11

He was in the habit of taking his complaints to Tamakazura's son the chamberlain. One day he came upon the boy reading a letter from Kaoru. Immediately guessing its nature, he took it from the heap of papers in which the chamberlain sought to hide it. Not wanting to exaggerate the importance of a rather conventional complaint about an unkind lady, the chamberlain smiled and let him read it.

“The days go by, quite heedless of my longing.

Already we come to the end of a bitter spring.”

It was a very quiet sort of protest compared to the lieutenant's overwrought strainings, a fact which the women were quick to point out. Chagrined, he could think of little to say, and shortly he withdrew to the room of a woman named Chu~jo~, who always listened to him with sympathy. There seemed little for him to do but sigh at the refusal of the world to let him have his way. The chamberlain strolled past on his way to consult with Tamakazura about a reply to Kaoru's letter, and the sighs and complaints now rose to a level that taxed Chu~jo~'s patience. She fell silent. The usual jokes refused to come.

“It was a dream that I long to dream again,” he said, having informed her that he had been among the spectators at the Go match. “What do I have to live for? Not a great deal. Not a great deal is left to me. It is as they say: a person even longs for the pain.” *

She did genuinely pity him, but there was nothing she could say. Hints from Tamakazura that he might one day be comforted did not seem to bring immediate comfort; and so the conclusion must be that the glimpse he had had of the older sister—and she certainly was very beautiful—had changed him for life.

Chu~jo~ assumed the offensive. “You are evidently asking me to plead your case. You do not see, I gather, what a rogue and a scoundrel you would seem if I did. A little more and I will no longer be able to feel sorry for you. I must be forever on my guard, and it is exhausting.”

“This is the end. I do not care what you think of me, and I do not care what happens to me. I did hate to see her lose that game, though. You should have smuggled me inside where she could see me. I would have given signals and kept her from losing. Ah, what a wretched fate is mine! Everything is against me and yet I go on hating to lose. The one thing I cannot overcome is a hatred of losing.”

Chu~jo~ had to laugh.

“A nod from you is all it takes to win?

This somehow seems at odds with reality.”

It confirmed his impression of a certain want of sympathy.

“Pity me yet once more and lead me to her,

Assured that life and death are in your hands.” +

Laughing and weeping, they talked the night away.