[HN Gopher] The Unbearable Joy of Sitting Alone in a Cafe
___________________________________________________________________
The Unbearable Joy of Sitting Alone in a Cafe
Author : mooreds
Score : 355 points
Date : 2026-01-04 14:37 UTC (8 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (candost.blog)
(TXT) w3m dump (candost.blog)
| d--b wrote:
| This is a highly romanticized view imo.
|
| I sit alone in cafes all the time, for many reasons. I don't feel
| particularly joyful about it nor weird. I just do it to take a
| break and have something to drink, or wait for someone or
| something. Often I don't look at my phone at all. That doesn't
| feel weird either, or rebellious, or whatever the author
| experiences.
|
| I don't understand the post at all.
|
| I'd have gone to Japan. I've been to Japan, it's awesome.
| soared wrote:
| Agreed, Japan is 1000x better than any staycation especially
| for some privileged enough to get time off and as well
| compensated as the author.
| badlibrarian wrote:
| I know lots of broke-ass people who manage to travel and have
| a cup of coffee while there. It's choices, not privilege.
| Author of the piece sure is insufferable, though.
| qweiopqweiop wrote:
| It shouldn't feel weird not to look at your phone, but
| approximately 98.5% of the population will do so (unless
| perhaps they're the older generation).
|
| When you're so addicted to checking at your phone (like me and
| many others), it _does_ feel weird to sit and not look at it.
|
| I say this to help you understand, nothing more.
| munificent wrote:
| Part of the magic of being human is the interplay between our
| external world and internal states.
|
| Two people can go to the exact same venue, do the exact same
| things, and have radically different experiences because of how
| our different internal worlds collide with that same external
| world.
|
| And a further part of the magic of being human is that we're
| then able to share those experiences with each other. I
| wouldn't want to diminish someone else's experience of a place
| simply because I didn't have that same experience.
| soared wrote:
| This reminds me of the "techbro discovers very common x thing"
| meme. Going to a coffee shop (that is 75% solo remote workers)
| without your phone and pretending it's some divine experience
| feels conceited. Do things you like, sometimes don't check your
| phone.
|
| Very well written title though.
| tomca32 wrote:
| Exactly how I feel about this. As a European living in the US
| this reads "American discovers sitting down with a cup of
| coffee instead of taking it outside".
| walthamstow wrote:
| Instead of getting it through their car window, judging by
| these numbers
|
| https://www.ft.com/content/db5bb7a8-f7f3-4953-9c8f-870073943.
| ..
| isoprophlex wrote:
| Too bad.
|
| The writing style...
|
| quickly loses it's luster.
|
| After you make it past the title.
| mrbukkake wrote:
| It's the linkedin writing style, the idea is to make a bland
| anecdote with some vapid "insights" sound interesting by
| making it all enthusiastic and breathless like a TED talk
| CrossVR wrote:
| techbro discovers sitting down for a cup of coffee doesn't need
| to be a networking event.
| phantasmish wrote:
| ... but _does_ turn it into "content".
| CrossVR wrote:
| Small steps, small steps
| jrmg wrote:
| The 'thesis statement' at the top ( _It's contradictory to sit
| alone in a cafe. It's against the reason cafes exist._ ) is
| entirely incorrect - and it's odd that the author thought like
| that. But I don't think they deserve to be denigrated.
|
| The post is eloquently written, and if it inspires people to
| take a little time for themselves the world will be a little of
| a better place because of it. And posting it makes the author a
| little vulnerable; I'd much rather people write posts like this
| than self-censor because they'd be exposed to ridicule.
| raddan wrote:
| I agree. This was evidently a new experience for this person,
| and maybe the reason is that they're... a new adult? Anyway,
| even old people have new experiences all the time. At least
| this person is putting themselves out there and doing
| something active. Good for them.
|
| Except the dog thing. PLEASE do not bring your dog into a
| cafe. Somehow people like me are in the minority though so I
| will stop here.
| mosesbp wrote:
| In case you didn't know, the title is just a straightforward
| edit of Kundera's famous novel title.
| mrbukkake wrote:
| manic pixie dreamnerd syndrome. sad! many such cases
| lorenzo1860 wrote:
| Haha this made me laugth... Although I really liked the post, I
| agree!
| johnfn wrote:
| It seems a bit absurd to call someone a tech bro for
| experiencing something for the first time and writing about it
| - especially something as benign as going to a cafe.
| deadbabe wrote:
| Japan is not the ideal place I would go to for a cafe, but I get
| the sentiment. When the weather is nice I love going for a
| morning walk with my dog on a lazy weekend morning and just
| sitting outside at a cafe reading a book. Coffee itself is
| secondary to this experience, it's mostly just the vibe of the
| place that brings me there. That's why small local cafes that
| don't like people to sit at tables for too long are so off
| putting.
| nicbou wrote:
| I disagree. Japan is the ideal place. Kissaten are a cultural
| treasure. Craig Mod has written at length about them and why
| they are so precious. I go to cafes strictly for the vibe, and
| I have fond memories of Japanese cafes.
| aappleby wrote:
| This author has never been alone with their thoughts before....
| arkaic wrote:
| Clearly. What's there to be awkward about? You should be
| enjoying the coffee you came there for
| konaraddi wrote:
| Probably first extended time in a while. Everyone has a little
| box in their pocket that pumps out dopamine on demand, couple
| that with the hustle and bustle culture and I think it's great
| the author is exercising more agency and presence over the
| inertial path. Kudos to them.
| ramon156 wrote:
| Is it surprising to you that not everyone has experienced the
| same thing? Half of my friends have never been in a gym, is
| that bad?
| tayo42 wrote:
| Except for some weird circumstances like you have 2 friends
| or your part of a nomadic tribe, yeah that sounds like an
| issue. People should work out
| bdangubic wrote:
| people work out without paying $200+/month to go to the gym
| :)
| tayo42 wrote:
| There's all kind of gyms besides weights and treadmill
| gyms though.
|
| And a gym like la fitness is 30/mo
| bdangubic wrote:
| planet fitness is my area is $15/month and I still would
| not pay it
| echelon_musk wrote:
| Why?
| bdangubic wrote:
| you do not need a gym to work out so it is just a waste
| of money. I used to have membership at Bally's when I was
| single but that was for meeting girls, not for working
| out. I don't understand people paying money to go to gyms
| these days for the purposes of working out
| ghaff wrote:
| Not that I've ever belonged to one but I understand
| people wanting access to various equipment or even a
| swimming pool.
|
| Personally, I prefer to walk/hike but I understand that
| isn't enough for everyone.
| bdangubic wrote:
| I am not "buying" this... if craigslist or facebook
| marketplace you can buy any equipment you desire dirt
| cheap (from new year's resolutions done unfullfilled).
| pool has always been vacant or filled with senior citizen
| classes etc when I used to go and I doubt this has
| changed. I do not have any numbers to back this up but my
| gut feel tells me less than 10% of people that have gym
| memberships go to the gym more than once per week
| ghaff wrote:
| A lot of people don't have room for larger exercise
| equipment in their houses--if they have a house. Heck, I
| just had some reconstruction/reconfiguration done after a
| fire and I'm figuring out where to now put my rowing
| machine and I have a decent-sized house.
