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Is Coach Walz Tanning His Balls? [1]

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Date: 2024-08-27  

Inquiring minds want to know.

Back in 2022, Tucker Carlson introduced us to the topic of “testicle tanning” in a documentary series (I use this term lightly) about the “End of Men.” Tanning your balls was apparently a solution to increasing one’s floundering masculinity:

You may be a man, but are you a real man? The kind of guy who wrestles his jacked friends and throws giant tires? The sort of guy who milks cows and chugs glasses of raw eggs, just because? No? Well, do you want to be? Because if so, famously rugged tough guy Tucker Carlson has the solution for you: “testicle tanning.” Testicle tanning? you might ask. Surely, you don’t mean to say becoming a macho man like Fox News’ Carlson will require me to stand nude on a rock, subjecting my genitals to some sort of mysterious red-light machine?

Manly? Yes, in a deliciously homoerotic way:

A promo for the special shows a bunch of shirtless men doing guy stuff (shooting guns, cooking meat, swinging big axes) to the opening section of Richard Strauss’s Also sprach Zarathustra. It’s plenty odd on its own. But it takes an even more surreal turn about 10 seconds in, when the camera pans up from a dark pool of water to a naked man standing on a rock formation of some sort with a machine shining a bright red laser on his groin. A voiceover suggests that this is would help produce “men who are tough, men who are resourceful, men who are strong enough to survive,” and who could “reestablish order.”

Nope. Not weird at all.

See for yourself. Ladies, please put down your pussy cats for this. A PG-13 rating may also need to be applied:

Coach Walz is floating in a sea of estrogen these days. There were a lot of tears and weeping at the DNC. So much, that we have to ask—is he getting red light therapy on his balls to help with that?

Apparently, traditional concepts of masculinity are on the ballot this year:

This week's Democratic National Convention made clear that not only is 2024 the boys vs. girls election — it's also a clash between two visions of manhood. Walz carries the trappings of traditional masculinity — as a former National Guardsman and football coach, but at one DNC event on Monday Walz said a "trick" he'd learned in life was to "surround yourself with smart women and listen to them, and you'll do just fine."

This is in comparison to the other guy:

Trump, by contrast, entered the RNC to the tune of "A Man's Man's Man's World." The entire spectacle was "staged as the big man who's going to be in charge and he's the one who can get the job done," said Lori Marso, a political scientist at Union College.

Umm yeah. Good luck with that.

Let’s win this thing!

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/8/27/2266036/-Is-Coach-Walz-Tanning-His-Balls?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web

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