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I CAN'T SEE YOU! me and face blindness [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-11-23  

FACES AND ME

It used to be thought by doctors, that Face Blindness was something brought on only by trauma. Such as a blow to the head, or a stroke,or a brain tumor. People when recovering from a stroke, couldsometimes no longer recognize their loved ones. And especially, when they had never had this issue before. So the patient and their family all knew something had changed. This was called Prosopagnosia, and it was very rare.

Then, about 1985, a doctor realized, it was not always brought on by trauma. You can have Face Blindness from birth. (Ironically, the doctor who determined this, when diagnosing a patient with severe Face Blindness, recognized the symptoms in himself, in a milder form.) You can be born with Face Blindness, as an inherited tendency, or you can acquire Face Blindness before you are born. It is thought to be an extra fold in the fusiform area of the brain,where facial recognition is kept. Diagnosis is usually done by tests with photographs, or just from recognizing the symptoms in yourself.

Many people with Face Blindness might have some other issue, such as not being able to follow a map, or not being able to recognize types of cars. This part, (be very careful with any assumptions on this part) some people with Face Blindness might also have autism, anywhere on the scale, or other problems. However, they are not linked, they are not causative. I feel if you test someone very thoroughly, chances are you might find more than one thing that is not considered the norm.

Some people have middling amounts of face blindness, and just get used to finding people by other means, such as by height, hair, body build,clothes. Some people have a lighter version of face blindness, and only have problems when trying to find a face in a crowd. Somepeople have a severe form, and have problems locating themselves in a mirror.

It has nothing to do with intelligence. It has nothing to do with being able to remember names. It can lead to social problems. If you do not recognize someone you are supposed to recognize, then they thinky ou are mad at them, when you are not. Or they think you are stuckup, when you are not. Or they think you are rude.

It has nothing to do with being unable to recognize emotions in another person. Show someone with Face Blindness pictures of a person emoting fear, happiness, anger, and the person with Face Blindness can discern which expression is the correct emotion. And besides,more than half of how we emote is done with body movement and tone ofvoice.

It has nothing to do with being able to remember names. Many people can remember up to 120 names and faces, and more than that can be forgotten. If I say I have face blindness, a common reaction I hear is “Oh, I am so bad at remembering names too!” No, I can remember a lot of names. I will not recognize your face in front of me.

You can be autistic, and also have Face Blindness, each somewhere on the scale, but as I said, they are not automatically a thing that always go together. Again, if you are thoroughly tested, the chances of finding something else is rather high.

Here are some of my Prosopagnosia stories.

Story One At the age of 13, we moved to a new town. New school, new town, no friends. Alone in large school, I just watched the other kids. I had a crush on this one person, who was in my morning science class,and also in my afternoon math class. I did not learn a lot of science or math that semester, and instead spent my time gazing at them, daydreaming. But I was confused, because in the morning they would wear one shirt, and in math in the afternoon they would be wearing a different shirt. I wondered, was this a fad at this school? Did the other kids change shirts at lunch? Should I bring an extra shirt to school, to change into at lunch? September, December, and into January, this continued. Until, after the semester change, the schedules changed. And the person I had been mooning over was not one person, but two people. They had never changed their shirt at lunch. Just one person in the morning class, and a different person in the afternoon class. And when the schedule changed, they were both in science class with me. Even though I had told no one at the time, I was so embarrassed. When the school yearbook came out in late May, I looked at their photographs, and wondered how could I have ever thought they were one person, they did not look that much like each other. But for me, a flat photograph is not as much problem as a three dimensional living face. (these two people did have same height, same body build, and same color and style of hair. Which seems to be the way I recognize people.) Many years later, I shared this story with my spouse, and laughed at myself, for being so klutzy with people. I did not know yet, that I had Face Blindness.

Story Two When I was 15, I made plans to meet my friend (romantic friend, we had been “dating” for a year. Dating 14-15 year old style, very innocent.) The plan was to meet them in the movie theatre. I got to the theatre when the theatre was empty, sat about 4 rows from the front. Kept looking towards the back, waiting for my friend to arrive. They never did.

