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A Royal Reprimand from the Sun King to the Sunburnt King [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2024-01-09  

[In conjunction with the Association of Royal and Anointed Rulers, King Louis XIV, late of France, released the following note in response to the Trump campaign's sharing of the video, 'God Sent Trump.']

To my most flamboyant (and desiring) successor across the seas, Donald J. Trump, self-proclaimed Sun King of the modern age, it has come to my attention, through swift and anachronistic channels, that you, Monsieur Trump, are being heralded as a divine sentinel, set upon the soils of the New World to govern with the same divinity as the bourbon in my glass - strong and unquestionable, but occasionally leaving a bitter aftertaste.

Oh, Monsieur, while my realm was a canvas for absolute power and my word was the law, it seems your grasp on your republican scepter is as slippery as your stance on attaining public approval. While the etiquette of the day demands that I politely chide you for apparently glossing over the constitutional scrolls that bind you to such mundane tasks as seeking approval for (among other things) the recent disclosure of your remunerations while in office, as well as the previously disclosed notice of your snatching state secrets leaves one to wonder that you also believe that your constitution was written with invisible ink.

It is whispered in the halls of Versailles that your refusal to establish a blind trust was as shocking as my refusal to trust anyone not garbed in silk. How can one lead without freed hands and eyes averted to maintain impartiality? Alas, perhaps for that very reason, my many statues do not depict me holding a ledger.

Regarding the tariffs you imposed on China and the subsequent embellishment of your private income, let it be known that even as the patron of arts and the architect of Versailles, I knew better than to court an artist while waging war on his country. This messy affair reminds us that a fine line exists between being a monarch and a merchant.

As for your desire to be heir to the sands and perceived as one of the anointed sovereigns of old, I find camaraderie, Monsieur Trump. While one enjoys the counsel of subservient company, woe be unto he who forgets that a king's first and last love must always be the betterment of his nation, lest his legacy be buried in the sands and his empire.

As for the mirthful jests of your so-devout evangelical subjects portraying you as the Chosen Caretaker, galloping across the heavens on a steed of gold, tell me, does your celestial profile not chafe from such flattery? Nevertheless, beguiling as it may be, a word of caution from a truly ordained divine ruler: divinity is a heavy mantle, and when the heavens call for an audit, they'll not settle for a tax loophole.

Your reputed industrious work ethic, including your canvassing the midnight oil, reminds me that hunting and feasting did occupy a sizeable chapter of my royal itinerary, just as golfing and ta pêche à la traîne — your trolling — occupied a significant portion of yours.

As for your Bible studies, I am heartened to learn that one can find spiritual enlightenment and classified state secrets within the same hallowed pages. It gives new meaning to 'seek, and ye shall find.'

In closing, my dearest Trump, remember that the quest for divine anointment can blind even the sharpest of visionaries, and the choir of sycophants often sings out of tune. It is the continuous toil for the betterment of one's realm that carves the statue of legacy, not the fleeting applause of those who would see the world return to chaos for their aggrandizement.

With regal admonishment and good humor,

Louis XIV, Le Roi-Soleil

P.S. Should I spot Apollo, I will caution him against lending out his chariot to mortals prone to the siren song of hubris.

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