[HN Gopher] Why do we remember some life moments but not others?
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Why do we remember some life moments but not others?
Author : hhs
Score : 112 points
Date : 2025-09-26 22:44 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (www.bu.edu)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.bu.edu)
| Jordan-117 wrote:
| "The wilderness isn't quite what I expected. It's kinda... wild.
| I mean, it's not like they made it sound in my book. My dad made
| it sound so easy. He's really good at camping and how to make
| fire from rocks and stuff. He used to come to all my sweat lodge
| meetings. And afterwards we'd go get ice cream at Fenton's. I
| always get chocolate and he gets butter brickle. Then we'd sit on
| this one curb right outside, and I'll count all the blue cars and
| he counts all the red ones, and whoever gets the most wins. I
| like that curb.
|
| That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the
| stuff I remember the most."
|
| -- _Up_
| throw0101c wrote:
| > _That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the
| stuff I remember the most. "_
|
| There is no such thing as "quality time", only "time"
| (together).
| rdtsc wrote:
| > Memory isn't just a passive recording device: our brains decide
| what matters, and emotional events can reach back in time to
| stabilize fragile memories
|
| So they are saying ... attention is all you need? :-) If it's
| surprising or shocking enough you'll pay very close attention to
| it and remember it.
|
| Also smells have a very strong recall factor. You smell the same
| unique smell and it immediately takes you back to the time and
| place. At least that's how it works for me.
| nadermx wrote:
| For those who don't get the reference. It's googles
| breakthrough paper on LLM's.
|
| https://arxiv.org/abs/1706.03762
| rybosome wrote:
| Those of us subscribing to AI newsletters are constantly
| slapped in the face with "___ is all you need" style jokes,
| such that I didn't even register someone might not make that
| connection.
| parpfish wrote:
| I have a pet theory that the reason that smell-based memory is
| so strong has something to do with the fact it's the only sense
| that bypasses the thalamus. Smell is wired up to the brain...
| differently
| accrual wrote:
| Yeah, that mirrors my anecdotal experience. Certain smells
| give me a sensation of recall very different from simply
| thinking or remembering something.
| hshshshshsh wrote:
| I think it's a bit opposite. If you are really paying attention
| you probably don't need to remember the event since you already
| processed it properly at that time.
|
| You tend to generally remember stuff that you didn't process
| properly or generated a ton of emotions that are more than the
| baseline.
| accrual wrote:
| > You smell the same unique smell and it immediately takes you
| back to the time and place. At least that's how it works for
| me.
|
| I have experienced this too. Recently I was in new place I've
| never been before and while waiting in line at a shop, I
| randomly smelled something that instantly gave me deja vu for
| my very early childhood, like age 5 or less. It was wild how
| vivid and fleeting it was - it lasted only for a moment but I
| remember the sensation.
| jandrewrogers wrote:
| As a very young child, I grew up in the remote hill country of
| the Pacific Northwest. Thirty years later, I moved to Seattle
| and decided to go hiking in the Cascades. The smell of those
| mountains immediately unleashed memories I didn't know I had.
| It was really unexpected how much memory was keyed to that
| smell. Also, that smell induced a strange feeling like I was
| supposed to be there as if it was my native environment, and I
| hadn't lived in the region for decades.
|
| I am an avid outdoorsman. One thing I have realized is that
| every wilderness locale has a distinct natural smell. It isn't
| just the plants but also the minerals, soil, and bacteria that
| live in that environment. There are vast regions of the US
| where I can probably identify the locale with some degree of
| fidelity by the smell. It is a bit like how an expert sommelier
| can identify wines. Civilization is more hit and miss but
| wilderness is almost fingerprinted by its smell.
|
| Humans are clearly capable of sensing it and imprinting based
| on it. We don't think about it much but it is there.
| esseph wrote:
| Going without food for a few days, or packing light and
| eating light, my nose goes crazy. I can smell everything.
| mchinen wrote:
| Definitely! This makes me think of petrichor, the earthy smells
| released during rain, in urban environments is very local and
| memory triggering because it's tied to bacterial
| soil/rock/plant composition. There's something visceral about
| it for me because my default model of memories is audio and
| video playback, and the smell hits me with a forgotten
| dimension when I go back to a place and it rains.
| prmph wrote:
| I don't know, i think it varies with people. For me smells do
| not stimulate memory recall at all.
| tsoukase wrote:
| My father kept an old closet with simple personal stuff in our
| basement and was opening and smelling it in order to remember
| his childhood. This continued for 60+ years.
| lr4444lr wrote:
| Isn't this obvious? Anyone who was old enough to remember 9/11
| whom I've spoken to can recall several mundane aspects of that
| day.
| arp242 wrote:
| _" Previous studies have disagreed on whether or not weaker
| memories are stabilized, or made easier to recall, by
| attachment to a more prominent one."_
|
| So doesn't seem that obvious at all.
