[HN Gopher] Grandparents are glued to their phones, families are...
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       Grandparents are glued to their phones, families are worried
       [video]
        
       Author : tartoran
       Score  : 173 points
       Date   : 2026-03-15 17:43 UTC (5 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.bbc.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.bbc.com)
        
       | Simulacra wrote:
       | Maybe a solution is to spend more time with grandparents, so that
       | they have something more than just technology to keep them
       | company.
        
         | p2detar wrote:
         | Yes, but no. From personal experience, even around
         | grandchildren, TikTok/FB have precedence. It's getting
         | sickening and we need to educate our parents about the harm
         | that "the algorithm" causes. I just ask myself whether we are
         | even in the position to do so.
         | 
         | edit: typo
        
         | joe_mamba wrote:
         | I'd love to. The issue is grandparents are in a town with no
         | jobs ruled by a corrupt government that only steals and
         | embezzles money and provides no benefits to local taxpayers.
         | 
         | There's a reason youth migrate away to live with roommates in
         | overpriced big metro areas. That's where all the white collar
         | jobs are created for college educated people. And everyone in
         | the last 20+ years has been groomed to go to college and take
         | white collar jobs, plus deindustrialization and offshoring of
         | manufacturing jobs meaning there's not much in-between well
         | paying white collar jobs and dead-end neo-slavery food delivery
         | jobs. Maybe I'll be a plumber one day and move back to my
         | grandparent place if Claude takes my job, who knows.
        
         | analog8374 wrote:
         | I know a lot of old bored retired people.
         | 
         | They need something physical and social. Like softball or
         | something. But compatible with their decripitude.
         | 
         | I hook them up with each other. There are parties.
         | 
         | Still working on the softball part.
         | 
         | Ideas are welcome
        
           | rationalist wrote:
           | > I hook them up with each other. There are parties.
           | 
           | OnlyGrandparents.com?
           | 
           | (I looked it up, the domain name was registered six days
           | ago!)
        
             | rrr_oh_man wrote:
             | OnlyGrans.com is available for only $50k
        
               | Wistar wrote:
               | That's worth about $5
        
             | alwa wrote:
             | If anybody wants to do something with instagran.org, I know
             | somebody who would be willing to part with it for a good
             | cause...
        
           | behringer wrote:
           | bulletball
        
         | toomuchtodo wrote:
         | If someone would like to and is willing to make the time,
         | that's fine, but you don't owe them this if they are not a good
         | person or worth spending time with imho. Connection and
         | community is earned, not a given. My lived experience is there
         | are some good old people you strive to make time with, some who
         | are fine but I wouldn't go out of my way to make time for, and
         | some who are just terrible people who are going to die alone
         | because of who they are. Your life experience and decisioning
         | process about how and with whom to spend precious, non
         | renewable time may differ.
         | 
         | Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
        
           | serial_dev wrote:
           | It's all fine, but in that case also do not worry about this
           | hypothetical old person spending time the way they like to.
        
             | toomuchtodo wrote:
             | Certainly, how they spend their time is their choice,
             | concepts of free will and all that.
        
         | foobarchu wrote:
         | Doesn't always help. My mother (of grandparent age but
         | coincidentally had 5 kids who didn't want to procreate) stares
         | at her phone 95% of the time when I visit. I'll be telling a
         | story and she's on Facebook, doesn't even look up. She's even
         | been called out in it by my sibling who lives with them, to no
         | avail.
         | 
         | Luckily she doesn't fall for right wing propaganda all over the
         | Internet, but she sure does fall for every single piece of
         | Trump rage bait out there.
        
         | AngryData wrote:
         | As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you
         | can't make him drink.
        
           | eYrKEC2 wrote:
           | In our household, the worst offenders of phones at the dinner
           | tables are the grandparents.
           | 
           | It's as gross as 2 knuckles deep in your nose.
        
         | gedy wrote:
         | Sure, but I've seen since the 70s old folks just staring at TV
         | all day, so it's not just a mobile phenomenon either.
        
           | HerbManic wrote:
           | Very true, phone addiction is that taken to a new level but
           | the same underlaying issues remain.
        
