[HN Gopher] Ask HN: How Do I Get over My Existential Crisis?
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Ask HN: How Do I Get over My Existential Crisis?
During my teen years, I was crazy interested in programming. I got
interested because I used to script mods for a game, it helped me
create things I was dreaming of, and oh boy, it was a pleasure to
write code! Forward to my university years, I got into computer
science because I thought writing code for the rest of my life
would be as cool as it was in my teen years. For a moment, during
my university years, it was! I aced my classes and was happily
writing code for projects and coming up with unique little tools
and ideas to build. After graduation, I hit a brick wall. I found
out there are very few jobs for programmers in my country, and
almost none in my city. I searched for months, but in the end, I
settled for a tutoring role. I worked as a tutor for two years, and
then, just with sheer luck, I found a paid internship, applied, and
was offered the position. I think I got offered the internship
because the pay was low--it was basically slave labor--but it was
decent by my country's standards. I believed that building my
reputation, network, and experience working with a US-based startup
was worth more than the pay. I worked as an intern for 6 months,
then moved to a Jr. Role, doing full-stack work. I worked as a Jr
for 8 more months, then the startup failed to secure funding. So,
again, I was unemployed. I got referred to a different startup by
my old employer, started working there as the only frontend
developer, the pay was good, and the work was good, but that
startup also failed to secure funding, and I was let go. Now, I am
unemployed. I applied to hundreds, if not thousands, of openings on
LinkedIn, HackerNews' monthly "Who is Hiring" threads, but got
nothing. I am now in an existential crisis, local work where I
live is almost non-existent, and even if I do come across an
opening, the pay is not even decent by my standards; it simply is
not worth the effort. So, my goal is to find contract roles and
fully remote roles abroad, and honestly, I don't know how viable
that goal is now. I am even thinking of shifting my focus away
from software development due to the market saturation worldwide.
What would you do if you were me? I'm looking for real, honest, and
thoughtful feedback.
Author : OulaX
Score : 56 points
Date : 2025-09-28 17:07 UTC (5 hours ago)
| justchad wrote:
| Have you thought about starting a company? It's never been easier
| to start a company for engineers. Granted you need to have a
| problem to solve but those can be found.
| OulaX wrote:
| I thought about that, and still do!
|
| Unfortunately, I can't find a problem to solve, and believe me,
| I tried! Everything I come up with has been solved already with
| a better set of features.
| rootusrootus wrote:
| It's a bit of a cliche, but remains true -- the existence of
| competition just means someone else proved the market exists
| already. They've done good research for you. You only need a
| truly novel idea (with a market) if you want to be a unicorn.
| If you just want to be successful, then jump in. Find ways to
| differentiate, even if it's just on price.
| AaronAPU wrote:
| There are problems to solve all over the place. But you will
| need to dedicate deep focused thought toward finding them.
|
| I recommend using the concept of a "talent stack" to find
| areas you are uniquely suited for and uniquely interested in.
|
| Make an ordered list of things you enjoy, things you are
| motivated toward, things you are talented at. Then brainstorm
| ways to combine as many of them as you can.
|
| Your particular combination will be rare, this is where you
| are most likely to be able to find and solve problems.
|
| Since you're a programmer you are very well suited for that
| type of analysis.
|
| Once you've identified those areas, dedicate deep focused
| thought toward identifying problems and solving them. Go for
| long walks or hikes or bike rides while thinking about it.
| Scarblac wrote:
| Pick something that's getting popular elsewhere in the world
| but not yet in your country, and copy it?
| Esophagus4 wrote:
| And even better: tailor it for your country's users.
|
| There's a whole host of US-centric products that work well
| in American-ish places, but fail to serve local users in
| non-Americanized markets.
|
| (See: Baidu vs. Google in China)
| rootusrootus wrote:
| Living in Iraq, and unable to move somewhere that has the jobs
| you're looking for? That's a tough one. If you can't get a
| remote-only gig to work out, I'd be trying to start my own thing
| that I could do entirely over the Internet. The biggest problem,
| of course, is the coding is one job, and running a business is
| entirely different. Maybe you don't want that.
| rayiner wrote:
| Who has sanctions on Iraq?
| rootusrootus wrote:
| I don't think there are many, but hiring in another country
| usually has bureaucratic overhead and if there are only a few
| people in Iraq trying to work in the industry it's entirely
| plausible that many companies will just avoid trying to make
| it work for one guy.
| SoftTalker wrote:
| If one had a trustworthy business-minded friend who was willing
| to work with you at starting something that might be the way to
| go.