As I was leaving the theatre, they called my name, and there they were, they had been sitting about the 9th row, in the middle, the entire time. (And as people were crowded in on either side of them, in that row, they must have also gotten there fairly early. But not able to see me as easily, as I would have been seen only in silhouette.) They wanted to know why I had not seen them. I did not share this story with people until after I learned about Face Blindness. It bothered me, for many many years. I could not find them in a crowd, out of context. When I was used to finding them at my locker in school. Memorize their locker location, and they were the person with that height, that hair, opening that locker. See what they were wearing that day, and you were set.

Story Three In high school, I needed to get glasses. My parents got me glasses, for mild nearsightedness. I was too vain, so I did not wear them. I developed a trick, to find my friends in the school hallways. (I had a school with over 6,000 students. Finding people could be difficult) I would get to their lockers early, so when they arrived at their locker in the morning, I would look closely at the pattern and color of their shirt they were wearing that day. (1970s, lots of patterns on shirts) And then no matter how many people were in the hallway, I could find them. I used to put this down to vanity, that I had to “study their shirt” to find them in a crowd, because I was too vain to wear my glasses. I shared this story a lot, as a way to laugh at myself for being too vain to wear glasses, and how to compensate for being near-sighted.

Until I realized a few years ago, it wasn’t being near sighted, it was Face Blindness. That….if I was so near-sighted, how come I could spot the print on a shirt, from far away, in a crowd, but not see their face? In an ocean of 6,000 floral shirts? It was not my vanity, it was because I was not able to find a face.

Story Four When I was about 20, I worked once at a desk that was a partners desk. As in a desk meant for two people, so we sat across from each other all day long. Because the desk was one piece of furniture, there was no way to move away from each other. No monitors back then to hide behind, just paper work. The office was far from any eateries, so we ate sack lunches at our shared desk. 9 hours a day, facing each other. 45 hours a week. For four months. It was a temporary job for me, and when it was over, I moved on. Then, about two weeks after the job ended, I was at the mall, and someone I did not know came up and started chatting with me. I could tell they were upset with me, that I was supposed to know them from somewhere. I tried to be nice, but the lack of recognition upset them, and they ended the conversation. I wondered about who that person was for several weeks. Finally by process of elimination, I figured it was the person with whom I had shared a desk. No wonder they thought Ishould recognize them. I also would retell this story, as a way to laugh at how bad I was with people.

Stories for the last 20 years In the store, I never recognize people I know, I never run into acquaintances. My Significant Other ( “SO” for short) always runs in to people we know. Always. One time in the grocery store, my SO started having a nice conversation with someone. I did not recognize the person, so I did not interrupt, figuring it was someone from SO’s work. Afterwards, my SO thought I had been very rude. Why, I asked, who were they? That was our daughter’s piano teacher. (I shake my head, no, not a clue) They’ve been teaching piano to our daughterfor four years. They go to our church. (Me, still clueless) We’ve been to their house twice for dinner. I apologized, and said I just had not recognized them. Not liking to have arguments in public, my SO let it drop.

I have a problem with movies, if two characters have similar looks. If they are the same height and build, and then have the same hair colorand hair style….then I get confused and sometimes cannot follow the story. If one of these people is the villain and the other is the hero, then if I confuse them the characters, it sorta ruins the storyline. Does not matter if their faces are really different. And the weird part is, that in a flat photograph, if I am familiar with the actors, I can usually tell them apart in photos. So, producers, please ensure people are different enough, unique enough, that people like me can not get confused. Change their hair color, or do something unique with their appearance, it can really help.