       | susam wrote:
       | Fortunately, I could never get used to the small screens of
       | mobile phones as a serious computing or web browsing device. So
       | my use of my mobile phone is limited to basic tasks like making
       | calls, sending messages, and sometimes, reluctantly typing emails
       | when I don't have a laptop handy.
       | 
       | My primary computing and web browsing device remains my laptop,
       | with Emacs and Firefox being my main tools. One thing that does
       | manage to distract me sometimes is YouTube recommendations. As a
       | result I have written a little userscript for myself to disable
       | shorts and recommendations:
       | https://github.com/susam/userscripts/blob/main/js/ytx.user.j...
       | 
       | So far the userscript has been successful. As a side effect of
       | disabling the recommendations sidebar, the video panel expands to
       | occupy a larger part of the screen which I quite like. Here is a
       | screenshot: https://susam.github.io/blob/img/userscripts/ytx.png
       | 
       | Also, I still depend heavily on physical textbooks, a rollerball
       | pen and a stack of plain A4 paper for most of my learning and
       | exploration activities. This routine has helped me to stay away
       | from modern attention media too.
        
         | nicbou wrote:
         | Try Unhook (desktop) and Untrap (iOS). At this point, my
         | YouTube experience is just the channels I subscribe to, and the
         | video player. It reduced my usage to almost zero.
         | 
         | I'm not exactly curing cancer, but my media consumption is more
         | moderate and mindful now.
        
           | nomel wrote:
           | Same thing can be achieved (mostly) by disabling youtube
           | watch and search history. It causes the home page to be
           | blank, and all recommendations under any video are usually
           | from your subscriptions, related your subscriptions, or
           | directly related to the video.
        
             | politelemon wrote:
             | This is the simplest and most effective solution, Cheers
        
             | nicbou wrote:
             | These also remove suggestions and comments
        
             | aucisson_masque wrote:
             | You don't want any recommendation or algorithms at all.
             | This is intended to make you waste time.
             | 
             | If I want to watch a video I go on my subscribed list,
             | check what's new and decide what to watch. Don't need some
             | fancy algorithm to tell me what I should do.
        
           | l72 wrote:
           | Just add channels you like to your rss feed. It works great
           | with freshrss.
           | 
           | Or if you want to get fancy use tubearchivist with the
           | Jellyfin plug-in.
        
             | toomuchtodo wrote:
             | TIL tubearchivist has a Jellyfin plug-in. Cheers.
        
             | nicbou wrote:
             | "Just" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here
        
         | serial_dev wrote:
         | Screenshot not found.
        
         | asib wrote:
         | If you press t key you will get a full width video player.
        
         | pcblues wrote:
         | Writing with a pen has a lot of unseen benefits.
         | 
         | Fine-motor skills connected to memory, etc.
         | 
         | Doesn't take much to find the science.
         | 
         | Also, avoiding interruption is good for your train of thought.
         | 
         | If a train of thought doesn't matter, then stay online and
         | leave your phone able to interrupt you.
         | 
         | It's your "choice" (tm)
         | 
         | Seriously, try everything including the things you don't think
         | will work for your sense of peace, so you know, IOWA (I over-
         | worry always)
         | 
         | Peace to you all.
        
         | oldeucryptoboi wrote:
         | I tried something like that with Chrome Extensions but it
         | doesn't age well. WHen it worked, it surely saved me some time
         | to do more productive things:
         | https://github.com/oldeucryptoboi/Homer
        
         | incompatible wrote:
         | I'm also such an old PC (Linux) person. However, I'm using the
         | phone more these days, either to read books while I'm out and
         | waiting and have nothing else to do, or to listen to audiobooks
         | while I'm walking or working on menial tasks.
        
       | 50208 wrote:
       | Seniors are the most vulnerable people on the internet, the most
       | likely to be fooled by disinformation, the most likely to vote,
       | and are one of the biggest threats to civil society. Boomers are
       | destroying what previous generations have built.
        
         | rrr_oh_man wrote:
         | _> the most likely to vote_
         | 
         | Well... who's fault is that.
        
           | HNisCIS wrote:
           | It's because election day is a weekday and the rest of us
           | have to keep up with the grind. It's entirely because they
           | don't have jobs
        
             | ViktorRay wrote:
             | Early voting exists in many states. Even in these states
             | you'll find that younger folks hardly vote.
        
             | SoftTalker wrote:
             | It's been this way for 100+ years (probably much longer)
             | and people found a way to vote. It's easier than ever in
             | most places today, with early voting, mail-in voting,
             | whatever other options are available.
        
