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Kitchen Table Kibitzing 6/15/2026: Some Thoughts on a Sudden Death [1]

['Thom Hartmann', 'Blue Choir Singer', 'News Corpse']

Date: 2026-06-15  

Good evening, Kibitzers. If you came looking for a bean recipe tonight, I have bad news for you. We had a backlog of meal preps we needed to finish, and the only “new” beans I made were the beans alla vodka that I already diaried about. I’m sure I’ll have something new for next week, but this week I’ll have to take a break from writing about legumes.

What I’ve chosen to write about this evening is heavy, so I’d like to put this at the top: First, this diary will talk about death and trauma, so if that’s not something you’re up for (totally understandable), feel free to go straight to the comments. Second, and related to the first, I don’t want anybody to feel as though they have to engage directly with this diary. Please, feel free to be lighthearted below, as usual! If you do have thoughts or perspectives on this diary, I’d welcome them, but I don’t want to put a dark cloud over tonight’s open thread. I’m mostly writing this because I feel like it will help me work through some feelings I’ve been wrestling with over the past few days, and I also want to use the little platform I have to honor a man who meant something to me. (I’m fine, and I do have a therapist, and I will be talking about all of this and more with her, so don’t worry.)

I’ve already mentioned this here in KTK (and elsewhere on Daily Kos), but something rather traumatic happened last week. I follow an account called “Coffee Time with John and Momma,” which was hosted by a man named John who lived with his elderly mother in Tennessee. They posted daily videos, and I didn’t watch all of them, but I was a semi-regular viewer as of late. I didn’t seek them out, but they kind of fell into my algorithm, which knows me all too well. If you’d like to see their videos, here is the official YouTube channel, and I would caution you to stick to that and not do too much digging on the Internet, because the traumatic event is still out there, and it’s not something you want to see. I think what drew me to the show was that they very much reminded me of people I grew up around. They were churchgoing people, although it was more of a cooking show than a religious show. I’m not a Christian, and I sometimes filtered out the religious stuff, but I felt nothing but love from that show and was never uncomfortable. I could tell John was a real sweetheart, and he had such a loving relationship with his sweet mother. I (like a lot of their viewers) just found them to be a comfort. I’d often have their video on in the background while I did something else, because I could listen to that east Tennessee accent all day, and I enjoyed the comfort food recipes and the back-and-forth between John and Momma. Maybe it’s a parasocial relationship, but it really did feel like we were all sitting at the table with them.

Last week, while on one of their daily livestreams, John suffered a massive heart attack and died within minutes. His death would be tragic enough, but of course, the last thing on his poor mother’s mind was turning off the livestream, so the entire thing was recorded and witnessed by hundreds (now thousands) of people. In the days since, the story was picked up by people who had no interest in their show, and only a morbid curiosity about watching somebody die. It became something akin to an Internet shock video, just adding to the tragedy. In the aftermath of his death, not only did his family have to worry about all the normal things folks have to worry about after somebody dies, but they had to try to scrub the platforms of the livestream (they didn’t know John’s password to his phone, so they couldn’t delete it themselves). Fortunately, after several hours of delay, the major platforms did take the video down. But it’s still out there, being reposted by Internet scumbags (which is why I caution you not to look too much into this, because even the still images from the livestream are not something you want to see). In a matter of days, this wholesome cooking show that brought so many people comfort and joy has been turned into a morbid curiosity, and it really sucks. In life, John was sometimes taunted by Internet trolls for his weight, or for his relationship with his mother, or for the fact that he was sitting down in his videos (people are just the worst). It makes me sick that, in death, he’s still being disrespected.

Unfortunately, I was one of the people who saw the medical event, and I really wish I hadn’t. Social media has brought us good things, such as the ability to form community (like ours here at KTK, or the community of over 200,000 that John and Momma built). But sometimes, it allows us to see things that nobody (and certainly not Internet strangers) should see. I didn’t realize until a couple of days later how affected I was by what I saw. I’m a millennial veteran of the early Internet, and I’ve seen some truly disturbing and shocking things, so I pushed it away and tried to move on without really dealing with it. When I finally allowed myself to feel my feelings yesterday, it was like a dam broke. I didn’t know this man, but I felt like I kind of did. I oscillate between being sad that he’s gone to feeling grief and worry for his poor mother (he lived with her as a caretaker) and anger that his death is being exploited by some people online. That little corner of the Internet was one of the places that gave off light in these dark times, so my world is a bit darker than it was before.

Also, when I was 17, I saw my dad die of a heart attack, and it went pretty much how it went in that livestream. So I have no doubt that witnessing John’s death dredged up 20-year-old traumatic memories, and those are all mixed up with my feelings.

Of course, death is just something that happens, and one never knows when it will come. It doesn’t wait for a convenient time. It can happen while in the kitchen making spare ribs like it happened to my dad, and it can happen while on a livestream with hundreds watching like it happened to John. The one positive thing about this whole sad event is that his death was quick and he did not suffer long, if at all. I want to remember John not for his last moments, but for his happiness and his love for life, family, and friends. And on a personal level, it has illustrated, in dramatic fashion, just how suddenly one’s life can come to an end, whether they love that life or not.

I’ve felt a lot like a ship off-course for the past year or so, and I’ve probably spent more time wallowing than doing something about it. John’s sudden death has forced me to consider what would happen if I suddenly dropped dead. I’m 37, so that would be unusual, but hardly unheard of. What regrets would I have? Who would be hurting, and have I given those people my whole heart and been present for them? Would people be able to truthfully say I lived my life to its fullest? From what I’ve seen and read about John, he lived a fulfilling life and was a fixture in his community and a true friend to many. I can’t say that I believe in heaven, but I do believe in legacies, and John left his mark here on earth. He certainly didn’t seem like one who wasted his time, and I’m inspired to stop wasting mine. Some things I need to work on are big. But as a start, I’m trying to slow myself down to appreciate and savor the little things in life. Based on comments I’ve read from John and Momma’s online community, I’m not the only one taking these lessons to heart. I’d like to think that John would be pleased by that, at least.

Hopefully that wasn’t too rambly. I’m sorry for bringing such a heavy topic to KTK, and like I said above, please be your lighthearted selves below! Writing this diary has helped me process some things, so this was a worthwhile exercise for me. I’ll be back with legumes next week!

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2026/6/15/800055669/community/kitchen-table-kibitzing-6-15-2026/

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