(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-08-05 8/5/64...3:24am...Male...5 pounds...2 ounces. A few years ago I took possession of a plastic bin packed with stuff from my childhood—medical records, my first crayon drawings (way outside the lines—not even close), grade cards, concerned notes from teachers citing my demonic possession, etc. Among the items is a little envelope containing a clump of my baby hair—shiny, light brown and as soft as my baby butt probably was back during LBJ's 8th month in office when I entered the world to the smell of cheap gin and King-Size Kents (the former my doctor's, the latter my mom's). Last night I held that lock of innocence in my hand, hoping it might wormhole me back somewhere in time like Christopher Reeve in whatever that movie was called about going back somewhere in time. Then I could right all the wrongs, prevent all the injustices and buy out Koch Industries and turn it into a green energy empire. No dice—the clock failed to twirl backward. The date stayed the same. There would be no do-overs. So this morning, at 3:24, to the distant sound of the grim reaper's footfalls, I turned 60. It's been busy, the Billeh Era has. Medicare and voting rights laws passed (the latter gutted not too long ago because conservatives on the Supreme Court feared it was working too well). Apollo 11 took a giant boing for mankind (Neil Armstrong's birthday is also today—don’t forget to wink at the moon tonight) and we launched a fleet of awesome Space Shuttles. We broke all kinds of racial, gender, sexual, religious and athletic barriers. We invented Pong, the internet, the iPad, You Tube, the Yo app, the Pet Rock, blogs, and social media. We made huge strides in medicine and science and the arts. Hell, we elected a Black president who, if you believe Newt Gingrich, ushered in a new era of Kenyan colonialism. Despite four years of rule by a racist, Russia-loving rapist and convicted fraudster (selflessly booted by an elder statesman with one more winning campaign in him, during a pandemic no less), we're still the land of sex, drugs, rock & roll and mindless entertainment...and most of the world still looks at us and says, "They may be nuts, but I still want me some 'o that." Oh, and today voting closes on the official nomination of the first Black woman president. Thanks for the excellent birthday present, karma gods. And then there's the shit, much of which is still hitting various fans even though we have every capability of switching them off: ✿ We're still addicted to fossil fuels. ✿ The republic has morphed into fascism-lite, with a shit-ton on our to-do list to reverse it. ✿ We get shot and throw more people in jail—rich people excluded, of course—more than virtually any other country in the world. We can't even clean our guns without raising the body count. ✿ We missed our window for saving ourselves from global warming. Soon we'll travel to Mercury for vacation to cool off. ✿ We're workaholics and always in a hurry. We have the attention span of ✿ What human people need from the government is secondary to what corporation "people" want from the government. ✿ For all of our bad-assity—all our guns and nukes and soldiers and up-armored cops and drones and surveillance and militias and the fact that our private citizenry is armed to the teeth, we sure scare easily. (Breaking: President Biden wants you to be able to afford to go to the doctor—run for your lives or you'll die from the death panel that meets every Tuesday at the top of a cliff because I read it in an email my aunt forwarded to me!!!) On the other hand, I've got a partner who's humored me for 31 years and a gaggle of good friends (y'all included) who tolerate me. Dog, cat, squirrels, Bacardi on occasion. Still lovin' Portland and Maine and New England (crazy Masshole drivers excepted). And, yeah, I do love America, which is precisely why I criticize its shortcomings when I look at it from 30,000 feet. Today I'm 60. Assuming the Twinkies and Big Macs lodged in my arteries don’t snap off and smother my heart like a gangster offing a victim with a pillow, odds are I have 17 years left. If I can cross half of the above grievances off my list by then, I'll die happy. Other than that, it's full steam ahead. My knees hurt, stomach acid is my one true master, my sciatica flares up and my skin is rapidly being replaced with elephant hide. But at least my mind is still sharp as a…um…[Google Google Google]…tack. And now, our feature presentation... Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 5, 2024 Note: Oh fiddle dee dee. Don’t ya hate it when you get distracted and before you know it the burning fuse you've lit has already gone under the neighbor's porch? Oh well...everyone carries dynamite insurance these days, right? - By the Numbers: 3 days, ayuh!!! Weeks 'til the start of the Democratic National Convention: 2 Days 'til Maine's Skowhegan State Fair: 3 Fundraising haul for the Harris campaign in July, a record: $310 million Trump's very weak fundraising haul: $139 million Number of Americans out of work in July due to the weather, which had a negative effect on the July jobs report: 461,000 Estimated number of acres that have been burned due to U.S. wildfires this year: 4.4 million Percent chance that the fire department will have to be called when all 60 candles are lit on my birthday cake, according to the greeting card industry: 100% Totally Random Olympic Medal Score Team USA 71 Any other country Fewer - Puppy Pic of the Day: Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate… - CHEERS to being busy, busy, busy. Here are the weekend developments in the 2024 presidential race: » Republican Donald Trump chickened out of the scheduled September 10th ABC News debate. Or as the corporate media reported it: "Harris chickens out of non-existent September 4th Fox News debate." Oh, the frequent flier miles she’s gonna rack up. » Kamala Harris secured enough delegate votes to make her