We have three children. Now ages 35, 30, and 21, so while they were growing up there was never a problem telling them apart, for us, because of the difference in their height. And now they are grown,they have enough physical differences among the three of them, I have no problem telling them apart. The problem time for me, was when our kids were in grades 5-12 in school, and took part in school events, it was a problem. Orchestras and Choirs with kids all wearing the same clothes. They were in a lot of school orchestras, a lot of school choirs. I could discern their voice from the other voices, but could not find their face. For the older two, I could not find them in the crowd, unless I knew where they would sit or stand. (first clarinet will be in a certain position) For the youngest, by then we knew about Face Blindness, so I would just ask my SO, “which one is ours”, and they would say “last row, second from right”. It was so nice, to be able to gaze fondly at the correct child, while they were performing. Before it had been just 2 hours of discomfort, thinking I needed to get my glasses corrected.

FIND PEOPLE How did I find anyone? How did I know anyone? Well, if they are sitting in your family room, and have the exact same build and shape and hair as the person from yesterday, you are fairly assured they are your family. And gazing at their face, you can build up a sort of repetitive memory, so you are familiar with their more outstanding features. Such as my dad, his hairline was receding in this specific way, his mouth was nicely shaped, with slightly overly large front teeth, andhis cheeks were round. My mom, she was the one with the greatnaturally wavy blond hair, and a great jaw line, and green eyes. A check list of specific features, yes that was them.

I can pick my parents, siblings, kids, from out of most photos. I hated it when my mom got a more modern hair-do in the late 1970s, almost ruined my recognition of her. For my SO, I go by the clothes they put on that morning. And it helps neither one of us ventures in to the newest latest styles, so our clothes have a reliable sameness.

DISCOVERY When I happened upon an article about Face Blindness, about 15 years ago, it was so nice, it was such a relief. Instead of being so bad at remembering people, now I knew why. I could not do it. I was not physically capable of it. It was not my fault. I read the articles to my SO, and SO and I looked at each other, and you could see the light bulbs over our heads. It was fascinating to learn about. Good to know I was not that bad off, probably about the middle of the spectrum.

Now, if we are in the grocery store, SO knows now, to sort of reintroduce me...as in ‘honey, you remember So-and-So, our child’s fifth-grade teacher’, or ‘you remember Mr X, our neighbor’, it that is enough to tweak the memory of other interactions, so I don’t need to go just by their face.

WORK How did this affect me professionally? Most of my working life I have worked on phones, by email, and over software platforms. I can recognize voices quite well, and have a good memory for lists of names. It worked well for the clients I served. I did have problems sometimes with co-workers. Two guys I worked with, were about 20 years apart in age, but were almost twins for height, weight andbuild, hairstyle. And both being techies in IT, they also dressed like alike. I was friends with both….but I never did call them by their name. Before our office was closed, 3 years ago in a big lay-off, I admitted to them both, at the same time, that I had Face Blindness, and I could not tell them apart. They were mildly offended...they did not understandhow we could be friends, but still not be recognized. But then, Face Blindness is still not widely known as a thing. For them, it was a big insult. They felt that because if I liked them and thought of them as friends, then why were they not important enough to me, so I could remember their faces, and tell them apart? One of the other co-worker sort of understood. If they ran in to me in a store, they knew to say ‘Hey, its me, so and so from work!’

MAPS and DIRECTIONS — it is very common to read that people with Face Blindness also often have problems with maps. I do not have a problem with maps. I am very good with maps, and schematics. I usually don’t get lost, not in cities, not in shopping malls. A lot of people with Face Blindness do have this issue, and have problems with directions and maps. The extra problem I have is with cars. I cannot tell them apart very easily. Whatever color our car is, say a white four door, if there is another white our-door, nearby, it is 50-50 that I will walk up to the wrong car, even if different manufacturers, different models. If I am with someone, they just say ‘that is not our car’. If I am alone, I have learned to give a quick glance inside, to discern if it is mycar or not. Otherwise I risk trying to put my key into another person’s car. I realize now I have been fortunate not to have had a fight with someone, who thinks I am trying to take their car.

PERSONALHow does this affect me personally? Well, the SO and the kids, sorta take it for granted. Explains a lot, they say. Me, I think it is a marvel, that there is a reason I am the way I am. I am so grateful to have this reason.