|
| That many/most people don't really utilize their gym
| memberships is a separate issue from _some_ people
| getting value out of them. You seemed to be arguing that
| gym memberships in general are stupid for anyone.
| bdangubic wrote:
| I apologize if my comments made you think I implied
| stupid, most definitely do not think that. I do however
| think you absolutely do not need gym membership to work
| out and I do believe that vast majority of gym
| memberships are waste of money. in my personal "circle"
| no one that works out regularly does so at the gym.
| acheron wrote:
| People should work out in private, not go show off with the
| vain assholes at a gym.
| djmips wrote:
| Have you ever turned off your thoughts?
| delis-thumbs-7e wrote:
| I didn't quite understand why sitting alone in a cafe makes you a
| weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well
| written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for
| every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for
| the soul.
|
| I think the important part is leaving your phone and other
| devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting
| (apart from the old-fashione way of talking to an actual human
| being). People used to do this y'know? Back then.
| moooo99 wrote:
| > I think the important part is leaving your phone and other
| devices home.
|
| The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult
| to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport
| without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my
| phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or
| smartcards anymore.
|
| Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to
| use QR codes for menus rather than printing them onto a sheet
| of paper or writing them to the wall.
|
| I love leaving my phone behind, primarily because I am in the
| "we're entertaining ourselves to death" crowd considering I
| essentially grew up with mobile phones already. But our
| environment is increasingly build on the assumption that we
| carry a smartphone with us at any given time.
| arccy wrote:
| with a modicum of self control, you can turn off your phone
| when it's not needed.
| 8organicbits wrote:
| As a parent of young children I've found that I need my
| phone on any time my children are not with me. Calls from
| school or day care don't always come from the same number,
| so I answer every call when my kids are in the care of
| others (but none otherwise).
| Tagbert wrote:
| Then practice keeping your phone in your pocket for
| increasingly long periods of time. You may need to build
| up to this and to develop some level of control.
| sneak wrote:
| Why? What happens if you don't have it, just as parents
| didn't have them for centuries?
| 8organicbits wrote:
| Child care now requires parents to be readily available,
| especially to pick up children who are sick. A century
| ago, child care providers were expected to care for sick
| children until the parent arrived. Failure to be
| responsive would be a violation of the child care
| agreement.
| cortesoft wrote:
| Is this really true? There are millions of parents who
| are unreachable while working. A surgeon isn't going to
| be able to leave in the middle of surgery to pick up
| their kid from child care.
|
| My kid got sick at daycare one time when I was over an
| hour away. They just had to stay there while I worked my
| way back.
|
| It happens, and it is handled normally.
| patcon wrote:
| easier for some brains than others, no? It's a sad loss of
| agency (for those whom it matters) to not be able to make
| such a simple choice to control the environmental
| conditions they are weak to
|
| but i am genuinely glad for people who find that level of
| self-control readily accessible, that's just not me.
|
| There's some interesting implications around the "default
| mode network" that's worth thinking about, and the sort of
| world we might be inadvertently bending toward [building]
| when everyone is constantly struggling to engage internal
| control mechanisms and depleting their ability to do other
| unconscious sorts of processing: https://archive.is/fYqtB
| Tarsul wrote:
| Humans are not rational. Even if you are 99% of the time,
| with a smartphone in your pocket there's a good chance you
| will use it for your emotional 1% within 2hours (and
| unravel). Read Rutger Bregman's goal for 2026: https://www.
| theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/jan/04/lifes-t...
| moooo99 wrote:
| The problem with the reliance on self control is the self
| control. You have it or you don't. While I generally agree
| just exercising pure self control may be a viable strategy
| for some, it does not work for everyone. Particularly
| people with ADHD do have a tendency to be easily captured
| by screens.
|
| I've personally struggled with adherence to my reduce
| screen time goals and while exercising more self control
| has helped, making active choices about my environment did
| help a lot more. And I like it that way, and I hate to see
| these choices be torpedoed all the time
| yomismoaqui wrote:
| It's just a matter of developing some self control. Be
| conscious about when you really need your phone (using it to
| pay or as your ticket) vs using is to pass time (doom
| scrolling X or HN)
| moooo99 wrote:
| It certainly is when you only look at the social media
| aspect of it. But always carrying a phone with you also
| brings an availability aspect with it. I know that saying
| "develop some self control" is usually a well intended
| advice, but it is very challenging for some people
| considering they are carrying their "trigger" basically
| everywhere.
| groestl wrote:
| My phone is always on silent mode. As is, AFAIK, the
| phone of all my friends.
| JoeAltmaier wrote:
| I've avoided the restaurant-QR-code deal so far. They don't
| have a menu I can read? I walk out.
| dymk wrote:
| Do you still leave if you've gone out to eat with someone
| else?
| paavope wrote:
| I think the easy play in that situation is to ask that
| someone else to show the menu to you
| fuzzer371 wrote:
| In that case, I could just read it off of their phone
| sublinear wrote:
| That situation sounds like fun! You let your friend(s)
| pick something for you. This frees you to do more
| spontaneous things and keep the social energy flowing.
| I've personally done this even when _there was_ a printed
| menu and eating wasn 't the point.
|
| I think people need to really lighten up sometimes.
| moooo99 wrote:
| I've been fairly successful at avoiding spots like that
| myself, also by just walking out. But its completely
| impractical if you're meeting up with (multiple) people.
| lanfeust6 wrote:
| I don't see any reason you need to continue using your phone
| once boarded. But yes parting the home without is
| impractical.
| moooo99 wrote:
| Oh without the exception of the occasional ticket checks or
| checking a connecting train, there really is no actual
| reason. But as everybody knows, old habits die hard.
| Aerbil313 wrote:
| You don't have to leave your phone at home to be free of
| distractions. You can restrict your phone instead. I'm just a
| happy user, see techlockdown.com.
|
| Their marketing is geared towards the p*rnography addiction
| crowd but from my own experience, it works equally well for
| those easily distracted by screens (I have ADHD).
| DenisM wrote:
| Get two phones. One for carrying around, lock it down 100%
| with parental controls against all distractions. The other
| one unlocked.
|
| Parental controls are underrated.
| gniv wrote:
| I'm thinking more and more of doing that, but prompted by
| the fact that the phone is a second-factor authenticator
| for so many things. I really don't want to lose that phone.
| I should just leave it home and carry another one just for
| urgent stuff.
| rdiddly wrote:
| It's important to challenge that assumption.
| doublerabbit wrote:
| If QR codes for menus just ask at the counter.
|
| Ours do the same but I just ask and are normally happy to
| talk. Personally I think the staff enjoy it as they get a few
| minutes of talk time rather than rush rush next order.
| VLM wrote:
| Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone, especially
| the crazy ones.
|
| No brand new iphone or new macbook means poverty which is
| usually not cool.
|
| It blows peoples minds if you read a book. Not a college
| textbook but something for fun. Homeless people don't read so
| they get confused.
