(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Living with a Profound Loss [1] ['Cal Birdbrain', 'Chitown Kev', 'Meteor Blades', 'Belinda Ridgewood'] Date: 2026-06-25 My husband, Don, who past away June 24, 2025 Photo: CalBirdbrain After a 5-year battle with throat cancer, my husband Don passed away one year ago. While I knew I would eventually lose him, it was and still is a profound loss. The loss of companionship is immense. Not having a partner after 43 years of marriage is a deep wound that I fear will never completely heal. I miss him every day. He’s not there to share a funny chicken incident, plant a tomato or pumpkin, visit a new scenic spot, or a return to a favorite. I miss his tirades against the current president; his grumbles about our parrots, or very vocal complaints on just about everything that rubbed him the wrong way. Silly things set me off crying – a tv show we used to watch together; old Volkswagens; or some ordinary item that reminds me of an inside joke we shared. I can’t tell him that the avocado tree he planted 6 years ago is finally producing avocados. He planted it for me – he hates avocados. He also planted fruit trees, kept chickens and grew vegetables every year. He tended the garden wearing a straw sombrero from Chevy’s because the wide brim shielded his face and neck from the hot summer sun. Don proudly grew this 40 pound Cinderella pumpkin. Photo: CalBirdbrain Life wasn’t perfect, he could be an absolute jerk at times and he had a temper. We occasionally had pretty major disagreements. I even miss those. There were some tough times we survived. At one point, we had a period of unstable low wage employment we would be down to our last $5 before the next paycheck came in. Finances finally stabilized when we landed positions with the state government. We almost lost our house when the governor cut our pay 15 percent during the last recession. Even with all of our talking parrots, the house feels empty at times. I feel it the most at night when I sleep alone. Don loved visiting national parks such as Yosemite. Photo CalBirdbrain Don loved the outdoors. We camped in state and national parks. He loved gold panning and metal detecting. Often we would grab some lunch stuff and drinks and just pick a direction to explore some corner of California. I haven’t returned to any of these places yet but I hope to do so soon. I have many regrets – that we never made it to England where he wanted to take the Jack the Ripper tour and visit haunted castles; that he didn’t get to finish building his trike; that he didn’t have more time to enjoy our life. Clowning around at the Barnum & Bailey Ringling Brothers circus. Photo: CalBirdbrain I cherish the good times we had. We visited Disneyland, Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, the Monterey Aquarium and Sea World. We watched the sun sink into the Pacific from the Bodega Bay headlands. We went whale watching in Monterey Bay and birding in the Elkhorn Slough. We hiked in Glacier and Lassen national parks. In some ways, I have moved on. I tend the fruit trees and take care of the chickens but I just don’t have the energy to plant the vegetables. I haven’t been back to the places he loved but I am thinking about it. I have friends and family who support me when I am feeling sad. I have resumed most of my regular activities but not the ones I think of as Don’s. I now try to live my best life as Don would have wanted; yet in the background there will always be this profound loss shadowing my life. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2026/6/25/800060542/community/it/ Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/