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The Art Of TheGentle Correction: An Example [1]

['Greg Dworkin', 'Excorpflunky', 'Zct.Life', 'Momma O']

Date: 2026-05-20  

I run a nonprofit theater, and one of our regulars is a old fellow who I’ll call Joe who has a crusty, abrupt demeanour. He’s not the easiest person to talk with, but we have bonded somewhat over his deep love of jazz and knowledge about its history. Music is a safe topic, and he is animated and even friendly when conversing about that subject. I have never inquired about Joe’s politics, but knowing him, I assume he doesn’t like or trust any politicians. He has a wary attitude about all authority figures, just like he does about everyone else.

At a recent concert, a saxophonist who is trans meshed into an amazing groove with the other players on stage and delivered some spectacular solos, stealing the show in the process. After the show, Joe came over to my desk and opened with, “That sax player was terrific, but do you think that was a boy or a girl?”

“I’m not dating them, so why would it be my business?”, I responded.

He looked at me with puzzlement for a moment, laughed, and shook his head. “I guess you’re right,” he said as he headed toward the door. I thought about this later, and how my answer would have been taken if I had instead said, “You’re not dating them, so why would that be your business?” It would have been confrontational, and from that moment he would open his mouth and turn off his brain. By making it about my judgment rather than his, I got the same message across and it wasn’t perceived as a personal attack. From the look on his face, he was actually thinking about the question, and that may set him on a path where he would decide that it was not something he needed to ask. What mattered was that we and the rest of the audience had an evening listening to a very fine musician.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2026/5/20/800042056/community/gentle-correction-the-power-of-a-single-word/

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