Montaltum, Savanarolum, Langium, Valescum,
Crimisonum, Alexandrum Benedictum, Laurentium, Valleriolam, e Poetis
Nasonem, e nostratibus Chaucerum, &c., with whom I conclude,
[5981] For my words here and every part,
I speak hem all under correction,
Of you that feeling have in love's art,
And put it all in your discretion,
To intreat or make diminution,
Of my language, that I you beseech:
But now to purpose of my rather speech.
SUBSECT. I.—Jealousy, its Equivocations, Name, Definition, Extent, several kinds; of Princes, Parents, Friends. In Beasts, Men: before marriage, as Co-rivals; or after, as in this place.
Valescus de Taranta cap. de Melanchol. Aelian Montaltus, Felix Platerus, Guianerius, put jealousy for a cause of melancholy, others for a symptom; because melancholy persons amongst these passions and perturbations of the mind, are most obnoxious to it. But methinks for the latitude it hath, and that prerogative above other ordinary symptoms, it ought to be treated of as a species apart, being of so great and eminent note, so furious a passion, and almost of as great extent as love itself, as [5982]Benedetto Varchi holds, "no love without a mixture of jealousy," qui non zelat, non amat. For these causes I will dilate, and treat of it by itself, as a bastard-branch or kind of love-melancholy, which, as heroical love goeth commonly before marriage, doth usually follow, torture, and crucify in like sort, deserves therefore to be rectified alike, requires as much care and industry, in setting out the several causes of it, prognostics and cures. Which I have more willingly done, that he that is or hath been jealous, may see his error as in a glass; he that is not, may learn to detest, avoid it himself, and dispossess others that are anywise affected with it.
Jealousy is described and defined to be [5983]"a certain suspicion which the lover hath of the party he chiefly loveth, lest he or she should be enamoured of another:" or any eager desire to enjoy some beauty alone, to have it proper to himself only: a fear or doubt, lest any foreigner should participate or share with him in his love. Or (as [5984]Scaliger adds) "a fear of losing her favour whom he so earnestly affects." Cardan calls it "a [5985]zeal for love, and a kind of envy lest any man should beguile us." [5986]Ludovicus Vives defines it in the very same words, or little differing in sense.
There be many other jealousies, but improperly so called all; as that of parents, tutors, guardians over their children, friends whom they love, or such as are left to their wardship or protection.
[5987] "Storax non rediit hac nocte a coena Aeschinus, Neque servulorum quispiam qui adversum ierant?"
As the old man in the comedy cried out in a passion, and from a solicitous fear and care he had of his adopted son; [5988]"not of beauty, but lest they should miscarry, do amiss, or any way discredit, disgrace" (as Vives notes) "or endanger themselves and us." [5989]Aegeus was so solicitous for his son Theseus, (when he went to fight with the Minotaur) of his success, lest he should be foiled, [5990]Prona est timori semper in pejus fides. We are still apt to suspect the worst in such doubtful cases, as many wives in their husband's absence, fond mothers in their children's, lest if absent they should be misled or sick, and are continually expecting news from them, how they do fare, and what is become of them, they cannot endure to have them long out of their sight: oh my sweet son, O my dear child, &c. Paul was jealous over the Church of Corinth, as he confesseth, 2 Cor. xi. 12. "With a godly jealousy, to present them a pure virgin to Christ;" and he was afraid still, lest as the serpent beguiled Eve, through his subtlety, so their minds should be corrupt from the simplicity that is in Christ. God himself, in some sense, is said to be jealous, [5991]"I am a jealous God, and will visit:" so Psalm lxxix. 5. "Shall thy jealousy burn like fire for ever?" But these are improperly called jealousies, and by a metaphor, to show the care and solicitude they have of them. Although some jealousies express all the symptoms of this which we treat of, fear, sorrow, anguish, anxiety, suspicion, hatred, &c., the object only varied. That of some fathers is very eminent, to their sons and heirs; for though they love them dearly being children, yet now coming towards man's estate they may not well abide them, the son and heir is commonly sick of the father, and the father again may not well brook his eldest son, inde simultates, plerumque contentiones et inimicitiae; but that of princes is most notorious, as when they fear co-rivals (if I may so call them) successors, emulators, subjects, or such as they have offended. [5992] Omnisque potestas impatiens consortis erit: "they are still suspicious, lest their authority should be diminished," [5993]as one observes; and as Comineus hath it, [5994]"it cannot be expressed what slender causes they have of their grief and suspicion, a secret disease, that commonly lurks and breeds in princes' families." Sometimes it is for their honour only, as that of Adrian the emperor, [5995]"that killed all his emulators." Saul envied David; Domitian Agricola, because he did excel him, obscure his honour, as he thought, eclipse his fame. Juno turned Praetus' daughters into kine, for