|
| Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public
| transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless
| people to sit all winter, so its not very cool.
| estearum wrote:
| This doesn't fit at all with my perception.
| acntr_employee wrote:
| > Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public
| transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless
| people to sit all winter, so its not very cool.
|
| Public transport often is the best and most efficient way to
| move within a city where I live, or in places like London,
| Stockholm, Berlin or quite a lot of other European cities.
|
| > Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone
|
| Really? Anyone sitting alone is a homeless one? Anyone
| without a shitty Apple product is poor?
|
| > Homeless people don't read
|
| WTF. This one made me laugh out loud. You must not have had
| much contact to homeless people. I have had quite a few
| acquaintances in my lifetime being homeless, worked with
| them, did social work on the side. And I got to know so many
| different people with different interests. Yes, a few were
| the stereotypical homeless person depicted in mass media. A
| few were highly functional members of society, had a day job
| 9to5 - and still lived on the street. Many had read way more
| books than myself - and I am an avid reader.
|
| What is it with this stereotyping of people.
| amanaplanacanal wrote:
| I think most people's experience of homeless people is
| schizophrenics talking or yelling into the air, meth heads
| doing their thing, and aggressive panhandlers. The rest are
| just invisible. Unfortunately this distortion of reality
| effects public policy around homelessness in bad ways.
| dymk wrote:
| What kind of city / town do you live in?
| GlacierFox wrote:
| What's this hell hole you live in where you can't read a book
| in a cafe without the world collapsing around you?
| lanfeust6 wrote:
| I often would go to local coffee shops with a book and journal.
| Leaving a device at home has nothing to do with it.
|
| One of the reasons I don't see much value-added from meditation
| is that it seems like a ritualistic wrapper around something I
| already do and value: clearing one's head, quiet time without
| consuming visual stimulus and without brooding. We are prone to
| bombarding ourselves constantly and wonder why we're fatigued
| partway through the day.
|
| I like to reserve the "thinking" component to journaling time,
| as that seems to help organize thoughts. Or else, do it while
| walking.
| gniv wrote:
| > (is it an American thing?)
|
| I don't know if the author is American but americanos are not
| an American thing so they are likely not in the US.
| munificent wrote:
| _> americanos are not an American thing_
|
| Certainly every coffeeshop here in Seattle has them and and I
| expect most do elsewhere too.
|
| Espresso has taken over coffeeshops such that some won't also
| have drip coffee anymore and if that's what you want, an
| Americano is approximately how to get it.
| gniv wrote:
| I stand corrected then. I don't remember seeing them the
| last time I was there 4+ years ago.
| dahart wrote:
| I've been ordering Americanos for 20 years. Espresso
| drinks became a very common thing around the time when
| Starbucks took off in the 90s. But it does depend on
| where you go. Diners and gas stations and some kinds of
| cafes and restaurants (especially in small towns) often
| only had drip coffee until recently, but these days you
| can get an Americano in many gas stations too. Cafes with
| baristas making espresso drinks is the norm in big cities
| and has been for some time.
| the__alchemist wrote:
| Challenge: Find a coffee shop in the US that doesn't have
| Americano on the menu.
| gniv wrote:
| I guess my idea of US coffeeshops is dated.
| getpokedagain wrote:
| Most cafes even chains like Starbucks sell americanos in the
| USA.
| coolThingsFirst wrote:
| No, it's a thing everywhere to be honest. People are their with
| their friends and you are the only one alone.
|
| Without phone it would be too cringe, even with phone its
| cringe. I behave as if though I'm texting someone. It's the
| societal weight of being the one who is alone.
| amelius wrote:
| Do you feel like being a weirdo when you are alone in public
| transit?
|
| Maybe you should treat cafes the same?
| coolThingsFirst wrote:
| Transit is different, you are going from one place to
| another. Cafes are where people that know each other come
| to socialize. You will almost never see a lone person in a
| cafe in the country where I live in, and a lively
| conversation tends to pull other people in as well.
|
| It's just different so their initial thought of it being
| awkward without further reflection is based on reality not
| some blown up fear.
|
| I also say this as someone that has no trouble striking up
| conversations with strangers. So not like I barely go out.
| TZubiri wrote:
| Rawdogging a coffee, will try it.
| giancarlostoro wrote:
| Thats one way to put it. Yeah I dont care if I am alone or with
| friends, typically if I get a coffee and I am alone I rarely
| stay because I can go back to what I was doing before I needed
| coffee. I do sometimes go get coffee with my daughter the
| problem is shes nearly four years old and will want all the
| pastries.
| gardenhedge wrote:
| I did not know going to a cafe alone was a strange thing to do.
| In fact it is a place I would consider it is completely common to
| go alone - whereas a restaurant is less common.
| ruralfam wrote:
| When Coffee People was just one shop in Portland, went there
| every day before work. (B4 internet or phones.) Loved the shop,
| but they played pretty aggressive rock. Not adverse to it, but
| first thing in the morning... Anyway was a regular. They played
| music via a CD player. I noticed they often silently mouthed the
| lyrics to the background music. Talked them into including a CD I
| gave them: Cecilia Bartoli "Heroines" (Rosinni). Over time it
| made it into the regular rotation. I noticed after a while the
| staff would also silently mouth the "words" being sung. Good
| times. Long ago.
| Trasmatta wrote:
| > It's contradictory to sit alone in a cafe. It's against the
| reason cafes exist.
|
| > They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a
| single chair.
|
| I'm so confused by this, because every cafe I've ever been to is
| full of people there alone. It seems to almost be the default,
| honestly.
| sdoering wrote:
| I was also instantly struck by the intro of this piece of
| writing. It just doesn't make sense to me to state one's
| subjective interpretation as a universal fact, a universal law,
| as "the reason cafes exist". As if there is only one reason.
|
| I really do not get the tendency to reduce everything down to
| one singular reason or cause. Is this a monotheistic religious
| thing? Is this a binary thing? I just can't wrap my head around
| this. But that might just be me - having originally studied
| literature and history (after graduating from high school with
| mainly stem subjects) I always felt I had one foot in each of
| those worlds - one in the "hard sciences" one more in the
| humanities. Never able to reduce myself to just one reason of
| being or one interest - and never able to attribute only one
| reason/meaning to a work of art.
|
| So my long winded way of saying, that I just did not buy the
| premise.
| munificent wrote:
| I really like the article but in order to get the most of it,
| I had to mentally change the author's writing style. I think
| the article works much better if you reframe it from second
| person to first person and restate the general platitudes as
| observations of one particular place and experience.
| Sharlin wrote:
| As someone who very much enjoys going to cafes solo and just
| observing, in my experience people sitting alone are definitely
| a small minority, unless they're there with a laptop. This even
| in my stereotypically introverted culture (Finns).
| wcfrobert wrote:
| For me, cafes are essentially libraries; except cafes actually
| have reasonable opening hours. I can't get work done at home
| (too many distractions), so I switch up my environment to one
| where I am forced to work.
|
| Go to any coffee shop in Palo Alto and Menlo Park, and you're
| bound to see students and tech workers sitting alone, typing
| away on their laptops. Even in LA, you'll see people editing
| videos and posting stuff on social media.
|
| I think it's perhaps very American to go to cafes alone,
| especially if you are going there to get work done.
| Anecdotally, I had a French tennis partner back in 2022. One
| time, after our match, we went to a neighborhood cafe to chat
| and talk about life. He remarked to me how strange and foreign
| it is that Americans work so hard. He finds it stupid, even
| off-putting, that people work in cafes, which to him is a place
| to relax and socialize. He used slightly stronger language than
| stupid, so I didn't have the heart to tell him I plan to work
| in a cafe later that day. Maybe it's just a cultural thing.
