(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . A letter to my male patients [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-08-03 Notes : A Letter to my Male Patients A 74 yr old Family Physician speaks out on the danger of anti abortion legislation *with permission from his spouse to share their story Are you a man in a relationship with a woman? In many states, Republican legislators composed entirely of men have made the decision to make this a criminal activity. They have applauded it, condemning any woman or health provider who opposes their views and proceeds with an abortion as immoral and dangerous enemies of the state. I was 25 and living with my girlfriend during my first year clinical internship when she became pregnant. I like to imagine I was not selfish or thoughtless but that’s not true. I was ambivalent and at times insincere and unsure of my own feelings, values, and intentions. I used my demanding workload like blackmail to postpone a clear show of support . I suggested I was not yet committed, or married, or willing to be a father, and disguised my ambivalence with exhaustion. I had not learned that showing up is what commitments are all about. And choices. My partner chose to have an abortion. She was adamant that this was her decision to make. She was fierce about this About her right to control her life and body. Yet she wanted to explore with me, within the intimacy and privacy of our own home, what was our commitment to create a family , and what was our shared responsibility and purpose. She had witnessed her mother bearing twelve children in twenty years without any contraceptive planning or support. My girlfriend would never submit to the lack of choices in her own life. Restricting contraceptive freedom and access is about men controlling women’s bodies, sanctioned by the state, based on an ideology that entitles men to this power. This ideology relies upon specific religious denominations to rationalize and impose this legislation. But this legislation is not about morality or imposing religious canon. It is part of a political movement with an ideology that seeks to establish a state that has the authority to define who a man can love, how he can love and be loved. A state that depends upon fear and conformity to impose a single ideology that all citizens must adhere to; that defines what is legal and illegal with regards to childbearing. And this movement is not about the morality of saving children’s lives. The red states that have imposed restrictions on abortion have the unenviable distinction of worse perinatal and maternal mortality rates than other states in our country, worse than many third world countries. Because they have concluded “they must destroy the children in order to save them”. To enforce their ideology. To punish those who oppose it. They are not concerned with children’s lives. They are interested in power. This is coercive reproduction. The assault on reproductive freedom is not the cause of this repression, it is the result of it. This legislation is more than an assault on the rights of childbearing women. It is more than a denial of medical services that leads to harm. It is more than a frontal assault on our freedom of religion. Christian nationalism intends to legislate their denomination’s religious tenets upon all citizens most intimate behavior, defining for us all what is a family; when, and how to start a family. It is a political movement that has every intention of violating the bedrock American principle of living our lives in the privacy of our own homes. Our cherished right to life liberty and pursuit of happiness. It is a political movement dedicated to silencing, punishing and persecuting anyone who opposes or disagrees with this ideology. This is the hallmark of the authoritarian state. Self-determination is a threat. Democratic principles are unacceptable to this movement. They intend to impose government control upon all aspects of our lives. With the Dobbs decision by the current Supreme court, men face the same choice today that I did fifty years ago. I was unclear about what was my part in this decision-making process. But that had become unacceptable to both my partner and myself. She had no illusions about the consequences she faced. She was grateful for the Roe v Wade ruling which had recently been passed: She had the power to exercise her right to make a decision that had been denied to her mother. A life altering decision, that in the past had created emotional and economic hardship that women had endured for generations, adjudicated with emotional and religious exhortations for sacrifice, devotion and religious fidelity. The political subjugation of women to their childbearing roles for the benefit of male domination had been justified by calling their opposition selfish and immoral. For me the complexity of my participation was not diminished by her willingness to consider an abortion. It only meant that I could not use the state with its authority, shame, and fear of illegality, to mask my ambiguity. I had to consider what it meant to support another person making a serious intimate life- changing decision without an appeal to seeking the approval of the state. I did not have to live with the lie that stated that the best I could be was to be who the state wanted me to be, and never know if I was capable of loving my partner in all the ways she would want to be loved. I would have to live with the accountability and integrity it demanded. But I was not to control her. Some men may not consider anti-abortion legislation to be their concern. We can claim it’s not our issue. Walk away. Remain disconnected. Remain silent. Complicit with the consequences of this legislation. Live with this deceit. Some men will insist they are “pro-life” and deny her right to make this decision but continue to abandon their commitment to father the child that results from this pregnancy, refusing to sustain a life they helped create. But restricting reproductive freedom is more than coercive reproduction for child bearing women. It is about intrusive control by the state over human relationships : How we experience intimacy. What it means to be a family. Supporting political candidates who support anti-abortion legislation is not a pro-life position. It is not only “weird” or “crazy”. It is an endorsement of this authoritarian movement. We cannot endorse any candidate from this political movement. We must unite for a free and democratic society. Otherwise, we are harming those we love by voting to remove their right to control their own bodies and lives. We are choosing to ignore their fear, pain, and repression. And we are rationalizing their subjugation to the state with whatever religious doctrine that can justify it. This does not make us stronger but weaker. We are better than that. An unexpected crisis will occur in every relationship. These are opportunities where we get to grow, to explore with dignity and self-respect, that lead to a deeper commitment, or to feelings of abandonment and betrayal. We can demonstrate compassion and stand beside our partners with kindness, courage, and integrity. Not with judgment, condemnation, and retribution. This is not only an assault on women but on men. To that end, the assault on reproductive freedom is an assault on every relationship in a free society. And every man who wants to live in one. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/8/3/2260333/-A-letter-to-my-male-patients?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/