18

She could not find strong enough words of praise. Nakanokimi smiled, thinking the lack of restraint a bit countrified.

“You were a mere infant when your mother died. All of us, and your father too, wondered what would become of you. You were born under lucky stars. That's why you could grow up way off in the mountains and still be the fine young lady you are. What a tragedy that your sister had to leave us.”

She was in tears, and Nakanokimi's eyes were moist. “A person lives on, and there are times when anger and resentment seem very far away. I have become resigned to a great many things—that I was fated to live longer than those who were most important to me, that I was not meant to know my own mother. But I do go on weeping for my sister. Why did she have to die, when a man like the general, a man of real feeling, could not take his mind from her?”

“But isn't he just a little _too_ pleased with himself, now that the emperor has singled him out for special attention? If your sister were still alive, there would be the other princess standing between them.”

“I wonder. We would have been alike, you mean, with the whole world laughing at us? You may be right. It may be better that she died. He goes on grieving, I suppose, because she never let him come near. But it is more than that. He seems completely unable to forget—it is very odd, really. And he has taken care of all the memorial services for Father.” She did not mention the more troublesome aspects of their relationship.

“He seems to have told the nun at Uji that he would like to have my daughter, useless little thing, in place of your poor dead sister. It is not for me to say it, I know, but there are'those lavender grasses.'“*

In tears, she went on to tell of Ukifune's troubles. Thinking that Nakanokimi might have heard of the affair, though not perhaps in detail, she spoke obliquely of how the girl had been wronged by her stepfather and the lieutenant.

“While I am alive we can somehow get by, I suppose. I can take care of her after a fashion, and we can be a comfort to each other. But what awful things will happen to her when I die and leave her behind? I worry, and have almost decided that it would be best to give up the idea of finding a husband for her, and put her in a nunnery somewhere off in the mountains.”

“Yes, it is very sad. But we who have been left behind must learn to live with insults. It was not possible for my sister and me to go into a nunnery, and so Father chose the next-best thing, and taught us to live alone, away from the world. And here I am, living this strange life, right in the middle of the city. No, you mustn't think of it. I couldn't bear to see her in those awful blacks and grays.”

It had been spoken with care and gravity, and the governor's wife was much comforted. Though no longer young, she dressed with modest good taste. She had not, however, been able to control a tendency toward fleshiness, and her generous proportions made her an admirable match for His Eminence of Hitachi.

“Your esteemed father was not kind to her, I have always thought, and that is why the world chooses to treat her as if she were less than human; but what you have said does a great deal to help me forget the old sorrow.” She talked of her life over the years and of places she had seen, wild, remote places like Ukishima.+” I was'left alone to think these dismal thoughts,'# and now I find such pleasure in your company that I would like to stay on and on, and possibly give you some idea of what it is like to live at the foot of Tsukuba, where there is no one, literally no one, to talk to. But all those other tiresome children will be raising a great stir, I know, and I am, after all, a little restless. I know better than most what it means to lose your proper place in the world, and so I shall leave her with you, and say no more.”

The list of her grievances stretched on. Nakanokimi did indeed hope that something could be done for the girl, who was certainly attractive and seemed to have a pleasant disposition.