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| I envy that. Any socialization after college needs to be
| deliberate and planned. Be it a small friend gathering, a
| scheduled meetup, or some organizational third place like a
| club, church, concert, etc. Note that all of those are paid
| experiences (even church, if you argue about being pressured
| to pay tithes and offerings).
|
| If you're not into bar life, it's not that easy to just have
| spontaneous conversion here. Any invasion of space is seen as
| odd at best and threatening at worst. Even for neighbors.
| zx8080 wrote:
| Because it's just AI output.
| dubeye wrote:
| I assume there must be a finite amount of anxiety from sole cafe
| trips.
|
| I'm probably an above averagely anxious person, but after a few
| trips without disaster, it becomes a non issue.
| munificent wrote:
| _> after a few trips without disaster_
|
| 100%.
|
| Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety. I have a personal
| hunch that part of the massive rise in anxiety in the world is
| explained by many of us no longer being regularly forced
| outside of our comfort zones. Before the Internet and
| smartphones, we were obligated to go into the unknown much more
| often. It was a constant mandatory exposure therapy.
|
| Today, I can't remember the last time I walked into a
| restaurant without already having seen the inside on Google
| Maps, read several reviews on Yelp, and perused the menu
| online.
| fnord77 wrote:
| > Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety.
|
| Except when it is not. Exposure can make an autistic person's
| anxiety worse.
| jomohke wrote:
| Interesting. Even when nothing bad happens? It has always
| worked for me.
| galleywest200 wrote:
| Pretty sure the exposure makes _everyone's_ anxiety worse
| at the start, that is part of the point.
| ghaff wrote:
| And multiply by dinner eating. Which I have done solo many
| hundreds of times between business and other travel. Not
| something I think twice about. In fact, at conferences, I've
| sometimes been peopled-out by the end of the day and actively
| avoided going out of my way to setup group dinners unless they
| came together organically.
| rpodraza wrote:
| Huh? I go to a nearby cafe solo, all the time, and a lot of other
| people do, for instance, to read. That's how I met couple of
| them, actually.
| llmslave2 wrote:
| I'm realizing the only time I'm not stimulated is when I'm
| driving or when I go for my daily walk. My mom was right man,
| it's these damn phones...
| nchmy wrote:
| Its hard to express how terrible and deluded this article is...
| me_smith wrote:
| Sitting in a coffee shop alone with a pen and journal is
| restorative time for me. No laptop, no headphones, no phone.
|
| Another thing to try is to go to a diner alone. Same deal.
| sdoering wrote:
| > Another thing to try is to go to a diner alone. Same deal.
|
| Oh yeah. This is one of the things I enjoy most when traveling
| for work (more often than not means traveling alone). I can go
| to dinner alone, watch people interact, feel the city, the
| people, the staff.
|
| Discovering dinner alone to me was an interesting experience.
| And a lovely one at that.
| utopiah wrote:
| It literally changed my life.
|
| A decade ago I was working a boring job paying the bills in a
| small company. I honestly felt that despite being financially
| safe I was wasting my life. I didn't believe in the company
| mission and I wasn't gaining new skills. I was bored out.
|
| I went to a cafe every morning for 30min BEFORE my actual job. I
| did whatever I wanted, meaning reading, writing, jolting down
| ideas, being productive or not, but the point was it was MY time
| to think.
|
| This is so basic. I went with a notebook, a pencil, paid 2EUR
| every morning for a basic black coffee... but what was special
| was having a dedicated time and place regularly to just inch at
| it, whatever "it" might be for me.
|
| Well, fast forward ~10 years and I'm HYPED. I'm so excited pretty
| much every morning that I can't help for the next day to work on
| more interesting projects.
|
| TL;DR: yes, go to the cafe, alone, for yourself.
| utopiah wrote:
| Another way to put, that I thought of few weeks ago :
|
| - embrace liminal spaces
|
| We tend to see such spaces as waste. We tend to skip them. We
| use any trick possible, from rushing to having a mobile phone
| with a podcast. We find ways to avoid being alone with our
| thoughts.
|
| Guess where ideas come from? Shower? Waiting for the bus? ...
| they come from our running minds NOT being entertained.
|
| Embrace liminal spaces. Make your own liminal spaces. They are
| liberating.
| jmkni wrote:
| I love sitting alone in Wetherspoons, and working, it's actually
| perfect because:
|
| - None of my colleagues, and nobody in any of my social circles,
| would ever be seen dead there
|
| - You meet the best people, everyones really nice
|
| - Nobody judges anybody, we're all just there go get a bit
| pissed, lots of people socialising, some people are there doing a
| crossword, I'm just a guy sitting on my laptop coding, nobody
| cares
|
| - I can focus better with lots of background noise
|
| - Cheap beer
|
| If you've not tried it, try it!
| walthamstow wrote:
| Coffee refills too! And the characters, especially in the day
| time. I probably wouldn't say they're /all/ nice people.
| hexbin010 wrote:
| I recommend only sitting on a leather seat, or laying a
| waterproof jacket over a cloth seat. Too many times I've come
| out of Wetherspoons itching - and not from knackering my liver!
|
| Worth it though for ~PS1.30 unlimited tea and coffee.
| rambambram wrote:
| Apparently Wetherspoons is British? Never heard of it. Now I'm
| curious to the characters inside, got some memorable anecdotes?
| 2b3a51 wrote:
| The Lord Rosebery, Westborough, Scarborough. Friday around
| 6pm. Plenty of people watching potential. You sort of have to
| be there.
| PaulRobinson wrote:
| It is a chain of very cheap pubs, often known by the
| abbreviated name "spoons".
|
| It's the sort of place you can go at 9am and see people
| having a full English breakfast with a large glass of wine.
| It's people who want to drink a lot of alcohol for not a lot
| of money, but not quite at the point where they're buying
| very cheap cider (which is always alcoholic in the UK), and
| sitting in the park with it. There's a veneer of high-
| functioning about it.
|
| They do vary a bit (the "posh pub" in central Hull is the
| 'spoons, one of the roughest pubs I've been to in West London
| is also a 'spoons), but the clientele are typically white,
| working class, pro-Brexit (the founder is _very_ anti-EU and
| publishes an in-house propaganda mag to that effect), pretty
| right wing, heavy drinkers.
|
| It's not my preferred crowd, I'd rather spend a bit more and
| go to a pub where there's a chance somebody is reading
| something other than the Daily Mail or The Sun, but each to
| their own.