It is harder for other people to understand. No one would blame someone who was 100% color blind for not being able to tell apart red and green. But it is difficult for people to accept I can not recognize them, everyone takes it personally. Not recognize a stranger’s face, sure, but a close friend, a relative, how can you not recognize them, don’t you care ? Yes, I care.

Over the years, it became so tiresome to be blamed for not seeing people. Everyone thinking I was such a snob, so snooty, and not very caring. I remember sitting next to someone (who I did not recognize) at my high school 10 year reunion, and we had a nice chat while waiting for drinks. And they said “This has been fun….back in school I thought you were really snotty.”

But part of it was also growing older. Between trying to maintain a healthy relationship with the SO, keeping up with both of our jobs, and dealing with three very interesting grown up children, I just do not have the time or energy to care for a large social circle. Why put myself out there, then to be labeled a snob?

I have also learned to not care. Even before knowing Face Blindness was a thing, I had started to become more reclusive. I am naturally an extrovert, I think by talking. I am naturally outgoing, I like to meet new people, see new things. Not so much anymore.

Is part of this just part of being older now? Having a reduced circleof friends, because we all know how hard it can be to make friendsafter 40.

WHAT CAN I SEE Can I see a face, right in front of me? Yes, I see a face. I see a face with a nose, eyebrows,eyes, mouth, skin, chin, and forehead. I could sketch an amateur level drawing of the face in front of me. Just like everyone elses ees a face.

And I can discern emotions on a face. In a person, I can discern your emotion. I just won’t recognize who the person is, that is having that emotion. It can be like watching a stranger at a distance express an emotion ...you just won’t care that much that a stranger at a distance is annoyed or sad or whatever.

In a flat photograph, I can recognize who the person is, using a set of clues, such as they have this sort of chin, and that receding hairline. Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, Bette Davis, I can pick all of their faces from flat photographs.

But, live and in person, I see a person, with a face, walk up to me, and the memory of the context of that face,just is not there. The person, to be recognized by me, needs to have other individual markers, such as how tall they are, do they wear glasses, what kind of clothes they wear, body build, and hair. Those I can remember. (It is a little funny how often people will wear their favorite sweater and favorite shoes all the time.)

It is very difficult, trying to explain. Try having someone who is color blind explain to you, what not seeing colors is like.

I recognize famous people, in photographs, sometimes on tv. But in person...not so much. I have been in a room with a handful of famous people, but they had to be pointed out to me. My SO point out something about them, like “they have a plaid jacket”, or something about them, like the color and style of their shoes, so Ic an see them again.

It is common among people with Face Blindness, that their close friendsare all very unique looking. And my group of friends in High School and College were the strangest looking people. I was the most bland looking one in the group.

CanI recognize emotions? Yes, mostly. Someone has an expression ontheir face, and I am supposed to intuit what it means. Usually I do. Usually, though, I just keep my distance, because I do not wish to get chided for not recognizing someone in the future. If you acknowledge someone’s feelings, that creates a bond. And if you do not recognize that person’s face sometime in the future, because you had this bond, you are now a very bad person.

Do I have Autism? I think yes, to a small degree. I cannot tell what part of that is because of not recognizing the faces I was “supposed” to recognize. I could tell people were becoming uncomfortable around me, I have memories of this from preschool. But I did not know what to do about it. I was smart enough in school, I could play at recess, I could talk about a lot of things. Was knowing their face some sort of secret password to being accepted?

Wantto know some real irony? A few years ago, the SO and I joined aNaturist club. We had always wanted to, but delayed until after thekids were grown. I do find it hilarious, to join such a group, knowing I depend so much on clothes. Can’t even ask people to wear name tags.

HOW IS THIS IN PEOPLE?

I have wondered, how this managed to evolve. I suppose, in cave-man days, it just would not matter. So this mistake never got bred out of the population. Or it was just a random in- utero stage development.

