13

Back at Nijo~, he went to his own rooms, hoping to rest for a time. He had another reason for wanting to be away from Nakanokimi: he was still annoyed at her for having concealed the other girl's whereabouts. But he could not sleep. He was lonely, and his thoughts were too much for him. Presently he gave up and went to her wing of the house. Innocent of what had happened, she was at her most beautiful. She was more beautiful than the one who had made the night before such an unmixed delight. The closeness of the resemblance brought back the full flood of his longing. Pensively, he went into her boudoir and lay down. She followed.

“I am not feeling well. I wonder if it might be something serious. I have been fond of you, and I am sure that if I were to disappear you would find a replacement in no time. He will win out in the end, I am sure.”

What a terrible thing to say—and he was not joking. “How do you suppose he will feel if he hears of these snide insinuations?” She turned away. “I have worries enough without having to defend myself against completely groundless charges.”

He looked at her solemnly. “And how will you feel if you find that I am really angry with you? I have done rather a great deal for you, I think. There are those who say I have done too much. You obviously rank me several grades below him. Well, that I can accept as fate. But it hurts me that you should seem so bent on keeping secrets from me.”

All the while he was marveling upon the forces of destiny that had made him seek the girl out. Tears came to his eyes. Moved to pity, Nakanokimi wondered what sort of rumors he could have picked up. She fell silent. His first visit to her had been the merest prank, and he could not have come away with any high regard for her determination to guard her honor. The mistake had been in admitting and indeed in feeling grateful for the services of a gentleman who, though without close ties to the Uji family, had chosen to act as intermediary. It was because of the initial mistake that she must put up with these insults. She presented a charming and pathetic figure as she lay sunk in her worries. Not wanting her to know for a time that he had found Ukifune, he sought to make her think he had good reasons for berating her. She concluded that her apparent flirtation with Kaoru lay at the heart of the matter. Someone had been talking. Unable to guess what exactly he might be charging her with, she wanted to run and hide.

An unexpected letter came from the empress. Careful to go on looking displeased, Niou withdrew to his own rooms. It said in part: “His Majesty was much upset at your absence yesterday. Unless you are indisposed, please do come today. It has been rather a long time since I last saw you myself.”

He was sorry to discommode his parents, but he really was not feeling well. He did not go to court. Large numbers of high-ranking courtiers came by but he stayed behind blinds the whole day.