that they contended with her for beauty; [5996]Cyparissae, king Eteocles' children, were envied of the goddesses for their excellent good parts, and dancing amongst the rest, saith [5997]Constantine, "and for that cause flung headlong from heaven, and buried in a pit, but the earth took pity of them, and brought out cypress trees to preserve their memories." [5998]Niobe, Arachne, and Marsyas, can testify as much. But it is most grievous when it is for a kingdom itself, or matters of commodity, it produceth lamentable effects, especially amongst tyrants, in despotico Imperio, and such as are more feared than beloved of their subjects, that get and keep their sovereignty by force and fear. [5999]Quod civibus tenere te invitis scias, &c., as Phalaris, Dionysius, Periander held theirs. For though fear, cowardice, and jealousy, in Plutarch's opinion, be the common causes of tyranny, as in Nero, Caligula, Tiberius, yet most take them to be symptoms. For [6000]"what slave, what hangman" (as Bodine well expresseth this passion, l. 2. c. 5. de rep.) "can so cruelly torture a condemned person, as this fear and suspicion? Fear of death, infamy, torments, are those furies and vultures that vex and disquiet tyrants, and torture them day and night, with perpetual terrors and affrights, envy, suspicion, fear, desire of revenge, and a thousand such disagreeing perturbations, turn and affright the soul out of the hinges of health, and more grievously wound and pierce, than those cruel masters can exasperate and vex their apprentices or servants, with clubs, whips, chains, and tortures." Many terrible examples we have in this kind, amongst the Turks especially, many jealous outrages; [6001]Selimus killed Kornutus his youngest brother, five of his nephews, Mustapha Bassa, and divers others. [6002]Bajazet the second Turk, jealous of the valour and greatness of Achmet Bassa, caused him to be slain. [6003]Suleiman the Magnificent murdered his own son Mustapha; and 'tis an ordinary thing amongst them, to make away their brothers, or any competitors, at the first coming to the crown: 'tis all the solemnity they use at their fathers' funerals. What mad pranks in his jealous fury did Herod of old commit in Jewry, when he massacred all the children of a year old? [6004]Valens the emperor in Constantinople, when as he left no man alive of quality in his kingdom that had his name begun with Theo; Theodoti, Theognosti, Theodosii, Theoduli, &c. They went all to their long home, because a wizard told him that name should succeed in his empire. And what furious designs hath [6005]Jo. Basilius, that Muscovian tyrant, practised of late? It is a wonder to read that strange suspicion, which Suetonius reports of Claudius Caesar, and of Domitian, they were afraid of every man they saw: and which Herodian of Antoninus and Geta, those two jealous brothers, the one could not endure so much as the other's servants, but made away him, his chiefest followers, and all that belonged to him, or were his well-wishers. [6006]Maximinus "perceiving himself to be odious to most men, because he was come to that height of honour out of base beginnings, and suspecting his mean parentage would be objected to him, caused all the senators that were nobly descended, to be slain in a jealous humour, turned all the servants of Alexander his predecessor out of doors, and slew many of them, because they lamented their master's death, suspecting them to be traitors, for the love they bare to him." When Alexander in his fury had made Clitus his dear friend to be put to death, and saw now (saith [6007]Curtius) an alienation in his subjects' hearts, none durst talk with him, he began to be jealous of himself, lest they should attempt as much on him, "and said they lived like so many wild beasts in a wilderness, one afraid of another." Our modern stories afford us many notable examples. [6008]Henry the Third of France, jealous of Henry of Lorraine, Duke of Guise, anno 1588, caused him to be murdered in his own chamber. [6009]Louis the Eleventh was so suspicious, he durst not trust his children, every man about him he suspected for a traitor; many strange tricks Comineus telleth of him. How jealous was our Henry the [6010]Fourth of King Richard the Second, so long as he lived, after he was deposed? and of his own son Henry in his latter days? which the prince well perceiving, came to visit his father in his sickness, in a watchet velvet gown, full of eyelet holes, and with needles sticking in them (as an emblem of jealousy), and so pacified his suspicious father, after some speeches and protestations, which he had used to that purpose. Perpetual imprisonment, as that of Robert [6011]Duke of Normandy, in the days of Henry the First, forbidding of marriage to some persons, with such like edicts and prohibitions, are ordinary in all states. In a word ([6012]as he said) three things cause jealousy, a mighty state, a rich treasure, a fair wife; or where there is a cracked title, much tyranny, and exactions. In our state, as being freed from all these fears and miseries, we may be most secure and happy under the reign of our fortunate prince:
[6013] "His fortune hath indebted him to none
But to all his people universally;
And not to them but for their love alone,
Which they account as placed worthily.
