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What is “Boulder Brain”? [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2024-03-08  

[Disclaimer: This is NOT a medical article. It is for amusement only!]

I have come to the conclusion fairly recently that there is a mental condition that has been overlooked by neurologists, psychiatrists, and psychologists for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. This condition has most likely existed since the dawn of time, at the point human beings made their appearance on the landscape. The name of this condition is “Boulder Brain” and certainly should be analyzed, researched, and rendered as a viable diagnosis.

What are the signs and symptoms of Boulder Brain?

First of all, Boulder Brain should NOT be confused with Boulder Dash, an actual 5K race established in 2010 in Boulder, Colorado (see https://www.bolderboulder.com/ for this year’s race registration). Rather, Boulder Brain is a condition where the brain has become quite literally “hard as rock.”

Weighing about 3 pounds in the average adult, the brain is about 60% fat. The remaining 40% is a combination of water, protein, carbohydrates, and salts. The brain itself is not a muscle. It contains blood vessels and nerves, including neurons and glial cells. In other words, fairly soft stuff.

But over time, with constant exposure to negative input, hate taught via thoughts, words, and deeds, Boulder Brain develops slowly until the brain hardens into a concrete-like boulder due to the overabundance of fake news, misinformation from family, friends, neighbors, media (television, radio, print, social); a lack of or denial of concrete science-backed facts; a lack of exposure to or denial of rational thought processes; believing what others say versus what the eyes see and the ears hear; and the inability to allow for differences of opinion without resorting to violence.

Boulder Brain can occur in anyone, regardless of age or gender identification. It is a global condition, albeit an unrecognized one, most prevalent among bullies and dictators, many politicians, even among well-educated corporate types and other professionals, even among some billionaires, as well as average common folk.

Some clear signs of Boulder Brain are failure to be amused or exhibit a sense of humor, blank stares, inability to understand simple directions and complete simple tasks in response to those directions, despite multiple attempts at rephrasing the simple directions—kind of like trying to land the plane on a different runway, but always getting a crash landing.

Is Boulder Brain fatal?

In most cases, yes, as evidenced during the COVID-19 Pandemic of 2020, where many individuals suffering from undiagnosed Boulder Brain resisted wearing masks or getting vaccinated, who then contracted Covid and ultimately died. Boulder Brain can also result in death from DUIs, alcoholism, avoiding annual physical exams, and other self-destructive behavior. Stubbornness plays a very large role in Boulder Brain advancement. It may also play a significant role in political loyalty “along party lines,” misogyny, racism, and other cultural “norms.”

Can Boulder Brain be cured?

Currently, there is no cure for the condition. However, there is a treatment plan which, on extremely rare occasions, might break down Boulder Brain and eliminate it from the brain. Sometimes, this can happen from a life-changing “aha” moment or by jackhammering the brain constantly with hard facts, logic, and other forms of rationalization, which then causes a crack in the boulder. With continued bombardment of factual arguments, the boulder is reduced to gray dust, which is then eliminated via the bowels. Hence, the scientific term for this elimination is “Grey Poopon” (c’mon – laugh a little; otherwise, you may be showing beginning signs of Boulder Brain development! 😊) However, there usually remains some pebbles, and vigilance must be maintained to prevent reverting to Boulder Brain.

So, remember: THINK—it’s not illegal…yet!

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