|
| However, as OP directly experienced (as have I) most startups
| will fail. That's the normal result. Employment is almost
| always safer, even if ultimately less rewarding. So try to do
| an honest assessment of your risk tolerance. If you only have
| yourself to worry about, you can live on beans and rice for a
| long time. If you have children or other dependents, it can be
| more complicated.
| mathgeek wrote:
| Determine what level of risk and lifestyle you are comfortable
| with and act accordingly. There's no shame in working a blue
| collar job if you want to prioritize putting food on the table,
| for example. You are not defined by your title unless you want to
| be.
|
| The saying I have tried to live by is "only a young person thinks
| the last downturn was the last". Also as Game of Thrones puts it,
| "my sweet summer child".
| bchasknga wrote:
| At the end of the day, you need to put food on the table and a
| shelter over your head. That doesn't mean you cannot pursue your
| profession and dreams. It's just harder.
|
| One way I was told how to find product (your service) and market
| (labor market) fit is to focus on the problem. Sell yourself as a
| problem solver rather than a software developer. The software is
| just a tool, and software engineering is a framework to apply
| those tools in practice. Although the current state of your
| locale lacks software dev opportunities, it might also be that
| most people aren't aware of their needs for digitization yet.
| Software is also in a lot of things. Don't limit yourself to web
| development.
| danielmarkbruce wrote:
| Are you in Iraq? If so, understand the legalities involved - most
| companies simply won't hire someone or do business with someone
| in Iraq because "can't be bothered to figure the sanction
| situation out".
|
| So - solve it for them. Figure out all the answers, set up all
| the stuff that will make it easier for a prospective employer and
| have it all at the ready.
| lazide wrote:
| Are you thinking of Iran?
| adastra22 wrote:
| I think you are thinking of Iran? Iraq is an ally of the US.
| al_borland wrote:
| What is it you like about programming? If you get to the root of
| what you enjoy about it, there are likely many seemingly
| unrelated careers that can scratch that same itch. It would also
| free up programming to become a fun hobby again, or something you
| just did to elevate your work, rather than the core job.
|
| Is moving to an area with more jobs a possibility on the table?
|
| Also keep in mind that pay is relative to where you live. While
| some hit the jackpot making Silicon Valley wages in developing
| counties with very low costs of living, that's not the norm and
| shouldn't be the expectation. Those wages are high, in part,
| because the cost of living is high. I work for a large company
| and pay scales are region dependent to account for cost of
| living. I think the idea being that two people doing the same job
| have a relatively similar lifestyle. Are you turning down
| otherwise good opportunities because you're looking to make
| California wages outside of California and the US?
| ada1981 wrote:
| Find a problem in the world you want to solve and solve it using
| your skills.
|
| Make solving big problems your life's purpose, not trying to find
| a "job".
| bitbasher wrote:
| What qualifies as "good income" where you live? How feasible is
| it to make your own business? It doesn't have to be a
| contract/service based role, you can simply sell a product.
| Depending on your income needs it may be enough to keep you
| afloat while you figure out a long term strategy.
| OulaX wrote:
| Coming up with an idea for a product/service has always been
| the reason that stopped me from starting my own business!
| DougN7 wrote:
| You don't have to come up with something original. If you see
| something and think you could do it better consider it.
| SoftTalker wrote:
| It also doesn't have to be very complicated. patio11 on
| here famously got his start selling a program that made
| bingo cards for teachers. And then doing automated
| appointment reminders for doctors. Neither of these ideas
| was complicated or original -- you just need to solve a
| problem that enough people have, and (critically) be able
| to market it.
| fsloth wrote:
| The marketing part is potentially quite challenging. As
| well as finding a niche market that is underserved.
|
| patio11 is famous because what he did was really _non-
| trivial_ even though he is such a humble person he
| discusses his work in very homely terms.
| SoftTalker wrote:
| Right, didn't intend to understate the achievement.
| Mostly emphasizing that the _product idea_ does not have
| to be complicated or original. Success is overwhelmingly
| about it filling a need for the target market, execution,
| and professionalism.
| fsloth wrote:
| "you can simply sell a product."
|
| Are you personally making a living by selling a product or
| service you created - and if so could you share something of
| your experience? Making a product is not trivial - it's double
| hard.
|
| First you need to come up with a product. Then you need to sell
| it and the latter is possibly much harder than the technology
| in all except the most complex of products. There are success
| stories, sure, but so many people in the internet are hustling
| so success looks like driven by chance rather than a
| deterministic outcome by following a given process. (If you get
| to medical school, then becoming a doctor is a deterministic
| outcome. If you get unemployed, coming up with a product and
| sales to make a living does not seem deterministic to me in the
| same sense).