| 2b3a51 wrote:
| Can recommend the Mediterranean side salad and a bowl of
| roasted veg off the side menu if you are hungry.
|
| In the centre of the city there are three spoons. One for the
| people with tattoos on their knuckles (near the magistrates'
| court oddly - I used to pick up gossip in the barbers round the
| corner but he has been bought out so the building can be
| converted in to 'luxury apartments'), one for the old geezers
| with leather jackets and a third very large one opposite a
| conference centre. This latter one very well managed and always
| a seat. All kinds of people but never rammed.
| polishdude20 wrote:
| Anyone else a bit tired of the "The Unbearable Joy of..." Titles?
| I'm sure sitting in a cafe is bearable.
| gavmor wrote:
| "Unbearable Joy Considered Harmful"
| postsantum wrote:
| -- Stanford experts and scientists weight in
| Anon84 wrote:
| True, "The Unbearable Lightness of..." is a much better choice
| nirava wrote:
| Nah, every time some parody of this title comes up, it reminds
| me of the book and the movie. I like that :)
| toomanyrichies wrote:
| Yes, this and "unreasonable effectiveness" are both cliches at
| this point, and need to take a nice long rest.
| morgengold wrote:
| Isn't it astonishing how much happier the author / most of us
| could be without our phones?
| unsungNovelty wrote:
| Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering
| something new and sharing it very excitedly.
|
| Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit
| upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed
| how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there
| surely will be people who would just like here say... _What is so
| crazy about it? I do that all the time..._
|
| To me, this post is someone's joy and curiosity shared through a
| well written piece. Everybody discover certain things at
| different stages of their lives. What's so bad about that?
|
| Was able to bring a smile on my face. A good post. :)
| cm2012 wrote:
| Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all
| (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.
| Tagbert wrote:
| It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe
| your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening.
| Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself.
|
| This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30
| minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape
| and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better
| and you feel better.
|
| Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consumer
| of thoughts.
| ugjjhgvjb wrote:
| So... stimulate yourself?
|
| > Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a
| consumer of thoughts.
|
| This is the classic "sounds deep but actually means
| nothing" vague statement that's only meant to massage one's
| ego and try to reenforce an unsubstantiated idea in a faux-
| philosophical way.
|
| You are always "sourcing" thoughts even when "consuming".
|
| Being able to sit still, quietly without having to
| stimulate oneself is, by all means, exactly that: avoid
| stimulating oneself. Looking around and trying to come up
| with small stimulations based on your surrounding is merely
| replacing one object (say, your phone) with another.
| bovermyer wrote:
| In order to avoid all stimulation, there is but one
| recourse, and it is rather final.
|
| Generally, I prefer just sitting quietly and not worrying
| about the definition of stimulation or whether I'm doing
| it correctly.
| exe34 wrote:
| > You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about
| what is happening.
|
| I had to sit still a lot as a child, since I wasn't allowed
| to have friends or go anywhere. I read a lot, but a lot of
| the time I was to tired or bored to read, so I'd just
| defocus my eyes, and disappear into my imagination. It
| would look like I'm reading, so I wouldn't get punished. In
| hindsight I'm not sure it's terribly healthy, as I now find
| it impossible to put up with boring people (which is
| basically everybody who has time to sit around chatting,
| almost by definition).
| vlod wrote:
| I have a feeling I had a similar childhood to you
| (strict/smothering).
|
| I also find it problematical to deal with people who live
| 'normal/standard' lives who are not curious about the
| world and how everything works. Being put in a
| conversation talking about sports, gossip, celebrities is
| intolerable for me.
|
| I've come to accept (and I think some people here may
| resonate with) that this is can be a blessing or good
| filtering mechanism.
| amanaplanacanal wrote:
| When I was younger I used to visit a local zendo, and I think
| the meditation sessions were 40 minutes. It's definitely an
| experience. Very easy to fall asleep without external
| distractions. The idea was to just learn to concentrate on
| bodily sensations, skin, breathing, sound.
| cm2012 wrote:
| I have tried sensory deprivation tanks a few times and
| always fall asleep within 5 min, like clockwork.
| dymk wrote:
| It starts like that. Work up to 30 minutes, start with 5. The
| mind has an uncanny ability to entertain itself when it's
| bored but paying attention.
| doublerabbit wrote:
| You also find out how much noise your brain filters.
|
| You end up hearing conversations more clearly,
| environmental noises you wouldn't normally hear and I find
| more clarity for the environmental area.
| unsungNovelty wrote:
| It is. I did somewhere around ~10mins or something in my
| first try. Which I was told is very high for a first attempt.
| But it is indeed difficult. Like @dymk said, you work your
| way up.
|
| Also, a lot of folks think it's easy to do. Until you try it,
| that is.
|
| I also remember reading somewhere around the lines of
| _handling the chaos in your-self. Or controlling the chaos
| within yourself_.
|
| And always thought this exercise showed what that is about.
| (Sorry, forgot the expression. Been a while. It's definitely
| more nicely put than the above.)
| reg_dunlop wrote:
| My therapist used to say: this means you must do it for 40
| minutes
| patrickmay wrote:
| Meditate for 30 minutes every morning. If you don't have
| time, meditate for 60 minutes.
| lifetimerubyist wrote:
| Some people just call this "meditation".
| Tarq0n wrote:
| Not if you freely engage in rumination. Meditation is not
| just sitting with your thoughts.
| thornewolf wrote:
| some forms of meditation can be. it's a very general term
| tzone wrote:
| I think it depends on what counts as doing nothing. Every
| time I cut my hair, I sit in a chair for ~30minutes silently
| without doing anything. My barber knows I don't like small
| talk so he just cuts my hair and that's it, there is no
| conversation.
|
| I would say it is very enjoyable 30 minutes every time I do
| it. I don't think anyone would describe that kind of
| experience as hard to do?
| chongli wrote:
| You're still being stimulated by the act of the barber
| cutting your hair. Sitting in a chair doing nothing alone
| in a silent room is a different story.
| cm2012 wrote:
| I enjoy the sensations at the barber very much.
| hansmayer wrote:
| Then dont sit still for 30 mins - try doing it for 3 minutes
| at first. If you feel like it, repeat the next day with
| either the same or longer length. Or dont do it at all. If
| you do - think of it as a kind of a meditation, without the
| extra steps. Some isolation from sensory stimulation is good
| for your brain - there is growing evidence we are all over
| exposed to attention-robbing mechanisms of the digital world.
| astura wrote:
| >Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at
| all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to
| me.
|
| Those of us over 40 have already had plenty of this in our
| lives, it used to be such a common part of life! Waiting for
| appointments, waiting for the bus, etc. before smartphones.
| My first job had two hours between lunch and dinner service.
| I only had about 15 minutes of work during that time, so it
| was hour plus of almost entirely idle time every shift.
| cm2012 wrote:
| Pre-smart phone era I would bring a book on the bus or
| sleep.
| 2ap wrote:
| Part of my job, is that I design protocols to help young
| children lie in MRI scanners for a living. We have all sorts
| of techniques to help with this.