He is so set, he hath no cause to be
Jealous, or dreadful of disloyalty;
The pedestal whereon his greatness stands.
Is held of all our hearts, and all our hands."
But I rove, I confess. These equivocations, jealousies, and many such, which crucify the souls of men, are not here properly meant, or in this distinction of ours included, but that alone which is for beauty, tending to love, and wherein they can brook no co-rival, or endure any participation: and this jealousy belongs as well to brute beasts, as men. Some creatures, saith [6014]Vives, swans, doves, cocks, bulls, &c., are jealous as well as men, and as much moved, for fear of communion.
[6015] "Grege pro toto bella juvenci,
Si con jugio timuere suo,
Poscunt timidi praelia cervi,
Et mugitus dant concepti signa furoris."
"In Venus' cause what mighty battles make
Your raving bulls, and stirs for their herd's sake:
And harts and bucks that are so timorous,
Will fight and roar, if once they be but jealous."
In bulls, horses, goats, this is most apparently discerned. Bulls especially, alium in pascuis non admittit, he will not admit another bull to feed in the same pasture, saith [6016]Oppin: which Stephanus Bathorius, late king of Poland, used as an impress, with that motto, Regnum non capit duos. R. T. in his Blazon of Jealousy, telleth a story of a swan about Windsor, that finding a strange cock with his mate, did swim I know not how many miles after to kill him, and when he had so done, came back and killed his hen; a certain truth, he saith, done upon Thames, as many watermen, and neighbour gentlemen, can tell. Fidem suam liberet; for my part, I do believe it may be true; for swans have ever been branded with that epithet of jealousy.
[6017] The jealous swanne against his death that singeth, And eke the owle that of death bode bringeth.
[6018]Some say as much of elephants, that they are more jealous than any other creatures whatsoever; and those old Egyptians, as [6019]Pierius informeth us, express in their hieroglyphics, the passion of jealousy by a camel; [6020]because that fearing the worst still about matters of venery, he loves solitudes, that he may enjoy his pleasure alone, et in quoscunque obvios insurgit, Zelolypiae stimulis agitatus, he will quarrel and fight with whatsoever comes next, man or beast, in his jealous fits. I have read as much of [6021]crocodiles; and if Peter Martyr's authority be authentic, legat. Babylonicae lib. 3. you shall have a strange tale to that purpose confidently related. Another story of the jealousy of dogs, see in Hieron. Fabricius, Tract. 3. cap. 5. de loquela animalium.
But this furious passion is most eminent in men, and is as well amongst bachelors as married men. If it appear amongst bachelors, we commonly call them rivals or co-rivals, a metaphor derived from a river, rivales, a [6022]rivo; for as a river, saith Acron in Hor. Art. Poet. and Donat in Ter. Eunuch. divides a common ground between two men, and both participate of it, so is a woman indifferent between two suitors, both likely to enjoy her; and thence comes this emulation, which breaks out many times into tempestuous storms, and produceth lamentable effects, murder itself, with much cruelty, many single combats. They cannot endure the least injury done unto them before their mistress, and in her defence will bite off one another's noses; they are most impatient of any flout, disgrace, lest emulation or participation in that kind. [6023]Lacerat lacerium Largi mordax Memnius. Memnius the Roman (as Tully tells the story, de oratore, lib. 2.), being co-rival with Largus Terracina, bit him by the arm, which fact of his was so famous, that it afterwards grew to a proverb in those parts. [6024]Phaedria could not abide his co-rival Thraso; for when Parmeno demanded, numquid aliud imperas? whether he would command him any more service: "No more" (saith he) "but to speak in his behalf, and to drive away his co-rival if he could." Constantine, in the eleventh book of his husbandry, cap. 11, hath a pleasant tale of the pine-tree; [6025]she was once a fair maid, whom Pineus and Boreas, two co-rivals, dearly sought; but jealous Boreas broke her neck, &c. And in his eighteenth chapter he telleth another tale of [6026]Mars, that in his jealousy slew Adonis. Petronius calleth this passion amantium furiosum aemulationem, a furious emulation; and their symptoms are well expressed by Sir Geoffrey Chaucer in his first Canterbury Tale. It will make the nearest and dearest friends fall out; they will endure all other things to be common, goods, lands, moneys, participate of each pleasure, and take in good part any disgraces, injuries in another kind; but as Propertius well describes it in an elegy of his, in this they will suffer nothing, have no co-rivals.