| fluxusars wrote:
| Framing matters a lot. If you can afford to, take 6 or 12 months
| to widen your points of view. That might mean taking up a job in
| a sector you're not familiar with, or maybe changing locations (a
| new country perhaps?). I think by framing your situation as "my
| goal is now to X", when accomplishing that goal is at least
| partially dependent on things you don't control, is setting
| yourself up for failure. Instead, treat this time as a good
| opportunity to learn more about yourself and what possibilities
| are open to you that you normally wouldn't consider.
| OulaX wrote:
| Changing locations is not an option for me, because I take care
| of my elderly mother. However, I am actually planning on taking
| a job that's unrelated to tech; let's see how it goes.
| omardo wrote:
| Do you qualify for a public job? That's how it goes in Iraq.
| reactordev wrote:
| First is to stop the bleeding. Any work that puts food on the
| table is "honest" work. In the meantime, keep coding, think of
| something your local or regional society needs and build it.
|
| One lesson I had to learn the hard way, no one is coming to save
| you. Build your own future. Make your own path. Finding something
| that people would pay for is easy. Finding something that a lot
| of people will pay for is hard. Just find a way to earn a living
| and then find a way to make a living with what you love doing.
| You don't need to work for a FANNG to be successful.
| tailspin2019 wrote:
| There's some good advice from others but I mainly just wanted to
| wish you luck! Keep positive (easy to say, I know).
|
| Do you have a personal website or blog? Do you have thoughts,
| ideas, problems you've solved, or mini hobby projects to talk
| about? It may not directly lead to an instant job but I think
| showing the world more about you and what you enjoy doing (and
| are good at) beyond the normal CV format might be a good start?
| It's at least a productive thing to spend your time on while
| you're trying to work out your next move.
| AfterHIA wrote:
| I'm sorry to tell you this but the illusion you have that because
| you're college educated or can program that you are entitled to a
| larger than average income is misguided. You can get a job at
| Walmart, Target, or a grocery store. It is disgusting that
| educated people no longer have institutions to live and work in
| but this is the culmination of 50 years of neoliberal assault on
| occidental values. The social mobility boat set sail a long time
| ago. It isn't just coders-- it's teachers, philosophers, poets
| and novelists, musicians (...) it's all parts of society that
| think and feel for a living. You can't have that in a socially
| held back, illiterate society even if just for the envy it
| creates in regular people. (see, "Populism" for more)
|
| Liberal autocracy is taking the color out of life. You might
| watch a few episodes of, "I Love Lucy" to get a fix on what
| living in black and white is like. Pleasantville comes to mind.
| Our lives will be the plot of that film backward.
|
| EDIT: I didn't realize that our guy here is in Iraq. With that
| said I will leave the original post so a bunch of overpaid
| software developers can tell me how misguided and angsty I am.
| brokencode wrote:
| Could you please explain how a "neoliberal assault on
| occidental values" could be causing a deficit of programming
| jobs in Iraq?
|
| I feel like you're just coming in with an ax to grind that has
| no relevance to the question being asked here.
| AfterHIA wrote:
| I skimmed through the original post. I didn't realize the kid
| was in Iraq. the point still stands the world sucks and
| nobody has a future. Blow me.
| prewett wrote:
| The world has a future, and a species that flourishes from
| the freezing Arctic to the tropics is not going extinct any
| time soon. But if _you_ don 't think _you_ have a future,
| you are likely to not have a very good one. Nihilism isn 't
| a helpful philosophy.
| collingreen wrote:
| Some random ideas to add to the idea pile:
|
| - find outsource dev shops near you and see if you can find work
| via them - find outsource dev shops NOT near you (different time
| zones) and offer to work with them to increase their off hours
| coverage - list yourself on work platforms like fiver and
| taskrabbit for lots of useful problem solving that isn't
| programming but where programming makes you more competent:
| organizing digital documents, fixing/creating excel models,
| integrating various business software, setting up CRMs, fixing
| vibe coded messes, making personal websites, setting up email on
| custom domains, sending order confirmation emails/texts, lead
| generation, sending notifications/emails when particular topics
| appear in news/regulation/official databases, keeping an online
| menu up to date for a company - offer cheap localization / "check
| and fix your ai generated localization" service -
| ripped_britches wrote:
| Have you tried Upwork?
| waterbadger wrote:
| Literally start going to church and become catholic. Get some
| five dollar books from tanbooks.com and read as they catch your
| interest.
