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Even If You've Never Ground Your Teeth In Your Sleep Before In Your Life, Read This [1]

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Date: 2024-11-06  

When they say Don’t go to bed angry, it’s usually relationship advice, and I don’t have much to add to it except denial isn’t as great a substitute as it seems. But trust me on this, do not go to bed when you’re angrier than you’ve ever been in your life without a dental guard. Even if you’ve never ground your teeth in your life - in fact especially if you never have. Because if somebody else had written this and I’d read it I probably wouldn’t follow the advice because 1) I’d never ground my teeth before in sixty-plus years of a life not lacking in good reasons to start, and 2) I’m angry enough as it is without paying twenty dollars for a piece of plastic, and 3) it would seem pathetic to me somehow. Addressing myself in reverse order: 3) Yes, but nowhere near as pathetic as you’re going to feel tomorrow when you buy one with a mouth full of cracked and broken teeth. 2) We’re just about to hit the twenty thousand mark, there’s still more to go, and none of it is fun. 1) I know, and you’ve only heard about it anecdotally and that was mostly as a child. You couldn’t recall ever reading a warning like this and couldn’t possibly imagine writing it. Which is a pity because when you finally do fall asleep it’ll be knowing that you’re angrier than you’ve ever been. And when you wake up you’ll be wondering what the hell is that stuff in your mouth. Is it sand? Little bits of gravel? You’ll wonder if it’s pieces of your teeth but then you’ll dismiss it because it was way too horrifying a prospect to be considering three or four seconds into the day. And the comfort of never having ground your teeth in your sleep is going to buy you an extra eight or ten seconds of bewilderment — nothing more — although those eight or ten seconds are going to be about as good as that day’s gonna get.

Then your tongue’s going to feel something jagged where there shouldn’t be, and you’ll be too afraid to move it much after that. What had been confusion will start quickly becoming dread, and as you head for the bathroom you’ll fight back with the only weapon you’ve got: saying the word “No” over and over again. Silently at first, then softly and getting louder until your tongue feels something sharp again and you immediately shut up. By the time you reach the bathroom sink you’ll have been awake for maybe twenty seconds — not a lot of time to prepare for what’s next.

I’ll spare you the horrors. You’ve already experienced them anyway since the dream of painlessly losing teeth is one of the top three most common nightmares we have. If there’s any good news to share it’s that the reality isn’t quite as horrific as the dream, but only because the dream rarely extends beyond the immediate, and often it’s the sense of horror itself that awakens us. In real life you have all day, and it’s simply not possible to remain horrified for that long. You adapt, at least a little anyway, and your mind starts searching for, and sometimes finding, comfort where it can. Take self pity, for example. I never thought of myself as an expert, but at least I knew my way around when it came to feeling sorry for myself. Nope. I discovered there are entirely new realms and new frontiers of self-pity I hadn’t even dreamed of. It was like being a kid in a candy store that’s an orphan and not allowed to have any candy.

What you probably have dreamed of though is pretty much the opposite: self-criticism. The sense that what has happened is either the result, or otherwise emblematic, of everything about you that’s flawed. That’s usually the most salient point the common nightmare seems to make, and the same is true when it’s reality. The fact that this is something you’ve literally done to yourself isn’t lost on you and that it’s attended by feelings of failure is probably unavoidable: this is the result of everything you’ve done wrong, put off, ignored or been careless about. It’s because of all the times you didn’t try hard enough, or did but for the wrong reasons, the little lies you told yourself to avoid facing the bigger ones you’ve ignored. You know… Everything.

At the same time you can’t help feeling like you’re a victim — and you are — but there’s a reason that victims so often tend to blame themselves but it’ll take some explaining and this diary won’t do much good if I publish it any later so the takeaway for now is if you’re feeling as angry as you’ve ever felt, seriously… go find an all-night pharmacy or that old football helmet up in the attic that has a mouthguard and ignore any voice that’s telling you it’s stupid or pathetic because you really, really REALLY don’t want to wake up the way I did because as bad as you may think things are believe me they can get a whole lot worse.

On a different note I’d like to add that when people tell me they’re feeling depressed I like to ask if it’s mankind or the natural world that’s got them down. So far mankind’s been the culprit 100% of the time, so I usually suggest they spend a little time concentrating on nature instead because there’s very little about the natural world that 1) you can’t learn more about and 2) won’t find utterly mind-blowingly awesome and amazing when you do. Remember that everything on this planet that isn’t the result of mankind is the result of nature and worthy of more attention than we tend to give it. And everything that’s not on this planet, well... see for yourself.

I’ll add some pix of my night before the election and a bit more text as the night proceeds.

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