               | dabinat wrote:
               | In some states it's easier now; in some it's much harder.
               | 
               | https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/analysis-
               | opinion/chao...
        
         | k2enemy wrote:
         | And also the most likely to fall victims to scams. An elderly
         | family friend lost millions to a pig butchering scam.
        
         | allendoerfer wrote:
         | Here in Germany they also ignored the demographics, so our
         | social insurance systems (retirement but also health) are
         | heading towards a catastrophe, because there is no capital
         | backing them. They are fundamentally relying on the next
         | generation being bigger or at least equal. This has turned them
         | essentially into Ponzi schemes. The taxpayer has to jump in,
         | making the state less and less able to do anything at all. Of
         | course they now collectively avoid responsibility and slowly
         | milk the young - their own children - dry.
         | 
         | It is truly the most egoistic generation ever.
        
           | heraldgeezer wrote:
           | You are describing every pension system in the world.
        
             | tossandthrow wrote:
             | Well, he explains all deferred spend.
             | 
             | Deferred spending is quite unnatural. That I can work 1
             | hour today and buy youghurt in 2 years is an artifact of
             | our system.
             | 
             | But this also relies on someone making that youghurt in 2
             | years from now.
             | 
             | It is that key dogma that will likely be under pressure for
             | future pensioners.
        
             | allendoerfer wrote:
             | ChatGPT thinks, that in the US social security makes up
             | about 30-40% of the retirement income of a typical
             | American, while the German system makes up about 80-85% of
             | a retired German. Home ownership rate in Germany is also
             | way lower.
             | 
             | Germany is an outlier in that there is no capital backing
             | for that generation whatsover. The problem has been known
             | for 30 years, they just chose to ignore it.
        
           | mech422 wrote:
           | It's going to be interesting when the Millenials retire -
           | IIRC, that generation was almost as large as the boomers.
           | Gen-Z/Gen-Alpha that are going to be supporting them are a
           | LOT smaller.
        
           | boelboel wrote:
           | Are they the most egoistic generation ever? The ones who
           | decided to go on this path weren't the boomers but the
           | generation before (as with some other things boomers are
           | blamed for). A capital backed social insurance system is a
           | "ponzi" scheme in different ways from a PAYG system it's
           | really not some holy grail. The problem is just demographics
        
       | wortelefant wrote:
       | Taking grandmas unpaid care work for granted - no longer
       | possible. Outrage!
        
         | gammalost wrote:
         | More: If you want to spend time with your grandkid please do
         | not just sit besides him, phone in hand. If you do not want to
         | then that's fine
        
       | retrac98 wrote:
       | My parents generation are the most screen addicted people I know.
       | Absolute slaves to Facebook's algorithm. It's really
       | disheartening to see.
        
         | blakblakarak wrote:
         | My Dad's got early stage dementia and Facebook is an absolute
         | nightmare. The apps infested with AI slop and the algorithm
         | seems to fill his feed with stuff designed to get him worked up
         | (currently badly behaved cyclists even though he no longer
         | drives).
        
           | gzread wrote:
           | Mine got Israeli propaganda and kept texting me so often
           | about Hamas and Muslims that I had to block him.
        
             | talon8635 wrote:
             | Mine got Iranian propaganda and kept texting me so often
             | about IDF and Jews that I had to block him.
        
               | KoftaBob wrote:
               | Iran's a sideshow compared to Tel Aviv's Hasbara spin
               | factory.
        
         | Aurornis wrote:
         | It's definitely not limited to Facebook. About half of the
         | 50-70 year olds in my family and my wife's family are screen
         | addicted without Facebook. They live on questionable news
         | websites, messenger apps, Nextdoor, and some others.
         | 
         | It's strange to hear a 60-something rant about how evil
         | Facebook is and then go on to regurgitate countless conspiracy
         | theories they picked up from whatever websites they're reading
         | this month.
         | 
         | The parents who scroll Instagram and Facebook feel downright
         | tame in comparison.
        
