(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Being S.A.F.E. Chapter One: Surrender: What Is Surrender? [1] ['Douglas Schonenberg', 'Thom Hartmann', 'Greg Dworkin', 'Chloris Creator', 'Bill In Portland Maine', 'Matthew Adarichev'] Date: 2026-07-01 When Life Makes the First Move In previous musings, I briefly introduced the idea of Being S.A.F.E. I explained what each letter represents and shared stories from my past that reflected those ideas. Now, I think it is time to explain what Being S.A.F.E. actually is. It is not just an acronym or a clever play on words. Being S.A.F.E. is more than an idea. It is a way of living. It is a way of becoming. We spend so much of our lives asking the wrong questions. Why did this happen? Why me? What did I lose? What could I have become? Over time, I realized there was a better question. Who am I becoming because of all of this? Not the person I hoped life would allow me to be. But the person I chose to become because of the life I was given. Life deals us the hand. How we choose to play it is what Being S.A.F.E. is really about. It is four simple ideas that, when practiced over a lifetime, become a way of being. Surrender isn’t a belief. It’s something you do. isn’t a belief. It’s something you do. Acceptance is something you practice. is something you practice. Forgiveness is an action. is an action. Evolution is an ongoing process. Being S.A.F.E. is not static. It is a continual way of living. Every day we are surrendering, accepting, forgiving, and evolving. It is not the destination. It is the journey. And through that journey, something begins to emerge. Not perfection. Not certainty. Not someone else. You. Surrender – You stop fighting reality. – You stop fighting reality. Acceptance – You begin seeing reality honestly. – You begin seeing reality honestly. Forgiveness – You stop carrying what no longer serves you. – You stop carrying what no longer serves you. Evolution – You begin growing into someone new. The life that emerges from practicing these four ideas is what I mean by Being. Our focus in life should not be on becoming the person we think we should have been despite everything life has thrown at us. It should be on becoming the person we are capable of becoming because of it. Being S.A.F.E. didn’t come to me all at once. It emerged slowly as I tried to understand my own life. For a long time I thought Being S.A.F.E. began after my brain injury. It didn’t. The truth is that I had been living it all along. It just took a car accident and a traumatic brain injury for me to recognize it. Every morning I sit under this tree with Mylo. We talk about life, fear, family, loss, meaning, and the strange ways human beings try to carry what was never meant to be carried. At the time, I thought these were separate musings. But they weren’t. They were all branches of the same tree. Being S.A.F.E. And every journey has a beginning. This one begins with Surrender. Most people hear the word “surrender” and immediately think about giving up. Losing. Walking away. Waving a white flag. That is not the surrender I am talking about. The surrender that is part of Being S.A.F.E. is the moment you stop trying to change reality. It is the moment you finally accept that what happened… really happened. Not because you like it. Not because it is fair. Not because it doesn’t hurt. But because it is true. After my traumatic brain injury, I spent years trying to return to a version of myself that no longer existed. The technical writer. The man with a reliable memory. The man who had balance and could be among people without feeling dizzy. The husband who could do what a normal husband could do for his family. I woke up every day trying to become him again. I refused to accept that the person that I was, was gone. Eventually I realized I wasn’t fighting my injury. Or the pain. Or the dizziness. Or the confusion. I was fighting reality. And this was a fight I was never going to win. Because reality always wins. One of the hardest lessons I have learned is that most of life is not under our control. Maybe eighty percent. Maybe ninety percent. The exact number doesn’t matter. What matters is realizing just how much of life unfolds without our permission or consent. We don’t choose the circumstances we are born into. We don’t choose who chooses to love us and who doesn’t. We don’t choose accidents, illness, loss, or the sudden moments that completely change the direction of our lives. Life simply happens. And this is not only true for life-altering events. It is equally true for ordinary life. You don’t control every grade you receive, even when you studied hard. You don’t control whether you get the job you wanted. You don’t control whether someone chooses to love you back. You don’t control whether your favorite team wins or loses. You don’t control how tall you are, how strong you are, how you look, or how your body develops. So much of life is simply outcome unfolding whether we want it to or not. Not effort. Not intention. Outcome. That is the part of life outside our control. The eighty or ninety percent that decides itself without asking our permission. When those outcomes arrive, all we can do is decide how we move forward. We study harder. We apply for another job. We love again. We watch the next game. We learn to appreciate the person we are instead of wishing we looked like someone else. For years I exhausted myself trying to control outcomes that had already been decided. I replayed conversations. I rewrote history. I imagined different endings. I bargained with reality. None of it changed what was already true. No matter what I said. No matter what I did. No matter what prayer I offered. Reality remained reality. All I was doing was living in the past instead of living in the present. Surrender is when you stop fighting reality. Stop living in the past. Stop trying to become someone you are not. It is simply saying: “I don’t control what happened. But I do decide how I will respond to what happens that was beyond my control.” That is where our energy belongs. Not in the eighty or ninety percent we can never change. But in the ten or twenty percent that we can. Our response. Our attitude. How we love. How we forgive. How we grow. That is what Surrender is. Choosing to live inside the part of life that is still yours. At first, that percentage seems small. Until you realize it is the only place where life can actually be lived. This is usually where Mylo gets quiet. Then he says something simple. “Doug… life always gets the first move. We get the second.” I didn’t understand what he meant. Then he drew a chessboard in the dirt. “You know what humans struggle with?” “What?”, I ask. “They keep thinking they’re supposed to start the game.” He moved an imaginary pawn. “But life already did.” “Life already made the first move.” “It moved the first pawn.” I looked at him. “So we’re just reacting?” “No.”, Mylo said. “We’re responding.” “And there is a difference.” “Reacting is instinct.” “Responding is chosen.” “It requires intention.” He tapped the board again. “You don’t choose the opening move.” “You don’t choose the position you’re in.” “But you always get the next move.” That simple idea has stayed with me. Because it changed what Surrender actually means. Surrender is not resigning from the game. It is accepting the position. Looking honestly at the board and asking one question: What is my next best move from here? Not the move I wish I could make. Not the move I think I deserved. The move that is actually available. Being S.A.F.E. begins with another simple question. Is this problem inside my circle of control… or outside it? If it is outside, I surrender to it. I let it be. I stop trying to change it. If it is inside, I take responsibility for it. I choose how I will respond. That is the discipline of Surrender. Not trying to control what cannot be controlled. But refusing to waste life trying. Surrender is learning to live with what you cannot control without abandoning what you can. It is not resignation. It is not passivity. It is the disciplined recognition that most of life is not yours to control, paired with the responsibility to fully inhabit what remains. And this is not only true for those who have experienced trauma. It is true for all of us. Because Surrender appears everywhere. In the student who didn’t get the grade they wanted. In the job applicant who wasn’t hired. In the person who wasn’t chosen. In the team that loses. In the body that doesn’t match the image in the mind. In all of it, Surrender is the same quiet turning point. Not, “Why did this happen to me?” But, “What do I do with what is now true?” That is the understanding. That is the practice. That is Surrender. Thank you for sitting under the tree with me. If you’ve enjoyed these reflections on Surrender, I hope you’ll join me for the next step of the Being S.A.F.E. journey. Tomorrow, we’ll meet under the tree again. If you enjoyed this musing, please consider joining my Substack, Musings Under My Tree. I write about empathy, personal growth, being S.A.F.E., politics from time to time, and whatever else wanders through my mind while sitting beneath the branches. https://musingsunderthetree.substack.com/p/welcome-to-my-tree?r=1s6ofh [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2026/7/1/800063569/community/being-s-a-f-e-chapter/ Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/