(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1] ['Backgroundurl Avatar_Large', 'Nickname', 'Joined', 'Created_At', 'Story Count', 'N_Stories', 'Comment Count', 'N_Comments', 'Popular Tags', 'Showtags Popular_Tags'] Date: 2022-09-28 Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 28, 2022 Note: If you stand up and then squeeze your knees together it sorta looks like you grew a second set of buttocks. I notice these things. I’m a noticer. - By the Numbers: 3 days!!! Days 'til the start of Yom Kippur: 7 Days 'til the 50th annual Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, New Mexico: 3 Increase in real net worth of the bottom 50% of U.S. households since Joe Biden took office: 60% Amount given to Western Petition Systems to quickly and accurately verify signatures so that SQ 820, a ballot initiative in Oklahoma that would legalize recreational marijuana, would make it on the ballot this year: $300,000 Percent chance that Western Petition Systems fucked things up so badly that the marijuana question won't make it on the ballot this year: 100% Percent chance that Arkansas' marijuana question will be on the ballot Nov. 8, thanks to a state Supreme Court ruling: 100% Number of votes in favor of same-sex marriage equality in Cuba, versus 1.9 million against: 3.9 million - Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 4 "wild weather" events and 1 cheating cross bearer). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today. - Puppy Pic of the Day: Um…… - CHEERS to today's message from the Democratic Party Minister of Propaganda. Since there is no Democratic Party Minister of Propaganda, I decided this week to claim the title until such time that I am stabbed to death in the bathtub by the next person who wants to be the Democratic Party Minister of Propaganda more than me. So listen up all you lefty lemmings: The House is voting today by the widest of margins to approve the new, massive and spectacular Build Back Even Betterer Bill, even as the Supreme Court is expanded by 20 members and all our inflation and immigration problems disappear. The American people will rejoice and proclaim that President Joseph R. Biden deserves the Nobel prizes in both peace and economics, along with three more terms. And God agrees! USA! USA! USA! Simultaneously, all drought conditions in the United States will—repeat, will—be immediately brought to an abrupt end by the sudden torrent of tears gushing out of the red, swollen eyes of Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Kevin McCarthy, and their cranium-corroded America Lasters. Greta Thunberg will declare this a glorious day for the planet. Be a good American. Print copies of this in 100-point font and distribute freely. JEERS to taking one more lap around the insurrection track...denied. The House Jan. 6 Committee, which has already proven beyond doubt that 1) the insurrection was planned by Donald Trump and his domestic terrorist buddies down to the last detail, and 2) Josh Hawley runs away from danger like an antelope with mad cow, was supposed to meet again today for televised hearings. But it was not to be because of this bad boy: God’s punishment for electing Ron DeSantis. If you're anywhere near this beast, hunker down intelligently. Then relax—I’ll take care of the rest. (I’m already ten pages into Hurricane Management for Dummies.) JEERS to the biggest nightmare humankind has ever faced. Yesterday morning at 6:45 my partner Michael climbed into the cockpit of our 2010 Honda Civic, as he always does when he goes to work, then inserted the key. But he couldn’t turn the key because [insert automotive technobabble here]. He jiggered the steering wheel and pushed the little tab that would free up the gear shifter thingy…all to no avail. That key was not going to turn. So he had a co-worker give him a ride while I called AAA. The AAA mechanic took one look at it and said, "Oh, I'll get it to turn!" So he climbed into the cockpit of our 2010 Honda Civic, drained six cans of WD-40 into the key slot, and… [This is the dramatic pause in our story designed to build suspense. You probably guessed by now, though, that he successfully turned the key and the car fired right up. Well hold on there, Buckaroo. Our story continues…] …he couldn't get the damn key to turn either. So, since he conveniently arrived in a tow truck, he somehow hoisted Old Blue's 12-year-old carcass onto his flatbed and took off. The police are looking for him now. And they swear that, once they find it, they'll get that pesky key to turn. If not, expect to wake up tomorrow morning with a 2010 Honda Civic in your driveway. You may be our only hope. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Most Unbelievable Body Art Illusion Ever by J.Stotter pic.twitter.com/bQZ0rXEVcX — Gabriele Corno (@Gabriele_Corno) September 25, 2022 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to great inventions. 176 years ago this week, in 1846, Boston dentist William Morton used ether as an anesthesia for the first time. It worked really well. But he had even better success the next day when he used it on the patient. CHEERS to America's newest heroes: Super Nerds!!! Another gold star goes to NASA for the major success it has good reason to celebrate this week. They spent years building a spacecraft, testing it, perfecting it, launching it, monitoring it, and, when the time was exactly right, executing its mission with pinpoint accuracy. We should all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the giant asteroid threatening the Google Dart web page has been vaporized, and the Webb Telescope caught it all on video: x Your Google search could reveal something smashing! Search for "NASA DART" on @Google to see a demonstration of browser, uh, planetary defense. pic.twitter.com/ZuxtlgaLJ1 — NASA (@NASA) September 27, 2022 - I wish it could do that with ransomware. - Ten years ago in C&J: September 28, 2012 "SWEET JESUS!" to on-the-tarmac training. This is so f*cked up I don’t even know where to start, but let me try. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan took their campaign to Dayton, Ohio, where they had a rally at an airport. After Ryan got done speaking, Mitt thanked him and the crowd started chanting "Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!" Here's where it gets interesting: Mitt Romney then petulantly stops the chant and, in the ego explosion heard round the world, makes the crowd switch to "Romney-Ryan!" instead. Now, I ask you: if Vice President Joe Biden had just finished making remarks, and the President thanked him, and the crowd started chanting Joe's name, do you think Obama would be so petty as to kill the buzz and make everyone include his name, too? Would Bill Clinton have done that? Or Bob Dole or John McCain or St. Ronald or John Kerry or either of the George Bushes? Hardly. So, checking our toteboard, Mitt Romney is managing to make the following look really bad: Republicans, millionaires, Mormons, and venture capitalists. Oh, and also Romneys. - And just one more… JEERS to the attack of the million-email army. Gird your loins—the political fundraising operations will be cranked up to “11” the rest of the week. Yes, these are the last days of the quarter and political candidates from every nook and cranny of the nookandcrannysphere are going to be turning you upside down and shaking you until some loose change eventually falls out of your pockets. Even during this off year, you’ll get a torrent of email appeals, each with an increasingly-urgent subject line. As a public service, C&J offers you a preview of what you can expect if you don’t have your spam filter set to "nukular": Hey! Only 48 hours left to hit our goal! Hey! Only 24 hours left to hit our goal! Oh no! Only 18 hours left to hit our goal! Help! Only minutes left to hit our goal! We're down to seconds now! My campaign manager is having chest pains. Give now! Now I'm having chest pains! Fork it over! Oh god, not another one! If I lose this race it's your fault for not giving! Puddle of tears! It's all over! I will club a baby seal if you don’t give NOW, you stingy bastard! WE HATE YOU!!! Sorry about that last subject line. But dammit, we need your donation or we’re going to have to sell the campaign Volvo! Bags packed. Headed for ice floe. All is lost. We can’t feel our toes. Polar bear ate ‘em. Followed by Saturday's headline: WE DID IT! THANK YOU! WE'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING! (Yeah, I'll cry—I love happy endings.) Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Markos Moulitsas and Greg Dworkin Complain to Each Other About Being Left Out of Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool: ‘We’ve Earned it’ —Mediaite - [END] --- [1] Url: https://dailykos.com/stories/2022/9/28/2125423/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Wednesday Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/