           | pndy wrote:
           | For about 2-3 years now youtube itself is flooded with
           | countless channels producing generated content. Whoever are
           | the people behind this they know what they're doing and what
           | kind of stuff will give them views and attention from
           | vulnerable audience.
           | 
           | There's fueling political and social rage with "news",
           | casting doubts on family relations with "true life stories"
           | (daughter-in-law threw me out of my house), religious
           | "coaching" (dead since end of 60s Padre Pio gives you life
           | lessons and "secret" prophecies), worthless tips and tricks
           | (don't eat this nut if you're 50yo woman or your hair will
           | fell off), lewd promotion with twist on history (sexual
           | violence in every thumbnail) or tourism (women in country of
           | x are "ready" all the time). So on and so on.
           | 
           | So I'd say it's not that much strange if you look closely
           | what kind of the content older people can walk onto. And this
           | is just youtube.
        
           | parpfish wrote:
           | I shouldnt be surprised that my mom is obsessed with her
           | smartphone. As a kid, I remember her talking with friends on
           | the landline phone for what seemed like HOURS
        
         | atomicnumber3 wrote:
         | It's weird. I was born with the internet being largely a
         | business or academic tool, with normal people barely having a
         | reason to have an email address.
         | 
         | When I was in high school, flip phones could let you text
         | friends, as long as you didn't mind your parents later using
         | your soul to pay the phone bill.
         | 
         | When I was in college, the most addictive thing the internet
         | could offer was foul bachelor frogs and rage comics.
         | 
         | Along the way, I learned how dangerous even those unrefined
         | sugars were. It was like chewing coca leaves or sugarcane.
         | Enough t get you a buzz, but not enough to ruin your life. So I
         | know not to touch the algorithmic fentanyl feeds of TikTok and
         | the like.
         | 
         | But good god, nobody younger or older had any protection from
         | this. My parents and spouses parents, and my zoomer cousins
         | both basically got handed giant bags of refined gigasugar
         | without even the vaguest warnings. I'll refrain from likening
         | it to opiates against because they are on a whole different
         | level, but good god it does seem more dangerous than even
         | refined sugar.
        
         | parpfish wrote:
         | old folks and children both face the same problem with the
         | internet-- their initial exposure is to the _current_ internet
         | that has been ab tested into a hyper-addictive hellscape and
         | they are cognitively unprepared. Jumping straight into the deep
         | end before you know how to swim.
         | 
         | Whereas genX and Xennials had the privilege of wading into a
         | pre-social media internet during their formative years which
         | served as a vaccine of sorts. We are by no means immune to tech
         | addiction and disinformation, but we seem much better equipped
         | for spotting trolls/ragebait and giving the side-eye to
         | addictive dark patterns in apps
        
       | exo762 wrote:
       | Amazing opportunity! One more demographic to save via age
       | verification laws, with a side dish of reliable personalized
       | advertisement profiles.
        
       | alansaber wrote:
       | Reminds me of Chade and The Skill from the Robin Hobb books
        
       | ellyagg wrote:
       | My aunt is 80 and thank goodness she has an iPhone. She's
       | bedridden and spends all day on it. She has no children but I
       | lived with her for a while when I moved out of my parent's, and
       | we text often.
        
         | colechristensen wrote:
         | The concern is what you're doing when you're getting older but
         | still able.
         | 
         | The decline is accelerated by muscle weakness which is
         | accelerated by sitting around all day looking at screens.
        
         | borski wrote:
         | Someone bedridden is not the focus of the article or
         | conversation; once you are no longer capable of being active,
         | it is obviously true that you'll partake in more sedentary
         | activities.
        
       | impure wrote:
       | I was reading up on some RCTs on social media and mental health
       | recently and one of the surprising findings is that social media
       | is actually worse for older people.
        
         | krackers wrote:
         | That makes sense, they haven't "built immunity".
        
         | tietjens wrote:
         | Can you share some things you were reading?
        
           | impure wrote:
           | This is the one I read: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science
           | /article/pii/S266656032... which says how older participants
           | benefit more from restricting social media use.
        
           | alwa wrote:
           | Not OP, and I've been looking at more meta-analyses than
           | RCTs, but:
           | 
           | * Lei et al 2024 metaanalysis, generally positive
           | associations but no causal evidence for psychosocial effects,
           | especially when the social media use is family-directed -
           | https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/international-
           | psycho...
           | 
           | * Balki et al 2022, metaanalysis, same thing: good for
           | reinforcing existing real-human social connections,
           | overcoming barriers to/increasing regularity and frequency of
           | contact, acquiring access to resources; isolating to use
           | outside that context; regular and frequent contact much more
           | effective than occasional or episodic:
           | https://aging.jmir.org/2022/4/e40125/
           | 
           | My overall impression seems to be what common sense tells us:
           | to the extent it lets you overcome aging-related obstacles to
           | interacting with real people, great; to the extent it's brain
           | rot, it's isolating.
        