|
| However, for each new scanning protocol, I like to have had
| it myself - so I know what the children go through. And, at
| times lying inside a MRI scanner, detached from the world,
| with only the noise of the scanner (very reduced with our new
| noise cancelling headphones), is almost meditative, and a
| welcome escape from the constant connection and pressures of
| being immediately available at work. Sounds like the writer
| achieves something similar in the coffee shop.
| jddj wrote:
| Fascinating. How many MRIs have you had?
|
| I get a break from constant availability from air travel,
| but that's slowly eroding as it becomes more connected.
| 2ap wrote:
| I'm not sure I know (but the database keeps a record -
| I'll have to look it up!). A couple a year for sure a few
| years.
|
| Yes, my last transatlantic flight I caught up with a
| stack of email.
| yumraj wrote:
| Sounds like meditation to me.
| dmead wrote:
| It's meditation, but on the internet!
| amitav1 wrote:
| The next billion-dollar idea.
| FpUser wrote:
| >"Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at
| all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to
| me"
|
| I've done more than that. Summer time I often swim in open
| water up to 2 hour at once as one of the ways to stay fit.
| Obviously it becomes routine and not very entertaining. So I
| usually doing some high level software design work in my mind
| at this point, exploring some concepts, thinking business
| ideas etc. etc. So my body does monotonous work of not very
| high intensity and my brain is busy with everything else. Not
| board at all.
|
| I once spent 1.5 hour standing in a church listening to a
| priest for more than an hour (funeral). Same thing I mentally
| solved the problem why some piece of my code did not work.
|
| Without this ability I would go nuts. My brain always has to
| be busy with something. It is like a drug for me.
| notdang wrote:
| Try ultra running for at least 10 hours. You run out of
| things to think about, plus you are so tired that you
| cannot concentrate for long on the same subject.
|
| After some struggle you will enter into a weird state that
| I think should be similar to what they achieve through
| meditation.
| FpUser wrote:
| >"Try ultra running for at least 10 hours"
|
| Not my cup of tea. But I do get your point.
| vlod wrote:
| "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit
| quietly in a room alone." - Blaise Pascal
|
| I try and think about this often.
| fuzzer371 wrote:
| 6-7
| begueradj wrote:
| When you sit in a cafe, even when you do nothing as the author
| said, you are still not alone because you are visually (looking
| at her, for example) and audibly (listening to them, for
| example) active. Like in any other public space, you are
| passively interacting with others, hence you are not "sitting
| alone".
| et-al wrote:
| > _Too many negative comments here. This is just someone
| discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly._
|
| Some of the negativity is because many people out there were
| used to this slower way of living only for capitalist techbros
| to optimize every waking moment everything and hasten the rat
| race.
|
| So now the only people who can sit idly at a cafe would be
| those who've already have a few million in the bank. It's
| similar to the CEO goes to a yoga retreat in Bali (or Burning
| Man) trope to rediscover being part of society.
| zwnow wrote:
| I have 500EUR in my bank account, 3k debt and 30 years of
| work left ahead of me and I take a lot of idle time in cafes
| or trains or the park. I don't see the issue.
|
| The sooner one realizes that working hard isn't the key to
| life the sooner one realizes you'll have plenty more time. If
| you get something out of working hard, like joy, sure go
| ahead. But dont lie to yourself and think that working hard
| will actually ever pay off.
|
| I do not earn enough to ever afford a house without going
| into debt for the rest of my life. As long as I can afford a
| cheap place, one new book a month and a hot shower in the
| morning I am content with never owning anything. As thats the
| world all the "hard working" people shoved us into.
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| >I take a lot of idle time in cafes or trains or the park.
| I don't see the issue.
|
| Well, it sounds like you're not american. You have trains
| to use and clean parks, for one. That's nice.
|
| >The sooner one realizes that working hard isn't the key to
| life the sooner one realizes you'll have plenty more time.
|
| We're given decreasingly less choices, sadly. Work hard and
| cheap or be unable to pay rent and be kicked to the
| streets. The Social network over here is so broken that
| many have zero safety net, in terms of both government and
| community. Let alone a new book and a shower (well, maybe
| you get a gym subscription. I've heard that as a "life
| hack" for homeless people).
| zwnow wrote:
| I have a hard time feeling bad for people who voted a
| criminal into his second term. It was so incredibly
| obvious this would happen and yet it went through, again.
| At least its entertaining to watch from the other side of
| the pond.
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| Fair. But I'll just say that these are issues that have
| existed for decades. All recent times have done is bring
| it yo an unignorable fever pitch.
| zwnow wrote:
| I'll agree on that. Europes facade is crumbling as well
| but people are too comfortable to do anything about it.
| Maybe the rough times in the USA actually make people
| take action.
| et-al wrote:
| You don't see the issue because you're not squeezed yet.
|
| Imagine there are no more cheap places to rent anymore and
| American work culture invades Europe. Shops are no longer
| closed on Sunday, you're expected to be on call on
| weekends, and you have a paltry 14 days of vacation for the
| year.
| zwnow wrote:
| This would require a lot of changes in basic human rights
| and legislatures that would never go through within my
| lifetime so Ill just not think about this. Nuclear war is
| far more likely to happen during my lifetime.
| dmead wrote:
| 6 7
| analog8374 wrote:
| I've done some sitting still and doing nothing. It's a deep
| subject. There's like a thousand things going on right now and
| you're reacting to all of them. And that reaction is reality.
| danielfalbo wrote:
| I feel you.
|
| > I decided to leave my phone at home
|
| I used to do this too but soon I realized I wanted my phone for
| payments (say, coffee) and/or unlocking public bikes (like Lime).
|
| Now I have 2 phones: - Phone A with my SIM, internet, payment
| cards, but unlogged from any internet account - Phone B, no SIM,
| usually connected to Phone A via hotspot, with email, messaging
| apps, logged into hacker news and everything.
|
| When I want to take an offline walk/ebike-ride I only bring Phone
| A with me.
| kfrane wrote:
| That's a beautiful writing style. Feels like there's some Anthony
| Bourdain in it :)
| nicbou wrote:
| It feels like the average LinkedIn post, down to the paragraph
| breaks used as emphasis. I find it incredibly grating.
| Jackpillar wrote:
| > It's contradictory to sit alone in a cafe. It's against the
| reason cafes exist.
|
| Fresh out the gate just wrong and confused.
| spudlyo wrote:
| I struggled greatly with this article. There was something
| halting about it. Something precious. I felt that the author
| desperately wanted to elevate the mundane into the realm of the
| sublime.
|
| I found myself annoyed.
|
| I thought to myself "Are paragraphs a renewable resource? Is it
| wrong to waste them?"
|
| It doesn't matter.
|
| In neuroscience, there is a thing called the "default mode
| network" which is best known for being active when a person is
| not focused on anything in particular. The mind is awake, but at
| rest, like when you're daydreaming, bored, and have no goal
| oriented tasks. All sorts of neat stuff happens in this network,
| things like "shower thoughts", self reflection, autobiographical
| memories, thoughts about future goals and events, trying to
| figure out the people in your life -- their desires, intentions,
| emotions and thoughts. In boring situations like when I'm on the
| bus, or waiting in line for something, I'll spin it as an
| opportunity to spend time with the ole' default mode network.
| It's a good time observe people around you, as they're often
| completely engrossed in their devices. Occasionally I'll seek out
| other folks who are also chilling in the default mode network,
| and we'll sometimes share a knowing look.
| pm90 wrote:
| The part that seems to need emphasis is that the author happened
| to _walk_ inside this neighborhood cafe while just walking his
| dog. To many Americans, the idea of just _walking_ into a cafe is
| probably alien (you need to drive everywhere).
