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O Captain Obvious! My Captain Obvious! [1]

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Date: 2022-11-14  

According to NYU Law’s Ryan Goodman (quoted in Salon), Merrick Garland’s DOJ “has little choice but to interview Mike Pence.” That’s because the ex-veep has embarked on a book tour- on which he’s made bold to reveal that his ex-boss “endangered me and my family and everyone else at the Capitol.”

No, that can’t be true! Stop the presses! Surely the gallows that Donald Trump’s troop raised (while chanting “KILL MIKE PENCE!”) was backdrop for some spaghetti western, if not a leftover prop from George ‘WMD’ Bush’s “there’s a new sheriff in town” schtick!

With underwhelming response, Pence himself now seeks the top spot. So, seeking to avoid the fate of Jeb, does he style himself Captain Obvious, Commodore Candor, or both?

Call me a spoilsport if you must, but I don’t buy any of it. In 1961, the year I began to follow politics, moderate-to-severe asthma first afflicted me. My response to America’s once-ubiquitous clouds of secondhand smoke was not healthy.

Pence’s book title suggests that he (like Bush) purports to channel the Lord. And yet he has snarled “smoking [tobacco products] doesn’t kill.” Excuse me, but that blanket denial has no truck with the God’s truth whatsoever. Stacks of studies concur cigarettes have wiped out roughly 1000 Americans per day for decades. Beyond all fact-based doubt, our evil weed of choice has slain tens of millions of our compatriots...Pence’s gall take the hindmost.

Credit where due: when Trump’s putsch came to shove, the long-time bobble-heading Hoosier rose to the challenge of just saying no. So why has Merrick Garland barely lifted a finger? Can we get refunds from cable newsies who’ve assured us “no one is above the law?”

God bless America, but other countries do this sort of thing better. In France, high office is no excuse. Seeking re-election a decade ago, President Nicolas Sarkozy cheated on his campaign financing- and wound up behind bars. Even in neo-fascist Italy, Trump’s chum Silvio Berlusconi at least got indicted, convicted, and sentenced.

Here, Trump’s party still gets to paint itself our bulwark of law-and-order. If you didn’t know better, you’d swear the fix was in.

Dems who condone Garland’s glacial gradualism will do well to grasp that “LOCK ‘EM UP!” remains the province of the party that not only aids and comforts enemies of our nation, but ranks among them. Don’t look now, but Trump’s cult knows the ropes; at our peril do we fail to lasso its head with all deliberate speed.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/11/14/2136102/-O-Captain-Obvious-My-Captain-Obvious

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