[6027] "Tu mihi vel ferro pectus, vel perde veneno,
A domina tantum te modo tolle mea:
Te socium vitae te corporis esse licebit,
Te dominum admitto rebus amice meis.
Lecto te solum, lecto te deprecor uno,
Rivalem possum non ego ferre Jovem."
"Stab me with sword, or poison strong
Give me to work my bane:
So thou court not my lass, so thou
From mistress mine refrain.
Command myself, my body, purse,
As thine own goods take all,
And as my ever dearest friend,
I ever use thee shall.
O spare my love, to have alone
Her to myself I crave,
Nay, Jove himself I'll not endure
My rival for to have."
This jealousy, which I am to treat of, is that which belongs to married men, in respect of their own wives; to whose estate, as no sweetness, pleasure, happiness can be compared in the world, if they live quietly and lovingly together; so if they disagree or be jealous, those bitter pills of sorrow and grief, disastrous mischiefs, mischances, tortures, gripings, discontents, are not to be separated from them. A most violent passion it is where it taketh place, an unspeakable torment, a hellish torture, an infernal plague, as Ariosto calls it, "a fury, a continual fever, full of suspicion, fear, and sorrow, a martyrdom, a mirth-marring monster. The sorrow and grief of heart of one woman jealous of another, is heavier than death," Ecclus. xxviii. 6. as [6028]Peninnah did Hannah, "vex her and upbraid her sore." 'Tis a main vexation, a most intolerable burden, a corrosive to all content, a frenzy, a madness itself; as [6029]Beneditto Varchi proves out of that select sonnet of Giovanni de la Casa, that reverend lord, as he styles him.
SUBSECT. II.—Causes of Jealousy. Who are most apt. Idleness, melancholy, impotency, long absence, beauty, wantonness, naught themselves. Allurements, from time, place, persons, bad usage, causes.
Astrologers make the stars a cause or sign of this bitter passion, and out of every man's horoscope will give a probable conjecture whether he will be jealous or no, and at what time, by direction of the significators to their several promissors: their aphorisms are to be read in Albubater, Pontanus, Schoner, Junctine, &c. Bodine, cap. 5. meth. hist. ascribes a great cause to the country or clime, and discourseth largely there of this subject, saying, that southern men are more hot, lascivious, and jealous, than such as live in the north; they can hardly contain themselves in those hotter climes, but are most subject to prodigious lust. Leo Afer telleth incredible things almost, of the lust and jealousy of his countrymen of Africa, and especially such as live about Carthage, and so doth every geographer of them in [6030]Asia, Turkey, Spaniards, Italians. Germany hath not so many drunkards, England tobacconists, France dancers, Holland mariners, as Italy alone hath jealous husbands. And in [6031]Italy some account them of Piacenza more jealous than the rest. In [6032]Germany, France, Britain, Scandia, Poland, Muscovy, they are not so troubled with this feral malady, although Damianus a Goes, which I do much wonder at, in his topography of Lapland, and Herbastein of Russia, against the stream of all other geographers, would fasten it upon those northern inhabitants. Altomarius Poggius, and Munster in his description of Baden, reports that men and women of all sorts go commonly into the baths together, without all suspicion, "the name of jealousy" (saith Munster) "is not so much as once heard of among them." In Friesland the women kiss him they drink to, and are kissed again of those they pledge. The virgins in Holland go hand in hand with young men from home, glide on the ice, such is their harmless liberty, and lodge together abroad without suspicion, which rash Sansovinus an Italian makes a great sign of unchastity. In France, upon small acquaintance, it is usual to court other men's wives, to come to their houses, and accompany them arm in arm in the streets, without imputation. In the most northern countries young men and maids familiarly dance together, men and their wives, [6033]which, Siena only excepted, Italians may not abide. The [6034]Greeks, on the other side, have their private baths for men and women, where they must not come near, nor so much as see one another: and as [6035]Bodine observes lib. 5. de repub. "the Italians could never endure this," or a Spaniard, the very conceit of it would make him mad: and for that cause they lock up their women, and will not suffer them to be near men, so much as in the [6036]church, but with a partition between. He telleth, moreover, how that "when he was ambassador in England, he heard Mendoza the Spanish legate finding fault with it, as a filthy custom for men and women to sit promiscuously in churches together; but Dr. Dale the master of the requests told him again, that it was indeed a filthy custom in Spain, where they could not contain themselves from lascivious thoughts in their holy places, but not with us." Baronius in his Annals, out of Eusebius, taxeth Licinius the emperor for a decree of his made to this effect, Jubens ne viri simul cum mulieribus in ecclesia interessent: for being prodigiously naught himself, aliorum naturam ex sua vitiosa mente spectavit, he so esteemed others. But we are far from any such strange conceits, and will permit our wives and daughters to go to the tavern with a friend, as Aubanus saith, modo absit lascivia, and suspect nothing, to kiss coming and going, which, as Erasmus writes in one of his epistles, they cannot endure. England is a paradise for women, and hell for horses: Italy a paradise for horses, hell for women, as the diverb goes. Some make a question whether this headstrong passion rage more in women than men, as Montaigne l. 3. But sure it is more outrageous in women, as all other melancholy is, by reason of the weakness of their sex. Scaliger Poet. lib. cap. 13. concludes against women: [6037]"Besides their inconstancy, treachery, suspicion, dissimulation, superstition, pride," (for all women are by nature proud) "desire of sovereignty, if they be great women," (he gives instance in Juno) "bitterness and jealousy are the most remarkable affections."
"Sed neque fulvus aper media tam fulvus in ira est,
Fulmineo rapidos dum rotat ore canes.
Nec leo," &c.———
"Tiger, boar, bear, viper, lioness,
A woman's fury cannot express."
[6038]Some say redheaded women, pale-coloured, black-eyed, and of a shrill voice, are most subject to jealousy.
[6039] "High colour in a woman choler shows, Naught are they, peevish, proud, malicious; But worst of all, red, shrill, and jealous."
Comparisons are odious, I neither parallel them with others, nor debase them any more: men and women are both bad, and too subject to this pernicious infirmity. It is most part a symptom and cause of melancholy, as Plater and Valescus teach us: melancholy men are apt to be jealous, and jealous apt to be melancholy.
"Pale jealousy, child of insatiate love,
Of heart-sick thoughts which melancholy bred,
A hell-tormenting fear, no faith can move,
By discontent with deadly poison fed;
With heedless youth and error vainly led.
A mortal plague, a virtue-drowning flood,
A hellish fire not quenched but with blood."
If idleness concur with melancholy, such persons are most apt to be jealous; 'tis [6040]Nevisanus' note, "an idle woman is presumed to be lascivious, and often jealous." Mulier cum sola cogitat, male cogitat: and 'tis not unlikely, for they have no other business to trouble their heads with.
More particular causes be these which follow. Impotency first, when a man is not able of himself to perform those dues which he ought unto his wife: for though he be an honest liver, hurt no man, yet Trebius the lawyer may make a question, an suum cuique tribuat, whether he give every one their own; and therefore when he takes notice of his wants, and perceives her to be more craving, clamorous, insatiable and prone to lust than is fit, he begins presently to suspect, that wherein he is defective, she will satisfy herself, she will be pleased by some other means. Cornelius Gallus hath elegantly expressed this humour in an epigram to his Lychoris.
[6041] "Jamque alios juvenes aliosque requirit amores, Me vocat imbellem decrepitumque senem," &c.
For this cause is most evident in old men, that are cold and dry by nature, and married, succi plenis, to young wanton wives; with old doting Janivere in Chaucer, they begin to mistrust all is not well,
———She was young and he was old, And therefore he feared to be a cuckold.
