13

      house, a brisk and dashing figure once more, refreshed now from sleep. He found Nakanokimi resting. She raised herself shyly to an elbow. Weeping had added a touch of wistfulness to her beauty. He gazed at her for a time, choked with tears. As she looked away in embarrassment, her hair fell over her shoulders in a strong, graceful flow, lovelier than anything he had ever seen.

He too was somewhat confused, and affectionate words gave way to talk of more practical matters.” What can be the matter with you? Nothing but the heat, you have said, and so I have waited for the cool weather. Well, here it is, and you still are not yourself. You upset me a great deal, really you do. I have ordered all the prayers that usually work. Maybe we should give them another try. Isn't there a priest somewhere who can give us a guarantee? Maybe we should have that bishop, what was his name, come down and stay with you.”

Yes, he was clever. She was not pleased, but felt that she had to answer. “I have known all along that I am not like other people. It is nothing new. Give it time, and it will go away.”

“How sure of yourself you are!” He smiled. There was no one like her for delighting with sheer gentleness. And that thought led to a more exciting one, for he had not forgotten his other lady. Yet no one would have judged from the appearances that he was any less fond of Nakanokimi than he had always been. His vows of steadfastness in this life and the next went on and on, and even became somewhat repetitious.

“I shall not stay forever,” she was thinking.* “Even while I wait I am not likely to escape his cruelty; and so, precisely because my hopes for the next world are dim, I must turn to him again, unchastened, in this one.” +

Thus she fought to hold back the tears, but today she was not up to the effort. She had done everything these last days to keep her thoughts to herself. She had not wanted him to know that he had hurt her. But too many sad thoughts came pouring in at once, and after the first tears the flow was not easy to stop. Embarrassed, angry at herself, she turned away.

He pulled her to him. “The wonderful way you have of answering exactly to what a man wants—it has always been your principal virtue. Am I to believe that you have let something come between us? Have your feelings changed in one short night?” He brushed her tears away with his own sleeve.

“'Have your feelings changed in one short night?'“ She managed a trace of a smile.” I can think of someone who might be asked the ques-tion.”

“Come, my dear. You are being very childish. I have nothing to hide from you, nothing on my conscience; and if I tried to hide anything, do you think it would do me any good? You are very innocent, and that is one of my reasons for loving you, but innocence is not always the easiest thing in the world to live with. Put yourself in my place, if you can, for a moment. Give the matter a little thought. I am in no position to let my person 'go where my heart would lead it.'* I have certain hopes, and if anything comes of them I shall soon have ways of demonstrating how deep, how very deep indeed, my affection for you is. I would not argue that it is going to be easy for you, but 'let us see, while life permits.'“+