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| The one downside of non-urban life (and crappy public
| transportation). It's overall quieter than if I lived downtown
| and I appreciate that. But in terms of walking, I have a
| Mexican joint and then everything else takes effort.
|
| The Wal Mart plaza is only a mile away, but unfortunately its a
| fully uphill mile that has me going 200 feet in elevation. And
| in terms of cafe, it's simply a tiny corner Starbucks. The
| local joints are about 3 miles out east or west as a start.
| fencepost wrote:
| If this is something you want to do you might consider a
| bike. A 6 mile round trip on for for coffee seems a bit much,
| but 3 miles each way on a bike shouldn't be bad unless you're
| in a city (in which case there should be things closer). You
| could also do this same thing with a thermos of coffee/tea
| and a local park.
| p1esk wrote:
| I love to sit alone in a cafe - reading. Before smartphones I was
| reading newspapers or books. Now I read on my phone or tablet.
| While there, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to sit
| and read quietly.
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| I can count the number of impromptu conversations I had at a
| cafe on one hand. That just doesn't seem to be a thing these
| days.
| galleywest200 wrote:
| Honestly it feels kind of rude for people to just walk up and
| talk to you while you are obviously trying to focus on
| reading something.
| moffkalast wrote:
| > There were a few moments I put my hand into my pocket to take
| out my phone to look up something I was curious about. My phone
| wasn't there.
|
| > I smiled. Every. Single. Time.
|
| > On the second day, I randomly walked into a neighborhood cafe.
| I ordered an americano with a double shot of espresso.
|
| And then I paid for the coffee with my pho- oh fuck.
| the__alchemist wrote:
| This doesn't match my experience at all, starting from the
| beginning. Many go to cafes alone to read, work, study etc.
| Seating set up for this, including small tables and bars. That's
| one of their biggest draws. With large fluctuations, I estimate
| ~30%.
|
| I suspect this depends on the location, given this contrast. It
| seems the Author might be from Delaware, USA? I haven't been to
| any coffee shops there. Maybe this is an exception? Of interest,
| it does not match my experience in coffee shops elsewhere on the
| East Coast (Va, NC, Mass for example). Not my experience in
| various European countries as well.
| microflash wrote:
| I used to do this so often during my university days. In today's
| attention-starved ecosystem, drift is such a luxury. There's this
| urge to fill the gap, with scrolling on our phones, impulse
| shopping online, or just opening and closing the apps. We've
| subscribed to the fear of missing out, of being out of touch, of
| being left behind.
|
| Drifting is a way to push all that feedback in the background. It
| does not necessarily have to be a staycation at a cafe. It can be
| a walk in a park, a morning jog with a friend who's comfortable
| with your silence, a book reading session in the twilight. We
| need to slow down and relax to truly appreciate the pace of life,
| and drifting is such an awesome way to do it. Lovely post. It
| reminded me of good times in the past, and that I need to make
| time for them in future.
| markus_zhang wrote:
| "The Unbearable Joy of Sitting Alone".
|
| This is good enough for me. Yeah I have a family and a son, but I
| enjoy sitting alone with a cup of coffee (doesn't have to be in a
| Cafe), programming my own project.
|
| As the article hints, sitting in a crowded place sometimes
| actually REDUCES distraction, because those white noise around me
| reduces the need to pull out my cell phone. I think I always
| perform better in such an environment.
| sedatk wrote:
| We are destined to re-discover meditation:
| https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46353700
| quantumfissure wrote:
| For me, the issue is not being alone, or quiet. I don't even own
| a cell phone.
|
| It's everyone else with the incessant noise; non-stop music;
| speaker/video calls; and now AI talking back to you via phone.
| Speakerphones are the worst, I cannot believe we normalized
| having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it
| up to your ear.
|
| I used to enjoy nature and just sitting and staring, with
| portable bluetooth speakers and phones blasting music, I can't do
| that anymore. I used to enjoy the library and just sitting,
| reading whatever random facts I could find. Last couple times I
| went, I was yelled at to mind my own business by people when I
| asked them to take their phone conversations to the lobby. So I
| went to another library, librarians were loud and several
| meetings via Teams were going on by different people.
|
| Local rail trails are similar, I can't just take a walk in peace
| and quiet anymore. Honestly, removing the 3.5mm port is when I
| started noticing when it all got worse.
| owenpalmer wrote:
| > I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation
| via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear.
|
| It's not normal, those people are rude.
| motohagiography wrote:
| ive spent much of my life sitting alone in cafes, some places i
| became something of a fixture. what made me welcome was i never
| used a laptop, always left the copy of whatever newspaper or
| magazine i was reading behind in their pile, tipped well, and
| kept to myself.
|
| i used to leave my copy of the weekend FT or the economist at one
| and there were people who would wait for me to be finished with
| it. others would have been reading it for months without knowing
| i was the one who supplied it.
|
| friends knew where to find me and could show up and sit at my
| table for a bit on their way places. covid policies killed most
| of those cafes in my city, and nothing can replace a multi decade
| family run restaurant that anchored a neighbourhood. its part of
| why i don't forgive what happened. it was my culture they
| dismantled in their hysteria. i am glad nature is healing and
| younger people are learning how to be welcome and open to the
| serendipity of participating in the city. i was worried i was the
| last of the boulevardiers. get a book, turn off your phone, dont
| look at the prices and just sit somewhere for a while, eat and
| drink as much as you enjoy, and just be a quiet pleasant
| presence. the world rewards it.
| lugu wrote:
| I loved to go to the movie theater just by myself. I am not sure
| what makes it more exciting to me. I haven't done that since I am
| married, but I should.
| FerretFred wrote:
| "So, I took long walks with my dog.
|
| What used to feel like 10 minutes between breakfast and lunch
| while working became a full-blown day. Even though I was spending
| two hours walking my dog instead of a 30-40 minute rush, it felt
| like an eternity"
|
| My dog has a way of slowing down time, although he won't tell me
| how. I think as humans we know what we expect from this other
| species, but they have a way of reorganizing the walk to suit
| themselves. I do it largely to bond with my best bud and get some
| exercise. He on the other hand goes out to catch up on doggy
| social media, with endless sniffing and donating further smells.
| Every walk is different - the route's the same but the sensory
| part is constantly changing. All this takes place, silently. We
| go back home satisfied but I know my boi gets the most
| satisfaction from it!
| browningstreet wrote:
| "They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a
| single chair."
|
| Grating.