And how should it otherwise be? old age is a disease of itself, loathsome, full of suspicion and fear; when it is at best, unable, unfit for such matters. [6042]Tam apta nuptiis quam bruma messibus, as welcome to a young woman as snow in harvest, saith Nevisanus: Et si capis juvenculam, faciet tibi cornua: marry a lusty maid and she will surely graft horns on thy head. [6043]"All women are slippery, often unfaithful to their husbands" (as Aeneas Sylvius epist. 38. seconds him), "but to old men most treacherous:" they had rather mortem amplexarier, lie with a corse than such a one: [6044]Oderunt illum pueri, contemnunt mulieres. On the other side many men, saith Hieronymus, are suspicious of their wives, [6045]if they be lightly given, but old folks above the rest. Insomuch that she did not complain without a cause in [6046]Apuleius, of an old bald bedridden knave she had to her good man: "Poor woman as I am, what shall I do? I have an old grim sire to my husband, as bald as a coot, as little and as unable as a child," a bedful of bones, "he keeps all the doors barred and locked upon me, woe is me, what shall I do?" He was jealous, and she made him a cuckold for keeping her up: suspicion without a cause, hard usage is able of itself to make a woman fly out, that was otherwise honest,
[6047] ———"plerasque bonas tractatio pravas Esse facit,"———
"bad usage aggravates the matter." Nam quando mulieres cognoscunt maritum hoc advertere, licentius peccant, [6048]as Nevisanus holds, when a woman thinks her husband watcheth her, she will sooner offend; [6049]Liberius peccant, et pudor omnis abest, rough handling makes them worse: as the goodwife of Bath in Chaucer brags,
In his own grease I made him frie For anger and for every jealousie.
Of two extremes, this of hard usage is the worst. 'Tis a great fault (for some men are uxorii) to be too fond of their wives, to dote on them as [6050]Senior Deliro on his Fallace, to be too effeminate, or as some do, to be sick for their wives, breed children for them, and like the [6051] Tiberini lie in for them, as some birds hatch eggs by turns, they do all women's offices: Caelius Rhodiginus ant. lect. Lib. 6. cap. 24. makes mention of a fellow out of Seneca, [6052]that was so besotted on his wife, he could not endure a moment out of her company, he wore her scarf when he went abroad next his heart, and would never drink but in that cup she began first. We have many such fondlings that are their wives' packhorses and slaves, (nam grave malum uxor superans virum suum, as the comical poet hath it, there's no greater misery to a man than to let his wife domineer) to carry her muff, dog, and fan, let her wear the breeches, lay out, spend, and do what she will, go and come whither, when she will, they give consent.
"Here, take my muff, and, do you hear, good man;
Now give me pearl, and carry you my fan," &c.
[6053] ———"poscit pallam, redimicula, inaures;
Curre, quid hic cessas? vulgo vult illa videri,
Tu pete lecticas"———
many brave and worthy men have trespassed in this kind, multos foras claros domestica haec destruxit infamia, and many noble senators and soldiers (as [6054]Pliny notes) have lost their honour, in being uxorii, so sottishly overruled by their wives; and therefore Cato in Plutarch made a bitter jest on his fellow-citizens, the Romans, "we govern all the world abroad, and our wives at home rule us." These offend in one extreme; but too hard and too severe, are far more offensive on the other. As just a cause may be long absence of either party, when they must of necessity be much from home, as lawyers, physicians, mariners, by their professions; or otherwise make frivolous, impertinent journeys, tarry long abroad to no purpose, lie out, and are gadding still, upon small occasions, it must needs yield matter of suspicion, when they use their wives unkindly in the meantime, and never tarry at home, it cannot use but engender some such conceit.
[6055] "Uxor si cessas amare te cogitat
Aut tote amari, aut potare, aut animo obsequi,
Ex tibi bene esse soli, quum sibi sit male."
"If thou be absent long, thy wife then thinks,
Th' art drunk, at ease, or with some pretty minx,
'Tis well with thee, or else beloved of some,
Whilst she poor soul doth fare full ill at home."