In cave days, you were in a group of 12-24 others, and you knew the other people in your cave by their sex, body build, age. It would never have been a group of people all the same age. In the stone age group there is one old guy who makes flint arrowheads, one old lady who watches the kids, a 12 year old boy, a 10 year old boy, a four year old girl, a baby, and two or three warrior types, and two or three women. Not much recognition was needed. So as a survival technique, it just….slipped by. Now that we have billions ofpeople, the number of people with Face Blindness is kind of large. 1-4% of 8 Billion is a lot of people.

I can’t think of a scenario with Face Blindness being a positive or anegative, for the stone age. In more recent eras, with large cities,and large groups of people, it’s too recent to have anyc ause-effect on evolution. Plus, there are enough people who had other reasons for not having facial perception, I think most cases of Face Blindness just were not noticed. The human brain is a many varied thing. Now we live in large groups, it can be a problem.

TheFuture

So, what happens now? Well, for educators it might help them to identify this. Not because it will make too much difference in learning how to do school work, but to help with other factors. Like, does the child make friends? Does the child get on the correct school bus? If you never learn the correct type of bus, or never recognize the bus driver, that might get interesting. And maybe if some learning about maps are involved, know the child might not be able to do the assignment. I can read maps, but I know some people with Face Blindness seem to also have problems with maps. And if your brain has no cognition for map reading, then you should not be forced to learn this. If their brain cannot process maps, then just no point in giving lessons on maps. And check along the way if the child needs glasses or not, it could just be a regular vision thing.

Thereis no cure for Face Blindness. There are no therapies. Just coping strategies. To know how much it affects someone, and what can they do to cope.

Mostly….itis just nice. It is a relief to know, it is a ‘thing’ and not just me being rude. Now I am used to the idea, the family wonders why I talk about it at all, they are all so used to it. Me, I am happy knowing what it is, and that leaves me free to be me.

NOW Here we are, coming out of Covid-land, and over two-three years of mostly wearing masks. It is sad and sarcastic to say, you all were on my level. You also could not see faces. All you had to go on is the height, the body build, the hair, the clothes.

I am curious, having everyone in masks, is it like being Face Blind, and all of you have had to learn how to cope like I do? Or do you cheat, and quickly lower and raise your mask so they can see your face?

I read this great article about what it is like to be Face Blind. Puts my rant here to shame.

“Sometake-aways from this great article by Sadie Dingfelder, the author atthe Washington Post”, and link to same, as the author (with FaceBlindnesss) tells it:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/magazine/wp/2019/08/21/feature/my-life-with-face-blindness/?itid=lk_interstitial_manual_9

“...I was trailing behind Steve, my husband, in a grocery store when he grabbed a jar of store brand peanut butter from the shelf. I plucked the jar out of our cart, and examined the label.

“Since when do you like generic?”, I demanded.

Steve jumped away from me, his eyes wide with fear and surprise. It was an expression unlike anything I’d seen on my husband’s face before. Because, belatedly, I realized this man was not my husband. It was a stranger.

I dropped the peanut butter jar back in to the cart and sprinted off,l eaving this poor stranger utterly perplexed.

“It’s because you have the same coat”, I explained later to Steve, “Good thing you have different cars or I might have gone home with him”.

“Youhave no idea of what my car looks like”, Steve said.

Anexplanation of how the neurological problem can occur, I did not knowthis: (I am editing the original writing)

“...becauseof an olive-size lump of brain located just above and behind each ofyour ears — the Fusiform Face Area. The FFA seems to comeprogrammed with information about facial configuration — two eyesabove a nose above a mouth.

Everyonewho is human has a proclivity to see faces (2 circles above a line),in objects as random as the front of a house, or a car, or knots in aplank of wood. As humans, we see faces everywhere.

But...youhave to fine-tune and train this reaction, to react to faces. If youhave a limited exposure to faces as a baby or child, then strangefaces can be awkward for you, or even frightening. Blind people whogain vision, as adults, also can have face blindness, because whenthe FFA of the brain was being trained for faces, they did not getthat training. People with a stroke or disease affecting the FFAarea of the brain can develop face blindness.

I hope this article was interesting.

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