| nabbed wrote:
| Lately I've found that cafes (and also some very popular
| restaurants) blast music at rock concert levels of volume. That
| seems to be a requirement to compete, for some reason. I waited
| at a cafe last year while my partner was at a meeting, and when I
| left (after about 90 minutes) my ears were ringing very loudly
| and that continued overnight. Not really a place for meditative
| thinking. The next time I had to go there, I brought noise
| cancelling headphones. I wonder what this does to the baristas
| who are there for many hours.
|
| That's why it was so nice when I recently found a nice little
| mom-and-pop cafe that was quiet. I can't remember if there was
| music, but if there was, it was very quiet. Again, my partner was
| at a meeting, but this time I just sat and enjoyed my latte with
| no damage to my ears. I probably did look at my phone a few
| times. :)
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| That's sad to hear. Unless the place is explicitly brining in
| live music, I consider cafes to be relatively quiet in general.
| Almost as a way to explicitly avoid that "bar culture" where i
| can barely hear my own thoughts.
|
| And most thankfully are in my area (just don't go to the one
| near schools on weekdays). Really hope it stays that way.
| accidentallfact wrote:
| Not that I want to be necessarily contrarian, but just a few
| months ago I decided to stop worrying about using my phone, and
| it honestly feels like the most liberating decision of my life.
|
| There is nothing wrong with it.
|
| I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way
| that they can't define or explain, and they want something to
| blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. It's
| relatively new. Of course it's the source of recent problems.
| It's CONVENIENT. You can _do something_ about it by simply not
| looking at it.
|
| Your phone is not the source of any of your problems.
| johnnyanmac wrote:
| >I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some
| way that they can't define or explain, and they want something
| to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target.
|
| They will blame anything but the billionaires.
|
| But to be a devil's advocate: I think most phone issues arise
| from a child's use of them. They don't have the discipline to
| put a phone down, and then it enshrines habits that last into
| adult hood. Gen Z is the testing grounds for such a phenomenon.
|
| Sadly, working adults who need to chat with work, get calls for
| interviews, schedule and get updates on appointments, and check
| on family do need to have their phone on the ready. I don't
| think anyone is condemning the people here. Just the system.
| ghaff wrote:
| The turn-off-the-phone crowd tend to be in situations where
| parents, young kids, doctors, interview calls, etc. getting
| in touch isn't a priority. Yes, voicemail is a partial answer
| but an imperfect one in this day and age. Didn't even used to
| have and just got messages on a voicemail device (after the
| mid-80s or so) but there's a much greater expectation of
| being able to reach people easily today.
| etra0 wrote:
| You have to realize, that some folks were born in the age of
| super-information and immediacy.
|
| When I take a picture, I get the luxury of immediately see what I
| got. When I wanted to hear some music, I can search it up, and
| hear an entire album in a question of seconds.
|
| It's an incredible privilege to do that, but at the same time, we
| got so used to speed, that pausing can be new for us.
|
| This year I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and just sit
| in a cafe, sipping coffee, just observing, and it also felt new
| and different for me.
|
| I shot with an analogue camera because I enjoy the feeling of
| waiting for the results, not being able to see the results at the
| split of a second.
|
| This blog resonates with me because I've been feeling I want to
| pause more, to create more memories, to be in the moment. I
| should go to a cafe without phones and a notepad.
| xiande04 wrote:
| How did you get on top of the cafe?
| etra0 wrote:
| non-native english mistakes and my stubborness to check with
| any LLMs :)
| xiande04 wrote:
| Well, I had zero idea you were a non-native English
| speaker, so it looks like you're doing pretty well!
| Towaway69 wrote:
| Well said: it's a privilege to be able to access everything on
| a device that isn't much larger than the TV remote with which I
| grew up with!
|
| Your comments make me glad I spent a childhood having to use
| analog phones to connect to the information superhighway - much
| pausing and reflection involved.
|
| I guess we've come full circle with the spend of our societies,
| when we have a new generation rediscovering how to pause.
| nicbou wrote:
| Is this a post I'm too European to understand? That writing style
| is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
|
| I love lingering in cafes. In the summer, I bike from cafe to
| cafe, catching up with my reading and slowly getting to a
| productive state. I'll do a bit of reading for work, maybe
| annotate some articles, eventually open my laptop, and if I'm
| lucky meet friends along the way. I often leave at 9 and come
| home at around midnight.
|
| If I'm feeling lazy, I just do it on my balcony. Spending the
| first hour of the day just gathering your thoughts does wonders
| for your wellbeing. This winter, I created a space for this
| inside too. I recently got a nice stereo and I put easy listening
| music on it while I have my morning coffee. No phone, no emails,
| just me, my thoughts and a warm drink.
|
| When I travel, I do the same. I sketch and make watercolours on
| the go. I've done this in dozens of countries, and not once have
| I got the impression that being on your own in a cafe was odd.
| What a weird take.
|
| Very related: https://tomaguir.substack.com/p/how-to-waste-a-
| morning-prope...
| 12345hn6789 wrote:
| >Is this a post I'm too European to understand?
|
| Are you in a top tier city? Very very few cafes are open late
| (later than 8pm) in cities and if youre not in a big city,
| Chicago, NYC, Seattle etc etc you will likely have none open
| that late. It's definitely a culture thing. Not many folks are
| drinking coffee / hanging out that late in cafes. Enough do,
| but nowhere near as much as Europeans do
| nicbou wrote:
| Usually you go to a cafe in the morning, and to a pub in the
| evening. I could wax poetic about the joy of having a beer in
| the late afternoon, before the place fills up.
|
| I was born and raised in Canada. I manage to keep up my
| routine just fine when I visit. Sure, the cafes are in the
| middle of a parking lot by a box store, but in a pinch
| they'll do.
|
| This is hardly a "top tier city" thing. I went on many road
| trips and pretty much always managed to start my day with a
| slow coffee, even in the smallest towns.
| SapporoChris wrote:
| I do not understand the attraction or rather the glorification of
| going to a Cafe alone.
|
| "It was pure delight. Every element. Or rather, the non-existence
| of any element. No phone. No headphones. No tablet. No laptop." I
| believe I can do this anywhere.
|
| They talk about interactions with people in the cafe but it is
| primarily avoiding interactions.
| pipeline_peak wrote:
| The irony of these type of blog musings is how they always try to
| outline the neuroticism of our culture as being afraid of being
| alone and too connected online.
|
| Because at the same time they themselves sound entrenched in it
| by making an effort to take a step back and appreciate something
| as simple and normal as sitting alone in a cafe.
| CrzyLngPwd wrote:
| Lovely piece.
|
| Some of my most interesting moments have come from simply sitting
| still and doing nothing.
|
| Highly recommended.
| anonzzzies wrote:
| I like sitting in bars and cafes alone. Reading mostly.
| fencepost wrote:
| I'm a bit surprised to not see mention in comments of "social vs
| sociable." There's often something nice about being around people
| that you're interacting with only minimally (sociable) vs being
| around people you're talking with (social). The shutdown in 2020
| did away with a lot of options for"sociable."
| zx8080 wrote:
| > There is no table with a single chair.
|
| This is written not by a human. Because almost every other
| coffeeshop has tables with a single chair.
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