Hippocrates, the physician, had a smack of this disease; for when he was to go home as far as Abdera, and some other remote cities of Greece, he writ to his friend Dionysius (if at least those [6056]Epistles be his) [6057] "to oversee his wife in his absence, (as Apollo set a raven to watch his Coronis) although she lived in his house with her father and mother, who be knew would have a care of her; yet that would not satisfy his jealousy, he would have his special friend Dionysius to dwell in his house with her all the time of his peregrination, and to observe her behaviour, how she carried herself in her husband's absence, and that she did not lust after other men. [6058]For a woman had need to have an overseer to keep her honest; they are bad by nature, and lightly given all, and if they be not curbed in time, as an unpruned tree, they will be full of wild branches, and degenerate of a sudden." Especially in their husband's absence: though one Lucretia were trusty, and one Penelope, yet Clytemnestra made Agamemnon cuckold; and no question there be too many of her conditions. If their husbands tarry too long abroad upon unnecessary business, well they may suspect: or if they run one way, their wives at home will fly out another, quid pro quo. Or if present, and give them not that content which they ought, [6059]Primum ingratae, mox invisae noctes quae per somnum transiguntur, they cannot endure to lie alone, or to fast long. [6060] Peter Godefridus, in his second book of Love, and sixth chapter, hath a story out of St. Anthony's life, of a gentleman, who, by that good man's advice, would not meddle with his wife in the passion week, but for his pains she set a pair of horns on his head. Such another he hath out of Abstemius, one persuaded a new married man, [6061]"to forbear the three first nights, and he should all his lifetime after be fortunate in cattle," but his impatient wife would not tarry so long: well he might speed in cattle, but not in children. Such a tale hath Heinsius of an impotent and slack scholar, a mere student, and a friend of his, that seeing by chance a fine damsel sing and dance, would needs marry her, the match was soon made, for he was young and rich, genis gratus, corpore glabellus, arte multiscius, et fortuna opulentus, like that Apollo in [6062]Apuleius. The first night, having liberally taken his liquor (as in that country they do) my fine scholar was so fuzzled, that he no sooner was laid in bed, but he fell fast asleep, never waked till morning, and then much abashed, purpureis formosa rosis cum Aurora ruberet; when the fair morn with purple hue 'gan shine, he made an excuse, I know not what, out of Hippocrates Cous, &c., and for that time it went current: but when as afterward he did not play the man as he should do, she fell in league with a good fellow, and whilst he sat up late at his study about those criticisms, mending some hard places in Festus or Pollux, came cold to bed, and would tell her still what he had done, she did not much regard what he said, &c. [6063]"She would have another matter mended much rather, which he did not conceive was corrupt:" thus he continued at his study late, she at her sport, alibi enim festivas noctes agitabat, hating all scholars for his sake, till at length he began to suspect, and turned a little yellow, as well he might; for it was his own fault; and if men be jealous in such cases ([6064]as oft it falls out) the mends is in their own hands, they must thank themselves. Who will pity them, saith Neander, or be much offended with such wives, si deceptae prius viros decipiant, et cornutos reddant, if they deceive those that cozened them first. A lawyer's wife in [6065]Aristaenetus, because her husband was negligent in his business, quando lecto danda opera, threatened to cornute him: and did not stick to tell Philinna, one of her gossips, as much, and that aloud for him to hear: "If he follow other men's matters and leave his own, I'll have an orator shall plead my cause," I care not if he know it.
A fourth eminent cause of jealousy may be this, when he that is deformed, and as Pindarus of Vulcan, sine gratiis natus, hirsute, ragged, yet virtuously given, will marry some fair nice piece, or light housewife, begins to misdoubt (as well he may) she doth not affect him. [6066]Lis est cum forma magna pudicitiae, beauty and honesty have ever been at odds. Abraham was jealous of his wife because she was fair: so was Vulcan of his Venus, when he made her creaking shoes, saith [6067]Philostratus, ne maecharetur, sandalio scilicet deferente, that he might hear by them when she stirred, which Mars indigne ferre, [6068]was not well pleased with. Good cause had Vulcan to do as he did, for she was no honester than she should be. Your fine faces have commonly this fault; and it is hard to find, saith Francis Philelphus in an epistle to Saxola his friend, a rich man honest, a proper woman not proud or unchaste. "Can she be fair and honest too?"
[6069] "Saepe etenim oculuit picta sese hydra sub herba, Sub specie formae, incauto se saepe marito Nequam animus vendit,"———