       | xnx wrote:
       | I really wish iPhone/Android had better parental controls so I
       | could monitor my dad's screen time and the type of content he was
       | allowed to see on YouTube.
        
         | Cpoll wrote:
         | The recontextualisation of "parental" is very amusing.
        
           | tromp wrote:
           | As nicely illustrated in this Young Sheldon episode fragment:
           | https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Nd90rFPYVnc
        
             | fhdkweig wrote:
             | I would have gone with South Park's murder porn episode in
             | which the kids accidentally got the parents interested in
             | Minecraft.
        
       | gcanyon wrote:
       | Time to sign off HN, I guess :-)
       | 
       | On a serious note YT shorts are on my radar for "things I spend
       | too much time on that deliver minimal value."
        
         | hsuduebc2 wrote:
         | In my opinion it's best from short content feed out there but
         | it's still useless. Too much AI slop in there. Needles to say I
         | did get some interesting creators in there but I believe people
         | I'm searching for are using YouTube as long videos platform and
         | do not properly use the short term format.
        
       | kevin061 wrote:
       | Before smartphones and TikTok it was casino TV at 3AM, TV
       | infomercial shopping, and the like.
        
       | nolist_policy wrote:
       | Wait till you see the grandparents glued to the TV.
        
       | everdrive wrote:
       | This feels similar to how you'll see rows and rows of elderly
       | people mindlessly pushing the slot machine buttons in casinos. It
       | makes me wonder if impulse control starts breaking down for that
       | crowd.
       | 
       | Of course, I also wonder if non-digital natives also just have
       | less of a thick skin for this sort of thing.
        
       | reactordev wrote:
       | Social media is a cancer and more people need to realize this. No
       | amount of platforming will fix this. It's designed to extract
       | behavioral traits about you. It's designed to spy on your
       | shopping and browsing habits. It's designed to build a model of
       | you. Everyone fell right in.
        
         | visarga wrote:
         | > No amount of platforming will fix this.
         | 
         | The problem with social media is precisely the platform, it
         | ranks what keeps people addicted, seeing more ads. Creators
         | conform to the Algorithm and produce slop to capture some of
         | that scarce attention. Nobody cares about users. Same shit
         | happens on Google Search, YouTube, Amazon Search, Google Store,
         | App Store... all platforms produce shitty feeds and search
         | results. And before them we had TV and newspapers as slop
         | making platforms.
        
       | WastedCucumber wrote:
       | The article in question:
       | 
       | https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/2025/12/do-your-paren...
        
       | SoftTalker wrote:
       | Before smartphones they sat at home and watched game shows and TV
       | evangelists, and listened to Rush on the radio. Which is worse?
        
         | Nux wrote:
         | Smartphones.
        
         | paulryanrogers wrote:
         | Rush on the radio was poison for my impressionable brain.
         | Thankfully the Internet came along and exposed me to outside
         | perspectives.
        
       | pcblues wrote:
       | "But is this shift actually worth worrying about? Or are younger
       | people just projecting their own anxieties about screen time onto
       | their parents and grandparents?"
       | 
       | False dichotomies can either be the worst thing that happened to
       | humankind or a pathway to a new way of understanding each other.
        
       | pndy wrote:
       | Over 3 years ago I was in the hospital - they put me on shared
       | room with other men of various ages. The oldest ones liked to
       | talk for hours, doing all sorts "memberberries", elaborated
       | expertises on current state of European, world affairs. Because
       | what the hell else you can do when you have vertigo or tampons in
       | your nose and you need to lie down.
       | 
       | Anyway, the oldest over 80-something man was given some older
       | Samsung phone by his great-grandson with instruction to launch
       | tiktok whenever he feels bored. And bloody hell, that thing
       | looped so much content with every launch but this man still tried
       | hard to find something remotely interesting. I wouldn't say he
       | was glued but that's a random guy who liked to attend his orchard
       | and bees, going fishing etc. - he had something to do in the real
       | world.
       | 
       | I'm witnessing more elderly people around me actually struggling
       | using touch-capable devices - it's like they're smacking fingers
       | in frustration that there's no tactile sensation. They were told
       | that there are buttons to press/tap but there's no feedback
       | they'd expect. For them smartphone screen is no different than
       | tv.
        