|
| You need a foundation for your life other than work, work can be
| exciting but there are needs it can never fill that require a
| relationship with God.
|
| I think catholicism is great for technical people because it is
| very intellectually rich in a satisfying way, its not only
| feeling oriented.
|
| A view of life where God created you for a reason, and loves you
| infinitely, life is meaningful and there are concrete
| straightforward actions you can take to deepend your relationship
| with Him is very fulfilling. 10 out of 10 would recommend!
| brcmthrowaway wrote:
| Whats the best intro to Catholicism?
| waterbadger wrote:
| The official Catholic church catechism that was published in
| the 90s is good. Its older but Baltimore catechism "4" (it is
| the most adult oriented version) is also really good.
| waterbadger wrote:
| (I would also recommend going to your local mass and
| introducing yourself to the priest! they are usually very
| nice. this is actually a good time of year I think that
| lots of places have "ocia" classes starting in the fall for
| people who are curious about the church)
| selimthegrim wrote:
| He's in Iraq.
| waterbadger wrote:
| I believe there are catholic churches in Iraq but that is
| certainly a more challenging situation! Would still
| encourage starting somewhere, even just learning to pray
| the rosary can bear a lot of fruit.
| prewett wrote:
| I'm not Roman Catholic, but Bishop's Barron Youtube channel
| seems to be a good introduction to Catholicism and how
| Catholic teaching interacts with with current events. It's
| not systematic like a catechism, though, but quite
| thoughtful.
| tasuki wrote:
| Why Catholicism specifically? Why not any of the myriad of
| other Christian denominations? Why not Islam? Why not Buddhism?
| Why not any other religion?
| waterbadger wrote:
| That's a great question! Basically all of the religions make
| truth claims, and these truth claims are contradictory. For
| example christianity says that there is one God and that
| Jesus is the son of God, fully human and fully divine. Every
| other religion makes truth claims as well. So we can kind of
| look at this in a patronizing way and say the truth claims
| don't matter, just the effect of believing in them matters,
| which is kind of the modern approach, but obviously you are
| not seriously engaging with the beliefs at that point.
|
| So I would say that christianity has the most logical,
| comprehensive and historically/experientially validated truth
| claims. As to why catholicism specifically its the church
| Jesus, ie God himself, founded. All the other christian
| denominations were founded by men hundreds or thousands of
| years later.
|
| Plus (as does the eastern orthodox) for various reasons it
| has valid versions of all 7 of the sacraments, especially
| communion which is kind of the summit of the Christian life.
| evanjrowley wrote:
| OP is based in Iraq
| waterbadger wrote:
| That is probably a very challenging situation and I don't
| know the state of the church there. But I would say life is
| short and the benefits so enormous I would encourage anyone
| to do their best to pursue becoming a part of the church in
| whatever way they can. And I'm sure God will provide them
| with whatever resources they need over time, miracles
| certainly do happen and sometimes the intention from us is
| what matters the most.
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| I have found great comfort in doing volunteer work. It can be an
| excellent way to learn new technology, showcase your work, and
| build a network.
|
| But that requires also being able to eat, and sleep under a roof,
| so taking "hold your nose" jobs may be required.
|
| Also, learning and mastering difficult stuff, can be useful.
| "Full-Stack" is a very crowded field, with a lot of talented,
| hungry people.
|
| I sincerely wish you the best.
| hnfong wrote:
| It looks like you're in Iraq.
|
| The first thing that comes to mind is, if I wanted to hire you
| remotely, how would I pay you?
|
| I don't know whether it's a common question you have from
| prospective employers, but _if_ I 'm running a business (FWIW,
| I'm not), I'd be worried that regularly sending money to Iraq
| might trigger some alarms (anti-money laundering, sanctions,
| etc.), and this probably trumps any other consideration unless
| somehow you're able to show that you're so good at doing the work
| that it's worth the (perceived) risk.
|
| So I'm speculating that maybe you'd have better chances if you
| focus on crypto-friendly companies and figure out a way to
| receive money using crypto, and mention this upfront or at least
| at the same time you reveal where you are currently.
| adastra22 wrote:
| Iraq is an ally and not currently sanctioned.
| seper8 wrote:
| What is your skillset, out of curiosity?
| pengaru wrote:
| I'll defer to Kurt Vonnegut Jr:
|
| "The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were
| born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people
| we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed and played
| tennis with. We can slurp from that mighty river to our hearts'
| content. And we can even take slurping lessons, so we can slurp
| more efficiently."