nomination a mere formality. The official voting period ends at 6 this evening, followed by Republican accusations of ballot tampering and a demand to scan them for bamboo fibers. » Former president Jimmy Carter, who turns 100 in October, told his son he wants to stick around long enough to vote for Kamala. And who are we to stand in the way of that? » Has she picked a veep yet? Has she picked a veep yet? Is it Walz? Is it Shapiro? Is it Kelly? Is it Beshear? Is it Quayle? Is it you? Is it me? Is it the canary singing in the bonsai tree? Huh? Huh?? Huh??? Huh huh huh TELL ME?????!!!!! Oh good. My caffeine just kicked in. CHEERS to putting the dick back in the dock. Good news last week, as the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals tossed the Georgia election interference case (delayed seven months by the six weirdos on the Supreme Court) back into the capable hands of federal judge Tanya Chutkan: Chutkan is now likely to set a series of deadlines, including a potential status conference.[…] It’s showtime. Again. Trump last year pleaded not guilty to charges of undertaking a "criminal scheme" to overturn the results of the 2020 election by enlisting a slate of "fake electors," using the Justice Department to conduct "sham election crime investigations, "trying to enlist the vice president to "alter the election results," and promoting false claims of a stolen election as the Jan. 6 riot raged in an effort to subvert democracy and remain in power. We don’t expect this case, with all its "absolute immunity" landmines lying around, to be resolved soon. In the meantime, perhaps watch something that’ll move a little faster. We recommend the L.A. to New York snail races. JEERS to stupid white men. Let this be a cautionary tale on how independent investigations can be abused for partisan gain, as opposed to straight-down-the-middle like the Jan. 6 investigation is. Thirty years ago today, on August 5, 1994, Kenneth Starr, solicitor general under President George H.W. Bush and Republican hatchet man, was named as independent prosecutor investigating Whitewater. His final report said virtually nothing about that non-scandal. But it did mention the word… ...over 500 times. Even Larry Flynt was like, "Whoa. Kenny. Dude. Get some help." - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Are you a gamer and also a Gregorian chant's fan? Well, you don't need to, to listen and appreciate the Halo theme sung a capella in a cathedral. [📹 chanticleersf]pic.twitter.com/GY3anYVzLO — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) August 2, 2024 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to the thrill of victory. On August 5, 1923, Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the English Channel. According to witnesses, the feat occurred moments after someone offered him a plate of haggis. CHEERS and JEERS to that empty-chamber feeling. The MAGA-led Congress is now officially adjourned until next month. The good news: we don’t have to endure all the House leadership's posturing and finger-pointing in the service of pretending like it actually wants to get things done. Never has so little gotten done on behalf of so many. The bad news: knowing that, apart from a town hall or two, our elected representatives will be enjoying surf and sand and yachting adventures in between rounds of campaigning and dialing-for-dollars, after which they'll return to Washington next month to complain about strapping young bucks and welfare queens sinking into chronic laziness because of their unlimited access to vaults full of taxpayer money that keep them living high off the hog with their fancy "refrigerators" and "microwave ovens." This is technically called their "August vacation." But, given Mike Johnson's freeze on legislation no matter how sensible or popular, we prefer the more accurate "twentieth-month extension of their January 2023 vacation." - Ten years ago in C&J: August 5, 2014 CHEERS to managing the buzz. Here's one more real-world example of why marijuana should be legalized everywhere: because then officials can responsibly regulate it. In Colorado, where recreational marijuana use is legal, they found that edible versions of it are often too strong for people, and labeling is confusing. So, faster than you can whip up a plate of brownies, regulators are working on making labels more detailed. In addition to adding serving sizes, the labels will also suggest what's safe to watch while high. Wizard of Oz and Star Trek = OK. 2001: A Space Odyssey and Judge Judy = Don't Be A Fool! - And just one more… CHEERS to great moments in being born. Three score and three years ago yesterday... Mr. and Mrs. Barack H. Obama 6085 Kalanianaole Hwy., son, Aug. 4 —Honolulu Advertiser, 1961 Remember during the '08 campaign when the traditional media tried spinning the line that Obama was too young and wet-behind-the-huge-ears to be president? I laughed, knowing that his accomplished POTUSmates in the 40-something club include Teddy Roosevelt, James K. Polk, John F. Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. Obama last March. Aging like a fine wine. Certain policy and strategy differences aside, I consider Obama one of the greatest embodiments of what the U.S. presidency should be, and I'm ready to be adopted as soon as he and Michelle submit the paperwork. (What is taking so long???) So belated Happy 63rd Birthday, Mr. President…and many blessings on your Marxist socialist Muslim Jade Helm Benghazi tan-suit-wearing Nicorette-chewing camels. Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "The fact is, you’re seeing these increases in searches for the word weird. And then the topics that are increasingly searched with the word weird are all Bill in Portland Maine and Cheers and Jeers.” —CNN's Harry Enten - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/8/5/2260168/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Monday?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/