(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-11-08 A Dark and Stormy Night in the Kiddie Pool It's a highlight of my year—plopping my ass down in a Victorian wingback with a frosty beverage and basking in the brilliant badness of the winning entries in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest—named after Edward “It was a dark and stormy night” Bulwar-Lytton as "a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." The Class of 2024 was announced recently by the English department at San Jose State University, and after the week we just had I needed this. A sample: However unlikely an event, Lucy’s flight had made a water landing, and as she clutched her seat cushion, which was useable as a flotation device, she waited patiently for the lifeboats to pick up first the Plutonium-class members, active service personnel, parents traveling with small children, and those passengers with special needs. —Joel P., NJ (Adventure) On an otherwise fine spring morning, Helga Tottentanz learned in an exceptionally hard way that, whatever they might’ve told you in hospitality school up in Cologne, as a serving wench in Mainz’s finest inn in 451 A.D., you don’t greet a battle-weary and obviously stressed general named Attila, fresh from crossing the Carpathians at the cost of ten thousand or so men, with an overly cheery “Hi, Hun.” Evenin’, Eddie. —G. Andrew L., Los Angeles (Historical Fiction) Staring unblinkingly into the pleading, tear-filled eyes of yet another dame looking for me to solve all her problems, I sighed, stretched, scratched my whiskers, stuck my hind leg in the air and bent my spine at a 45-degree angle to reach down and lick my butt clean, then donned my fedora—Taco, Cat Detective, was officially on the case. —Gwen S., France (Crime & Detective) Minnie was a short order cook with big ties to organized crime and sought respect within the Family, hoping to impress the Godfather, Don Knotz, with her signature dish, a succulent filet mignon, but the meat was stored on the top shelf of the massive walk-in freezer and, in the end, the steaks were just too high. —Donald H., New Jersey (Vile Puns) It was a dark and stormy night, which makes perfect sense when you realize we’re on Neptune, with a mean distance from the Sun of 4.5 billion kilometers (or 30 astronomical units), and winds that howl at 100 meters per second, composed of mostly hydrogen and helium (and only trace amounts of methane), which is way better than Uranus, which stinks to high heaven. —Jon B., Portugal (Dark & Stormy) Fighting injustice in the Southwest Italian dairy cow farming region fell to the cheese-rind masked man of mystery, the Provolone Ranger. —Mark M., Texas (Western) You can read the full list, including the grand prize winner, right here . Preferably while a dog barks in the distance. And now, our feature presentation… Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 8, 2024 Note: Just a heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday, as we will be attending a gallivanting training seminar. Back Tuesday with a certificate of completion and a bad case of windburn. —Mgt. - By the Numbers: 14 days!!! Days 'til the next full "beaver moon": 7 Days 'til the Mountain Mandarin Festival in Roseville, California: 14 Amount by which the Fed cut interest rates this week: ¼ point Year-over-year percent decrease in used car prices as of October: 3.2% Weekly unemployment claims announced yesterday, up just a bit and still the lowest since 1973: 221,000 Length of the Boeing strike, which ended this week: 7 weeks Percent of LGBTQ voters who chose Trump in, respectively, 2020 and 2024: 27%, 12% - Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans… - CHEERS to our men and women in uniform. Monday is Veterans Day. The memory of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (the latter mercifully ended by President Biden in 2021) have burned into this country's brain the fact that military service is a grueling, unpredictable and uncompromising challenge that often means paying a heavy and unexpected price in the pursuit of politician-selected goals that are not always noble or necessary. The military is where we go to become trained killers-of-bad-people and destroyer-of-bad-things in defense of our country, while at the same time serving as de facto U.S. ambassadors when we're on foreign turf. And while we could go on and on about how our armed forces have been kicking ass for over 248 years, we'll leave it, as always, at a simple… - CHEERS and JEERS to the tiny parasite-infested boil on the universe's butt. As we head into another crisp autumn weekend, let's take a quick continent-by-continent inventory of where things stand on the pale blue dot known as Planet Earth: North America: Yuck PootieFact rates this claim TRUE. South America: Meh Europe: Ack Asia: Gack Africa: Bleh The Arctic: [Polar bear primal scream] Antarctica: [Emperor penguin primal scream] Australia: No worries! Swimming in vegemite and Victoria Bitter, mate...and we finally got our fried-out Kombi fixed! Conclusion: F*ck Australia for not being a team player. (And your little New Zealand, too.) CHEERS good readin'. On this date in 1731, Benjamin Franklin opened the first lending library—officially called "The Library Company of Philadelphia," an idea that sprang from his weekly meetings with tradesmen designed to expand their depth of knowledge. (For our Republican readers: a library is a place where normal people go to learn facts and logic and wisdom from things called books and computers, but where you go to get facts and logic and wisdom banned.) The dedication ceremony was cut short, however, thanks to strict enforcement of the colonies' first ever "3 shushes and you're out" rule. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - MELODRAMATIC OVERACTING to sands through the hourglass. 59 years ago this week, in 1965, Days of Our Lives—my partner, Michael's, favorite soap for over 40 of them—premiered on NBC. It’s now off the air and streaming on Peacock. Which reminds me: right after I bury you alive and steal Bo's heart I'm having your baby. Unless Rolf injects me with a coma-inducing serum first or boobytraps my plane. But not before Marlena gets possessed by the devil and torches Salem. Again. CHEERS to home vegetation. I can't decide if I should spend the weekend soaking in a nice borax bath to suck the government nanotechnology out of my pores, or watch some TV. If the latter, there are few odds and ends worth watching, starting with the MSNBC lineup for the latest news updates (if you can stomach ‘em). A plant-based seafood is ont of the pitches on a new Shark Tank at 8 (ABC). Mickey Guyton hosts A Veterans Day Celebration at 9 on PBS, but not before presidential biographer Jon Meacham joins Margaret Hoover as the guest on Firing Line at 8:30. Ka-chunk. The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the NFL schedule is here. Bill Burr hosts SNL. (Gee, I wonder if a cast member will open the show with a mournful version of Hallelujah like Kate McKinnon did in 2016.) There’s a new episode of The Simpsons Sunday at 8 (Fox). And Sunday night at 11 we presume John Oliver will question the wisdom of becoming an American citizen on a new episode of Last Week Tonight. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: Meet the Press: Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and John Barrasso (Fascist-WY). All the shows are rated DNW (Do Not Watch.) This Week: Fascist scum Vivek Ramaswamy; Frank Luntz; Charlamagne tha God. Face the Nation: Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA); Sen. Bill Hagerty (Fascist-TN); a look back at 70 years of Face the Nation. CNN's State of the Union: Sen. Bernie Sanders; Rep. Jim Jordan (Fascist-OH). Fox Fascism Sunday: Reps. Byron Donald (Fascist-FL) and Dean Phillips (D-MN). Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: November 8, 2014 CHEERS to Billy Time Theatre: a play in one act. Dorothy and Toto are walking down the yellow brick road…oh, and Toto can talk: Dorothy: Gay marriage? Legal? Here? Why, Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. Toto: I got news for ya, dollface…oh yes you is! Dorothy: Why, when did that happen? Toto: What, I'm your personal news service now? Yesterday. Baddaboom baddabing—judge says get outta here and get yourselves gay married. No big whoop, fuggedaboutit. Hey...pass me one 'o them Alpo-flavored cannolis. Oh, I probably should've mentioned: in my play Toto's from Brooklyn. - And just one more… CHEERS to knockin' that sucker down. Thirty-five years ago today, the world witnessed a surreal scene: Berliners hacking away with pickaxes and hammers at that damned wall that had divided their city for decades—a mind-blowing moment that briefly galvanized the planet in celebration. And what sparked it wasn't the pope or the U.N. or even ex-president Saint Ronald Reagan—it was this awkwardly-delivered comment by Politburo member Guenter Schabowski a day earlier: "Therefore...um...we have decided today...um...to implement a regulation that allows every citizen of the German Democratic Republic...um...to...um...leave East Germany through any of the border crossings," said Schabowski. Work those biceps, Dieter. He appeared scarcely to believe his own words and we were all dumbfounded. What did he just say? Schabowski was asked when the new rule would take effect. "That comes into effect...according to my information.... immediately, without delay," Schabowski stammered, shuffling through the papers spread in front of him as he sought in vain for more information. I had the chance to visit Berlin a couple times in the ‘70s when I was kid and living in what was then West Germany. I had a middle-school knowledge of the post-war history of Berlin, but nothing could prepare me for the contrast I saw in person: vibrant and colorful on the western side…oppressive, gray, boarded-up and barbed-wired on the eastern side. In some ways it reminds me of what this country has become: reality-based, education-oriented and live-and-let-live on the left…authoritarian, trigger-happy, reality-averse and sadistic on the right. But my main point is: Happy Reunification Day, Germany—let's all drink beer. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://dailykos.com/stories/2024/11/8/2283916/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Coke-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/