|
| I remember random mundane events from tons of random days,
| unconnected to any prominent event (as near as I can determine
| anyway). And I also remember some random mundane stuff from
| days something prominent _did_ happen. Whether there 's a bias
| towards days with prominent events is entirely unclear to me.
| AdieuToLogic wrote:
| > Anyone who was old enough to remember 9/11 whom I've spoken
| to can recall several mundane aspects of that day.
|
| The subtitle addresses this: BU study finds
| memories of mundane incidents can be strengthened when
| they get attached to a memory of an emotionally charged
| event[0]
|
| 0 - https://www.bu.edu/articles/2025/why-do-we-remember-some-
| mom...
| psyclobe wrote:
| I remember the dumbest things from eons ago...
|
| In a drivers ed meeting.. teacher talking about stop lights, he
| mentions the cross walk signs and said "Well get to those
| soon..". But he never did.
|
| I think about this way too much.
| parpfish wrote:
| If you're still waiting: you should stop for pedestrians in the
| crosswalk
| nenenejej wrote:
| A perpetual unclosed paren of your life.
| dgfitz wrote:
| Conversely, I haven't thought about drivers ed in 25 years and
| you just brought probably 40 very distinct memories back to
| mind about everything related to learning to drive for me that
| I haven't thought about in a long, long time.
| monero-xmr wrote:
| I also remember drivers ed. It was this enormous class of like
| 90 people over February break packed into the tightest room you
| can imagine. I sat in the same spot near the back every day.
| The girl in front of me also sat in the same spot every day, in
| front of me. She was extremely attractive and she wore a thong
| every day that stuck out of her low-rise jeans.
|
| It drove me crazy. Absolutely insane. Every day, trapped in
| this stuffy room, with this insanely hot girl that drove me
| crazy. I couldn't think.
|
| On the last day, I asked if she wanted to go to the arcade or
| movies sometime. I had to take my shot. She said "No" with no
| emotion or any thinking really.
|
| That is my overwhelming memory of drivers ed. The sexual
| frustration of my 16 year old body followed by embarrassment
| and failure.
|
| The driver's license was great though
| sharkweek wrote:
| It's been what... 15-20 years since the ads ran but...
|
| "I HAVE A STRUCTURED SETTLEMENT BUT I NEED CASH NOW!!
|
| CALL JG WENTWORTH, 877-CASH-NOW!!"
|
| It pops into my head at least once a month, and it sits for 1-3
| days on repeat in my brain. I swear it was some MK-Ultra level
| psyops level writing, whoever came up with those commercials.
| throwup238 wrote:
| Have you tried calling the number?
| bapak wrote:
| It's my money and I need it NOW!
| SlightlyLeftPad wrote:
| Damnit, I can't unsee this comment. Now it's living rent
| free. Yeah I remember this distinctly. Odd that better call
| saul didn't remind me of this one though.
| westmeal wrote:
| 800 588 2300 empire today
| HK-NC wrote:
| The lesson was patience. You passed.
| jonahx wrote:
| There's an arbitrariness, a mundaneness to some indelible
| memories that defies this explanation. Or any explanation like
| this. It feels partly true. But there's got to be more, in my
| experience.
| IncreasePosts wrote:
| When I was six, I was standing in the middle of my bedroom,
| nothing particularly interesting was happening, and I said to
| myself " I'm going to remember this moment for the rest of my
| life". And I did.
| canpan wrote:
| I would say being 6, standing in your bedroom and thinking
| "I'm going to remember this moment for the rest of my life"
| would fall under "particular interesting event".
| JadeNB wrote:
| I think it's also an old greentext. (A quick search doesn't
| turn up exactly that, though I'm sure I remember it with
| slightly different wording, but there is https://www.reddit
| .com/r/greentext/comments/a6ucsc/anon_reme....)
| squigz wrote:
| Well you can't say that for certain, yet...
| rixed wrote:
| What I find fascinating with those is that there is no way to
| tell if it's a real memory or not.
| makeitdouble wrote:
| > It feels partly true
|
| I think that's the most we can ever expect from studying a
| complex system.
|
| On the arbitrariness, I wonder how it goes if a triggering
| event happens, the circumstances are retroactively prioritized
| as well, but down the line the event itself gets
| forgotten/deprioritized.
|
| In computer terms, it's probably not some atomic transaction
| that will be fully rolled back, and it probably can misfire as
| well, so there must be a wealth of memories that are attached
| to the same prioritization principle but in some broken way.
| dvrp wrote:
| See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion_and_memory
| iambateman wrote:
| Honestly, I'm glad my memory isn't better.
|
| The other day my wife said "remember when [our daughter] screamed
| for the whole morning on vacation?"
|
| But I didn't until she reminded me in detail. Having a fuller
| memory seems likely to contain more stressful moments.
| reddit_clone wrote:
| There are other benefits.