         | tossandthrow wrote:
         | It is well known that smartphones can be difficult to use with
         | dry skin - like most elderly have
        
       | HackerThemAll wrote:
       | Old people are wonderful relays from paid trolls and propaganda
       | to their peers, unwittingly spreading and amplifying lies and
       | political agenda in social media. They're often retired, having
       | entire days at their disposal, wasting them on forwarding sh*t
       | back and forth.
        
       | hsuduebc2 wrote:
       | I must admit. My parents we're right the whole time. Staring at
       | the screen for a whole day is truly unhealthy and they should go
       | to play outside instead.
       | 
       | This whole thing is beyond ironic.
        
       | CompoundEyes wrote:
       | I see it a different way. Parents reach a period in life where
       | their kids strike out on their own and want little to do with
       | them beyond a safety net. That's normal and natural and the
       | parents move onto a new phase too. In fact they might just not be
       | that into you anymore. It's ok if visits upset their routine and
       | holidays are somewhat irritating. Same for being not overly
       | enthusiastic about taking on care giving roles for grandkids.
       | They're still individuals and it's not like old age causes
       | someone to lose their inner world. They've seen a lot and not as
       | much is novel likely. They're facing loss, mortality and decline.
       | If they feel compelled to scroll let em scroll. I'm so glad
       | assistive technologies and a11y will be there when I'm decrepit
       | so I can have something more stimulating than TV. Maybe ask
       | grandma to play some Lethal Enforcers the next time you visit
       | you'd be surprised -- mine did.
        
         | tossandthrow wrote:
         | I think this misses the point.
         | 
         | Excessive scrolling is like excessive eating, smoking, or
         | snorting coke.
         | 
         | It is not healthy and not indicative of a full filling life.
        
         | rafaelmn wrote:
         | > That's normal and natural and the parents move onto a new
         | phase too.
         | 
         | Is it really ? I would say the "natural" way of things is older
         | generation gets supported by children and they help take care
         | of grandchildren while their children are working. The whole
         | late retirement/both parents working situation we have these
         | days is reliably leading to a population collapse.
        
           | antonymoose wrote:
           | Really couldn't have put it better. When I was a child my
           | grandmother retired and relocated 800 miles to help with my
           | mother with childcare. Why? Because it's why you do. It's
           | what all of her family did as far back as anyone could care
           | to remember.
           | 
           | This world where your boomer parents retire to a beach house
           | to drink margaritas, smoke designer weed, and play pickleball
           | and ignore their offspring is the real aberration here.
        
             | watwut wrote:
             | It used to be that YOU help elderly parents. And they they
             | are the patriarch ruling familly and his wife at that time.
             | When the grandma did that help with children, it was at her
             | terms - she was the decision maker to large extend.
             | 
             | That arrangement is not working from both sides. Younger
             | generation wants autonomy and expects parents to not try to
             | run things, not to demand more contact then they want etc.
             | 
             | Which makes sense. But you cant have it both ways - both
             | autonomy/independence and service.
             | 
             | Younger generstion has their period of low responsibilities
             | - before they create familly. It is shifted to later years
             | tgen it used to ... but it is weird to then get jealous
             | over their parents having some free time after work.
        
               | antonymoose wrote:
               | It used to be a two way street, actually. The broader
               | family was just that, a unit.
               | 
               | Now it's little independent atomic cells doing whatever
               | with little to no regard for the bigger picture.
               | 
               | Ultimatel, it's the Boomer me generation that broke this
               | tradition. It's not weird for a millennial to look back
               | and say "How nice of them to have their cake and eat it
               | too" as I raise children alone and deal with the dilemma
               | of how to treat their greed and selfishness as they age
               | and demand of us while contributing little.
        