|
| Have you already tried positioning yourself as deep into your
| country's "money river" as possible? It's by far the biggest
| knob, location location location. You can be the most qualified
| amazeballs whatever of something in a resource desert devoid of
| opportunity and you'll starve.
| riazrizvi wrote:
| This is the central struggle we are all facing throughout our
| lives, in different degrees: what do you hold on to, when do you
| let go, what do you replace it with? The local issue you have is
| with a career goal that has not panned out, do you hold on to the
| dream or do you 'face reality' as people in your life and here
| would urge you to do.
|
| What adversity does is challenge our attachment profile. This
| helps the timid hoarder, who wants to keep everything, by forcing
| them to choose. They learn a stronger, purer, sense of self in
| the process. A lesson we can't seem to learn as fast,
| voluntarily. Victor Frankl describes it in great detail as a
| holocaust survivor in Man's Search For Meaning.
|
| So embrace your hardship. Consider that you are exactly where you
| need to be in this moment, to move ahead. And make all
| attachments second to this - Never Give Up. But for the rest,
| maybe introduce flexibility, experiment more. You have an opinion
| on these other opportunities not being worth it, but what have
| you tried? You see things up close that the ruminating knee
| hugger simply won't ever see by thought alone.
| fsloth wrote:
| Since you asked for honest feedback here are my thougths:
|
| Given your propensity for programming you are probably a high
| functioning individual, able to apply logical reasoning and
| systems thinking to a wide range of problems.
|
| I have no idea of your living conditions so honest feedback
| beyond that is quite hard. Different places are _different_ man.
|
| I know talented programmers coming from around the world - so
| your career _choice_ was not wrong. The career has been an
| opportunity for talent across the globe. It 's possible that your
| life situation, however, is what stops you to actually follow the
| career path of your choosing now.
|
| I know people who've struggled to find direction after their
| initial education did not pan out. They eventually pull through -
| sometimes they find a job that is aligned with their education,
| and sometimes they need to pivot and find something new. I have
| no idea what action you should take in your local economy.
|
| I'm super impressed you take care of you elderly mother. I don't
| know what relationship you have, but being a caretaker is a
| dignified position what ever the circumstances. But it can also
| be a sacrifice towards personal freedoms, goals, and life
| outcomes.
|
| Now, what I'm going to say may sound like BS but it really is the
| only solid actionable support I can give: take care of yourself.
| Try to exercise. Try to sleep. Try to eat. Try to find things in
| life you enjoy, and _notice and pay attention_ to them. Life can
| be lived - and sometimes needs to be lived - one breath and one
| heartbeat at a time.
| omardo wrote:
| I'm from Iraq. I completely understand your situation and there's
| a ton of jobs out there if you know how to search.
|
| It's not like you'll find a job next door. Even in USA you
| usually don't and need to search well.
|
| Look up my contact info from this site: omardo dot com. It's my
| blog from the high school.
| huhtenberg wrote:
| In parallel with searching for a salaried position, consider
| writing something on your own.
|
| Look at existing software with unhappy users and make an
| alternative, even if a simpler one. Create something that hits a
| specific need of local businesses. If nothing else comes out of
| it, you will still have a real-world project and related
| experience (with designing, planning, shipping, talking to
| customers) to add to your resume.
| prewett wrote:
| You could try software consulting agencies like Toptal. However,
| international freelance work as a junior dev is probably an
| uphill battle (especially since experienced local developers are
| having troubles finding work). If there's nothing local to you,
| and you cannot move, the only options that I see are software-
| adjacent jobs in other industries. IT would be an obvious choice.
| But even outside of IT you might be able to be able to write
| internal tools and ooch into a de facto software position that
| way. Try exploring work in another area that interests you, and
| look for things that are repetitive, annoying, or error-prone.
| Those are things that are possible candidates for tools, or also
| possible entrepreneurial opportunities.
|
| I also found Erwin McManus' approach to finding what you like do
| helpful. Take a sheet of paper and make to columns: "I love
| this!", "I really dislike this". Over the course of a couple
| weeks, when you're feeling one of those, write what you are doing
| in the appropriate column. You'll get start seeing some patterns
| after a while. His theory is that what we excites us is pretty
| specific, so look for things like "writing tools for others"
| rather than "programming". (However, while I think he's right, I
| also think we are much broader than that, so you might look for
| things that are not even related to programming. You might find
| something completely unexpected that does have local
| opportunities.)
| b_e_n_t_o_n wrote:
| If you're in front end, build yourself an impressive portfolio!
| You need to differentiate yourself on a different axis than a
| resume.
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