|
| - You can read your favourite books every couple of years and
| not be bored.
|
| - You can watch your favourite Movies and TV Serials every few
| years. (almost time for Expanse rewatch..)
|
| - IMO it makes you a better/gentler person. I don't hold
| grudges because I can't be arsed to remember why exactly I was
| mad at someone.
| snicky wrote:
| I think that's simply because you ARE a good person. You
| could as well dislike someone without even remembering what
| happened.
| iamflimflam1 wrote:
| > - IMO it makes you a better/gentler person. I don't hold
| grudges because I can't be arsed to remember why exactly I
| was mad at someone.
|
| Something I have to keep reminding people. The person you are
| mad at probably has no recollection or memory of what upset
| you.
| steveBK123 wrote:
| Level of cringe is directly proportional to how strongly the
| moment will be recorded in your memory
| reddit_clone wrote:
| Strongly agree. For obvious reasons, I can't site any personal
| anecdotes but there are things I wish I could forget but
| couldn't.
| SlightlyLeftPad wrote:
| Cringe Trauma. Those embarrassing moments that just seem to
| pop up randomly. It feel like similar symptoms to ptsd but
| obviously lower intensity.
| deadbabe wrote:
| There's things I wish I didn't remember. Years of abuse.
| AstroNutt wrote:
| This is me. There are so many things I don't remember about my
| childhood. My brother was lucky and lived with my grandparents
| for many years. I was stuck in hell with my physically/verbally
| abusive father and my pill head mother trying to OD about once
| a year.
|
| It bothers me when he brings events up that he remembers
| clearly and swears I was there...family get together and
| birthdays. But I have zero recollection. I only remember the
| bad things.
|
| I'm in my early 50's and just now beginning to enjoy life and
| feeling happiness for the first time in my life. I met a great
| woman that is loving, caring, great cook and has a 160 acre
| farm with Bortle 3.9 night skies. I have a good reason to drag
| out my heavy ass 10" telescope out now.
| deadbabe wrote:
| I'm glad it worked out for you in the end.
| abosherid wrote:
| Glad you're doing better! I learned about the Bortle scale
| from your comment. I'd love to live in a place that allowed
| all the celestial light to arrive.
| westmeal wrote:
| So sorry bro, you're living proof things can get better and i
| hope you enjoy your time on this molten ball of rock with her
| kazinator wrote:
| That time I drove to the store three years ago to pick up some
| milk and bananas, I totally don't remember where I parked.
|
| Memorable moments have to be different:
|
| - They can't be repeating signals that are uninteresting (e.g.
| remembering a particular time you brushed your teeth)
|
| - They can't be random noise (remembering the pattern of some
| ceiling tiles or something).
|
| Hofstadter's "aperiodic crystals" concept is related to this.
| tonyhart7 wrote:
| I recommend people read "Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die"
| by Dan Heath
|
| some moment or ideas is more memorable than others simply because
| human mind is "simple"
| antiquark wrote:
| I think to remember something, you have to replay it in your mind
| from time to time. The more you do that, the more you remember.
| (Reminiscing is probably the right word).
|
| I guess differentiator between the "style" of memories is your
| personality and what you dwell on.
| snicky wrote:
| It's also scientifically proven that every time you recall a
| memory you change it. In other words - your further experience
| can affect the memory of past events.
| _DeadFred_ wrote:
| I could never remember things/events/past times. I thought it was
| just how I worked.
|
| When my life fell apart and I needed strength, I remembered so
| many moments. All those moments with my kids I was afraid/thought
| I forgot. When my mom got sick/was passing I remembered so many
| moments with her to remind her of to make her feel special/like
| she would be remembered. I think we just don't really care most
| of the time so don't flex that muscle so we don't realize how
| much we remember.
| sandspar wrote:
| "Some memories are easy to recall--lush with detail, fresh as the
| moment itself."
|
| Opening line. If you don't recognize yourself in this then you
| may want to Google "SDAM": severely deficient autobiographical
| memory. It's more common than you'd expect.
| seydor wrote:
| Weak memory rescue or emotional tagging is well studied for
| decades https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9378568/
|
| Everyone remembers what they were doing on September 11
| tsoukase wrote:
| In the brain memory is implemented diffusely in broad regions in
| the lobes, rather that in sticks like in computers. It becomes
| heavily connected, depended and sometimes indistinguishable from
| other mental functions (emotions, executions, decisions etc). No
| surprise, a lot of mechanisms and paths come to play.
| NotCamelCase wrote:
| As a supporting point, I think it's connected not only with
| mental functions, but also our senses.
|
| I have a weak memory in general, but I always remember the most
| mundane things in my life that I had no idea I still contained
| in my brain, triggered by a specific _smell_.
|
| Another example is that when I moved to a new street, while
| crossing one road, I stumbled upon the edge of tram road and
| almost fell. Two years and counting, my brain always brings
| this memory up while passing the same point on the road..
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