               | wisty wrote:
               | Millenials are the "stereotypical manchild who hates his
               | parents because he's too much like them" generation. (I'm
               | a millenial too)
        
               | carlosjobim wrote:
               | That's not how it was. When the patriarch became too old,
               | he'd give the farm and the "crown" to the eldest son -
               | who would have more physical and mental strength than
               | him.
               | 
               | Thirty or forty year olds in the past wouldn't take any
               | orders from their fathers or mothers. Of course they
               | would help them, as they are family. But the elderly
               | would absolutely have to step aside, and those who were
               | in their prime would call the shots.
        
               | lotsofpulp wrote:
               | Daughter in laws butting heads with mother in laws (and
               | father in laws) is a story portrayed in many cultures'
               | popular tv shows/movies. As are parents who own
               | everything on paper, making them the ones with actual
               | power, butting heads with their children.
               | 
               | It is only in the previous 100 years where young people
               | all over the world have the power to support themselves
               | without anyone else's help, which is why the preference
               | for independence was revealed.
        
               | mitkebes wrote:
               | People also used to marry younger and have children
               | sooner. When people were getting married and starting to
               | have kids in their teenage years, it meant that new
               | grandparents would only be in their mid-30s or so. That
               | put them in a much better spot to assist with the
               | grandchildren.
               | 
               | Now many people I know are waiting until their 30s to
               | have children, meaning that the grandparents are already
               | 50-60s.
        
           | paulryanrogers wrote:
           | > the "natural" way of things is older generation gets
           | supported by children and they help take care of grandchildre
           | 
           | It's an ideal. Structuring society to require it falls down
           | often because:
           | 
           | - people have kids later, making them too old to help
           | 
           | - disease and addiction can make grandparents unfit
           | 
           | - young families often must move to where work is, even if
           | far away
           | 
           | - deeply in debted grandparents may be unable to afford to
           | help
           | 
           | - grandparent's own care needs compete with those of their
           | grandchildren, i.e. sandwich situations
           | 
           | - cultural expectations unfairly burden some over others,
           | usually women
        
         | MattGaiser wrote:
         | > Parents reach a period in life where their kids strike out on
         | their own and want little to do with them beyond a safety net.
         | That's normal and natural and the parents move onto a new phase
         | too.
         | 
         | This is at best extremely cultural. It is certainly not a
         | global norm and not really viewed as desirable, just necessary.
         | 
         | Average American doesn't move very far at all from their
         | parents and America is where the idea of time limited parenting
         | is most prevalent.
         | 
         | https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-f...
        
         | tcskeptic wrote:
         | My parents moved from Texas to Chicago this year to be near my
         | sister instead of me (their son) because in their very
         | traditional minds they need to be taken care of by a daughter
         | in their old age. I get to send checks. I thought it was a
         | terrible idea, they have friends and family here and Chicago is
         | very cold. That being said they moved into a community of her
         | 11 kids and their spouses and their kids -- probably 30+
         | relatives in their orbit. And they are surrounded by people who
         | love them and help them. It's really been good for them. Much
         | less scrolling and much more conversation, group meals, board
         | game playing, storytelling.
        
           | jkestner wrote:
           | Your sister has 11 kids? Smart of your parents, then. That's
           | a good pool of caretakers for them to live around. But I'm
           | surprised they didn't move sooner to help raising that many
           | kids.
           | 
           | I live in Texas now, and think I'd ultimately prefer Chicago
           | too. Don't have to drive as much to find stimulation, and the
           | cold preserves.
        
         | borski wrote:
         | Except that doomscrolling causes aged folks to deteriorate in
         | health faster than being active in some way, just like for
         | everyone else.
         | 
         | If it were simply that they weee living their own lives, I
         | don't think _anybody_ would take issue with that.
         | 
         | But they aren't - they are spending their lives on their
         | phones, doomscrolling, which is much more likely to cause
         | accelerated aging.
         | 
         | No, I don't have a study for this, but it is not a secret that
         | being active and _not_ on your phone improves health outcomes.
        
         | wisty wrote:
         | Phones are like alchohol or fentynal. I might dabble a bit but
         | if I see a loved one constantly zonked out on the couch I
         | worry.
        
       | d41dev wrote:
       | This is something ive started to notice, the older generation
       | becoming victims to doomscrolling, my dad being one of them. What
       | makes it worst is that unlike kids who group in the social media
       | world, and therefore have some ability of discerning between
       | whats real and fake, the older gen are so gullible when it comes
       | to fake news, propaganda, and ai generated content.
       | 
       | Not only that but they then go on to spread this false news among
       | there whatsapp friends
        
         | crims0n wrote:
         | Older generations have an implicit trust for what is on screen
         | because they grew up in an era where getting something on
         | screen was not easy, and thus had an implied credibility.
         | 
         | Take advertising as an example. Before Google Ads and the so-
         | called democratization of advertising, it was _expensive_ , and
         | you didn't get an ad on a TV program or a national publication
         | without some level of quality and/or trust behind your product.
         | 
         | Similarly, content was not easy to produce and certainly not
         | cheap to get in front of eyeballs in the limited medium that
         | was television. People were selective in what they watched so
         | in order to _be_ watched it needed to meet a minimum threshold
         | for quality.
         | 
         | These days however, the barrier to entry for advertising and
         | content are so low that any implicit trust should be
         | ridiculous. Unfortunately for our parents and grandparents
         | however, that is what they know - and old habits die hard.
        
       | Ritewut wrote:
       | I've been saying this for a while. For all the talk about kids,
       | seniors are the ones addicted to phones. Doomscrolling on Tiktok,
       | Facebook, even locked into mobile games. Its very depressing.
        
         | epolanski wrote:
         | +1, I see so many 50 to 70 year old folks using the phone way
         | more than Gen Zs.
        
         | urbandw311er wrote:
         | Yes, this! We spent so long (and rightfully) worrying about
         | what it was doing to our kids, we forgot that there was a whole
         | other generation equally unprepared for this.
        
       | lencastre wrote:
       | Sunday, passable weather but still sunny, wonderful river view,
       | restaurant at 50% capacity, outside tables full. In comes grandma
       | and grandpa with granddaughter on a stroller. They sit, he starts
       | smoking, gives a tablet to the granddaughter who goes through the
       | entire meal with that in front, and grandma spends every pause
       | scrolling whatever on her phone. Grandpa switches smoking and
       | feeding himself through the whole time they were there. Not a
       | word spoken at that table. Unreal.
        
         | anal_reactor wrote:
         | I just don't like talking to my family so phone addiction
         | becoming more and more acceptable is really helpful here
         | because if I'm just playing on my Steam Deck that counts as
         | family time.
        
       | oliwarner wrote:
       | My Grandad lives alone and has in the past 12 months really
       | gotten into YouTube. He's long used it to learn the latest
       | practices in plumbing, electrics, gardening and woodwork (he's a
       | _seriously_ capable 86yo, always has been) and honestly our
       | subscriptions are very similar...
       | 
       | But he's addicted to shorts. Doomscrolls endlessly in his
       | downtime. Doesn't question whether obvious GenAI is real or not,
       | and having looked over his shoulder a few times, most of it is
       | horribly fake. Loves showing my kids what he finds.
       | 
       | I'd rather he have this than boredom, but also it does mean he
       | doesn't need to socialise outside the family. If I worry about
       | anything, it's not knowing and addressing any extreme or views
       | he's lapping up. I know first hand how insular interests can be
       | once you express one on YouTube and it can get pretty shitty
       | pretty quick.
       | 
       | As others have said, this is exactly the same worries we have for
       | our children except I feel we have some control. No devices or
       | screen time and content limits. It's all very easy. It's harder
       | to address that with your parents' parents.
        
       | svilen_dobrev wrote:
       | to curb the doomscrolling (laptop is as bad as phone) , i gave my
       | father a big old Lego box - a Volkswagen beetle (which stayed for
       | years, assembled by my kids.. which don't play that anymore. So i
       | disassembled it). He had never tried those. Took him a week to
       | build it, rearranged the room, studied the book like plant-specs-
       | long-time-ago.. Then i gave another one, of similar size ~1500
       | pieces. i have one more ready-to-give "set". And then i plan to
       | give him the rest 40kg well-sorted-but-in crates Lego, and the
       | heap of model-books ~100+ , and let him do whatever he wants..
       | hoping he'll start improvising one day. Though.. may need a new
       | empty room :/
        
       | ishtanbul wrote:
       | I see a lot of elderly people watching AI content on youtube
       | shorts, one after another. The monotonic voice is a dead
       | giveaway. Their feeds have optimized around it because they
       | cannot tell the difference. Its sad.
        
       | SoftTalker wrote:
       | There's an awful lot of ageism inadvertently on display in these
       | comments.
        
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